Missing Me

by Sophie McKenzie

  Once past the doors, I tried to look like I belonged. Most of the curtains around the beds were at least partially open. I passed two, three, four cubicles on both sides of the aisle. No sign of Natalia. I reached the end of the row. The nurses’ station was up ahead, just around the corner. The nurse on duty was frowning, talking in a low voice to a man in a sharp suit with his back to me.

  ‘I’m afraid you’ll have to ask at reception,’ she said icily. ‘That’s outside, in the waiting area.’

  The man raised his hands in protest. I caught sight of his profile. My breath caught in my throat.

  It was Baxter.

  I stared, frozen to the spot.

  ‘She’s my PA and she’s heavily pregnant,’ Baxter was saying, his voice rising with indignation. ‘I’ve been ringing around the hospitals and this is the only place that’s admitted an unidentified pregnant girl of her age in the past hour. Admin sent me down here, so . . .’

  I backed away, round the corner, then turned and fled through the swing doors, back into the waiting room.

  ‘He’s in there,’ I said, grabbing Wolf’s arm and pulling him out into the hospital lobby. ‘Baxter. He’s traced Natalia already.’

  ‘Oh, man.’ Wolf’s eyes widened. ‘Was she there?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ I felt numb with fear. Baxter was so close.

  ‘Maybe they sent her up to the maternity ward already,’ Wolf said thoughtfully.

  ‘But if she came in unconscious, she’d still be in A&E.’

  ‘Maybe she was conscious. Maybe she just refused to give her name.’ Wolf drew me over to the board that explained which department was in which wing and on which level. It was bewildering.

  ‘Everything’s colour-coded,’ I said.

  ‘How does anyone find their way anywhere?’ Wolf said.

  I pointed to the sign for the maternity ward – RED wing, level 3. ‘I have no idea how to get there,’ I said.

  ‘Come on.’ Wolf pointed to the red marker tape on the floor.

  We followed it along the corridor and up two flights of stairs. Several long minutes later, we found ourselves outside the maternity ward. The doors were locked, with a keypad to the side. I looked through the glass panel of the door to the nurses’ station along the corridor ahead. I was hoping to catch the eye of the nurse standing there, but she didn’t see me. A moment later, a harassed-looking man, clutching a bunch of flowers in one hand and a little girl in the other, appeared. He pressed the button under the keypad.

  ‘Martin Rivers to see Angie Rivers,’ he said.

  I tugged at Wolf’s arm. ‘I’m going in. Keep watch out here,’ I hissed.

  Wolf nodded, as the nurse at the station buzzed the man and the little girl through. I took a deep breath and followed them.

  My heart was racing, but neither the man nor his daughter noticed me. The nurse didn’t even look up from her station. I ducked behind the first cubicle curtain I came to. Two hospital trolleys were stacked inside, but otherwise it was empty. I tried to focus on what I was going to do.

  Walk along the ward like you belong. If anyone stops you, say you’re looking for your sister.

  I emerged from behind the curtain and walked along the corridor. I held my head up high as I reached the nurses’ station, but the woman on duty was busy on the phone and barely glanced in my direction. As soon as I was past her, I came to a room with several beds, all occupied. I looked quickly around. No sign of Natalia.

  I moved on, to the next room. There, in the end bed by the window: Natalia was sitting up, hugging her knees. Her eyes widened as I rushed over.

  ‘Oh, Madison,’ Natalia gasped. ‘You found me.’

  ‘Yes – and so did Baxter,’ I said. ‘He’s downstairs now.’

  Natalia clutched my hand.

  ‘Come on,’ I said, grabbing her coat off the chair by the bed. ‘We have to get out of here.’

  Holding Natalia’s arm, I scurried across the ward.

  ‘Why did you run away?’ I hissed.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Natalia’s voice filled with tears. ‘I felt so ill and I was scared of speaking to the journalist . . .’

  So I’d been right.

  Gritting my teeth, I steered Natalia out onto the corridor. The nurses’ station was a few metres to our left. This time the woman on duty looked up. She saw me with Natalia’s coat and frowned.

  ‘Just getting some air,’ I said, forcing a smile.

  I turned away and led Natalia in the other direction. There was a fire door at the far end of the corridor. We headed towards it.

  ‘Are you OK now?’ I said as we walked.

  ‘Yes,’ Natalia said. ‘I felt really weird in the café. I think it was the running that made me ill. I’m better now.’

  I looked at her. She didn’t look so sick as before – her cheeks were pink and her skin clear. I was reminded of Lauren and how glowing and healthy she’d seemed with her belly all big and taut.

  ‘I fainted as I was walking down the street to the underground,’ Natalia went on. ‘Just for a moment, but someone passing by called an ambulance. I didn’t have a choice. I had to come here.’

  Right. Well, that explained everything, though it was still scary that Baxter had managed to trace her so fast.

  We reached the fire door. I pushed it open and led Natalia onto the fire escape. The sun was shining brightly, glinting off the iron steps that led down two flights to the concrete car park below.

  ‘Are you sure you’re well enough to leave the hospital?’ I said.

  Natalia turned to me, her eyes intense. ‘I’m not letting Baxter take my baby. I was thinking about it: there is someone in Scotland . . . an old friend of my mum’s. I could go there now. Baxter won’t find me – he won’t have her name.’

  ‘OK,’ I said. ‘So you need to get a train?’

  Natalia nodded. ‘I’m really sorry I took your friend’s wallet, but I was panicking and—’

  ‘Don’t worry about it,’ I said. ‘I think Wolf will understand.’

  As I spoke, I realised I was sure that he would . . . that Wolf had already been incredibly understanding and helpful . . . and my heart gave a funny little skip. I shut the fire door and switched on my phone to call him. There were missed calls and texts from Annie and Allan and Lauren and Rosa and Esme, but I ignored them all. I was scrolling to Wolf’s number when he rang me himself.

  ‘Wolf?’ I said.

  ‘Baxter has just gone into the maternity ward. He didn’t see me and he’s on his own, but you need to leave.’

  My guts twisted into a knot. I had to get Natalia away from the hospital. Now.

  ‘On our way. See you on the street.’ I started hurrying down the iron fire escape, beckoning to Natalia to follow me. Down and down we scrambled. As we reached the parking lot below, I could hear the fire door above us scraping open. That had to be Baxter. I didn’t look up.

  ‘Hurry!’ I hissed.

  We sped up. Natalia was walking very fast, letting me take some of her weight. As we raced along, she squeezed my arm. ‘Thank you so much for helping me, Madison.’

  ‘Wait ’til you’re on the train before thanking me,’ I muttered.

  We reached the street. I glanced up and down. Wolf was there, just outside the main hospital entrance, frantically flagging down a black cab. I hurried Natalia towards him. As she followed Wolf into the taxi, I looked back, over my shoulder.

  Baxter ran onto the street.

  Our eyes met. His mouth fell open as he saw me. Even from twenty metres away, I could see the fury on his face. He started running towards me. I jumped into the cab and slammed the door shut.

  ‘Go!’ I shouted. As we roared off, Baxter pounded along the pavement after us. He stopped running, but as I looked out the back of the cab, he was still watching us drive away.

  Watching me.

  21

  Running Away

  By the time we arrived at Euston Station Natalia had returned Wolf’s wallet and apologised for ste
aling it – and I had apologised to her over Allan. I still felt embarrasssed when I thought about how he’d tricked me.

  Wolf kept very quiet during the journey. He insisted we stopped the cab to allow him to take five hundred pounds out of a cashpoint machine to give to Natalia. I couldn’t work out whether it was more astonishing that Wolf had access to so much money or that he was prepared to give it to a complete stranger who had robbed him just hours before.

  ‘I’ll pay you back,’ Natalia said with a sigh. ‘I promise.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ Wolf said gruffly. ‘It’s just money.’

  I stared at him. Only people who have a lot of money ever think that it’s not important. I’d seen from his clothes that Wolf was well off but, because he wasn’t as flashy with it as Esme, I hadn’t appreciated just how rich his family must be.

  ‘Will you contact the police when you get to Scotland?’ I asked Natalia.

  She shook her head. ‘I want to put everything that’s happened with Baxter behind me. If I don’t make trouble, perhaps he will leave me alone.’

  I bit my lip. Not only was that risky, but it didn’t seem quite right to me, either. Baxter should surely be punished for manipulating Natalia – and his baby farm racket should be exposed too.

  ‘I have to think about him.’ Natalia put her hand protectively on her belly. ‘Having a baby is a huge responsibility. Nothing else matters more.’

  My mind shot to Lauren and her pregnancy. Her baby would be due soon. That was a big responsibility for her and Jam and, so far, I hadn’t exactly been very understanding.

  The cab pulled up at Euston Station and Wolf and I helped Natalia to buy her ticket and find a seat on her train.

  There was no sign of Baxter and yet I felt uneasy. He hadn’t seen Wolf’s face, but he’d seen mine. Had he recognised me from the few seconds we’d spent in each other’s company at the party?

  I could only hope he hadn’t.

  I switched my phone back on as we left the station. More missed calls, texts and messages from Annie, Allan – and Esme. Until this minute, I hadn’t considered how what I’d learned about Baxter might affect my newfound friendship.

  I glanced at Wolf. ‘Guess I won’t be going back to Esme’s any time soon,’ I said.

  Wolf offered me a sympathetic smile. It struck me that, for him, the dilemma was far worse. He had been friends with Esme for ages and, by telling him what I knew about Baxter, I’d put him in a horrible situation. Not just with her, but also with his own father who was one of Baxter’s friends.

  ‘Will you tell . . . anyone what we found out about Mr Baxter?’ I asked.

  ‘I don’t think so,’ Wolf said slowly. ‘I mean, what would be the point? Esme would only get upset, that’s if she even believed me. Dad would say I’ve got no proof . . . plus, he’d find some way to turn it all round to make me look stupid.’

  He sounded bitter. I thought back to the way his dad had humiliated him at the party.

  ‘Will your dad mind that you took all that money?’ I asked.

  ‘Yes.’ Wolf looked away, across the street.

  I didn’t know what to say. As we stood on the pavement, the Euston Road traffic roaring past, my phone rang. It was Allan.

  ‘Hello,’ I said warily. Allan was really the last person I wanted to talk to.

  ‘Did you find that girl, Natalia?’ he asked breathlessly. ‘It’s just I’ve been on to Matthew Flint at the paper. I’m sure I can get him to hear her story. I’ll come with you to the police too, if—’

  ‘She’s gone,’ I interrupted. ‘Natalia’s left. She didn’t . . . doesn’t want to talk to anyone.’

  ‘Oh.’ Allan fell silent.

  Anger rose inside me. All he had cared about was getting the story on Baxter. He’d totally used me to find out information.

  ‘Madison, listen,’ he said.

  ‘I told you already I don’t want to talk to you,’ I said.

  ‘OK, OK, but just be careful. All right?’ Allan’s voice was low and intense. ‘Baxter has a reputation – all rumours, of course – but . . . look, just be careful. If he has any idea you’ve gone against him, he might try and take revenge.’

  ‘Right,’ I said curtly. ‘Thanks.’

  I rang off, feeling suddenly depressed.

  ‘Are you OK?’ Wolf asked.

  ‘I’m fine,’ I said.

  There was a pause.

  ‘What would you like to do now?’ Wolf said.

  I sighed. I should really call Annie back – she’d left so many messages – but I couldn’t face talking to her, or going home and seeing her face to face. In fact, right now, I didn’t want to speak to or see anyone.

  ‘I don’t want to go home,’ I said.

  Wolf smiled. ‘Me neither, but I kind of have to. My parents are giving a dinner party and I’m expected to be there for the pre-dinner drinks. It’s . . . it’s like . . . well, I have to be there . . .’

  ‘Oh, OK.’ For some reason, the thought of having to leave Wolf now made me feel more depressed than ever. ‘OK, well, I’ll see you.’

  ‘You could come back with me.’ Wolf spoke so fast the words almost ran into each other. ‘To my house, I mean. For the drinks thing. We could hang out after.’

  ‘Oh.’ I flushed.

  ‘No, don’t worry.’ Wolf was blushing too. ‘That was a stupid idea, it’ll be so boring for you and—’

  ‘Actually,’ I said, ‘I’d like to come.’

  ‘Great.’ Wolf beamed at me.

  We walked along the road. I’d assumed we were heading towards the tube station, but a moment later, Wolf stuck out his arm to hail a passing black cab.

  ‘Another taxi?’ I said, ‘Can you afford it?’

  Wolf was still smiling. ‘I’m in so much trouble already, a few quid more won’t make any difference.’

  The cab pulled over and we got in. Wolf chatted away, more animated than I’d seen him before. He asked me what music I liked and told me about a new band he’d seen the week before. I noticed he didn’t stammer once. In fact, now I thought about it, he’d stopped stammering at some point earlier today. I relaxed as we chatted. After all the turmoil of the past twenty-four hours, it was nice to talk about normal stuff.

  However, as we pulled up outside his house in St John’s Wood, Wolf grew quieter again. It was a big house and our footsteps sounded loud as we crunched across the drive.

  I was kind of hoping we could slip inside without Wolf’s mum or dad noticing. The thought of this pre-dinner drinks session suddenly seemed really intimidating and I was hoping that, if they didn’t know I was there, I’d be able to make some excuse and stay out of the whole thing.

  No such luck. Wolf’s dad was in the hall as we walked in. His eyebrows nearly shot up to his hairline as he saw me.

  ‘Who’s this?’ he barked.

  ‘My f . . . f . . . friend, M . . . Madison,’ Wolf said, not looking directly at his father.

  I stood stock-still, feeling awkward.

  ‘Right.’ Wolf’s dad peered down his nose at me. ‘Well, she can’t come to drinks dressed like that. See if your sister can lend her anything.’ And he stalked away.

  My mouth fell open. I looked down at my jeans and T-shirt.

  ‘You look great,’ Wolf said. He sounded furious. ‘I’m so sorry. My dad is unbelievably rude.’

  ‘That’s OK,’ I said uncertainly. ‘I wasn’t sure about the drinks thing anyway.’

  Wolf hesitated. I couldn’t work out what he was thinking. Did he want me to leave? Or was he wondering if he could persuade me into his sister’s clothes?

  Embarrassment filled me – and irritation. I didn’t want to go to his dad’s stupid drinks party anyway – and I certainly wasn’t borrowing someone’s clothes.

  ‘I’d better go,’ I said.

  ‘Wait.’ Wolf opened a door to what looked like some kind of library. I’d never seen so many books in one family home before. He beckoned me inside and closed the door.

&
nbsp; ‘Madison?’ He hesitated again.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Do you have a boyfriend?’

  ‘What?’ I stared at him, confused. ‘No, why?’

  Wolf just looked at me. Was that sweat on his forehead? My heart raced with anxiety. I liked Wolf, but right now I felt really uncomfortable. ‘What about Esme?’ I said, quickly. ‘You hang out with her a lot. I thought you liked her . . .’

  ‘No,’ Wolf said. His eyes were still fixed on me – dark and intense. ‘I mean, of course I like Esme. We’ve known each other forever. But everything about her is just so . . . so . . . big.’

  ‘What?’ I didn’t understand. ‘She’s really slim. I don’t—’

  ‘Not her body,’ Wolf interrupted. ‘I mean her hair . . . her laugh . . . her personality. It’s all so “out there”, filling up space . . . but you’re different.’ He paused, still fixing me with his gaze. ‘I’ve never met anyone like you. You . . . you almost disappear into yourself.’ He moved closer. I froze. ‘As soon as I met you, I wanted to know where you went . . . to follow you . . . God, I’m not making any sense. But I don’t stammer when I’m talking to you. And . . . and I think you’re so beautiful. Ten times more beautiful than Esme. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met.’

  He stopped talking, his face really near mine now. He was flushed, holding his breath.

  A million emotions swirled in my head. I couldn’t take in what he was saying . . . what he meant . . . but it was overwhelming. Scary. I felt sick.

  ‘No.’ I backed away, fumbling behind me for the door. ‘No. Sorry. No.’

  I turned and fled out of the room, across the hall and away from the house. I didn’t stop running until I’d put two streets between me and Wolf’s mansion. Then I took out my phone and spent a moment working out where I was. Just a couple of minutes from the nearest station. I ran straight there and got on a train. I was home in less than an hour. Annie was fluttering by the door when I walked in.

  ‘Oh, sweetie, I’m so glad to see you. Are you all right?’

  ‘Hi.’ I forced a smile onto my face and headed for the stairs. ‘I’m good, thanks, but I have loads of homework.’