Rock Chick

by Kristen Ashley

  Tod stared at me while he processed this.

  This was a new dimension in our relationship.

  I always thought Tod and Stevie accepted who I was and were so world-weary that nothing fazed them. I mean, they were flight attendants, they’d seen it all.

  I did not expect that they thought I was making up things to make my life sound more interesting.

  For Tod, this meant I really was crazy and he lived next to a woman who gets herself into a situation where she gets shot at and kidnapped.

  “Stevie wants to sell the duplex, buy a condo. Says it will mean no yard work and we can have underground parking so we don’t have to scrape our windshields in the winter,” Tod told me.

  I was not happy about this news. They were the best neighbors ever and they were my friends and when I needed someone with a steady hand to put on my liquid eye-liner, where was I going to turn?

  Tod went on. “We both didn’t want to leave you. You’re incapable of yard work and Stevie spent a lot of time on that yard. It’s his legacy.”

  “So now you’re getting shot at, you’re gonna leave me?”

  “Girlie, I’m from Texas. We shoot at each other to say good morning. Now you’re getting shot at, we can’t go.”

  I didn’t have time to feel relief or gratitude at this news as the front door opened and Lee and Matt walked in.

  I was on the ottoman doing my Florence Nightingale impersonation. Tod was still wearing the high heeled sandals, blood was dripping from his knees down his hairy shins and he had not yet shaved his face. Chowleena barked three times, her nails clicking on the hardwood floor each time her upper body landed after a bark. Then she sat down, looking excitedly between the four of us obviously wondering which one would toss her a dog biscuit.

  I introduced everyone then Lee said, “Can I talk to you alone?”

  He didn’t wait for an answer and he, nor Matt, reacted to me administering to a from-the-ankles-down drag queen. Lee calmly walked up the stairs.

  “There’s cold drinks in the fridge,” I told Matt and Tod and followed Lee, finding him in my bedroom.

  He was looking around with curiosity. The walls were pale pink and the floors were covered in cream wool, thick-weave carpet. There was a dressing table with a big mirror and padded bench with tubs, brushes and bottles scattered across the top. The bed was big and had a pink Pottery Barn comforter cover with little hot-pink flowers and lots of fluffy pillows at the head.

  It was a girlie room, not the room of a Rock Chick and thus was kind of a naughty, little secret, just like my underwear.

  When I entered, Lee turned melty-chocolate eyes to me.

  “Nice room.”

  My toes curled into the carpet. I read a magazine article once about how guys actually liked feminine rooms, made them feel like a conqueror when they invaded such a room.

  Lee’s face showed he was in the conquering mood.

  This didn’t last long, his eyes cleared and he became all business.

  “Tell me about it.”

  I ran down the story of Rosie and Lee showed no reaction.

  “How did he know Shubert had been killed?”

  I shook my head. “He didn’t say.”

  “Was he there?”

  “He didn’t say but he seemed pretty freaked about it.”

  “Why are you the focal point of all this?” he asked.

  I shrugged.

  He watched me for a second then said, “You smell like a beach.”

  “Suntan oil,” I responded.

  His eyes dropped to my body and they became melty again and his intentions were clear before he made a move. He snagged the knot in my sarong and brought me closer.

  “You’ll get oil all over you.” I told him.

  “Then I’ll take my clothes off.”

  Holy shit.

  My heart skipped a beat.

  “Have you heard from Duke?” I asked, changing the subject.

  Lee obviously didn’t want the subject to change, he was yanking his t-shirt out of his jeans.

  “Duke’ll be home in a couple of hours. Tex is cool. He knows the drill. We abandoned the lead on Rosie when he showed up here.”

  Lee had unknotted my sarong and it dropped to the floor. His melty eyes started glittering.

  “Matt and Tod are downstairs,” I informed him.

  He reached beyond me and shut the door.

  “Lee! I’m in the middle of making macaroni salad and there are bullet holes in my fence! This has got to stop and you’re supposed to be the one stopping it.”

  He pulled me into him, close enough for my breasts to brush his chest. A rush of electricity shot through my body as his arms slid around me.

  “I don’t get a taste of you soon, I’m givin’ up the search and takin’ you to my cabin in Grand Lake. No phones, no cell coverage, no buzzer. Anyone knocks on the door and I’m shooting them.”

  Lee had a cabin in Grand Lake.

  I didn’t know that.

  I loved Grand Lake.

  I shook off thoughts of Grand Lake.

  “We’re supposed to be having a talk,” I reminded him.

  “Oh, we’ll talk,” he promised and I had that Christmas Eve feeling again, except it was Christmas Eve with the devil.

  He was watching me. “I can’t read your face.”

  “Some thoughts are secret.”

  He seemed happy with that, which was surprising.

  In my experience, there were two types of guys. One type asked you every five minutes what was on your mind and then got pissy when you didn’t feel like sharing. The other type never asked and you got pissy when they didn’t seem to care.

  Lee, apparently, was a third type, a mutant type, knowing something was on my mind but happy to leave me to it. I didn’t know what to make of that. I did know it made me feel less pressured but more confused because one of us was supposed to be feeling pissy and neither of us were.

  “I’ll tell you one thing,” I said to him, “I don’t know what to make of you. I can’t get my head wrapped around any of this.”

  His arms tightened and his face came closer then deviated from its course at the last minute. He whispered in my ear a couple of things I could make of him and another couple of things I could wrap around him. My nether regions quivered and I couldn’t help myself, I put my lips to his neck then touched my tongue there. It seemed I couldn’t wait to taste him either.

  Then the door bell rang.

  Lee stopped whispering in my ear and started cursing.

  I pulled out of his arms, grabbed the sarong and knotted it at my hips. Lee tucked his shirt back in.

  Maybe Grand Lake was the way to go.

  By the time we made it downstairs, Tod and Matt were both staring at a huge, glossy white box with a red ribbon tied around it that was sitting on the ottoman. Matt was holding a can of diet pop. Tod was holding a pop in one hand with his other arm wrapped around the biggest display of long stemmed red roses I’d ever seen, at least two dozen of them.

  I’d had flowers delivered before but never on this scale and never accompanied by glossy boxes. I looked to Lee but he was staring at the flowers, his face tight. Clearly, whatever this was, it was not from Lee.

  “There’s a card on the box,” Tod said, he was staring at Lee too.

  I grabbed the card and it read, Dinner Wednesday night. Wear the dress. Terry

  I’d just finished reading it and experiencing the sick clutch in my stomach when Lee snagged the card out of my fingers.

  I stared at the box as if it was ticking.

  “Aren’t you gonna open it?” Tod asked.

  “You open it,” I said.

  Tod needed no further encouragement. He plopped the huge array of flowers in my arms, set aside his pop and dug into the box. He squealed in delight as he pulled out a fabulous little black dress.

  “I saw this at Saks when I was looking for shoes. It cost one thousand seven hundred and fifty dollars!”

  That
sick clutch in my stomach lurched and became full-blown nausea.

  Tod was happily looking at Lee, thinking it was from him and that I’d hit the mother-lode of hunky boyfriends with platinum credit cards.

  The muscle in Lee’s cheek was working and his eyes cut to Tod.

  “Put the dress back in the box,” Lee ordered and Tod quickly did as he was told, his face turning confused.

  Lee said to Matt, “Coxy.”

  Matt’s jaw went rigid and his eyes turned to me.

  “I didn’t do anything!” I shouted. “He kidnapped me! I didn’t encourage him at all! He’s creepy.”

  “Who’s creepy?” Tod asked.

  “They guy who sent these to me. He looks like Grandpa Munster except genuinely scary.”

  “You didn’t send them?” Tod turned to Lee.

  Lee didn’t answer, just grabbed the box and tucked it under his arm. “I’m returning this,” he announced and he was using his scary voice.

  I nodded.

  “Don’t leave the house. Don’t open the door to anyone. Bobby’s following up on Rosie and after we visit Wilcox, Matt and I will run down that lead. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  I nodded again.

  “I’ll do my best to convince Coxy that you aren’t interested.”

  “I’d appreciate that.”

  Lee’s face was totally blank and he watched me for several seconds. Once he started speaking, I realized that he’d been in a struggle with how much information to share and he’d decided he’d trust me not to freak out.

  “You’ve captured his attention. Coxy’s a man who’s used to getting what he wants. He knows I consider you mine. This is a declaration of war.”

  I gasped. Tod gasped. Chowleena barked.

  “But I don’t want him! He’s icky,” I said.

  “A lot of women get past icky when they get seventeen hundred dollar dresses delivered to their door,” Lee answered.

  “I might get past icky for that dress. It’d go with my shoes,” Tod put in.

  Lee was looking at me. “What about you?”

  I felt my blood begin to boil and my eyes narrow. I put my free hand on my hip and assumed a posture that screamed attitude.

  “Seriously?” I asked, I couldn’t believe he actually expected an answer.

  Lee kept watching me.

  “Icky is icky. There’s no getting past icky. He’s not only icky, he’s creepy. Even if you could get past icky, you can’t get past creepy. Jeez.”

  Lee showed no reaction to my response. “Don’t leave the house.”

  Then he was gone, leaving me with the roses.

  Once the door closed, Tod turned to me.

  “Girlie, he is fine. He’s fine times twelve. He’s the new definition of fine.”

  “I’ve been in love with him since I was five,” I told Tod.

  “I’m in love with him now. I want to have his children,” Tod told me.

  We were both still staring at the door and I was still holding the roses.

  “He scares me now. He’s an adult. He has a head on his shoulders. He’s good at this relationship stuff. I think he’s serious about me. And he runs in some pretty frightening circles.”

  “Girlie, you fuck this up and I’m calling the boys in the white jackets. You let something that fine slip through your fingers, you deserve a padded room. Especially if he’s good at relationship stuff. Most especially if he’s serious about you. No one who looks like that and fills out a pair of jeans like that is good at relationship stuff. I don’t care if he runs through the seven circles of hell.”

  Tod had a point.

  I put the roses down on a side table, I needed to do something normal. If I didn’t do something normal, I was gonna get a first class ticket on the first plane to San Salvador. I was beginning to realize the allure of San Salvador.

  “I need to finish my macaroni salad and make brownies. Wanna help?”

  Tod shrugged.

  “Sure, you watch Chowleena, I’m going next door to get my gun.”

  “Your gun?”

  “Hunk of Burning Love is out there fighting a war for you so someone has to protect you. I’ll be right back.”

  Tod left to get his gun and I threw a doggie biscuit to Chowleena.

  This new turn with Terry Wilcox meant my life was officially fucked up.

  I could have a meltdown but instead I made macaroni salad.

  I’d save the meltdown for later…

  Hopefully when I was in Grand Lake.

  Chapter Ten

  We’re in Together-Limbo

  Tod and I finished the macaroni salad and made the brownies and because we were both pumped up on adrenalin by being held at gunpoint and shot at, we made chocolate pecan pie. The whole time we did this, I fielded phone calls. Some of them were (obviously bogus) Rosie or Duke sightings, most of them were from girlfriends and the conversations with my girlfriends were all the same.

  Question: Was it true, had I hooked up with Liam Nightingale?

  Answer: (a hesitant) Yes.

  Option: (pick one or multiple choice) Squeal / Shout / Curse / Scream / Shriek (usually the word: Ohmigod!)

  Question: Had we done it yet?

  Answer: We’re taking it slow.

  Then a lot of yelling about what was taking me so long, questions about how Lee kissed (“you have kissed him, haven’t you?”), more resurfacing of the nasty bra-bow rumor, etc. I thanked God that I had such a long apprenticeship at being cagey and a master liar because it sure came in handy.

  After all of our grueling activity, Tod and I headed up to my balcony with the phone and an egg timer and collapsed into lounge chairs.

  I didn’t trust myself not to fall asleep and get burned to a crisp, so we set the timer and every fifteen minutes we turned.

  Unfortunately, we eventually forgot to set the timer, the phone finally went silent and I fell into an unscheduled Disco Nap. Fortunately, I was not the kind of redhead with freckles all over that burned within seconds of the sun touching my skin. Not to mention, I’d re-dosed with factor 8 before hitting the lounge and was already nursing a pretty deep base tan.

  I was lying on my stomach and I felt something on my shoulder. I whirled around on my lounge chair and brought my hands up in the karate position that all of Charlie’s Angels used.

  Lee was crouched beside me.

  “I thought I told you to stay in the house,” he said, his voice was low but not angry, his eyes were on my hands and I could see the corners crinkled in a semi-smile at the sides of his cool sunglasses.

  Since I didn’t need to karate-chop him, I dropped my stance.

  “I did stay in the house. Then the house got boring and we couldn’t get a tan in the house. Anyway, Tod’s protecting me.”

  We both looked to Tod who was on his stomach on the lounge. His gun was unattended on the balcony floor and Chowleena was lying on her side in the shade under Tod’s lounge. They both were fast asleep.

  Oopsie.

  “He’s from Texas and he’s a drag queen. He has quick reflexes,” I assured Lee.

  Tod opened an eye and looked between me and Lee.

  “Am I off duty?” he asked Lee.

  Lee nodded.

  Tod got up, taking his gun with him, patted his leg to call Chowleena and said to me, “Got a fund raiser tomorrow night, you on Drag Duty?”

  Tod and the rest of the drag community of Denver often did fund raisers where they lip-synched their hearts out and gave their tips to charity. Stevie and I were Tod’s alter-ego, Burgundy Rose’s official drag hags. It was the only true workout I got, lugging around Burgundy’s sequined dresses. They weighed a ton. As Tod said, “They don’t call it drag for nothing, girlie.”

  I nodded to him. “If I’m alive, wild horses couldn’t keep me away.”

  Tod’s eyes moved to Lee. “It’s a drag show for charity. You bringing Indy?”

  Lee stood and since Tod was no longer wearing his high heels, he went from looking
down on Lee to looking up. Tod’s gaze didn’t waver.

  “If I’m not workin’, I’ll be there.”

  Tod looked again to me. “Swear to God, you fuck this up, I’m calling the white jackets.”

  Then he and Chowleena left.

  “You find Rosie?” I asked Lee, coming out of the lounge.

  “No.”

  “The diamonds?”

  “No.”

  “Is Duke back?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is he safe?”

  “Yes.”

  “No diamonds?”

  “They’re gone.”

  “Fuck!” I stomped my foot. “Who has them?”

  “That’s a good question.”

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I snapped again. “Did you talk to Terry Wilcox?”

  “Yes.”

  “How’d that go?”

  I had lifted my hand up to shield my eyes from the sun so I could look at him. During my questioning, Lee was looking beyond me to the alley and into the backyards of my neighbors. When he answered, his eyes shifted to me.

  “I gave him your excuses for missing dinner on Wednesday.”

  “What were those?”

  “You’d be with me and I’d be fucking your brains out.”

  My vagina went into spasm and my knees went week.

  “How’d he take that?” I asked, trying to pretend I wasn’t about to collapse.

  “He wasn’t pleased.”

  “Erm, can you explain what you meant earlier by ‘declaration of war’?”

  “Only if we do it inside, we’re exposed up here.”

  I grabbed the phone, the timer and my sarong and walked into the bedroom. I threw everything on the bed and tied the sarong around my hips. Lee closed the door behind him and pulled off his shades.

  He walked up to me, tossed his sunglasses on the bed and untied the sarong from around my hips.

  “I just tied that,” I told him, grabbing for it.

  He ignored me and threw it on the bed, out of my reach and put his hands on my hips, drawing me to him.

  “I thought you were gonna tell me about this war thing,” I reminded him.

  “Simple. He wants something. That something belongs to me. He begins his campaign to get what he wants and I begin mine to keep it.”