Vice: Sins of Seven

by René, Dani

  “When I was a teenager, I knew I was different,” I tell her without looking into her eyes. I don’t want her to see what I always hide from everyone around me. The pain. The agony of having yourself torn in two by people you trust. “I accepted it. If I’m brutally honest, I was proud of the fact that I found my passions early on in life.”

  “Not many people can say that,” she says, and I can hear the smile on her face. The pretty girl who’s enamored me. “I . . . I just wonder if . . .” Her words taper off, and I watch her in the window. The slightly rippled view of her is what I focus on. It’s been years since my training has taken me on an emotional path. She stays silent as she slowly rises. I expect her to come toward me, but she doesn’t. I can see her reflection in the glass, and I wonder just what is going through her mind.

  “Friends and family didn’t want me to be different. My father, a lawyer, wasn’t impressed that his only son was bisexual.” Even now, years later, it still stings when I admit how much my father hated me, how his disappointment in me shattered my world. I spent my life trying to be the perfect son, and I let him down.

  And when I walked out, I didn’t look back. Knowing he’s dying is something I didn’t ever let myself think about. Children always think their parents will be there forever. That those parents would live long enough to age with them into those difficult teenage years, or even watch as they grow up, becoming adults.

  “There’s nothing left for me in that home. He’s dying, and I can’t feel anything. The man was disappointed in me since the moment he realized I would never be like him. He believed my sexuality was a vice, something that needed rectifying, but you cannot change who you are for someone else.”

  “Oliver, I’m—”

  “Don’t,” I bite out in frustration. This is the reason I don’t tell anyone about my life. Pity is something I despise, and when someone looks at me with that particular emotion, I feel weak.

  I promised myself a long while ago I’d never be weak again, and I intend on keeping my promise.

  “But—”

  “Cayleigh.” Her name is a warning on my lips, causing her to shut the fuck up. I don’t need a reminder of what a mess my past is. I don’t even need to know why I’m so broken inside. I’ve had enough of those memories to last a lifetime. “He’s dying. I don’t care. Is that what you want to hear? My father has been the ruler of my life for as long as I can remember. Even when I walked out of my childhood home, he was there, berating me for my choices. Yes, he paid my way, but . . .” I shrug, not wanting to continue this tirade.

  Forgiveness is not something I’ve come across throughout my life. And with the one man who's dying, I can’t find it in my heart to offer it to, but I know I need to make a choice.

  “You can’t let your parents rule your life.” Leigh smiles sadly. “If those who are closest to you cannot accept you for who you are, then it’s their loss.” She’s right. “But if he’s dying, Oliver.” Her words have turned into a mere whisper. I can hardly hear her, but it’s as if she’s right in my ear, in my head, telling me exactly what I need to hear.

  I want to nod. I want to agree with her and offer her the acknowledgment my father couldn’t give me, but I don’t. Sighing, I unbutton my cuffs and roll up my sleeves. Once they’re at my elbows, I fist both hands. I didn’t call Cayleigh here for a heart to heart. We were meant to play a scene in the office, but I find myself unfocused. And I never enter a scene with anyone if I’m not there one hundred percent.

  My body is rigid. I’ve never told anyone about this. Never allowed anyone into my mind like she’s slowly delving into it. Bit by bit, Cayleigh O’Leary is just like her brother Carrick. They want to help. In their own way, they push until there’s no choice but to give in. Her words cause me to turn around. Finally, I face my new submissive, a beautiful soul who has entrusted her body with me. The only person missing is Chance. If he were here, I have a feeling he’d say the same thing.

  “So, you’re telling me that you have never found love?” she continues in her sweet way as she watches me. But I’m tired of rehashing my past. It’s time to see how well she’s learned to control herself with me.

  Before I close this topic completely, I meet her burning stare with my hardened gaze and offer my response. “You can’t find what you don’t look for,” I tell her. My gaze darts between Leigh and my desk where I’m tempted to bend her over, whip her until she’s mewling, and her porcelain flesh has welts. “Now, enough emotional shit. Tonight, I want you at my house. Chance will be there, so I hope you’ll be ready to take us both.”

  “Yes, Sir,” Cayleigh murmurs as she steps forward, closing the distance between us. “Please don’t shut us out for what he did to you.”

  I smile. It’s a sad one as it doesn’t reach my eyes. I wish I could allow people into my heart. How I wish I could love them, both of them. I may enjoy their bodies, their desire, but I can’t love. I’ve tried, but it’s not possible. This is why I’ve become the cold monster I am right now.

  “Tonight, meet me at eight,” I tell her before returning to my seat. “Now, get out of my office, and if anyone hears about what happened here today, you won’t be able to sit down for a month. I’ll cane your pretty little ass, then fist your tight holes until you’re nothing but a mess, pleading for me to stop. Am I understood?”

  “Of course, Sir,” she says, but I can tell she’s burning to bite out a snarky comment or retort, something that will earn her the cane on her thighs and ass.

  I watch as Cayleigh strolls from the office and leaves me to think about what she said. The call I got this morning was enough to leave me confused and hurting. But I don’t allow any emotion to show. It’s been years since I laid eyes on my father, and the moment the doctor told me he doesn’t have long, I knew I had to make a decision.

  Sighing, I sit back and allow my thoughts to linger on what to do. If I were to walk back into his house, look at him frail and broken, it may have been something I wanted years ago when hate and anger were all I knew. But now . . . I guess I may want to finally hear my father tell me he’s somewhat proud of me.

  Perhaps even give me some semblance of a goodbye, closure, or even, god forbid, he tells me he doesn’t hate me. But that’s something I know will never happen. With the rage he spewed the moment I turned seventeen, I knew there would never be any love lost between us.

  My whole adult life I’ve spent moving on, focused on work, on my sexual needs, and on the fact that I’ll never bring a child into this world. Not because I don’t want to be a father, but because I never wanted to be him.

  Chapter 21

  Cayleigh

  Glancing in the mirror, I take in the floor-length black dress I bought earlier today. The slit slides all the way up to my thigh, and the back is scooped down to the base of my spine. My cleavage peeks out, offering a glimpse of my breasts.

  Tonight, I’ll finally say goodbye to the two men who brought me back to life. It might sound overly dramatic, but it’s something I’ve thought about, and I know if it weren't for the chance I took with Oliver, I wouldn’t be able to admit what I want, or what I need.

  Slipping on heels, I grab my purse and head for the door just as the bell alerts me the driver Oliver sent is here. He sent a message only an hour ago to let me know he’d prefer having someone collect me than have me drive alone.

  “Ms. O’Leary.” The man in a penguin suit offers me a slight nod.

  “Hello.” I’m nervous. I’m not sure why, there’s nothing for me to worry about, but still, my stomach is filled with a million butterflies awake, fluttering around.

  The driver opens the door, waiting for me to settle on the backseat of the Bentley. As soon as he’s in the driver’s seat, the engine purrs to life, and we’re making our way toward Oliver’s home.

  Watching the city pass by, I wonder what it would be like living in Los Angeles. I’ve asked Eva if she and Nathan would put me up for a little while. Thankfully, they’ve both offered me a g
uest room for as long as I need.

  Everything will be new. I’ll be away from my brothers, and I’ll finally be able to be independent even though I know for a fact that Carrick and Callan will never just let me live there without checking up on me every day. But they won’t be in the same city, and that makes me grin.

  I’ve never lived on my own, always had someone there, and I know I need to experience it. Stepping out into the world, I’m going to need to focus on who I am as a person finally. Not a sister, not a daughter, and certainly not a fiancée anymore.

  My heart still aches at times when I think of Sean, but the past can never be changed, so I need to move on. And that’s why I know a fresh start is the only way I’ll be able to put the murder behind me.

  The car pulls up the drive and stops outside the door, which is slightly ajar, and I wonder if Oliver’s left it that way because he knew I was on my way. The car door opens, and I step out onto the paving. Taking in my surroundings, I notice how beautifully manicured the garden is. Even with the yellow lamps that trail their way up the driveway, I can make out quite a lot of the nearby land.

  “There she is.” Oliver’s voice comes from the doorway, causing me to cast my glance his way. He’s dressed in dark slacks and a white shirt. His salt-and-pepper hair is stylishly messy, and there’s a light dusting of stubble along his jaw.

  “It’s good to see you again.” I blush, remembering our last scene. Even though we spoke about it, I still can’t get it out of my mind. How he lost control, but also, how much I loved every moment.

  “Come inside. Chance is here already.” He offers a nod to the driver, and his fingers find the base of my spine as he leads me into the large entrance hall. The tiles are white, almost glassy, as the walls are a stark contrast in their charcoal appearance.

  “This is incredible,” I tell Oliver as he leads me farther into the house. Elegance, class, and style seep from every corner, and I’m not surprised. Oliver is one of those men who exudes wealth and confidence, but he also emanates affection. Perhaps he doesn’t see it or even admit it, but I’ve come to learn he’s got a soft heart.

  “Thank you.” He sounds proud of my awe. When we enter the living room, Chance turns to regard me. His green eyes shimmer like gemstones in the soft yellow lights hanging from the center of the room. A crystal chandelier that’s not bawdy, but rather elegant, hangs low into the room, offering warmth even though there are high ceilings.

  “Hi, darling.” Chance leans in to press a kiss to my forehead. He pulls me into his arms, holding me for a moment, almost as if he knows this will be the last time I see him. I plan to fly out in a couple of days, and tomorrow I’ll be packing and arranging my transport to the airport.

  “You’re looking rather dashing,” I tease, tugging on his shirt, which has the top three buttons undone. His hair is normally styled perfectly, but at the moment, it’s tousled as if someone has been tugging on the strands. “Did you start the party without me?”

  “Perhaps.” He grins playfully, and I know there’s something more going on between them. I’m beyond pleased Chance has finally broken through to the older man.

  “I need to tell you both something before we go any further.” My voice is filled with emotion that causes tears to prick my eyes.

  They both watch me, waiting for my admission. I’ve found who I am, what I want, and it was all thanks to Oliver and Chance. But I know I don’t love them in that way. I doubt I could, even if I spent more time around them.

  “I’ve decided to move out to Los Angeles to stay with Nate and Eva for a while,” I finally utter. It feels as if I’m breaking up with someone, but they’re not my someone, and we all know it. For a while, it was fun, but it’s time they found the love that’s so clear between them.

  “Are you sure?” Oliver rises, stalking toward me. He grips my arms, holding me close, and I nod. “I’m never one to stop someone from finding themselves, so I wish you all the happiness in the world.” He smiles, giving me that handsome grin that lights up his steel-gray eyes, which seem to penetrate every secret inside me.

  “Thank you, Oliver. I don’t know if I could’ve gotten here without you. I’ve never been strong enough in my own choices to do the things we’ve done,” I tell him honestly. It’s true. I’ve always hidden my needs from people, but it’s time to stop that. I’m old enough to know if people don’t like who I am, they can move along and leave me to live my life the way I want.

  “And you’re going to tell Carrick and Callan?”

  “Yes,” I affirm with a nod. “It’s time for me to get out from under the shadow of my family, of my brothers, and it’s time for me to explore.”

  “Remember you have safe words. If you need me, if you need anything,” Oliver tells me with the seriousness of a father sending his child off into the world.

  “I know. I’ll call on you if need be, but I think I’ll be okay.”

  “You will.” He steps back, allowing Chance to near me. He pulls me into a hug so fierce I feel my lungs fight for air. He’s one of the sweetest men I know, and I love him, but he’s a good friend who I know a little more intimately than I expected. It’s not a bad thing at all, but I know he’s not the one who holds my heart either.

  “I’m going to miss you, baby girl,” Chance tells me with sadness dripping off every word.

  “Would you like a drink, Cayleigh?” Oliver offers, dragging my attention to him for a moment, and I nod.

  “Yes, please. Just a white wine.”

  Oliver leaves us for a moment. I guess he’s heading to his kitchen when I take the opportunity to impart some wisdom on the man who’s become one of my best friends.

  “Tell him, Chance,” I hiss, cupping his cheeks in my hands. “You need to tell Oliver how you feel about him before he walks away.”

  He tries to shake his head, but I hold it steady.

  “I’m serious. Do it. Promise me,” I urge him, and I know if he makes a promise, he can’t break it. “Please.”

  “Okay, okay,” he sighs, rolling his eyes. “I promise.” His words are uttered in frustration, but I’m happy because I know he’ll follow through. “But if it all falls apart, I’m blaming you.”

  “Oh please. You two eye-fuck each other all the time. But it’s not even that. He looks at you like you’ve hung the sun in the sky.” Leaning up on my tiptoes, I press a kiss to Chance’s lips before I step back, knowing they’ll always be there for me, no matter what. My life awaits, and I realize I need to talk to Rick and Callan before they lose their shit.

  “Dinner?” Oliver offers when he returns to the room. Chance and I nod, and Oliver leads us into a dining area. I can’t help smiling that the last meal I’ll have to remember with them is knowing Chance will finally admit his feelings. Now I only hope Oliver opens his eyes to see what’s right in front of him.

  Chapter 22

  Chance

  The dinner with Cayleigh was lovely, and somehow, I knew it would be a friendly one. There wasn’t any tension or even animosity about her leaving. She knew how I felt about Oliver, and I’m thankful for that.

  I’m proud of her for going after what she wants. Focusing on her life and not being scared of stepping out of the shadow of her brothers. Sighing as I make my way upstairs, I realize my exhaustion is due to Cayleigh making me promise I’d tell Oliver how I feel. I don’t know how though. As soon as I mention anything about emotions, feelings, he closes up and pushes me away.

  The room is dimly lit when I enter, and I know he’s sleeping, or at least faking it. Staying over has been a strange, moot point. After our scenes, I’ve settled on the sofa and fallen asleep, but now I’m here, in his bedroom, a place not many people have been lucky enough to enter, and I don’t know how to handle it.

  He’s always made me feel welcome, but deep down, I wonder if I’m invading his space. Settling on the chair at the window, I watch the city twinkle below us, wondering what the people are doing as they go about their business. All my life I�
�ve been a people watcher, and even now, I find it intriguing seeing how people move around each other, interact, or even just sit on their own.

  “Are you coming to bed? I’m tired, and I need to be up early in the morning.” Oliver’s deep voice sounds like a beacon from the bed in the night. I don’t look at him. Keeping my gaze on the window, I sigh.

  “I was just wondering if you wanted me there,” I tell him, feeling far too emotional for this. Whenever I was in a relationship in the past, I was always in charge, but this is all foreign territory for me. He’s been off all night. Even though he was friendly at dinner, talking to Cayleigh about her upcoming trip and what she’s going to do in LA, I know something is bothering him.

  I want to delve into his mind, just like he does with every submissive that crosses his path. To dip into the darkness so clearly haunting him. I want to draw it out and light a way for him to find happiness. Not the happiness he fakes with everyone. I want a real smile, a laugh that warms me inside. To see those stormy eyes clear for once, and see them shimmer with light.

  “I wouldn’t have you in my house, in my bedroom, if I didn’t want you here, Chance.” He sounds tired, and I know something is troubling him. He slowly scoots up in bed and sits there in the dark. “I’m leaving tomorrow,” he tells me suddenly. This has come out of nowhere.

  “What?”

  “I have things to do, and I’ll be driving up to my hometown to sign some papers, say goodbye to the shithole, and never look back.” His voice is icy, but there’s a sadness to it—something I’d never seen Oliver express.

  “Why? What are you going to do there?” I move across the room and perch on the edge of the mattress, watching him in the dark. He's drenched in darkness, and he seems at home there.

  “My father is dying, and I need to go sort his shit out,” he expresses emotionlessly. All the sadness I thought I heard moments ago is gone. I thought he seemed tenser today, but I didn’t realize he has this weighing on him. “It’s inconvenient when I have work to do here, but there’s not much time apparently.” The venom in his tone tells me there’s so much more to this story than he’s letting on.