An Ungoverned World

by Kip Nelson

  Gillian said a similar thing to Jake, who was dusting himself off and glaring at Cosmo. Backdraft stood in between the two men and growled, baring his sharp teeth. The rest of the people didn't seem to know what to do. Nick surmised that a fight like this hadn't been seen since they had set up camp together. Maybe this is what life was like...if you let in outsiders, you only were sowing chaos. He hoped they would not be turned out for Cosmo's actions, though Nick would not blame Gillian if she and the others decided that was to be their fate.

  Nick grimaced toward Gillian, then turned back to Cosmo. “Right, what the hell are you doing? What's going on here? You've been acting weird ever since we came to this place. I was just about done with that because these people have shown us nothing but hospitality. Then I see this, and I actually was worried that you were right, and someone had attacked Tanya, only to find out that it's you? I thought I could trust you. Maybe I was wrong. I don't know you that well after all. But after what happened at the farm, I didn't believe you could do something like this.”

  Nick almost was surprised at the strength of his words. Cosmo flinched. For a moment Nick thought he was going to wilt and apologize, but then his fists clenched. His eyes were steel. When he spoke it was in a low, seething growl.

  He pointed at Tanya. “This woman is not who she says she is. I had my suspicions from the start, but she's been lying about something all this time. She told us that her parents were in Alaska and she was trying to make her way there, but I overheard her speaking to this guy saying that she was trying to make her way to Connecticut. I don't know why she'd lie, or what she's trying to hide, but something ain't right. I wouldn't believe this helpless act for a second. She's playing some game, and I'll hear the truth from her now or so help me--”

  Nick held up his hand. This was a lot for him to process. Cosmo was a hothead, and seemed to be prone to passion, but if this was true… Nick certainly couldn't think of a good reason why Tanya would lie to them. “Let me talk to her,” Nick said.

  “You've been blinded because she rescued your dog. Open your eyes,” he said.

  Maybe Nick had gone soft. He hadn't really questioned Tanya's story. There had been no need. She'd rescued Backdraft, who trusted her. Nick trusted Backdraft. So far she hadn't give him any reason for him to wonder if she was really who she said she was. Maybe in this world you always had to suspect the worst because everyone had something to hide. Everyone was a stranger and, deep down, they were only out for themselves. Nick thought about the men back in the city. He thought about John, and Mikey. The good people were the ones who suffered. Maybe the only ones who were left were the ones who broke the rules and looked out for themselves.

  That only left Nick with the feeling that either he was on borrowed time, or he wasn't as good as he thought he was.

  “Is this true, Tanya?” Nick said, turning towards the young girl. All the other people stared at her as well. Tanya's eyes went wide.

  “Answer him!” Cosmo shouted, spittle flying from his mouth.

  In that moment Nick knew she had been hiding something, but just what still was to be revealed. Yet, he found it difficult to believe it could be anything malicious. She seemed so innocent, so vulnerable. Jake made a move against Cosmo again, and another fight almost started, but Ethan was there to hold Jake back. Cosmo was stilled by a warning glare from Nick. Nick took a deep breath and walked toward Tanya. If there was anyone who could coax the truth out of her it was him, even though he had spurned her recently. He hoped he hadn't burned the bridge.

  “Tanya,” he began gently, “nobody is going to be angry with you or tell you off. We'd just like to know the truth. Everyone here is your friend, and friends help each other. I know that whatever you are hiding from us must be important. I know you wouldn't lie to me if you didn't think it was important. But I think you should tell us the truth. Whatever it is we'll help you, but we can't live in this world with secrets. Please just tell me the truth.”

  By this point he had crouched down to be at her eye level. There were a few moments of palpable tension, then Tanya lifted her head and looked at Nick with cold, hard eyes. The eyes of a survivor.

  “I have been lying to you. I lied to a lot of people. I told them I was searching for my parents when, in fact, I was running away from the city. I was close to escaping once, then I went back when I heard there was a dog in danger. I rescued that dog. I came to you, Nick. I found you because I thought you were a good man who might help protect me.”

  “Protect you from who, those men?”

  “No. From the reason I was running. From my father. All my life he's...he abused me. He controlled me and told me I was worthless and he did...so many other things. So, yes. I lied to you because I wanted to escape my past. I wanted to try building a better life for myself. I thought if I started off with a lie, then maybe one day it would become the truth, but there were so many people. I couldn't risk the truth getting back to him. I know he's out there, looking for me. That's what I've been hiding. That's my truth, and now you all now.” Her voice was hoarse.

  She pushed herself up. Her body trembled, on the verge of tears. She marched up to Cosmo. “I hope you're happy now,” she spat, and then stalked off.

  Nick looked around at everyone else. Nobody seemed to know what to think or do. Nick felt an utter fool for having shamed Tanya like that. It was her life and her secret, and she should have been able to hold onto it for as long as she wanted, not have it dragged out in front of everyone.

  Nick glared at Cosmo. “This is what your meddling gets you,” he snarled, digging a finger into Cosmo's chest. He had a feeling that if he were any other man Cosmo would have punched him.

  “It was her own fault for lying,” Cosmo muttered.

  Nick would have to have words with him later. Someone had to talk to him about the way to conduct himself, but first Nick had to go see Tanya. What she just had told everyone explained so much; why she was worried at the farm, and then so traumatized by what had happened. It must have been like reliving old trauma. Nick should have known. He had seen a lot of people be traumatized over the years, but he had been so wrapped up in his own problems he hadn't taken the time to notice Tanya. He should have trusted more in Backdraft. The dog always had had a sixth sense about people in trouble, and always gravitated toward those who were suffering tremendously.

  Nick made his way through the trees to the river. The stars twinkled in the clear sky and the inky water rippled quickly. Tanya stood on the river bank, arms wrapped around her body. There was nobody else around. Everything was still and quiet.

  “I might as well jump in,” she said in a hollow voice. The foamy water rushed by below them, almost beckoning them in.

  “That's not true,” he said.

  “I just made a fool of myself thanks to that idiot,” she barked, and then shook her head. She rubbed her hand over her eyes, wiping away a few tears.

  “It's not his fault really. It's my own. I knew that I couldn't keep the lie up for long. The truth always has a way of worming itself out.” She laughed morbidly. “It looks so peaceful doesn't it? I could just drift away...”

  “Tanya,” Nick said, and grabbed a hold of her wrist gently.

  “You don't want to think like that. I'm sorry for the way things went down back there. It wasn't fair to you. I'm also sorry for what's happened. I can't imagine what you've been through, and I wish there was a way for you to escape it properly. But I want you to know that you're a valuable person. You wouldn't be here if you weren't strong. You've survived in the city. You rescued Backdraft from those men, which is more than I did. A lot of people think they don't deserve to live in this world, but I don't think deserve has anything to do with it. We're all here living, and while we breathe we have a responsibility to ourselves to keep breathing and keep striving forward. You've been through more than most people, and you're still standing. Don't falter now.”

  Tanya's eyes glistened with tears. He relaxed his grip on her arm as she
walked away from the riverbank. Her lower lip trembled, and silent tears poured down her face. He had no idea if what he said helped, but he was just glad to see her step away from the riverbank. Tanya couldn't take her eyes off him, and then she leaned forward and kissed him, overwhelmed with emotion. Nick tasted the salty taste of her tears enmeshed between her lips and then pushed her away. It was hard, so hard. The easy thing was to give her the comfort and the solace she sought, but where would that lead them?

  “You know I can't give you that,” he said in a low whisper. His heart broke again as Tanya streaked away into the night. But at least she didn't jump into the river. He wondered if it would have been such a bad thing had he kissed her back properly.

  “I hope she's okay,” he said. Backdraft whimpered.

  Nick gazed into the darkness. His heart went out to Tanya. Then he turned back and looked down at the river. Even he was tempted to jump in and let it take him wherever fate would lead. He still had to go back and give Cosmo a peace of his mind, and smooth things over with Gillian. But for those moments his thoughts were on Tanya. He hoped she understood why he did what he did. He couldn't be her hero, not this time. With that he turned away and walked back to the camp. There was safety in numbers, but it also made things a hell of a lot more complicated.

  Chapter Six

  Cosmo growled. Blood boiled in his chest. His lip throbbed, and his knuckles ached. Guilt, shame, and passion all flowed through his body. Not usually one for fighting, he was on the edge of rage. Everyone was staring at him. Nick had admonished him before he'd run off to talk to Tanya. That stupid girl. Why did she have to lie in the first place? It wasn't Cosmo's fault that she'd hid her past. What was he supposed to do? It wasn't the best way it could have gone, but he was right in the end. She had been lying about her past. The truth hung around him and all the others like a thick cloak. Cosmo felt the weight of it. Nobody ever really had understood him. Even when he was younger he had blustered his way into situations and usually ended up with people looking at him like they all were looking at him now.

  Accusingly.

  Sure. They all could look at him like that, but Cosmo's sense had been right. He was on the right track, and he wouldn't have been surprised if he had been right about the others as well. Dammit, Tanya. Now Nick was going to be annoyed with Cosmo, when he hadn't really done anything wrong. All these people were focusing their ire on him when it was Tanya who lied. If just she just told the truth...if she had just been honest, then none of this would have happened. That was the problem with the world. Too many people were looking to hide their true natures.

  Cosmo looked around at all of them. The women looked at him with pity. Some of them he thought he'd stood a chance with. Not anymore. The men looked at him with ire. They didn't trust him as much as he didn't trust them. Jake especially. That kid was stronger than he looked, and his punches packed a wallop. Cosmo was sure he'd feel the effects for days. He'd given as good as he'd taken. From the looks of it, Jake wanted to go another round. He only was held back by everyone else. Cosmo would take them all on if necessary. He would survive. He would do what was needed to keep himself safe.

  Deep down there was a gnawing sense of regret. When Tanya had told her true story, Cosmo hadn't expected it. He had been sure she was a spy for those men, or at least had some nefarious scheme going on where she would seduce Nick and use him for her own ends. It wasn't right, what she had gone through. Cosmo wasn't heartless. If he could have made it any different for her, then he would have, but that still didn't make it right that she lied. People were looking at this like it was all Cosmo's fault when it wasn't. Why did people always do that? Cosmo always tended to get the blame. That's why he liked being by himself. None of this would have happened if it just had been him and Nick. He supposed he would have to apologize to Tanya, though, for appearance's sake. He scowled. If there was one thing he hated, it was saying he was sorry. Especially when he didn't think it was warranted.

  “What are you all looking at?” he growled.

  He went to leave. They had formed a circle around him. A circle of shame. All he wanted to do was be on his own and think about what to do next. Maybe Nick wouldn't want him around anymore. Maybe he'd side with Tanya, and if she didn't want Cosmo to be near her, then Cosmo would have to find his own path. It wouldn't be easy, but it wasn't as though he hadn't done it before. Nick seemed to be happy here anyway. Maybe they'd want to stay. That was fine by Cosmo because then he'd definitely want to leave.

  There was something strange about these people. Why couldn't Nick see it? Maybe he had been blinded by all the hero worship they'd been giving him? Gillian and the rest had been hanging on Nick's every word, talking to him like he was some kind of savior, like he knew everything. Cosmo had been in the city just as long as Nick, but nobody had bothered asking him. And the way the women all stared at him...swooning and giggling. They all were so pathetic. Cosmo could see right through their transparent attempts to sway Nick. If Nick wanted to let himself be manipulated so easily that was on him.

  The circle didn't break. Cosmo tried pushing past it, but the crowd shifted to form an unbreakable wall.

  “What's going on?” he asked. Fear began creeping through his veins. His fists clenched once more. He'd fight as many of them as he had to. If they wanted trouble, Cosmo would give it to them in spades.

  “That poor girl,” Gillian said. There was something strange about her voice.

  “She shouldn't have had to speak her truth like that,” another voice said. This time it was a man. Cosmo jerked his head around.

  “It was unfair.”

  “So much pain.”

  The voices had an eerie quality to them, almost as though they had been possessed. Cosmo turned this way and that, but every voice came from someone new. They were picking up where the last person left off, as though they were of one mind. Their voices were devoid of emotion, though. So calm. Serene. This only made it more unnerving.

  “Fuck,” Cosmo said.

  He knew there was something freaky about them. Why did Nick and Tanya have to run off? Dammit! He glanced around, trying to find an opening through which to escape, but these people were good. They had closed ranks. As he stared at their faces they all seemed to blur into one. They all wore the same expression. Then they stepped forward. Slowly, the circle closed in on him. Cosmo didn't know which way to turn. Facing this way, then that, he soon became dizzy.

  “That was unfair of you.”

  “This is all your fault.”

  “You should have let her stay in peace.”

  “She is a troubled soul.”

  “You are a troubled soul.”

  “Fate brought you to us, Cosmo.”

  “All three of you.”

  “Just like fate brought us together.”

  “On the plane.”

  “We found each other.”

  “You found us.”

  “We lost so much.”

  “We found so much.”

  “You are meant to be here.”

  “Tanya is going to be safe.”

  “Nick is going to be an asset.”

  “You are, too.”

  “I'm not going to be anything to you!” Cosmo cried, getting more agitated as they closed in. Sweat beaded on Cosmo's temples as he stared into their ethereal eyes.

  “We know you were on the plane.”

  “Trying to find the truth.”

  “Trying to know our secret.”

  “All you had to do was ask.”

  “Ask and we shall tell.”

  Cosmo twisted his body around. The chorus of voices chilled him to the bone.

  “Ask you what?!”

  “Anything you want.”

  “Talk to us, Cosmo.”

  “This is your place.”

  “The city is no more.”

  “The new world is here.”

  “We are the future.”

  “What are you talking about?” Cosmo's voice was the only o
ne that showed any sign of emotion. The rest of them were empty and hollow.

  “We can forgive you.”

  “She will forgive you, too.”

  “It all will happen in time.”

  “But first you must let the light flow through you.”

  “You must be cleansed.”

  “All three of you.”

  “No!” he yelled, and ran away as fast as he could.

  He barreled through two women who tried their hardest to stop him, but they were unable to resist the force of his stocky body. His lungs burning, Cosmo sprinted back into the camp, away from them. Looking back, he expected them to chase him. Instead they just stood there, walking forward at a slow pace. Cosmo was filled with fear. He knew they were crazy, and that there was something more going, on but what? He didn't know where Tanya or Nick were, but they all were in danger.

  The plane. It had to be something to do with the plane. There was going to be something on there that explained everything, he was sure of it. Nick and Tanya never would believe him. Not without hard evidence. They already were not pleased with him. The freaks could change at a whim as well. So even if Cosmo told Nick the truth, the freaks would probably just act normal and nobody would believe him. All this time he had been right, yet that thought wasn't enough to quell the fear quaking in his stomach.

  He stumbled over a rogue branch. Quickly regaining his balance, he ran to the plane. His earlier search hadn't proven fruitful, but he had been interrupted. He knew better than to go into the main body of the plane. If there was anything that was going to help him, it was going to be in the cockpit. There had to be something. These people were hiding something. Maybe they had caused the plane to go down themselves. Maybe this crash wasn't even a result of the solar flare. Hell, maybe they were survivors at all and just appropriated their lives to fool unsuspecting people like Cosmo and the others.

  Whatever it was, it had to be uncovered and they had to get the hell out of their as soon as possible. It only confirmed to Cosmo that everyone in the world was either crazy or a liar...sometimes both. When this was all over he was going to make it clear to Nick that he didn't want to get involved with anyone else. He'd had the right idea all along. Being alone was the only way truly to trust anyone.