by Kip Nelson
“Hell of a way to go,” Cosmo said.
“It's so sad that she's just left here forgotten.”
“Yeah,” he said, still unsure how to act around her. He never had been the best around women, especially not ones he had pissed off.
“Did you have something you want to say to me?” she said.
Her voice was small and gentle, although she did not look at Cosmo and had her arms folded over her chest. Cosmo knew this was coming. He hated apologizing, and it never had been one of his strong suits, but he was willing to be the bigger man and own up to his problems.
“I'm sorry,” he said, “I didn't realize how painful it was going to be for you. I was just trying to protect myself and Nick. I should have been more discreet about it and spoken to you about it in private first. I got a little carried away because of my suspicions about Gillian and the others, which I might add proved correct, and I do think that if you and Nick had listened to me in the first place we wouldn't have had to go for that little swim.”
“Ugh, you're unbelievable,” she said, and stormed out.
Cosmo sighed and wondered what he had said that was so wrong. It didn't seem like the most unfair thing in the world that if he was to apologize she should offer a bit of gratitude in return. Cosmo shook his head and looked at the woman sitting in the chair. Cosmo shrugged and then left her in peace.
“That girl is impossible,” Cosmo said, barging into the room Nick was using. Nick was getting dressed. Backdraft was lying on the end of the bed, looking relaxed and comfortable.
“What's wrong now?” Nick asked.
“So, I went down there to apologize to her, but she just stormed out!”
“What exactly did you say?”
Cosmo repeated the conversation, “And then I just thought it would be nice to make amends if we both admitted our mistakes. So, I thought she should show a bit of remorse toward me since, you know, I was right that they were crazy freaks, and she just stormed out!”
“So, your idea of an apology is to tell the other person that they should be saying sorry to you?”
“Well, not really, I just thought a bit of turnabout was fair play. Frankly, I'm a bit annoyed that you haven't thanked me either.”
“Thank you, Cosmo,” Nick said, walking around the side of the bed to place a hand on Cosmo's shoulder, “for being such a paranoid man. I understand that you were right, but let's face it, you didn't actually have any proof. You lucked out. They just as easily could have been genuine.”
“Keep telling yourself that. Anyway, I don't know what we're going to do about her.”
“Just give her time. She's been through a lot. She needs some space and support. The three of us could be stuck together for a while and we're going to have to trust each other because that's the only way we're going to make it through this world. I know they were crazy, but Gillian had that part of it right. They all were working together. They all trusted together. In some ways we could learn a lot from them.”
“That will be the day,” Cosmo muttered under his breath.
Through all this Cosmo felt as though he had lost a little bit of his friendship with Nick. In the early days they had been close, but that all had changed when Tanya had come along. Women had a knack for ruining everything. It would have been easier if she hadn't found them, Cosmo was sure of that. If it was just him and Nick making their way through the world together the days would be going a lot more smoothly.
After a little while the three of them were on their way again. Along with food they needed clothing for Nick and Cosmo, as the woman evidently had lived by herself and neither men were desperate enough yet to go around in drag. Nick was annoyed because all of their supplies and weapons were with Gillian. Thankfully, he didn't suggest going back. There was no way Cosmo would go back there. They all just had to start from square one again and scavenge around. It wasn't going to be easy, but this world was not an easy world in which to live. Every day was a fight, and you had to earn life.
They were careful because each of them knew what dangers the city contained, and for the time being they stayed in the suburbs, hoping that would be safer. Tanya was skittish and jumped at any little noise. That wasn't going to be a good quality. She needed to develop thicker skin if she was going to survive for any significant amount of time. Frankly, Cosmo thought, it was a wonder she had made it this far. No wonder she was worried about being left behind. At least Cosmo could take care of himself if he needed to do so. He only was staying with Nick because he owed the man a life debt and his honor would not let him forego that payment.
Having Backdraft with them was a great boon as he could warn them about potential threats. There were a few times when Backdraft growled and the three of them scarpered. They soon found some clothes. Cosmo was relieved to feel some warm, dry fabric against his skin. He threw his old clothes away. It was funny how the feeling of possessiveness had changed. Before the solar flare there was so much that was owned by people, but now it was a free for all. The only thing anyone ever really owned was their lives.
The tall skyscrapers of the city loomed over the horizon. All of them were dark. Cosmo had been used to seeing them lit up all the time, with huge electronic billboards advertising various things. He'd also been used to the rush of cars whizzing by, and of buses and motorcycles. Everything was so quiet. It was eerie. There was no telling how many people had lost their lives and how many had been hiding, or how many just had left the city entirely for pastures anew. It seemed like a ghost town. To some it may have been surprising how quickly civilization had fallen apart, but to Cosmo it had not been a shock at all. He'd read a lot of books about how humanity would react in a global crisis, and the only sad thing about it was how predictable it had been.
“So, what's the plan now, boss?” Cosmo said, trying to lighten the mood.
“I have no idea,” Nick said. They had new clothes, but there didn't seem to be much in the way of food around, and their choice seemed to be clear again. It was either the city or the woods. Their options were few.
“Well, I'm still in favor of going away somewhere and just finding a place where we can be alone,” Cosmo said.
“You'll probably still find someone to mistrust. Even if you were on your own I bet you'd be looking over your own shoulder,” Tanya said.
Cosmo was about to respond when Nick gave him a shake of the head. Cosmo bit his tongue. The first time. They talked a little more, but any time Cosmo opened his mouth Tanya was ready with a snide comment, and Cosmo quickly grew tired of it.
“You know, I admit I was wrong, and I apologized for it, but there's no need for you to keep acting like a child. If you want to be a part of this world, then you're going to have to grow up. We've all had bad shit happen to us, but that was in the old world. We all have to get over things. You still owe me an apology, by the way. If you two had listened to me in the first place, we could have gotten out of there with all our stuff.”
Tanya yelled back. Cosmo yelled, too. Then Nick got involved. The three of them were arguing so intensely that they lost awareness of everything else. Tanya was screaming at Cosmo, who didn't seem to pay any attention to her. Nick was in the middle of it all and Cosmo couldn't believe he always was taking her side. Funny how a pretty girl can change a man's mind. Cosmo folded his arms and was about to tell Tanya to just keep walking any way she wanted when Backdraft barked. Cosmo was too involved in the argument to pay attention to the dog, though.
Chapter Sixteen
Joe awoke feeling refreshed. He stretched out his aching limbs and yawned. Tanya's necklace still was in his hands. Looking at it put him in an immediate dark mood. He swung his legs out of the bed and made his way to the community hall for breakfast. Life had been strange since the solar flare happened and had presented him with some unexpected developments. First, he never had imagined Tanya would have the guts to run away from him. He wondered what had been going through her mind when she made that choice. She was going to pay for
it when he found her again, and he would find her again. The one thing she didn't understand was that her entire life's purpose was to be with him. He was her father and he was going to decide what she did. She was too dumb to make the choice by herself.
Nothing had seemed wrong at first, aside from the fact that Tanya had disappeared. Then, Joe slowly had noticed that none of the electric devices were working. Looking out the window, he saw his neighbors gathering out on the road. Some of them didn't have a very high opinion of him and they suspected that something was wrong with Tanya, but they didn't have any proof. The most they could do was look at Joe suspiciously, but what did Joe care about them? They were powerless.
A lot of people around him were losing their heads, frightened at this new state of the world, but not Joe. Joe saw it as an opportunity. Others were praying and hoping for the government to sort it out, but Joe knew they wouldn't. Nothing could sort out this mess. It was an entirely new beginning, and Joe welcomed it. His life hadn't exactly gone the way he had planned. His marriage had failed, and his wife had run away with another man because she was a silly little idiot who didn't know a good thing when she had it. His daughter was too much like her ungrateful mother. His dead-end job was monotonous, and most of his buddies either had moved away or had their own lives with their own families. This was a refreshing change, and Joe looked forward to the new world.
There was a rumor going around that there was safety at the hospital. Joe always had had a good instinct for survival. So, he followed a group who went there, picking up other stragglers on the way. So many people had been lost in this world, and so many were suffering. They needed a little bit of respite and all were hoping that this rumor was not false. During those days Joe still was furious with Tanya and spent as much time as possible searching the surrounding area, but she was nowhere to be found. For the time being he knew he had to hitch himself to these other people because it was better than being alone. Maybe Tanya would hear about the rumor and find the hospital as well. He was certain that at some point their paths would cross again.
They were relieved upon reaching the hospital. They found a refuge center had been opened, run by the nurses and doctors who had been on duty when the solar flare had hit. There were many rumors about what had caused the solar flare and how long it was going to last, but Joe didn't really care about all that. As far as he was concerned the only thing he had to worry about was his own skin, although he did often gaze into the depths of the city and wonder where Tanya was. He hoped nobody else was laying any hands on her because she was his, and he would kill anyone who harmed her.
While the group he was with didn't encounter any dangerous people, others at the hospital spoke of gangs and desperate groups who would do anything they wanted. The hospital seemed like a safe place, though, and it was filled with hopeful people. There were also many who had died, however, for when the solar flare swept over the world it interfered with a lot of the medical equipment. The doctors and nurses were ill-equipped to deal with a failure of that magnitude, and the guilt weighed heavily upon them. Everyone looked tired and it was a curse to be a person with a conscience, because there was much to be ashamed of in this world.
There were also a lot of kids. Some had parents, some were wandering the world alone, and they all were grouped together. They didn't fully understand what was going on, only that something bad had happened. At first, they all were wailing and searching for answers. Eventually, Joe became frustrated that everyone was ignoring the kids. So, he sat them down and told them exactly what was happening. They were much more settled after that. Joe had intended to fly under the radar because he didn't particularly like getting attention from people, but everyone was amazed at how he had managed to calm the throng of children. To him it was nothing special. They were just people. After that he became the default babysitter, a job he enjoyed, although it did serve to remind him about his erstwhile daughter.
Whenever a new person came into the hospital Joe looked with interest to see if it was Tanya, but he always was disappointed. As the days wore on he became more and more convinced she was not going to come. This made him furious for he wanted to see her again and get some answers. He had been considering leaving the hospital to go searching for her and finally put an end to his questions, but then the hospital had been attacked. People had been speaking of nearby gangs. There had been conversations about how to defend the hospital if necessary, but it was such a big building, and it hadn't exactly been designed to be a fortress. The other problem was weapons. A few people had things like hammers and crowbars, but they didn't have anything like guns. When the attack came they were ill-prepared, and it had been brutal. Joe and the others had been forced to retreat. All the doctors and nurses had tried defending the hospital, but it had been entirely futile. Joe was on the run again.
He'd taken to telling the kids stories in the evening to try keeping them occupied. The group had walked through the city hoping they would find another place like the hospital, but there was none. There were no more sanctuaries. Some people suggested trying the police or fire station, but others said that if they had survived then there would be a presence in the city. Since everything had gone to hell it was clear the law meant nothing anymore. There was much discussion about what to do in the future and where was the safest place to live. Many wanted to venture out into the woods around the city and make a camp there, but the night they suggested leaving a violent storm had thundered through the sky. It had drenched them and reminded them that nature was as formidable a foe as any human and given the children they thought it best to stick to the city and find a firm roof.
In time they had come across this care home. It was cloaked in sadness as many of the residents hadn't been able to make it through the end of the world. The medicine cabinets were empty. Without medication people’s organs had failed, or so Joe surmised after a cursory examination. A couple of orderlies who had been on duty had stayed, out of loyalty to the people they were caring for. They said many of their colleagues had taken those who were mobile to the hospital. It was with a heavy heart that the hospital survivors told these orderlies that those people never arrived.
A solemn mood pervaded the care home as the newcomers settled in. There were some old folks who were trooping on. Joe didn't envy them. They barely could do anything for themselves. What kind of a life was that? He never wanted to get like that. The day he lost his faculties was the day he wanted to die. He'd known that from a young age. He'd had to watch his father deteriorate until there was nothing left of his mind and Joe didn't want to suffer the same fate.
Quickly they settled into the care home and it became a new home for them. Story time became a tradition and Joe delighted in his new role. The kids were wonderful and some of the parents were okay too, although he preferred being around the kids. The adults only would ruin everything, just like they had ruined the planet. They always were talking about the future, and this bored Joe. He was quite happy to have a roof over his head. However, being one of the strongest and most intimidating men to survive thus far, people often looked to him for opinions and, despite his indifference, was involved in all the discussions.
For the most part he kept quiet about his past and Tanya. If anyone asked him about his life before all this he was as vague as possible and tried being evasive because he wanted to keep Tanya to himself. He didn't want them to know about her. That always had been Tanya's problem. She'd wanted to share herself with the world. Why wasn't he enough for her? He remembered those difficult days when she had been exchanging letters with that snot-nosed runt of a boy at school. He'd soon put a stop to that. Calling him her boyfriend. What a fool! He didn't understand why she ever would need some little kid when she had him. He was her father and he was everything she needed.
Sadly, that was the way of kids, though, always so ungrateful. Even now, with the kids he was reading stories to, he could see which ones were going to be trouble when they grew up. Unfortunately, he wasn't
their father, so he couldn't have any say in how they acted.
There were occasions when there had to be hunting expeditions out in the city and on the edge of the forest. Joe often was asked to go, and he proved himself to be a good warrior and hunter. These excursions often lasted for days and they came back with a good amount of food. Joe bonded with the people he went on these hunts with, and he used the trips as an opportunity to search for Tanya at the same time. He never saw a sign of her. The others around him saw him as a hero for everything he was doing for their group and he wondered to himself why Tanya never looked at him like that. She always had been so hurtful with her words and never had appreciated everything he had done for her over the years. Just like her mother...Joe wondered what he had done to be cursed by the women in his life.
Naturally, when they were out of the care home conversation turned to the past. People were curious about each other and Joe knew that he couldn't be evasive indefinitely. So it was proved when one evening someone asked him about the necklace he was carrying.
“Was that your wife's?” he was asked.
“No, it was my daughter's. My wife left me a long time ago. It was just me and Tanya for most of her life. She was the most important thing to me, and this is all I have left of her. I've been looking wherever I can for her, but as far as I know she could be halfway across the country. I don't know why she left. That's all I want really, just an answer. I mean, I'm not an old fool. I know she was going to have to leave at some point. It's just the unknown that gets to me.”
“I know what you mean,” one of the other men said.
