by Kip Nelson
“When my Clarissa left for college it was the hardest day of my life. Just to know that she's going to have this entire life without you in it. It's a hard thing for a parent to take. I'm sorry, Joe. If there's anything you need you just let us know. You've done so much for us. It's the least we can do.” This sentiment was echoed by everyone around him. Joe smiled and thanked them all.
“You know, when this all started I never thought I'd find a place where I belonged again, but you all have shown me how good this world can be if we all just work together and be friends,” he said.
Joe knew he was in a good place. He was sure Tanya wasn't. That silly, stupid girl didn't know what she was doing. She needed him to survive. It was likely she had gotten herself killed. If she hadn't, then her luck would run out soon enough. Joe hoped he would find her before then, so she could get what's coming to her. It was funny really. These people all accepted him for a hero because that was the only side of him they had seen. Tanya was the only one who really knew him, and he wasn't going to let that change any time soon, even if it was tempting to let his darker impulses out.
But Joe wasn't stupid like his daughter. He had a good thing going at the care home and he wasn't going to do anything to ruin it. Maybe he'd even take Jackie out on a little date just to keep up appearances. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, and it would get him closer to Millie. That bright little spark was going to be a troublemaker, and if Jackie wasn't careful, she was going to have a real handful later on. Maybe it was up to Joe to set Millie in the right direction. Girls like her needed some life lessons now and then. Tanya had had them, and it had done her wonders. Although considering how she had run away Joe was starting to think he hadn't been harsh enough with her. Although that would change when he saw her again.
Wherever she was, he hoped she knew he still was out there, waiting for her.
Chapter Seventeen
“You're insane if you think I'm going to apologize to you after what you've done!” Tanya yelled, her shrill voice making a tinny sound in Nick's ears.
Nick tried to interfere, but Tanya and Cosmo had been going at it for a while. Nick had hoped that some time to cool down would have enabled the two of them to work through their differences, but it had been for naught. Tanya still was hurt by what had happened, and Cosmo was too stubborn and arrogant to apologize properly. They were supposed to be resolving this conflict, but they kept going round and round in circles. Nick didn't know if he was helping or not. In some ways it felt as though it didn't involve him, but with the three of them so tied together he knew it did.
Cosmo was angry at Nick as well for not listening to him. Nick understood, but Cosmo couldn't seem to get it through his thick skull that paranoia was not the right way to go about living, even if he had been right about Gillian. They all were tired and frustrated. Nick wished he had a better idea of what to do next so they all could feel as if they were working toward something, but he was at a loss. He didn't particularly like being in the city. Fear bristled in him. He knew Donny and his cabal of men could be roaming around anywhere nearby, but it wasn't as though the woods were any safer. It seemed as though they were damned, no matter what they did.
Nick still held onto the hope that somewhere nearby there were people working together to try rebuilding civilization. Whether he would find them was another matter entirely. Sometimes it seemed as though he was a forsaken man and was doomed to wander this world and suffer hardships, while for all he knew there was a section of the city teeming with like-minded people. Not that Tanya or Cosmo were in the mood for an actual discussion about things. They just liked to argue.
“Well then, you're just as stubborn as I am! Actually, no, you're more stubborn. At least I've admitted that what I did was wrong, but you've got a lot to learn about lying. You're switching from one thing to the other. Did you really think nobody was paying attention? What was I supposed to do? I was scared, okay? You've seen what people are like in this world. I didn't know what your agenda was. This is why it's always better to tell the truth,” Cosmo yelled.
“Sometimes the truth isn't easy! Maybe you should have thought that there was a reason why I lied. Not everyone is out to get you, Cosmo. The world doesn't revolve around you.”
“I never said it did, but it pays to be cautious. If you two actually had listened to me, then we never would have been in that situation. I was trying my hardest to find proof and neither of you cared. You both were too busy enjoying their friendship. Here's a life lesson for you, kid. If something seems too good to be true, it usually is.”
“Don't call me kid,” Tanya growled.
“Why not? That's what you are,” Cosmo replied.
“Cosmo, come on,” Nick said, feeling that the arguments were getting a little too personal now. Usually Nick could talk Cosmo down, but this time his fire was up, and he was steaming forward like a runaway train.
“Come on what? Don't you start with me as well. Just because you saved my life doesn't mean I'm not angry at you too. Both of you were acting like children, mooning over the first two people to give you any attention. Don't think I didn't see the way you and Gillian were looking at each other. You were almost as bad as her and Jake. Frankly, if I didn't owe you my life I would have been long gone, but I don't think the two of you would stand much of a chance without me.
“I'm tired of always being told to shut up and that I'm not helping the situation. You know what I think? I think that you both were deluded and looking for an easy way out and now you're feeling guilty because it didn't work. I was the only one who saw through them. You can talk down to me as much as you want, but it doesn't change the fact that I was right.”
Nick caught the way Tanya tensed when Cosmo mentioned Gillian. That was something Nick would have to deal with later. He'd hoped that Tanya's feelings for him would fade and that they were just a product of their proximity. After all, she certainly wasn't going to have a crush on Cosmo after the way the two of them were arguing. The less said about Gillian the better.
“What do you want to hear, Cosmo? That you were right? Okay, fine, you were right and we both were wrong to actually want to believe that those people could offer us a place to live. I'm sick and tired of wandering through this world not having a home. I used to think this city was my home. I used to love it and protect it and I never wanted to leave, but now it's not the same.
“I don't know about you two, but that really hurts. I've seen my best friend die. I've seen too many horrible things. It's taking all I have not to break down because I know that's not going to help the situation. I've been trained to deal with emergencies all my life, but this isn't like any fire I've fought. There's no putting it out, and for the first time in my life, I don't know what to do. So yes, you were right, but I don't know what good that does anyone.”
Nick's cheeks were flushed crimson as he let his frustration out. He knew there had been feelings building inside him for a long time, but he hadn't expected to let them out like that. Cosmo was dumbfounded. Nick hadn't ever spoken in that way. Even Tanya looked a little more meekly toward him. Nick felt bad, but it had to be said. He was tired of this argument. Tired of so many things.
The last thing he wanted was this little group to fracture and break apart, because it was all he had. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled deeply. Expressing his emotions never had been his strong point. It wasn't exactly easy when he'd never had anyone teach him how to do it. His truest upbringing had been in the fire service, which was laden with a macho ideal where actions were more important than anything else. Emotions had to be pushed aside until the crisis was dealt with.
“Look, we're all tired and we've probably spent too much time together, so we're just getting on each other’s nerves. Tanya, you have every right to be angry with Cosmo. Cosmo, you probably have a right to be frustrated with us as well, but can we please just stop this? It's not helping anyone, and all it's going to do is push us further away from each other at a time
when we really need to be strong. None of us knew each other before this and if the world hadn't ended, we'd probably never have run into each other. But we did. Life has thrown us together, and I think we're the better for it.
“One thing has been clear to me in all of this and it's that life is much harder when you're alone. We need other people, and I'm still hoping that out there are sane people who just want to live. Until then we've only got each other, and I think we have to decide right now whether we carry on together or not. I want to. I like you both, and I trust you both. But I won't hold it against you if you want to leave. And Cosmo, if you do stay, I want it to be because you want to stay, not because you feel like you have to because of some debt. You don't owe me anything. I would have done the same for anyone. But right now, let's make this decision and put this all behind us one way or another.”
Before anyone could answer they were distracted by Backdrafts’ barking. Nick now realized that his canine companion had been growling and barking for a while, but he had been too enthralled by his impassioned plea for some diplomacy to notice. There was only one reason Backdraft would be acting like that, as a warning. Nick cursed himself for being so distracted. Nick glanced at the others, but it was too late. They had been discovered.
There were three of them, all different ages, one woman and two men. One of the men had white hair and a bushy beard. He looked a little like Santa, if Santa had been jacked on steroids. The other man was younger, maybe a little older than Tanya. The woman's age was difficult to place for she wore a baseball cap and had a patch over one eye. She was holding a knife, the younger man was holding a hammer, and the older man wielded two pistols. Without weapons Nick, Cosmo, and Tanya were at a severe disadvantage. They knew that fighting wasn't an option. Neither was running.
“Okay, you look scared. Sorry. We just wanted to come up to you. You sounded like you were getting into something then. I'm Abe, this is Paolo, and this is Gina,” the older man said. His voice was warm and earthy and there was a genuine quality about it him, but with everything Nick had been through it was difficult to trust anyone. “And now this is where you introduce yourself. I know the world has changed a lot, but there is still such a thing as etiquette.”
Nick glanced at the guns, and then introduced himself and the others.
“That's better, isn't it?” Abe continued in a friendly manner.
Nick didn't know what to make of him. He seemed almost too casual to be real. Nick scanned the area behind him, looking to see if there was anyone in hiding, but he couldn't see anything. Of course, just because he couldn't see anything didn't mean that there was nothing there.
“See, it's always better when you know people's names! Gets things off to a good start. Now then, you might be wondering who we are and what we're doing here. Let me first start off by saying that we're not going to hurt you and we're not going to steal anything you have. Although by the looks of it, you don't have much.”
“You sure look like you're ready for a fight,” Nick said. Abe looked at his weapons and then nodded to Paolo. Abe sheathed his pistols, Gina did the same with her knife, and Paolo put his hammer in a sling around his waist.
“Honesty, we only carry this stuff for self-defense. I can see you know what the world has turned into, as sad as it is to admit. I wish it had gone differently but, well, that's why we're here. Now, I don't know what you've been through exactly or what your plans are, but I and my associates are part of a group who want to help others and see the world grow into a better place.”
“Oh, one of those,” Cosmo scoffed.
Nick glared at him. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to trust Abe yet, but he wanted to hear the man out at least. So far, they hadn't made any threatening moves, although Nick was wary that it was a trap. He didn't want to be duped by a false hope again, and he wasn't going to let himself or the others be put in any unnecessary danger.
“Yes, one of those,” Abe replied, smiling.
“Now look, I know you don't have any reason to trust us, but I only can tell you what we have to offer. There's food and shelter and a good community of people. Forgive me for eavesdropping, but you were rather loud. I believe we have the same ideals as you. We just want to be safe and happy, and that's what we're trying to do, but we recognize that we need people to help us do that. We look to people in need who can come help us. I'm extending this invitation to you now, but be warned, if you do not accept, there will be no other opportunities. We're careful with whom we trust as well, and we only want people who are willing. I know this is a lot to think about so feel free to have a discussion among yourselves, but please try being quick about it as we have other places to be.”
“This is a mistake,” Cosmo said as the three of them huddled together. “Can't you see that this is exactly what we were talking about? I bet they overheard us and they're just promising what you wanted.”
“I don't know. They could have killed us if they wanted,” Nick replied.
“I have a bad feeling about this, just like I had the last time,” Cosmo said.
“Even a broken clock is right twice a day,” Nick said. “I get that you're worried. I am too, but we can't go around refusing everything that comes our way because it could turn out for the worst. Tanya, what do you think?”
“I think that going with them is better than wandering around the city or the woods. I'm hungry and if they have food then at least we might be able to eat. But this time maybe we should be a little more on our guard, and if there's any sign of trouble we should get the hell out of there.”
“Now you're starting to talk sense,” Cosmo said.
Nick nodded and then told Abe of their decision to go with them. Abe seemed delighted, although he was the only one of the three to show any kind of emotion. He led them through the winding streets of the city, and as they walked Nick had a few questions for him.
“How can you be so trusting with people to take them back to your camp? No offense, but you don't have any idea about who we are.”
“Oh, I know, but I have a good instinct about people. Besides, trusting people is a choice, it always has been, and that's especially true in a world like this. To be honest with you, there have been a few people who haven't worked out, but we have enough at our camp to defend ourselves. So, we all decided it's a risk worth taking. We don't want to shut ourselves off from meeting new people and benefiting from new skills and talents. Stagnation is the biggest threat to humanity, so we want as many good people as possible to join with us. You'll see when you get there, though. I think you'll be impressed.”
Nick hoped he would be. He could use some luck. As they walked along he noticed that Tanya was getting ever more skittish. At first, he thought it was just because of the prospect of some new danger, but then he noticed she was looking at the buildings around her.
Then she stopped dead in her tracks.
“What's wrong?” Nick asked.
“That's my house,” she said in a hollow voice.
Chapter Eighteen
Tanya's eyes were fixed on her house. Sweat beaded on her temples as fear crept up her spine. Her heart pounded in her chest and her throat ran dry. She knew she had recognized the buildings but seeing this one again was unreal. For all her trying to get away from home, the path of her life had led her right back here. She never could escape it. Somehow, she always had known.
“Can we have a moment?” she heard Nick say.
The others all stopped and looked at her. She didn't know what they were thinking. Part of her was too afraid to go in. She was sure he was there, waiting for her inside. Maybe he had been waiting for this moment all along. And yet, somehow, she knew she had to go in. It wasn't healthy to live in so much fear. That's what Nick had said, and she couldn't let her life be ruled by it. Nick had asked Cosmo what good it would have done to admit that he had been right. Tanya asked herself what good it was doing her to continually be afraid. If her father was in there, then it was time he answered for his cr
imes in front of Nick. She knew he would defend her. Even if he didn't love her, he still would come to her aid.
Closing her eyes to try calming herself she walked up to the front door. This house had so many memories. All of them bad. She remembered the door slamming behind her mother as she left, yelling at her father. The last thing her mom had done was give one lingering, pitiful look at Tanya. She had mouthed an apology and then abandoned her. Tanya didn't know who was worse, her mother or her father.
The door handle was cold against her flesh. She turned it and opened the door. The sun slanted through the windows and illuminated the dust that was hanging in the air. It was so familiar and yet so eerie. Floorboards creaked underfoot, and she paused, afraid that her father would be there waiting for her. There were no other sounds throughout the house, though.
She walked slowly into the living room and breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that it was empty. The fear still was present in her mind, though. It almost paralyzed her. Every step was a tremendous effort. It would have been so easy to flee and leave this house behind, but then she always would be running. As much as she rather would forget most of the memories in this house it was a part of her life, and maybe it was time she began to accept that rather than trying to bury it.
As she walked through the different rooms, other memories flashed through her mind. Most of them she wanted to push away. There were a few happy ones, mostly from the time before her mother had left. After that it was only darkness and anger, her father always angry with her, never letting her do what she wanted. Controlling, abusive, hurting her, all the while telling her that he loved her, and he was the only thing she ever needed. If that was love, it had been twisted and corroded. How could anyone love her and treat her like that?
His words echoed through her mind. The same words that had filled every nook and cranny of the house.
