The Playboy

by Stephanie Julian

Out of the corner of his eye, he watched her head for the small kitchen to the left of the front door, where she got plates and napkins then walked over to slide onto the couch next to him.

  “So you’ve still never seen It’s A Wonderful Life?”

  She left as much room between them as she could, which wasn’t much because of all the stuff strewn around.

  “That’s the black-and-white one, right?” He shrugged. “Saw it last year.”

  He’d been home for the holidays and his youngest sister, Katie, had been needling him about having no holiday spirit. Katie was high-functioning Asperger’s. She was one of those people you wouldn’t realize was different until you talked to her for a while. Most people thought she was shy. Or aloof. She was neither. She just processed things different. And saw so much more than anyone else.

  She’d been the only member of his family to realize he’d been depressed last Christmas and not because of the injury that had benched him. Katie had stayed by his side nearly the entire time. One night, she’d told him to sit down and watch It’s A Wonderful Life with her. He’d been tempted to tell her to give him some space, but he couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t be that much of an asshole to the one person in his life who never asked for anything from him other than his love.

  Now, Leah’s eyes widened in shock. “Really? You watched It’s A Wonderful Life?”

  He shrugged. “Yeah. Katie made me.”

  Leah’s expression softened, her lips curving in a slight smile. “How is Katie?

  “She’s good.” He returned her smile. “She decided on Rutgers. Started in September. She loves it there.”

  “Oh, that’s great. I remember her talking about how much she couldn’t wait to go to college.” Leah’s genuine pleasure for a girl she’d met exactly once punched another hole in his gut. “She’s such a sweet soul.”

  Of all the girlfriends he’d ever had, only Leah had seen that side of Katie. And Katie had seen Leah’s acceptance and decided Leah was a friend for life. Which was why Katie had seen the underlying cause of his depression at Christmas last year.

  “She said to say hi if we met up again.”

  Leah’s eyelids flickered before she turned to open the pizza boxes.

  He could practically hear her brain working, though she didn’t say anything else. He considered letting her lead the conversation, but he had a feeling she wasn’t going to.

  “So, you’re getting kind of a late start on the decorating, aren’t you?”

  He figured that was an easy enough question. But when she didn’t answer right away, he slid her a look. Her expression made him pause, his gaze narrowed.

  Why the hell did she look close to tears?

  What the hell?

  “Hey. Is something—”

  “Yeah, I’ve been busy at work lately.” She shook her head, as if to shake off whatever was making her sad, and forced a smile. “Planned to finish up tonight.”

  He wanted to push because he knew there was something bugging her. Something wearing on her mind.

  “You want some help?”

  He’d surprised her again, her head snapping around so she could stare at him again.

  “You’re going to help me decorate?”

  He shrugged, trying not to feel insulted at her shock. “Sure. Why not?”

  Her expression turned wry. “Because I distinctly remember you telling me how stupid you thought it was to decorate for the holidays.”

  Okay, yeah. He vaguely remembered saying that.

  He shrugged. “Maybe I changed my mind.”

  Skepticism shone from her blue eyes. “Really? So what changed your mind?”

  He wanted to say she had but didn’t want her to roll her eyes and shrug him off. If his plan to win her back was going to work, he had to show her he was sincere, not tell her.

  And he had to be honest about it or she’d call him on it. She’d been able to read him better than any other person in the world, including his mom.

  “The past season was rough.”

  He stared into her eyes, so blue he wanted to drown in them. Or watch them as he pushed inside her and made her come. He wanted to be back in her bed. Wanted her back in his life. He just flat-out wanted her. And for the first time in his life, he was doubting everything. And god damn, did that suck.

  Now, her face softened, but not with pity. No, Leah wouldn’t pity him. She hurt for him.

  The old him would’ve taken advantage of that opening. Would’ve taken whatever she’d give him then asked for more.

  “Kyle...”

  “I had a hell of a lot of time to think about things during rehab and all the time I spent on the bench.”

  “I know that must have sucked for you.”

  More than he wanted to admit. “It did. I got a little bitter.” Honesty, asshole. Remember? “Okay, I got a lot bitter. And then I ran into Rob Pandelski.”

  “Who’s that?”

  “Another goalie. We met years ago at a training camp in Canada. Two cocky kids with enough skill to make us rivals. But Rob...he was genuinely decent. You just couldn’t hate the guy for being better than you.”

  “Who does he play for?”

  “He doesn’t. He was riding his bike in the off-season and some asshole drunk driver clipped him on the side of the road. Rob would’ve died if another cyclist hadn’t noticed his wheel sticking out of the ditch on the side of the road.”

  “Oh no. What happened to him?”

  “Broken back. Eighteen months later, he could walk but he was never gonna play again. At least, not professionally.” He shook his head and hoped like hell he didn’t come off like a complete douche. “So I was having a really shitty day earlier this season. I’d been on the bench for since the season before and I was barely holding it together.”

  And that was being kind to himself.

  “You always pushed yourself harder than anyone else ever did.” Leah’s mouth curved in a slight smile. “That can be a strength and a weakness.”

  Nodding, he returned her smile, encouraged to continue. “Yeah, it can also make me a dick.”

  Her mouth twisted a little. “You’re driven.”

  He was. “But I can also be an ass. And I was being an ass that day. The team was in Cleveland, and Rob lives in some tiny town in the middle of nowhere Ohio. He grew up there. Moved back with his parents after the accident. Married his childhood sweetheart.”

  Leah’s smile brightened. “Sounds sweet.”

  “Yeah, but that’s not how I saw it. I figured his life was over, you know? No more hockey. What the hell else is there in life?”

  Her brows arched.

  “Yeah, I know.” He huffed out a laugh. “There’s a whole world out there that doesn’t revolve around hockey. But then, at that moment, it kinda felt like my world had collapsed in on itself.”

  He paused before continuing, shaking his head at the memory.

  “So when he asked me how life was, I spewed all this shit. Christ, I was an ass. I whined about how few games I was getting to play, how the coaches had no faith in me, how I was never going to make it to the NHL. And one of the nicest guys I have ever known stood there and listened to me bitch for twenty minutes. When I finally shut up about myself and asked him how he was doing, he told me the doctors had told him any sort of exercise where he could potentially hit his head was a no-go but that was okay because he loved to swim and golf so now he had an excuse to do both.”

  “Sounds like he’s got the right outlook on life.”

  “Yeah. And it showed me what an ass I was.”

  Leah shook her head. “You’re not an ass, Kyle.”

  He didn’t bother to respond to that. “After Rob left, I took a hard look at myself. I didn’t like what I saw.”

  “Kyle—”

  “So I decided to make some changes. I decided there were things I wanted that had nothing to do with hockey. And that I needed to make changes for that to happen.”

  One of those things wa
s a relationship with her. He wanted her in his life and if that meant learning to love decorating Christmas trees then, damn it, he’d decorate the shit out of Christmas trees.

  The look in her eyes told him she knew exactly what he was thinking. He forced himself to breathe normally when his natural instinct was to hold his breath waiting for her response.

  After several long seconds, she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and nibbled on it then shifted her gaze to the pizza box.

  “We should probably eat before it gets cold.”

  He stifled a sigh. He’d known it was going to take more than her favorite pizza and a sob story to get back in her good graces. But he’d had to give it a shot.

  So tonight, he’d—

  Leah cupped his cheeks in her hands and sealed her mouth over his.

  Okay, she might’ve just blown every caution light out of the sky but, damn it, a girl could only take so much.

  Leah had listened to Kyle bare his soul and felt her heart crack open just a little farther with every word.

  She’d considered not answering the door when he’d knocked. It’d been a long day at the studio, creating schedules and catching up with paperwork and covering classes. Charlotte had left earlier in the day to visit her in-laws for the holidays.

  She was still learning the ropes from Charlotte, trying to decide whether she wanted to become a partner. She had five years of financial reports in her bag she’d planned to look over tonight. And she had to make up her mind about the small business course at Reading Area Community College starting in January.

  If she was going to become part owner of a small business, she figured she needed to at least know the basics of what she was doing. That had never been her plan, owning a business, but plans changed all the time and you needed to learn to roll with them or be crushed by them.

  But when Kyle had shown up at her door tonight, her first instinct was to throw herself into his arms and spill every one of her concerns at his feet.

  And then he’d started to talk and all she wanted to do was kiss him.

  Okay, maybe she wanted to do more than kiss him.

  Because now that she was, now that she had her mouth on his and had tasted him again, she wasn’t sure kissing him was going to be enough.

  Liar.

  Yep, she was. She was pretty damn sure kissing him was not going to be enough.

  But for right now, she’d take what she could get and worry about the rest later.

  Tilting her head, she kissed him with her lips closed at first, getting to know the feel of him again. This close, his scent infused her every breath. It worked like a drug on her body, like the sweet rush of alcohol. Her every nerve ending tingled with desire, immediate and demanding.

  Her lips moved over his, her body knowing instinctively how to get the perfect fit. Kyle must’ve had the same response because he angled his head and the months they’d been apart slipped away as if they’d never happened.

  Without thought, she swung her leg over his thighs to straddle his lap, kneeling over him until her head was above his.

  His hands went to her waist, clasping her tight and holding her steady. Not trapped, but she felt the way his fingers clenched then loosened, as if he wanted to tug her closer but thought better of it.

  Before, he wouldn’t have hesitated to pull her against him and take over. She’d never said no, because she’d wanted him just as much as he’d wanted her. But he’d also never let her take control.

  Now, she sensed his patience. His restraint.

  Not that he didn’t participate. He kissed her back with a heat so fierce she nearly combusted. It felt like it’d been forever since she’d kissed him, and every ounce of pent-up, desperate desire crashed over her in a rush.

  She couldn’t get enough of his mouth, kissed him like he was her favorite drug. And he had been. She just hadn’t realized how much of an addict she’d been until she’d tasted him again.

  Soon, though, kissing him wasn’t enough.

  In the back of her head, she knew she should slow down, that she was heading down a path she’d sworn she’d never take again. And yet it felt so good, so right. And Kyle was giving her everything.

  He let her control the kiss, but that didn’t mean he didn’t participate. Far from it. He licked at her lips and demanded entry to her mouth, then slid his tongue inside.

  His flavor hit her like a shock to the system, throwing her into a chasm of memories she’d tried so hard to forget since he’d left. Now they all came crashing back, pushing her toward a decision she’d already thought she’d made.

  Screw it.

  Wrapping her arms around his shoulders, she scooted closer, until their bodies were locked together in an embrace so tight, she almost couldn’t breathe.

  Her breasts flattened against his chest, so hard and muscular he felt like a wall. A living, breathing, heated wall of flesh that made her want to strip him down so she could run her hands all over him.

  Before she could stop herself, she’d grabbed his t-shirt in her hands and began pulling it up.

  Wait. Maybe—

  No. No waiting. She’d waited for this since he’d walked away. She wasn’t going to lie to herself. Tomorrow, she’d tell him no more, they were finished. Tonight... She’d get what she wanted.

  Which was him.

  Pulling away, she ripped his shirt over his head, getting little resistance from him. Not that she expected any.

  So when he grabbed her hands after she dropped his shirt on the cushion beside him, her eyes widened in surprise.

  “Hey, Leah. Maybe we should slow down.”

  Blinking, she tried to hide her shock but obviously not fast enough because he shook his head.

  “No. Wait. Don’t misunderstand me. I want you. Hell, I want you more than I want to breathe right now. But I need you to know this isn’t just sex for me.”

  Her expression must have showed her disbelief because his beautiful mouth tightened for a few seconds before he shook his head.

  “I’m serious. You gotta know that I’m not just looking for a one-night stand.”

  Her traitorous heart skipped a few beats, but she told it to stand down. “Honestly, right now, I don’t care.” Then she told a huge lie. “I just want you to fuck me.”

  She wanted to groan the second the words left her mouth. He knew her, knew she never used that kind of language. Sex wasn’t just fucking to her. If he truly remembered anything about her, he knew that.

  And apparently, he did remember.

  “Leah—”

  She leaned down and kissed him again. She didn’t want him to question her, didn’t want him to say no. She just wanted him. Tonight. Now. Without strings or expectations.

  Tomorrow, she could second-guess the hell out of tonight.

  After a few seconds, he must have decided she was serious because his hands grabbed her shirt by the hem and tugged it up.

  Seconds later, they were both naked from the waist up and she moaned as they melted against each other.

  Her achy, tight breasts longed for his touch. As soon as she thought about wanting him to cup her breasts in his hands and squeeze, he slid his hands from her back to exactly where she ached for them.

  She arched, giving him more room to work. He took what she gave him and squeezed her breasts, molding them into his palms. Every move he made was familiar, but she thrilled to his touch. Her already overworked lungs had to find even more oxygen because she was fast running out.

  Even when he released her mouth to trail his lips along her jaw and down her neck, she still couldn’t breathe. Actually, it was harder to breathe because she knew where his mouth was headed. She moved back enough to accommodate him as he kissed his way down her throat and chest to her right breast.

  Her breath caught and held as he blew on her nipple.

  Damn him for remembering exactly what drove her wild.

  The sensitive flesh puckered and ached as he teased her. He nibbled at her, using his
teeth to make her crazy. Her fingers latched on to his hair, tugging and pulling him closer at the same time.

  She was so close to begging him to take her in his mouth when he finally sucked her inside. Moaning, she let her head fall back, her eyes closed as sensation flowed through her. Dark and heady and so sweet. It drew her even farther away from reality and into the little world where only the two of them existed.

  She’d thought that little world was gone, never to be found again.

  And yet here he was, his hands and mouth on her, driving her crazy. She couldn’t get enough.

  When his mouth shifted to nuzzle her other breast, she released his hair and smoothed her hands down his back. Warm skin covered sleek muscle that moved beneath her hands. Her fingers clenched and released, like a cat kneading a blanket.

  When he pulled away with a groan, she wanted to protest but could only suck in air when he rose from the couch in one smooth movement, holding her as close as he could. Her legs automatically wrapped around his waist as he carried her to the bedroom. Unerringly finding his way. Almost as if the past year and a half hadn’t passed by.

  In the dark, he laid her on her bed and followed her down, sealing his mouth over hers.

  Now he took over. Kissed her with more force, more demand. His hands skimmed down her body, stopping at the waistband of her yoga pants to slide beneath before he began pushing them down her body.

  He had them and her panties halfway to her knees before she realized they were gone. His mouth pressed kisses all over her, from her mouth to her jaw to her ears, nipping at the lobes before dipping back to her breasts and then trailing down to her belly button.

  Her stomach quivered as he got closer to her core, and when he put his mouth over her, she reached for the headboard and held on. Back arched, she bit at her bottom lip as he made love to her with his mouth.

  Her body moved with every flick of his tongue against her clit. She couldn’t keep still. It’d been so long since she’d had his hands on her body and she’d missed him. So much more than she’d ever admit to anyone.

  The man knew how to drive her crazy, in a good way, in and out of bed.

  He pushed her so close to the edge of orgasm, she nearly screamed when he backed off. He ran his hands down her thighs, spreading her even wider, making the emptiness between her legs ache even more.