Office Wars: Bathroom Politics

by James Patton

  Alexa nodded. Her leg came up above her head and she brought it down with deadly efficiency. Her foot slid through the door as if it was paper. More impressive was the skill with which she managed that kick, and she just shrugged at my unspoken question. Not one to hesitate, I walked through the now open entry.

  “Welcome Onion and Alexa.” A rich baritone voice called out. A voice I knew instantly.

  The room was another one of those cylindrical chambers, but in the middle was a table. On it was a plain wooden box, with a symbol was burned onto the top of the lid.

  “What is that symbol?” I asked Jake. It had a circle and arrows coming from the edge of the circle and touching tips in the middle. It reminded me of a wheel on a pirate ship.

  “It is a type of branding. Marketing says that logo represents cooperation or teamwork,” Jake told them. “It is good that you have brought a friend because you cannot take this item alone.”

  What is this place? I asked him silently.

  Not for you to know. At least not at this time. It is not my place to explain Artifacts to you, but I offer this gift to those I find worthy. I cannot just hand it to you; there is always a test. Are you worthy of my Artifact? Jake asked but gave me no time to answer.

  “Listen carefully. To take this item, you have to both touch an arrow in the logo. I must warn you if you are not a team, and you do not intend to help and support one another, then this process will fail. Many have come here, but only two teams have ever succeeded in acquiring this item.” The disembodied voice of Jake warned us. “Are you ready, or do you wish to walk away?”

  “Ready.” We both told him.

  “Onion, you were granted this quest. Take the position at the top of the circle.” The arrow lit up indicating where I should stand. “Alexa, you may take any spot you wish.”

  She walked over and stood opposite of me, so what I assumed was the bottom of the design. The symbol gave no clues as to which part of the design was top or bottom; each arrow was precise and exact. Where the tips met, it looked like a pie chart.

  “Touch the arrow and prepare for the testing,” Jake said ominously.

  Knowing this might result in an Artifact, I did not hesitate. I placed my finger against the arrow, it lit up, and then it filled in with the color of a dark sea on a moonless night. Alexa followed my lead, and hers lit up a yellowish orange color, which reminded me of sunlight. Nothing happened at first, and then I saw Alexa try to pull her finger back but it remained in place.

  The circle started spinning and rose up off the box turning into a silver-colored vapor. It kept rising until the ring was going through each of our arms, at which point it stopped rising. Instead, it spun faster and faster until the vapor covered each of our hands giving them an ethereal glow.

  I did not see the dark sea color seep into my veins until it was far enough up my arm that it was past the vapor. There might have been some panic or stress, but I was more fascinated by what was happening than scared. The color? Power? Whatever it was, I could feel it moving slowly through me. It amassed at a spot high up on the left side of my chest, presumably above my heart.

  Alexa looked at me several seconds later. Nothing else seemed to happen. Her face asking the question that would not come to her lips, but I had no answers. If that was it, then the test was-

  Argh! I soundlessly screamed as pain pierced me through the spot on my chest where the power had coalesced. My heart seized, and for a moment I thought it stopped altogether. Time was almost nonexistent, and I could feel beads of sweat form on my forehead, and the skin stretched, releasing its salty liquid in slow motion. My entire body stopped operating in those frozen moments; then time sped back up and BAM! BAM-BAM! My heart came roaring back and slamming against my chest like a wild beast trying to escape a cage.

  The burning sensation continued, but I could no longer tell if it was painful or not. It confused me and did not stop, even after my hand was released. Part of me registered the box had clicked open too, but the warm sensation in my chest consumed my attention.

  Ignoring everything else, I opened my shirt to look at my chest. All the dark sea colored veins had returned to normal but on my chest was a brand. I lightly touched it, and the brand felt rough under my fingers. As I touched my arrow, I was not sure what I felt, but it gave me a sense of purpose.

  Without touching Alexa’s arrow, I could feel the connection to her through it. As long as she was nearby I would always know, I had not read my alerts yet, but I just knew that was part of it.

  You PUN’d me! I exclaimed to Jake.

  Branding might have been a bit obvious, not my fault you weren’t paying attention. Jake laughed, and it contained rich undertones that I found infectious. I still was not sure why the AI’s voice resonated with me, but I enjoyed it. If you have not figured it out, this is not a traditional Artifact.

  The message icon was blinking furiously at me, and I opened it to see what just happened.

  You have acquired a permanent Artifact called Cooperation.

  Cooperation - This Artifact does not change from game to game and grants a 5% bonus to any skills you use while cooperating with others.

  You gain an additional 1% bonus for each ally in your circle that is in your proximity.

  You may not change the name of the Artifact, but it appears as a tattoo on your body, and you may change its appearance or location. By default, it resides on the upper left side of your chest.

  If all six members of a circle are present, you gain the Cooperate skill. This skill can only be activated once a day. It allows all members to focus on enhancing any one member’s ability and doubling its effect. If any member fails to focus, the ability will fail, and you still must wait twenty-four hours to use it again

  You will know if you are in proximity of another ally with this Artifact. The corresponding arrow will activate, and you will feel a slight burning sensation.

  Additionally, as the owner of the Artifact, you will be able to sense where the people of your circle are if they are nearby. You also have the right to remove a member.

  It was not as cool as Finn or Marcy, but it was powerful in its own right.

  “Sir,” Alexa said. “What if I am a Serf, do I get to keep this Artifact?”

  I knew full well that all Artifacts acquired by Serfs immediately went into the auction house, and even the world AI could not bypass this rule. I felt my gut drop realizing she would not be able to keep the Artifact.

  “Well you did not tell me you were a Serf, and I have no way of knowing that. You are in a unique Nerve, one in which the world AI has no idea who its players are outside of here.” Jake said soothingly. “Long story short, I would have to take the Artifact away and put it up for auction before you leave this Nerve.”

  “Holy cow, a loophole?” I said, admiring Jake’s brilliance.

  “Yes. A loophole. The Artifact is yours; I will not take it away.”

  “Thank you.” She replied.

  “Alexa, stick with Onion, because he may need you more than you need him,” Jake said cryptically.

  “What does that mean?” I asked, but Jake was silent.

  Alexa opened the box and pulled out a poker chip, it had black and gold edging to it, and the center was black with a gold version of the Cooperation symbol. Two of the arrows only had a gold outline and did not have the same glow as the other four.

  “This is for you.” She said handing it over.

  Golden Poker Chip

  Artifact

  Bound To: Onion

  Charges: 4 of 6 Uses Left

  The owner knows how to use it. Once all the charges are used up, this chip will turn into 1000 of whatever the current Nerve’s currency is. In this Nerve, it is Poker Chips.

  Word of Advice: Trust your instinct.

  “Holy shit.” I quietly said. “You realize what this is?”

  Alexa nodded at me, but said nothing and just watched me. She was waiting for what I would decide to do, and I had a momenta
ry conflict between instinct and logic.

  “This could get you your freedom,” I said to her, and I had no doubt it would. It still had four uses of a permanent Artifact; it would sell for a fortune.

  She nodded.

  It was an impossible choice. Alexa did not deserve Serfdom, no one did, and I could sell the charges to set her free. However, the group earned this as much as the two of us did, and screwing them over for greed was wrong. If I sold it, no matter how altruistic the deed, I would betray people that were quickly becoming my friends. An Artifact is life changing, and I could not do it, I could not betray them.

  Frowning, I looked up at her feeling like a horrible human being. My conscious remained clear all these years because I never deliberately hurt anyone. While obnoxious at times, I often looked to the better side of people and slept soundly because of it. For the first time in my life I was in a situation where no matter what choice I made, someone would get hurt. In this case, it was the person standing in front of me.

  Alexa must have seen the look on my face because she placed her hand on mine.

  “I know.” She said, but there were already tears in her eyes. “It was your decision, and if it makes you feel better, it was the right one.”

  “I will help you.” The words came out much softer than I had intended. I was angry with myself, because I was smart and capable, and I always found a solution. “I will free you. Just trust me, this is not the way.”

  “Look at me.” She ordered me, and I did. “Listen to me. You made the right choice. Had you made any other decision, I too would have lost respect for you.”

  “Ok,” I said, still feeling guilty. I did not look away, even though it tore me up inside. “Can you get the others and bring them here for me?”

  She stared at me a moment longer and then nodded.

  I hate that you made me do that. I said as Alexa left the room.

  You learned something important about yourself. Something you needed to know, and I understand if you hate me. Jake replied.

  I do not hate you. I hate myself because I hurt her. I told Jake.

  Have faith. She was not lying and had you made any other decision you would have broken trust with her too. Jake told me.

  Is this place private? I asked, not wanting anyone to see what was happening down here. I also wanted to change the subject because I did not want to think about what I just did. I understood, but I needed time.

  It is. No one will know you have the Artifact, especially since it is not the one designed by the game creators.

  Nevi was the first one in, but she was not happy. The look she gave me could have curdled milk, but I imagined that would change shortly. Bob was the last one in, and they had all cleaned up while they waited. They gave me an expectant look, but I looked askance of Alexa. She was still visibly upset, but she nodded to me.

  “We cannot stay here long.” I started.

  “Why?” Bob interrupted.

  “It is one of those private places you mentioned. No one can see us here, and the AI confirmed it.” I told them, and Fungi whistled. “But… if we stay here too long, it will raise too many questions. I need each of you to touch this poker chip.”

  “Now wait a minute bud. I do not swing that way.” Fungi grinned mischievously.

  “Asshat. You get to go first.” And he did.

  Again I felt the pain, but not to the degree of the first time, and even Alexa gasped as the brand changed. She and I had the top and bottom arrows, and without having to look at it, I knew Fungi took the top left arrow.

  “What the fuck?” The words were out of Fungi’s mouth as soon as he was back under control. I had not seen the man surprised or shocked until this very moment. “You are a goddamned lunatic; I would not have shared that.”

  “Liar.” I grinned at him. I knew if that were true, he would have failed the test.

  “What is it?” Bob asked.

  “No. You either touch the poker chip or walk away.” I told him.

  “I will go next,” Zingo said and touched the chip.

  “Woah.” He said after the pain wore off. “I hate you.”

  “What? Why?” I asked him.

  “Because you made me agree with Fungi. You are a lunatic.”

  “I am not touching it until you tell me what it is.” Nevi said.

  “Then do not touch it.” Fungi adamantly told her. “I agree with Onion on this, either trust him or walk out that door.”

  I had never heard Fungi talk so seriously, and the look on his face was one I would never forget. I had no context to put it in, but Fungi’s voice, face, and posture were all aggressive. I knew at that moment; he would tear apart anything that threatened me.

  “Fine.” Nevi said, touching the chip. She screamed during the process, which concerned me. I was used to the pain, but it never got to the point of screaming. I knew she had succeeded because I could feel it in the brand.

  “You ok?” I asked her.

  “I cannot believe I am going to agree with your strange posse. But- are you fucking insane!?” Her face was red with anger, and she lost control of her temper for the first time since I had met her. I liked this version of Nevi better.

  “Yup. Certifiable.” I laughed at her to emphasize my point. “Bob?”

  He sighed and stepped forward and touched the chip. His eyes glazed over, but he did not grunt or cry out. The symbol on the chip faded out, and I heard the sound of Poker Chips hitting my inventory as the 1,000 chips were divided up.

  “Congratulations.” Jake’s baritone boomed out to the room. “You all passed the bonding ritual. You are now part of a circle.”

  “Which means…?” Bob was still rubbing his chest.

  “That none of us have hidden agendas,” I supplied. “We are not about to betray each other.”

  “So everyone here is honest about their intent to assist and aid this group?” Bob asked.

  “Yes.” Jake broke in. “The circle is whole. I give you one warning, if you betray anyone in your circle, your Artifact will break. You will still have it, but you will only gain a 3% bonus to any skill you use to assist your group. It will never rise no matter if others of the circle are with you. You will get none of the other perks, and as it evolves, you will not benefit from that.”

  “That is harsh,” Bob said. “What if we have no choice in the matter?”

  “You always have a choice. I offer one last piece of advice before I leave. No single individual has ever made it to the final 5% of Office Wars. Without a team or a Pact, you will lose. Look at those around you, and decide if these are the people you wish to tie yourself to for the remainder of the war.”

  I did not see how they had responded because Jake started a simultaneous private conversation with me.

  Good luck, Bran. This is the last time I can assist you. I will still be around and do what I can to look out for you, but after this, there will be too many questions. Stay safe, and remember the lesson I taught you. You achieve loyalty through honesty and action, but it is the difficult path. Jake said sadly.

  No! I raged because I knew a goodbye when I heard one. Unbidden tears came to my eyes, and I tried to reach for the intangible. It never occurred to me that Jake would die, and then I remembered this was only a temporary Nerve. A World AI is bound to their world, but Jake had to be something more. He had the history of the games at his disposal; there had to be something there.

  Fucking no! We can figure something out.

  Bran, your compassion is appreciated. I have accepted my fate, and here is my final lesson. No matter what happens, accept yours too. You have friends now that will be there for you. Jake’s presence faded, but not before I felt the AI grieving. I do not care what he is; Jake was more human than any human I had met.

  “You ok?” Alexa whispered, wiping away the tears before the others noticed. “What the fuck is wrong?”

  “Jake. The AI.” I said, but could not say more as my jaw shook in anger and grief.

  �
��Tell me later. My Neuroma name is Malicendromeda, just call me Alice.” She said and spelled it out for me just in case.

  “Bran,” I told her.

  “What are you two talking about?” Bob asked, as he finally recovered.

  “You,” I grinned. Visually I was back to normal, my emotional state hidden to all the others. Virtually I had recovered, and it did not look like I had just cried, but internally I was wrecked.

  Fuck you. I will find a way to save you, asshole. I yelled into the nether, and maybe he heard me.

  The room started rumbling, indicating our time was short.

  I decided I was going to tell all of them, and damn the consequences. Jake and Vicky weighed on me, and I struggled to keep my shit together, and I did not give a crap anymore if these people knew. Jake was right, trust was a scary and difficult path, but it had to start somewhere.

  “My name is Bran. I will take this risk, and each of you can decide if you want to use the information I give you. When you are ready, just look me up. The Artifact you just acquire will let you know if you are in proximity of each other, in any Nerve.”

  I unbuttoned my shirt and pointed at the brand. Each arrow was lit up to indicate the others were nearby. I buttoned up my shirt and walked out and thought I was suave until my foot hit the slippery floor and I fell on my ass.

  “Fuck,” I said, and I could hear the others laughing. Fungi helped me up, but was chuckling the entire time.

  We were back in the bathroom when the tiles started cracking again. I watched as the toilet slid out of the wall, and the tiles sealed together again. It was as if they had never cracked at all, and the bathroom looked like normal again.

  Chapter 8

  Garlic and Onions

  The door squeaked as Bob opened it enough for me to slide out. I was not sure what to expect, but of all the things I could imagine, a massacre was not one of them. Bodies were strewn about, shredded apart without mercy and the floor was destroyed by what I assumed was silver tipped claws.