by Daisy May
“Would you be okay with that?” he asked, biting his lip sexily. “You’re not going to get hurt or anything?”
“I’m not sure,” I said honestly.
“I’d like you to be sure, Andy. You know me – you know what my life is like. I can’t offer you anything more than… this.”
I should’ve said “okay,” turned over, and gone to sleep, forgetting this whole insane idea. That was definitely what my normal self would’ve done, on the slim chance he’d even let things get this far.
But Tyler had been slowly changing me since the day we’d met – making me more daring and adventurous, and less likely to say no to a thrilling new experience. I was New Andy – maybe not forever, but at least for right now. And I wasn’t going to say no.
“I’m a grown man,” I said with more confidence than I actually felt. “I’ll be all right.”
“Yeah?” He put a hand on my knee, sending shivers through my body. “That’s what I was hoping you’d say.”
He leaned forward, and his lips met mine. My skin sizzled, every nerve ending in my body suddenly alight. His lips were soft and pliable, and he tasted minty, like toothpaste. I could never have imagined this happening when I first met him, and for a moment I was caught up in the memory of how suspicious I’d been at first. Then his tongue slid between my lips, and everything but the here and now faded away.
His fingers stroked my shoulders and knotted through my hair as he came onto my bed beside me, pressing me down to the mattress. I broke away from his kiss to suck in a deep breath. In the dim light, his face was shadowy and mysterious – and absolutely gorgeous. My heart hammered in my chest. What was I letting myself in for?
“Sexy pajamas,” he breathed. “Let’s get them off you.”
My cheeks went hot. My thoughts about him unbuttoning my top and me taking off his towel were going to come to life. I would’ve worn sexier PJs if I’d known anything like this was going to happen. Then again, I wouldn’t be here if I’d known anything like this was going to happen.
His fingers worked at the buttons, and in a second the top fell open. Unused to people seeing me shirtless, I had the urge to button it back up. But his eyes went wide as he took in the sight of my pecs and abs, and seeing the desire there made my cock grow an inch.
I eased my arms out of the sleeves, succumbing to him as he caressed my shoulders and back. His touch was making me come alive, giving me the courage I needed to reach up and flick at his towel the way I’d been dying to.
“Good work,” he purred. “I thought you’d be too shy to take any initiative.”
I’d show him. I pushed the towel off, leaving him without a stitch of clothing. His body was a vision of perfection – all hard lines and jutting erection, everything resplendent in the moonlight. I took the initiative to press my lips to his neck and drag my tongue across his collarbone. When he was panting, I took further initiative to palm his growing cock.
“I stand corrected,” he said with a groan.
I pulled him onto the bed, and he licked his lips as he looked up at me. He was fully hard, and he let out a soft puff of breath as I lay on my stomach and gripped his thighs. I intended to pleasure him like this until he begged me for more.
I brushed my tongue over his tip, and he shivered in response. My second lick earned me a soft groan. I couldn’t wait to see what the third would get.
I lost myself in his pleasure, licking and sucking in rhythm with his shudders and gasps. He was so responsive that I could almost forget about my own unslaked need. Becoming conscious of the still-present throb, I slid a hand between my legs and stroked myself, turned on by the taste of him.
His jaw hung open, his teeth digging into his lower lip as his back arched. “Fuck… Andy…” he moaned.
I pulled off him with a wet pop. “What would you like?” Now I was the one who was smirking.
“Please… more…”
That hadn’t taken long at all. I caressed his hip as I asked, “What kind of more?” I was good with anything he suggested. I tended to bottom, but I was perfectly versatile when I needed to be.
He looked at me through half-lidded eyes. “I want to be in you.”
A shiver ran down my spine. “Okay.” I turned to the dresser, then remembered I wasn’t at home. My small, never-needed stash of condoms and lube was not in the vicinity.
“Fuck,” he said, following my eyes. “Do you think they’d bring us some if we called the front desk?”
“Probably not.” I cringed at the thought of it. “Maybe I could run out and get some.”
“No.” He reached toward me, his gaze dark with need. I’d never seen him look so serious, and it was goddamn sexy. “We can do other things.”
My nerves thrummed. “Like what?”
He pulled me down again, positioning me so I lay on my side opposite to him. “You keep doing what you were doing,” he said, pointing his cock toward my lips. “And I’ll do the same to you.”
My breath caught in my throat as he gave my erection a long, slow lick. All the desire I’d felt for him all this time was coalescing in this one moment – and God, it felt good. With the sensations overpowering me, it took me a moment to remember I was supposed to suck his dick, too.
I palmed his shaft, then licked the tip back into my mouth. It was saltier than a minute ago – he was dripping precum, and all because of me. My eyes fluttered shut as I savored the taste of him.
I might’ve thought he’d be a selfish lover, but as it turned out, this was one area where he was more than generous. I was the one who kept slowing and stopping, overwhelmed by the pleasure running through me. He never paused in his steady, sensual rhythm, not even when I took him as deep as I could. Even though he groaned around my cock, he continued to suck it faithfully.
My inhibitions disappeared as my desire grew, and for a moment in time, my usual self was completely and thoroughly replaced by New Andy.
This was our only night together, and I wanted to enjoy being with Tyler while I still could. I’d never do anything like this again, not without him to cajole me into it.
We didn’t get much sleep that night. And still, the morning came far too soon.
NINETEEN – TYLER
The clock on the bedside table said it was eight-fifty AM. Andy was fast asleep, surprisingly. He normally got up so much earlier than me – but then he normally didn’t stay up fooling around for most of the night.
My groin tightened as a surge of memories washed over me. I’d almost accepted that he didn’t want to hook up, and then at the last moment he’d said “okay.” It had been the perfect, hot way to end our association with each other. I just wished we’d been able to go all the way.
I threw on my clothes, not caring if the stench of sex was still on me. I couldn’t take the chance of waking Andy up by showering. I crept to the door and, with one last look at his sleeping form, stepped into the hallway.
I felt a strange regret about leaving him behind. He knew me well enough to not be surprised by me leaving without a word, but he might still be hurt. Then again, I’d warned him in advance that whatever happened would only be for one night.
He’d done so much for me, though, with no benefit to himself. I hesitated in front of the elevator, wondering if I should at least go back and thank him. Maybe he’d look up at me with sleepy affection and pull me down into another kiss, and I’d melt into his arms…
No, I had to leave. The elevator doors swung open, and I stepped inside. I wasn’t going to give Andy Knutford another thought.
I took a taxi to Laney’s address, using most of my remaining funds. I fidgeted nervously in the back seat. I was finally going to meet this woman who’d been so elusive for so long. Then again, I’d been so sure I was going to find her at Andy’s mom’s place, and that’d only led to more questions. I wouldn’t know for sure if she was there until I arrived.
The cab pulled up in front of a shady-looking apartment block. The driver gave me a look of concern
in the rear-view mirror. “Sure you want to be in this area, sir?”
“Yup.” I handed him my last twenty. The rest of my bills were fives and ones.
Without waiting for him to answer, I climbed out. The sun beat down on my head for the few seconds it took me to get to the front lobby. I scanned through the buzz codes in the entryway. There was no “Jefferson,” of course – Laney wasn’t officially living here. But the private investigator had gotten me her apartment number, and I checked it against the buzz codes to find the right one.
I buzzed her, and then waited. I was suddenly conscious of my heart beating in my chest, and I had a feeling the sweat pooling in my armpits wasn’t from the heat. A minute went by, then another. I tried to distract myself by playing with my phone, but my nerves wouldn’t let me focus on anything but my wait.
Laney could be out right now. She could be asleep. I might have to wait for hours for her to buzz me in. Oh, and that was assuming the buzzer was even working.
A man came into the lobby. This was my chance! He opened the door to walk out, and I tried to look as innocent as possible as I grabbed the door to keep it open. He gave me a funny look, but I was already inside.
I was in Laney’s building.
All of the elevators had “Out Of Service” signs, so I found my way to the stairs instead. Laney lived on the fifth floor, and by the time I made it up, I was even sweatier and out of breath. Tyler would’ve climbed the stairs without a second thought. He was in such great shape.
But I wasn’t going to think about Tyler.
I knocked on the door of apartment 501. No answer – which wasn’t too surprising, considering Laney hadn’t responded to the buzzer. The strange part was that I could hear a TV blaring inside. Either she was sleeping, or the volume was too loud for her to hear my knock.
I sank to the floor, resting my back against the wall. I could use a moment to collect my thoughts, anyway. I mentally rehearsed the speech I planned to give her. It would be similar to what I’d said to Andy’s mom when I’d gone to her place – but for real this time.
After a few minutes of sitting quietly and thinking, the wait started to get on my nerves. She had to be inside. I never left the TV on when I was sleeping or out; no one did. More likely, she was in there and avoiding unexpected guests. She probably had a lot of people after her – her experience at Kiehlman’s couldn’t have been a one-off. She’d be wary of opening the door in case it was some creditor.
Well, this particular creditor wouldn’t be dissuaded so easily. I’d come a long way to see her, and I intended to get what was mine.
I stood up and tried the door. It was locked… but you didn’t go through an adolescence like mine without picking up a few things. I was half-decent at picking locks, and this was a particularly easy one. I took a credit card out of my wallet and fiddled the door open.
I stepped inside a filthy apartment that smelled like it hadn’t been cleaned in months. Dirt and grime made the floor sticky under my shoes, and corners of the entryway were decorated with spiderwebs. I took shallow breaths as I tiptoed further in. I had a bad feeling about this, but I’d come much too far to turn back.
“Laney?” I called, peering into one dark, depressing room after another. “Laney Jefferson? Are you in here?”
There was no response. The TV was still blasting, and the chatter of the sitcom family sounded completely incongruous here. I followed my ears to a living room, where the sound was louder than ever. Deafening, really. Did Laney have hearing problems? I hadn’t planned for that –
My eyes went to the wall, and my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I hadn’t planned for anything, apparently.
A woman, who I recognized as Laney, was curled into the fetal position on the floor. Her eyes were closed as if she was sleeping… but she wasn’t.
A pool of vomit lay in front of her. A thick white foam dribbled out of her mouth.
I stood in horror, unable to move.
I’d finally found my biological mother. But I was already too late.
TWENTY – ANDY
This drive was going to last forever. At the very least, it’d last the rest of my life, because I was going to kill myself if I had to spend one more minute on the highway. And yet I had another four hours ahead of me today, and then a full twelve more tomorrow.
I’d been irritable all day, which was out of character for me. I’d honked at some poor drivers, and I’d had a few choice words for them in my head. I was even getting sick of my podcasts, and that never happened.
Of course, my bad mood was probably due to the way I’d woken up this morning. Alone. I shouldn’t have expected anything different from Tyler, but somehow, some part of me had. Last night had felt surprisingly intimate, even meaningful. He obviously wasn’t going to stick around and eat breakfast with me… but I’d kind of thought he’d at least say something to me today, even if it was only “goodbye.”
I blinked at the road ahead. My eyes were tired, and my shoulders were sore from holding the wheel for so long. It was too early to stop for dinner, though. I glanced toward the passenger seat, wishing Tyler was still there to start some weird conversation or infuriate me with his attempts at a “game.”
Since he wasn’t there – and never would be again – I pulled out my phone and dialed my mom. She might be at work today, or might not. I hadn’t talked to her in so long, I didn’t even know her schedule. I’d have to wait and find out.
She picked up after a couple of rings. “Why hello, stranger!”
“It’s only been two days, Mom.”
“I thought you were dead,” she said dramatically.
“Really?” I asked, already relaxing at the sound of her voice. “You thought I was dead, even though you knew I was on a road trip? And your response to thinking your youngest son was dead was to do nothing?”
“I figured the authorities would notify me soon enough.”
There were voices in the background, and I frowned. “Wait, are you at work?”
“Yes, but it’s okay. I haven’t heard from my youngest son in two days. How’s the trip? And how’s Tyler?”
“I dropped him off in Oakland,” I said. “I’m on my way back now.”
“Already? I thought you might stay until the end of the weekend.”
It was Friday now. “No, I wanted to be home on Sunday. Rest up and readjust to being home. Do my meal prep and my laundry…”
“Only you would choose that over another day on vacation with your friend,” she chided.
“First, it wasn’t a vacation. Second, Tyler isn’t my friend. I was trying to help him find his biological mother. That’s where our relationship started and ended.” Leaving aside the night of torrid passion, which I certainly wasn’t going to mention to my mom.
“So? How did it go?” Mom asked. “Did you find her?”
“Well… I don’t know.” I cringed internally. “He didn’t want me to stay involved. I brought him into town, and that was it. He left the hotel this morning, and I haven’t heard from him.”
“Then call him! You have to find out. Even if you’re not curious, I sure am.”
“I can’t,” I said. “I’ve already been so pushy with him. I’ve forced my way into his life for long enough. I don’t want him to think I want to stay in it.” Especially after what’d happened last night. He’d probably think I wanted to be there romantically.
“You’re really going to give up so easily?” Mom asked, sounding scandalized. “You’ll just walk away without even trying to find out the end of their story?”
I sighed. “I don’t think I have a choice.”
*
Somehow, I got through the rest of the day’s drive. And the next day, I managed to get back home. I’d never spent forty-eight hours over four days behind the wheel before, and the first thing I did was run out for a long jog to loosen up.
I still hadn’t heard from Tyler, and I didn’t expect to. I could’ve almost imagined him calling me casually
on our first day apart, updating me on what’d happened with Laney in his breeziest tone of voice. Now that more time was passing, and that call was becoming less likely, I realized how much I’d been holding onto the hope of it.
At this point, if he hadn’t called yet, he wasn’t going to. He’d moved on, leaving me behind without a second thought. He’d probably already forgotten the night we’d spent together. It hadn’t meant anything to him. Why would I ever have thought otherwise?
Lying on the bed, I brought my knees to my chest as I lay on my wide. I’d always found the fetal position comforting, and right now, alone again in my empty apartment, I could use a little comfort.
The quietness of the building was getting to me. I got up and switched on the TV, hoping the voices would make me feel less isolated. Maybe I needed to start dating again. I could at least put more effort into my friendships, and try to form some new ones. My mother and brother couldn’t be my only social outlets. As much as they loved me, they had their own lives. I needed to be able to say the same.
I sank onto the couch and brought my knees to my face, letting my forehead drop onto them so that I was in a little ball. Some things needed to change in my life. Some major shifts were going to come. I’d learned that much from the past few days.
One thing was for sure. I couldn’t keep trying to be New Andy. It’d been fun, and definitely sexy, but that wasn’t me. I needed stability. Routine. Going out of my comfort zone would only lead to me getting hurt… like what was happening right now.
And that was fine. Now I knew.
I wasn’t built for excitement.
TWENTY-ONE – TYLER
The hospital was as stark and depressing as hospitals tended to be. I sat under the too-bright fluorescent lights of the waiting room, nibbling on a chicken sandwich from the cafeteria, completely tasteless despite its too-high price, and trying not to think about how much every minute Laney Jefferson spent in this hospital was going to cost.
