A Fallow Heart

by Linda Kage

  “No. We don’t have to think about it right now. But you do have to be absolutely certain you want this. You’re not allowed to regret it afterward.”

  “I’m absolutely certain. I want this. I want you. And I won’t regret it.”

  Without questioning her again, he took the condom from her hand and set it aside so he could return to her and gather her into his arms. When he pressed his forehead to hers, simply holding her. Jo Ellen relished the sensation.

  “You can back out at any time.”

  He rocked back and forth with her until she whispered, “I won’t.”

  “Then you better not.” With a groan, he set his mouth against hers.

  Backing out was the last thing on her mind when his tongue traced the seam of her lips. She opened for him and little explosions of anticipation ignited in her belly.

  Between kisses, he stripped her, one piece of clothing at a time. Jo Ellen held her breath once he got her down to her underwear. As his fingers brushed the straps of her bra off her shoulders, she lowered her chin, uncertain. What if he didn’t like what he saw?

  He dipped his face down to kiss her throat, just under her jaw, forcing her head back up. All the while, he unhooked the back clasp and slid the frilly lace away.

  She smiled, amused by his playful tactic to keep her from growing timid. She wanted to touch him, but still didn’t have the nerve, so she buried her fingers into the cloth of the sleeping bag under her and lay down when he urged her onto her back.

  Cooper caught her wrist when she tried to cover her exposed breasts.

  When she glanced at him, he grinned, the twinkle in his eye mischievous. “You’re not going to deny me a glimpse of heaven, are you?”

  When she settled, letting him gaze upon her unrestricted, he leaned down and licked a pert nipple. She gurgled out a cry of shock. Chuckling, he moved his attention to the second breast and gave it a single quick lick as well. Jo Ellen shivered when her body tightened with need.

  Cooper eased her torment by taking one into his mouth. Jo Ellen dug the heels of her bare feet into the sleeping bag under her. Her fingers found the crown of his soft hair as he moved to her other breast.

  When she didn’t think she could take any more of his oral assault, he moved on, sliding south, over her abdomen, across her naval and to the waistband of her panties. He toyed with the lacy elastic band, letting his tongue flick at the soft flesh just above. But he didn’t remove the cloth. Instead, he lowered his face to the apex of her thighs.

  Startled, she tried to close her legs, but he caught one with a large palm, staying her gently, and buried his nose in the juncture of her panties.

  Her eyes flew open as his hot breath fanned her through the damp material. Her mouth worked but no sound emerged. Trying again, she barely got out his name “Coo…Cooper.”

  “Hmm?” he asked.

  “Wha…!” Her back arched off the hayloft floor. “What’re you…?”

  “I’m inhaling heaven,” he finally answered, lifting his face to grin at her. Then he closed his eyes and his nostrils flared as he drew in a deep breath. “Nothing smells better.”

  Her mouth fell open as she watched him grasp her panties and peel them off. She thought she’d be even shyer as he exposed her, but the awe on his face as he unwrapped her completely overrode any timidity she’d feared. He looked pleased to take in every inch.

  “Jo Ellen,” he breathed her name, his lashes fluttering closed as he once again lowered his face. “My God.”

  She tensed, excited to feel him there again. But instead of simply smelling her, he brushed the stubble on his jaw against the inner, tender part of her thigh, like a cat rubbing against its owner’s leg. Shivering from the experience, she nearly jolted out of her skin when he next flicked out his tongue, tasting her in the most intimate place she had.

  A sound rose from her, full of needy demand. He answered it by stroking her again and opening her legs wider. Her body grew restless, her head began to thrash, and her breathing lost all semblance of order and calm.

  With both hands planted in his hair, she unconsciously undulated to the rhythm he set and moaned until her keen became a cry. Reaching her peak, she rolled on a wave of pleasure. It claimed her for longer than she thought possible, and Cooper was right there to urge her through it.

  As her body drifted from her high, she realized he was crawling out of his jeans. He sat up and ripped his shirt over his head. Jo Ellen gulped, remembering him dunking his head under the water pump earlier.

  Had that only been hours ago? When she’d been spying on him, never would she have guessed she’d get an up-close-and-detailed second viewing before the night was over.

  Not for the first time, she wanted to reach out and touch him, but wasn’t sure if she could. Would he mind? She bit her lip as he peeled down his boxers. What sprang from between his legs made her eyes bulge.

  Oh, dear.

  Her breathing chopped faster from her lungs. Maybe this whole sex idea wasn’t such a good idea after all. Travis wedging himself into her had been uncomfortable enough. But Cooper seemed twice as big. No way would he fit.

  She swallowed her sudden anxiety, hoping her fear didn’t show on her face as he crawled to her. Closing her eyes, she bit the inside of her lip, trying to meditate on anything but the invasion that was about to take place.

  What in the world had she been thinking, begging him to make love to her? She’d never enjoyed this with Travis. And just because Cooper had made her crave something didn’t mean she’d enjoy it with him either. But she’d feel like a dirty tease if she stopped him now, after he’d given her such earthshattering pleasure. She owed him a little reciprocation. Flinching when she heard him roll on his protection, Jo Ellen kept her eyes safely clenched shut.

  She could do this. She’d done it before, and survived. She would survive now.

  His heavy, muscled thighs moved tight between her legs; his hips rested lightly atop hers. And warm pressure nudged her.

  It would be okay. I would be okay. It would be—

  He filled her. One thrust, deep and certain.

  She gasped, her eyes flying open. There was no pain, just…just…pleasure, indescribable, mounting pleasure. The pressure was so—

  “God,” he rasped, looking stunned and shaken to the core, his mouth gaping and eyes flared.

  Strangely enough, she felt as dazed as he looked.

  When he didn’t budge an inch, merely held himself still when she really wanted him to move, she burrowed her eyebrows in question. “What’s wrong?” She’d done something bad, hadn’t she?

  His lips quirked. “You just looked surprised is all.”

  She was stunned. She’d been braced, tense and hopeful this wouldn’t hurt. But how could he know the pleasure held her flummoxed?

  She licked her lips and tried to mask her expression. “Not at all. I’ve done this before. Why…why would I be surprised?”

  He leaned down close until his lips grazed her ear. “Because it didn’t hurt.”

  Her lashes spread wide with confusion and shock. But before she could question him, he chuckled and stroked her from the inside, drawing her to an almost immediate peak.

  A moan seeped free as she clutched his shoulders and squirmed from the immense pleasure. Mortified, she pressed her face against his warm flesh to muffle some of the overwhelming desire claiming her. But with his next all-consuming thrust, he sank so deep he made her body constrict around him with hungry need. Jo Ellen gasped and bowed up, taut and rigid. She bit her lip to keep from exploding again, afraid to lose her control at a time like this.

  As if reading her mind, Cooper gripped her hip, encouraging her to relax and move with him. “Don’t fight it, sweetheart. Just feel.”

  “But it’s so—”

  He grinned. “It’s supposed to be.” When he kissed her, she damn near consumed him alive.

  With his mouth fused to her and his hands cupping and caressing her to distraction, he made them on
e being, coaxing her body to sync with his until she was desperate. Wild. Her fingers tightened around his biceps, her teeth dug into his shoulder. She wanted to touch him everywhere, wanted to bury her fingernails into his flesh and hold him as close as humanly possible.

  His stride picked up, or maybe she forced him to hurry. She didn’t know who controlled the pace any longer, she just knew she loved it, loved the entire experience, loved merging herself with him until they were one. It made her want to…to...his body began to vibrate. With a cry of her name, he grasped her head hard before kissing her wet and open-mouthed. Together, they tumbled off the edge of sanity and into a pit of ecstasy.

  * * * *

  When Cooper sighed, Jo Ellen opened her eyes, uncertain if it was a satisfied sigh or a wistful, regretful one. She rolled her head to the side, glancing his way. He remained on his spine, the back of his forearm splayed over his face, much the same way he’d been five minutes ago when he’d initially rolled off her.

  Wanting that connection she’d felt with him when he’d been inside her to return, she asked, “What?”

  “Hmm?” He yawned and lifted his arm to find her watching him. “Oh, sorry. I was just thinking.”

  Instantly concerned, she wrinkled her brow. “About?”

  He chuckled. “I was thinking God must be mighty pissed at me right now.”

  Barely a whisper emerged. “Why?” Oh, God. He had regrets, didn’t he?

  “Because.” He cleared his throat, looking rueful. “I just totally defiled one of His angels.”

  In instant relief, Jo Ellen blushed. “I’m not an angel, Cooper.” Though it flattered her he would label her as such—even knowing every one of her shameful, dirty, dark secrets.

  “You’re right,” he groaned a sound of deep satisfaction. “You were way too sensual and delicious to be saintly. In which case, God’s still probably pretty ticked I fell for your tempting charms and gave into your carnal lure.”

  His gentle teasing made her grin. “Oh, hush. God loves you.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, He must. After letting me experience a taste of you, He really, really must.”

  Not wanting him to know how much his words delighted her, she bumped her shoulder against his. “Are you always this much of a charmer?”

  “Charmer?” His brows lifted. “What? I’m just being honest.”

  She closed her eyes and sighed, too blissfully happy to respond. The comfortable silence stretched between them, and her relaxed body grew drowsy.

  Totally unwilling to drop off to sleep just yet and wanting the night to last forever, she opened her eyes. “Talk to me.”

  He yawned again and rubbed his scalp, tousling his hair into a sexy mess in the process. “I thought I was.”

  “Well, keep talking. I don’t want to go to sleep yet. The faster I go to sleep, the faster I’ll wake up.” And for some reason, she feared the morning would diminish the magic between them.

  He seemed to understand because his voice softened. “Talk about what?”

  “I don’t care,” she whispered. “Anything.”

  “Okay.” After a second to ponder what he wanted to say, he asked, “Who do you think would be faster in a race, the Roadrunner or Lightning McQueen off the movie Cars?”

  She gave him a strange frown. “You chose that to discuss? Really?”

  He sent her a shuttered shrug. “Would you rather I bring up Sunday?”

  “No,” she was quick to answer; anything but Sunday. When Sunday came, she’d have to go home…to Dallas. She’d have to say goodbye…to him. “I definitely don’t want to talk about that.”

  He repeated the shrug, suddenly sober. “Or maybe I could’ve brought up Travis Untermeyer.”

  She shivered. “Why would you even say that name?”

  For a third time, Cooper lifted one shoulder, but this move looked stiffer, more uncomfortable. “I don’t know.” He glanced away. “He was your first serious boyfriend.”

  “Ten years ago,” she muttered acerbically. Yet even as she spoke, even she knew there was more to her relationship with Travis than that. She wouldn’t have agreed to talk to him at the reunion if the only thing between them was merely dating for a few years.

  Cooper realized it too. He stared at her hard. “Ten years or not, you two made a child together. Even though she didn’t survive, she’ll always tie you to him.”

  A breeze blew into the opened hayloft entrance and Jo Ellen briskly rubbed her hands up and down her arm, alarmed by how much the temperature had dropped with the setting of the sun. Lips trembling from the chill—and from their conversation—she studied him through the dim lamp light. “Does that bother you?”

  He didn’t answer, just studied her before he evaded. “Does it bother you?”

  “Of course,” she snapped. She didn’t want to be tethered to Travis in any way, especially in that way.

  Again, Cooper simply watched her, not responding. It made her uneasy, made her want to demand to know what he was thinking.

  “You know, I never, in all my years of growing up imagined I’d become a teenage pregnancy case. I thought that kind of thing only happened to naughty, loose girls who slept their way through the entire football team without protection. It just…it never seemed like something that would—or could—happen to me. And when it did, it still didn’t seem real. Or maybe it seemed so real I just couldn’t process it. I don’t know. I was so ashamed of what everyone would think of me. One of the reasons I wanted to go stay with my aunt in Reno my senior year was because I feared all my friends would be able to look in my eyes and know what had happened. And now…now I’m just ashamed I was ever ashamed of hiding my baby’s existence.”

  Slowly, Cooper reached out and brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes. “You look cold.”

  Opening his arm, he beckoned her close. She scurried into his embrace and he resituated them until he’d tucked her inside his arms, her back pressed to his chest as they spooned. He rested his chin on her shoulder and sighed as they studied the stars from the hayloft. “I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like for you.”

  Wrapped up in his arms, she was glad that’s all he said, glad he hadn’t put forth his opinion, or any kind of censor, because all she’d really needed him to do was sit there and listen to her spill her soul, then pull her into his arms afterward and hold her. He offered her unconditional acceptance where she hadn’t been able to accept herself.

  Swallowing, Jo Ellen closed her eyes, feeling more at peace inside than she had in a long time.

  “I’d definitely vote for the Roadrunner,” she said.

  His soft chuckle warmed her. “And why’s that?”

  With a shrug, she hummed out a sound of indecision. “I don’t know. I guess I just like the classic cartoon characters. They’re…traditional.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed. “That’s why I’d cheer for the Roadrunner too. We must be two regular ol’ peas in a pod.”

  She grinned. “Yeah, we must be.”

  His hand stroking her hair put her in a liquid state of slumber. She felt too good, too limp to fight it.

  “Cooper?” she murmured one last time before she was out.

  “Hmm?” he asked, his voice growing distant as sleep filtered into her head.

  “Thank you.”

  She wanted to keep talking all night, but before she knew it, it was morning and she’d fallen asleep in the arms of a man she already knew she didn’t want to leave at the end of the week.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Coop woke to the crow of his mother’s annoying rooster. The damn thing sounded like it was in his bedroom with him. Squinting his closed eyelids against the morning light pouring through his window, he reached for his pillow to cover his face, but couldn’t find it. The hard boards under his hand reminded him where he lay, nestled in his old sleeping bag.

  Again, he began to pat around him, searching for Jo Ellen this time. When he realized she wasn’t there, he lurched upright, wide-awake.

>   His lungs squeezed in tight around his heart. He should’ve known she’d run and—

  “Good morning.” Her quiet voice had him veering his attention to the opened hayloft doors. Dressed in the same jean shorts and tee she’d worn the day before, she sat at the edge of the loft opening with her legs dangling over the side. She’d twisted her torso to glance back at him with a shy smile.

  A relieved breath whooshed free, and he knew. He was in deep trouble. Ten years hadn’t separated them at all, he was still just as crazy for her as he had been at eighteen. Maybe he was even worse off this time around. After last night, the stir of longing inside him made every muscle in his body clench painfully.

  He nodded, ignoring the fear coursing through him. “Morning.” The most insignificant greeting he’d ever given anyone. He wanted to say so much, but the words clogged in his throat.

  She held all the cards; she could break him or make him with the slightest hint of her affections.

  When she turned back to watch the horizon brighten as the sun rose on the other side of the barn, he winced. Trying not to read anything into her actions, he searched for his jeans and slid them on before crawling the last few feet toward her. He wanted to kiss the back of her hair, wanted to sit behind her and wrap his arms around her waist, maybe rest his chin on her shoulder so they could watch the farm greet the day together.

  But he didn’t want to press his luck, so he politely swung his legs over the side of the barn wall as well and settled next to her with a good foot of space separating them.

  After a minute of silence, she pulled in a quick breath. “I better get home before everyone at Mom and Dad’s wake up.”

  So she wanted to bolt already, huh?

  His hands balled into fists. He told himself not to take it personally, but he did anyway. If she wanted to make the most magical night of his life her dirty little secret, fine. It was no skin off his nose.