Cruel Strokes Of Destiny

by Pushpa Ramchandani

One morning, we were sitting in the veranda of our small rented house sipping our cup of morning tea. There was a loud knock on the gate and a gentleman dressed smartly in a dark smoky grey suit with a matching black tie, a red handkerchief corner peeping from his upper coat pocket, a pin striped light sky blue shirt walked in a sophisticated manner. His black cherry blossomed shoes glimmered like a glass. He wore a pair of golden framed spectacles which spoke of the high quality. I looked in a baffled expression at my husband’s face as if to inquire, who is he, do you know him? Ram gave a similar blank look at me and before we could collect our composure, the man swiftly approached us bowed down and touched our feet one by one. It was all so casual that first I was taken aback, but within a fraction of a second I recognized him as Moti, our previous domestic servant of the pre partition era.

  We offered him a chair but he kept standing and said, “Sir you are still my master, who took care of me when I was in need of a job after my father’s death. You loved me like your own children, and thought me the value of hard work and honesty. Sir I have yet not forgotten the day when I had approached you in the refugee camp for a job.”

  Ram said in a very soft tone, “I am sure you could understand my inability at that point of time.” Then he added, “but tell me now what are you doing, where are you living, and how big is your family?”

  “Oh, sir, so many questions in one go, I will stay with you the whole day and narrate my full story in detail. First let me go and meet the children. Then I will make a cup of tea for myself and for you.” I held him back saying, “The children are all in college and will return at 4pm, and today, let me make a cup of tea for you.”

  “No, madam that is my duty,” he rushed to the kitchen and came with a tray having 3 cups of tea. I don’t know if it tastes as good as you had trained, madam, your kitchen is as organized and clean as it used to be.” I just smiled back at him as if to say thanks, and offered him a chair to sit. He shook his head and said, “No sir I will not humiliate you by sitting with you, I am fine.” Ram just pushed him on the chair and said, “Now sit down and answer all my questions about you and your family.”

  He paused for a moment as if planning where to start from. Then he said, “Sir, you remember the day I had come to you for a job and your refusal to reappoint me had made me homeless, I just didn’t know where to find shelter for my family. I could realise your inability to accept my services. I went to my father in law, who had moved to Surat and was working as a labor in the mines. My wife was his only beloved daughter, so he agreed to accommodate us for a short time till I find some job.

  He took me to the mines, to the agent, to request him for a job. When we reached his office that agent was furious with an employee and scolded him saying, “You have been absenting yourself so frequently, and now you want leave again, it’s just not possible.”

  That man replied in a trembling tone, “But sir, my son is critically ill and I have to get him admitted to a hospital, there is no one else to take care of him.”

  The agent looked at us and said, “Yes, what can I do for you?” His tone was harsh and frustrated. I folded my hands and requested him, “I came here to ask for a laborer’s job in the mines.”

  He immediately replied, “No, we don’t need any more workers in the mine.” I was about to spin around my back when his eyes shone and he said, “Can you work in this man’s place till he returns?”

  I was so desperately in need of work, I immediately agreed without even asking the type of work. Then he took me to the diamond cutting and polishing unit, and deputed a person to explain my work and train me for a day. Then he left saying, “I will come tomorrow and see the results.”

  So this is how I was employed in a diamond factory. Sir, I was completely raw in this field, but with full concentration and sincerity, I took training from that old employee for two days in diamond cutting and polishing. Sir, with your blessings and mercy of the almighty, I picked up the tricks of the trade in a short span of time and expertise in it.

  After this Moti picked up all the empty cups in a tray, went to the kitchen, washed them and put them back in place, and came wiping his hands with a brand new white handkerchief. “Madam I had seen you wearing diamonds in your rings and bangles, but I had never touched a diamond. And here I was, handling large sized diamonds, which glittered in the bright light and dazzled my eyes.

  One day the owner of the factory came for a surprise visit and saw me working on a large sized diamond, very sincerely and intensely. After a few moments he summoned meto his office. I thought the previous employee has returned from leave and my job will be terminated. When I reached his office, he looked up at me and said, “You seem to be a new comer, how long have you been here?”

  I replied in a submissive tone, “Sir, three months and a week, but I promise I will work harder and reach to your expectations.”

  He interrupted me in between saying, “Expectations; man, you have proved your worth beyond any expectations. The diamond on which you worked yesterday has turned out to be the best cut and polish, increasing its value many fold, from tomorrow you will sit in my office and work only on the big sized special cut diamonds.”

  Then he took out an envelope from his drawer and handed it to me saying, “This is your bonus for three months.” I thanked him sincerely and left his room. When I counted the amount at home, the total was many fold the salary of three months. Sir, the seed of honesty and hard labor was sown by you in my childhood, and it bore the fruits and labeled me as one of the best diamond cutters of Surat.

  Within 2 years I was appointed as the manager of the factory and started receiving a very handsome salary. The little bit of English which I had picked up from your children proved helpful in my office work. Both my children were admitted to a good school for higher education.

  Just before the festival of deepawali, my boss visited our house, and brought plenty of sweets for us. Then he opened a box containing a beautiful diamond necklace for my wife. When I refused to accept such an expensive gift, he interrupted me saying, “don’t think I am trying to bribe you with this expensive gift. Actually due to your expert knowledge in cutting and polishing of diamonds, I have made double profits on my products, and I am giving you just your share for the workmanship.

  I was so delighted and honored by his visit that I called my wife and both children to serve him some tea and snacks. Then looking at me Moti said, madam you remember, my daughter Rupa, who used to play with your children the whole day,and you had put her in some school. She turned out to be a very brilliant student, and beautiful too. When she came in to serve tea, my boss was struck by her beauty. He could not remove his gaze from her. It made us all feel very embarrassed.

  A few weeks later, he invited us to his house for dinner. I was very apprehensive to accept this invitation from my boss, but he insisted that the whole family was invited, so I had to agree. We reached his mansion in a taxi , there was a fleet of most expensive cars parked in his portico. All the guards and servants were seen in their respective uniforms. We were stunned to see the grandeur of his mansion. The Italian marble floor reflected our images like a mirror. The beautiful well designed roof exhibited exclusive scenic colors. Every piece of furniture in the living room was exquisite. A large chandelier hung from the center of the room illuminating the entire room with its beautifully designed bulbs. There were elegantly decorated flower vases in all the corners of the room. Rich brocade tapestry covered sofa sets were elegantly arranged in all four directions. Matching curtains draped from all the stain glass painted window. In one glance I could appreciate the wall nut carved side tables arranged orderly. In short we were amazed at the décor and the grandeur of the living room.

  We were very cordially welcomed and made ourselves comfortable. My boss entered with his wife and son, we were formally introduced. He was decent enough to introduce me as Mr. Moti, and his wife Mrs
. Moti. His son was tall and fair with a few discolored patches on the face and hands. He appeared tobe a bit shy and introvert type of person. I had never seen him in his factory. His wife was very dignified and graceful. We had a sumptuous dinner and all were interacting with one another. After that we were dropped home in one of his cars. I was not able to understand the purpose of this invitation, but all the same, I was very hoppy that my boss is impressed with my work.

  The very next day, while I was working in his room, he came up to me and handed a file of papers saying, “When you go home read these papers carefully, think about everything, then let me know your decision in a week’s time.” The whole day I was not able to concentrate on my regular work. All the time I was thinking about the papers and their contents. On reaching home in the evening, the first thing was to open the papers and read them. There were some stamp papers which showed me as 25% owner of the factory. There was a covering letter attached. It read as “ Mr Moti, your children are studying in Surat Higher education center. Your daughter has topped in her graduation examination, your son in class 12th is also a brilliant student. You are looking for a match for your daughter. My son, who is 23 years, is a postgraduate from the same college. Rupa your daughter, may not be knowing him because of her one tract mind focused on studies only, which also reflects on her spotless character. My son knows her as his college mate. He is suffering from leukoderma which is an endogenous skin disease. It has failed to respond to any treatment. All sorts of therapies have been tried. He has developed a liking for your daughter. If Rupa has no objection to his skin disease, which is of course non- infectious, then I will be honored to have her as my daughter in law. Since relationship is always between two equals, I am sending the partnership deed papers duly signed by me. There is no compulsion for this deal, as the decision is based entirely on your daughter.”

  Moti narrated the entire story in a single breath, and then said, “Sir my first reaction was of anger, and I thought how he dared to bribe me with a partnership in exchange of my daughter’s hand for his diseased son. I will leave this job and take up another job somewhere else, but I will never sacrifice my beloved daughter’s life, was my answer. Actually Rupa who had read the full papers for me, sat there very silently, sober and composed. She said, papa, just ring up doctor uncle and discuss the whole matter with him. After this Moti paused and continued, Sir, I still remember how much I had wished you and madam to be with me and guide me on this subject. Your whereabouts were unknown to me. I called up my doctor friend who was their family physician too. He and Rupa were of the same opinion that it is a depigmentation of the skin and it is noninfectious, self-limiting disease. Then Rupa came up with a very valid question, “Papa what if you find the best boy for me and he develops this type of disease after some time?” This sentence spoke of her maturity.

  I was under the impression that she was too small at the time of Kala’s marriage, but she had been a silent spectator to those episodes and said just one sentence which was an eye opener for me.

  She said, “Papa, you remember Kala was wedded to the richest groom and returned after two years with a failed marriage. Sir and madam had done their very best, but destiny had a different script written for her, which is beyond the control of any parental affection. This marriage will give me the guarantee of the boy's character at least. Then you have toiled very hard to attain this position, why do you want to close the door when opportunity is knocking at your door. Papa, I think you should agree to this marriage,”

  Moti paused for a moment and then continued, I was still reluctant, and did not want to comprise in any way for my daughter’s future. Just to make our family financially strong, I did not want to plunge into it.

  Then my wife, whom I used to consider as an illiterate simple lady, spoke sense and hammered it into my head. She said, “Men can never understand the miseries of a life of poverty, it’s only the women, who have to plan every meal to make both ends meet. Have you ever asked me how many times I went to bed on empty stomach when there used to be nothing left for me. Surely I would never want the same history to be repeated in my daughter’s life.” When I realized that all the votes were in favour of this marriage, I also set my mind in a positive direction.

  Sir, I had never dreamt even in the best of my dreams, that my daughter's marriage would be on such a high standard with great pomp and show. All the business tycoons of the city were there, and I was introduced to them as his partner and given equal respect. Rupa glittered from head to toe with gems and diamonds. Their mansion was so well decorated that it appeared like fairyland. After the wedding she shifted to this palatial house.

  Madam, I need to apologize for not having traced you before the marriage. Believe me, I tried my very best, but you where abouts were not traceable. It was only on last Sunday that a gentleman, who visited our factory for some business deal, saw me and called me by my name, and said, “Are you not the same person whom I used to meet at Ram’s house. I used to come frequently for farming payments and transactions. He always called you to offer tea and stuff.” Then he told me about your where about, and I came to meet you all.

  “Sir, and madam, I request you with folded hands to come and bless me and my family, and now come and stay with me and give me a chance to serve you once again like your son.”

  We were moved by his love and affectionate gesture and both of us mouthed the same words simultaneously, “our blessings are always with you. God bless you, we will surely come and visit you some day and meet your family. Destiny had written a bright script for you, so just maintain your honesty and hard work and enjoy the fruits of labour.”

  He stayed for a few hours, met the children on their return from college, hugged them very affectionately and then left. After he was gone, I just sat in my room and pondered over the luck lines which some people have carved on their palms. These are the people who left nothing behind, who have no regrets for the partition of the country. After coming here, they achieved more than they had lost. While taking leave from us, Moti had categorically said, “Sir, one thing is sure that hard work and destiny go hand in hand.” To this I had responded immediately “No, son, it is the other way round, destiny and hard work go hand in hand.” Then we had bid him good bye with all our good wishes. His humility was the best ornament which he had preserved till date.

  Hard work was being done for the past 15 years, but lady luck seems to be sleeping and forgotten to come forwards and change our life to the glorious golden days of the past. I thought we were fools to bury our wealth in the attic with the remote hope of returning back to claim it. Ram had asked me many a times to burry my past and start living in the present. Then I reconciled myself and thought, if destiny had to see us empty handed, all our wealth could have been stolen at the harbor where we had heard of many cases of theft and burglary.

  Once again my present ailment took over and broke the chain of my thoughts. I started moaning, indicating the severity of pain. The white round wall clock showed me the faintly moving hands ticking towards 4 o’clock. The effect of pain killer injection had waned off and it was time for the next dose. I felt a mosquito bite prick on my right buttock. I am sure it was Renu’s hand which had never made me feel the prick of any injections. Once relieved of pain, I grabbed the string of thoughts where it had broken and travelled into my past.

  It was then that Ram could read my disturbed mind. We were so much inter connected, that verbal communication had no role. We could read the slate of the mind and decipher exactly the wave length of one another.

  He quoted the incidence of his best friend Prem, “Sweet heart, you seem to have forgotten the case of our wealthy famous business man Prem, who was our best friend. The entire story of our dear friend Prem , became fresh in my mind. The day he was migrating to India, he had very arrogantly come and told us that he was taking a flight and moving out, he also added
that he was carrying all his wealth, so a flight would be safer and less time consuming. Our thinking was different and had high hopes of returning. Then we had lost contact with him and after 10 years, while reading the newspaper, I came across his photograph in the obituary column. It read, Mr.Prem the eminent stock broker, passed away at a young age due to sudden heart attack, leaving behind 3 minor sons and a young wife and a heavy debt.

  I was shocked to read this clipping, and remembered the previous day’s news clipping, showing a sudden crash of the share market, due to the Harshad Mehta scam. I knew Prem as an aggressive business man wanting to be a multimillionaire in a short span of time. I felt very sorry for his 3 small sons and his very young wife. I still remember, his first wife was infertile and could not bear any children, so he had remarried a beautiful young girl of an ordinary family. She bore for him one after another three sons, which had made him very proud and her very arrogant. Polygamy in those days was permitted on social ground. His first wife went into depression due to ill treatment and even developed maniac phases at times. She was admitted to a mental asylum, and during migration, she was left in the asylum. I thought an insane person may not have a sound mind, but a broken heart is more than sufficient to curse a person to perish.This is probably what had happened to Prem.

  Ram then reminded me of the day when his young wife had approached us after a fortnight of her husband’s death; sunken eyes, shabby neglected looks, all her glamour seemed to have gone away with Prem. We extended our formal condolence, and before we could ask the purpose of her visit, she opened a yellow colored bag, took out a pouch and kept it on the table and broke out, tears rolling down her cheeks; “You are the only person, whom I can rely upon. I had always heard Prem appreciate you for your honesty, and business tact, but unfortunately he did not pick any of these qualities. The amount of wealth we had brought would have sufficed for generations to come, even if we had not worked all through life. He wanted to multiply his riches to a thousand times in the shortest span of time. Probably he forgot that more than destiny and ahead of time, no achievement can be made.

  Aggressive as he was, he indulged in forward trading in the stock markets. He used to pass many sleepless nights, rolling in bed or chain smoking. He considered me too immature for any advice. Then on that ill- fated Saturday morning, when the market crashed to its bottom, he as usual was on the television channel, following the ups and downs of the stocks, sipping his 3rd cup of morning tea with a cigarette in his hand. When I entered his room I saw him reclined on the sofa, a cigarette still smouldering in between his index and middle fingers, with an agonising look on his face. Before I could ask him for another cup of tea, I got an aura of some impending mishap. I just rushed towards him, shook him saying, “lie down properly and sleep well, you haven’t slept well last night;” he did not respond and the pallor of his face astonished me. He had had a severe heart attack, and did not give us even sufficient time to call a doctor. He was all wet with perspiration, a blenched face, pallor showed on every part of his body. He gave me a last pitiable glance and dropped his head to one side. I screamed for help. All servants came running and called for the doctor, who after a thorough check up declared him dead and said that sudden shock had precipitated an attack of acute myocardial infarction. He further added that as a friend he had advised him several times to leave smoking and alcohol and be little less aggressive in his deals. But he was beyond any control.

  She continued in a sobbing tone, “ For a moment I was immobilized, too dazed to do anything but to crouch on the ground. Despite the pounding headache, momentarily at least I knew that the heavens have cast a curse, given by some broken heart”. How I wish we had brought her along with us and not abandoned her in the mental asylum. I could not imagine even in the worst of my dreams that he has put at stakes all his property, cash and gold, and leave us all on the road. Even our residential house is to be auctioned to pay off his debts.” She fought to control a sob that rose in her throat, a compulsion to maintain her composure, battling her grief.

  The lawyers have explained to me that all our coppers are empty, and the debts have to be cleared after auctioning our residential house. Once again she burst into a fit of sobs and with trembling hands opened the knot of the yellow pouch lying on the table, unfolded it to reveal the contents. This is all the jewelry which was in my custody for my personal use. It is not on any record of our assets. I think you are the only reliable person who can keep it and give the amount in exchange, and help me out from this crisis. With this amount I will be able to sustain my family till my eldest son is big enough to find a menial job.

  Ram and I sat there stony still, spellbound, fumbled for consolatory words. We were just amazed at the fall and perish of a happy family. We both knew the strength of our bank balances. Finally Ram picked up courage and said in an apologetic tone, “How I wish we could have helped you in this crucial time, but we can go to good jeweler and ask for an equivalent amount for your jewelry”. Then Ram went with her and got the job done in the best possible way.

  On his return, he found me sitting in the same room probably pondering over the collapse of one well flourished family from a heavenly perch down to earth or rather below the underground level. The elevation of another family, who rose from a domestic servant, to a famous businessman.

  Once again I felt uneasy and wanted to turn my side. But I was so listless and lethargic and exhausted, that I was unable to move even a limb. I lay straight on the bed like a carcass of skin and bones. So this was me, who was so energetic and so vibrant so vocal and active. I just signalled to my son Nandu, showing the desire to turn my posture, which he did very gently. He caressed my back applied some dusting powder and set the air cushion right; I felt some relief. My chain of thoughts again found a continuation of the string where it had broken off. So once again I set off on the journey of my past which had been so eventful but unpleasant too. I wanted to relive every bit of it before leaving for my heavenly abode.

  Dame luck was not smiling on us and Nandu wanted to us to shift to Surat and try our luck. We bought a small factory manufacturing tools for Textile and diamond units. Surat was a beautiful port town and many textile industries were coming up. It was a quiet place mostly inhabited by people from Sind. During those days it had not developed well, but I took this as a minor issue. Many refugees had settled in this town and it was amazing to see most of them had flourishing businesses; unfortunately we were still struggling to set up a stable business. More of financial strain and tensions affected Ram’s health and led to hypertension. But he always appeared strong, and accepted whatever destiny had in store for him.

  Nandu always had a fancy for white collared profession; he tried to enter into other ventures but luck did not seem to change. He kept on changing businesses. Rolling stones never gather moss; that is what happened. He kept on losing money, finally he joined hands with his father and helped in his business and started helping him in his small factory.

  It was a dusky Tuesday evening, the hands of the clock standing in a straight line ticking to 6’oclock sharp when Ram was about to close down the shutters of his small factory, all the workers gone, His cash box lay open with the currency in Ram’s hands. Three youngsters came dashing into the factory premises. Ram was startled to see the ferocious looking man standing right in front of him, followed by two similar companions. There was a gun hanging on his shoulder with a broad strap having a trail of cartages.

  Momentarily forgetting himself, mesmerized by the spectacle, Ram became speechless and involuntarily he extended his hand holding the currency, taking it to be a case of burglary. Then an unbelievable soft voice reached his years, “Hello uncle, how are you?” Ram was amazed and thought there is some hidden trick in this method of looting. In a trembling tone which staggered to frame the
words, I am fine; what can I do for you, child?”

  The stranger moved two steps forward, touched Ram’s feet to seek blessings and signalled to his fellow companions to do the same. Then he asked them to leave the room and wait for him outside. Ram’s heart missed a beat, face flushed, beads of perspiration reflected fear, but he had tried to maintain semblance of calmness, a necessity of the moment. The next sentence came like a soothing balm, “Uncle I am Titu, your neighbor’s son at Larkana. I Know you won’t be able to recognize me, I was only 10 years when you people migrated. I used to come and play in your courtyard with your children. At times my elder sister and brother used to accompany me too”.

  Ram’s mind raced to the past and his friend’s image surfaced in his brain and memories flowed clear like sea water. "Yes, we were good friends, but the panic of partition made everyone self centred and oblivious of the surroundings also,” was Rams cool reply

  Anger and disgust reflected in his words, “It was good that you people left soon. My dad’s decision to migrate was a little late. How I wish we had also moved out earlier.

  Then his throat got choked and in a gloomy voice he said, “It was the ill-fated Sunday, 25th of March 1947, 7 pm, when there was a loud thumping knock on our main door. We were all sitting on the floor of the kitchen, waiting for dinner to be served by mum and my elder sister. Suddenly, 4 men carrying weapons in their hands broke open the fragile wooden door and entered, spitting abusive words.They were carrying iron rods and cycle chains wrapped on their wrists. I and my elder brother, out of fear, went and hid behind the kitchen cabinet. They dashed at my dad, dragged him into the center and started beating him with their feet, iron rods and whipped him with the chains. “You want to stay back, now we will take care of your family.”One of them growled and kept beating him.

  He bled from the whole body and within minutes lay listless in a pool of blood. It was then that my mum shouted for help. Her frantic screaming voice must have reached outside. “Oh, God, someone help us;” One of them shut her mouth with his strong fist and yelled, “Come, she wants our help.” They just grabbed her hair and gave a wrestler’s stroke to push her flat on the ground. One of them held her hands and feet tight with a painful force.

  My sister, who had a plate in her hand, to be served to us, got so stupefied at this scene that there was a spontaneous scream from her. Two of those butchers pounced like wolves on her and the other two on my mom. They stripped them off their clothes and pushed them on the ground. Both the women were wrestling with those hefty men to save their honor. Like a little cub, sighting a tiger, out of fear, I held my brother’s hand tight, but his young blood which was mature by 3 years than mine, boiled at this site and he ran out from the hiding place yelling, “You bastards, how dare you touch them.” Then he leaped like a hungry leopard on them; but the four of them, so hefty and strong, were sufficient to deal with him in a couple of strokes. They piled him on top of my unconscious father, tied them to a wooden cot, took a burning stick from the fire place and set them on fire. They both struggled to let themselves free, showing signs of life in them. How I wish they had killed me too, for what I saw after that, would not have been my share of punishment.

  Those bastards dragged both the women to the center of the room, and raped them turn by turn like street dogs. They laughed like insane people of a comedy show. One of them took out a dagger and gave it to his friend, shamelessly saying, “The last scene is yet pending. Cut off their breasts. We will take them as souvenirs, and show to those who resist us.” Then they had chopped off their breasts, laughed and said, “Put this in that bag and take it.”

  It was an extremely obnoxious scene, and not being able to bear the sight of blood, I had fainted at that moment. They were not aware of my presence in that corner. How earnestly I wish I was also a victim of their treachery.

  Uncle, what I witnessed at the age of 10 years, will not fade away from my memory even after 100 years. Had it not been for the cindering beam which fell on my foot, I would have been burnt alive too, without their knowledge. I was startled, seeing my whole house ablaze. Somehow I managed to escape and hide in the stable where I used to go daily to feed my cow. She probably sensed that I have been orphaned, and licked my wounds to clean them, like it does for the little calf.

  There was a silent pause; suddenly with flushing fiery red eyes he continued expelling venom from his mouth. It was the vengeance which became my strength and has kept me alive. All these scars on my body are cherished by me as they keep reminding me of the bitter incidence, prompting me to take revenge from those scoundrels. I have joined a group of activists and we are waiting for an appropriate opportunity. My friends there have spied on all the four dogs.

  While narrating the pathetic episode, he frantically paced the room, his rage threatening to burst out of him like a volcanic blast. After spilling all the lava out he just sank into the chair which had been offered to him. Ram kept a soothing hand on his broad shoulder, offering him a glass of cold water and said, “look, Titu my son, gone is gone. It’s very unfortunate that you have been an eye witness to this ruthless scene at a very tender age, but there were many others who underwent similar disasters during that era”. Now let’s go home, meet your aunty and have dinner with your old friends.

  When Ram brought them home, I still remember how amazed I was at their ferocious looks. After Ram told me their pathetic past, my heart really wept for him but all our consolations and comforting words went waste. He showed a surge of frustration but there was no way to fight the edict, so he shifted gears into the good bye mode and left. His last words resonated in our ears, “Uncle, vengeance is the purpose of my life. After that I may not be alive.” After that day we never ever heard of him or saw him again.

  That was a sleepless night for me and Ram. We were learning so much about life from experiences of others. Some who rose from earth to the skies, and others who had fallen plummeting back to earth from their heavenly perch. Here was this boy who had witnessed the most vulgar and gloomy face of life. Now we realized that a smooth sailing life of honor and dignity was far better than a rich, torn, life in bits and tatters. Had we clung to our wealth and stayed back, God only knows what our fate would have been. So all regrets vanished into the thin air and a sense of satisfaction percolated within me.

  Nandu was the father of two children but without a stable income. It was at this time that he revealed to me that his wife had conceived again. In those days family planning was a taboo. Every pregnancy was considered to be gift from God .I thought of getting this pregnancy terminated, so I asked them to try some medicines for abortion, to which my daughter in law willingly agreed. The medicines were consumed, but without any effect. All the abortion inducing medicines failed and we became apprehensive that the child may be born with some congenital deformity. We did not reveal this to Ram at all, due to fear. Our fears were allayed when she delivered a healthy male child who was named as Rohit. He was a very attractive child. He had fair color and features of his elder brother. Every one rejoiced at this addition to the family but we were ignorant of about his future. Rohit started growing up. He was very playful and affable but we noticed that his gait was becoming awkward as he grew. He started walking but used to tumble. We did not pay much attention initially but I was disturbed. Soon we noticed that his calf muscles were developing fast. We thought that probably he is a chubby, healthy child, but after a few months we noticed that Rohit was having difficulty in getting up from the ground .He was sort of climbing up on his knees.

  Nandu and I took him to a neurologist in Ahmedabad. A few tests were carried out, when the reports were seen , the doctor told us that Rohit was suffering from a dreadful muscle disease known as ‘Pseudo hypertrophy muscular dystrophy.’ This was a crippling disease with no cure available anywhere. We broke the news on his return;
everyone was shocked, I felt guilty, and in heart of my hearts I was accusing myself of having tried the

  Abortion inducing medicines during early conception. I was ignorant of the fact that this is a genetic disorder and these medicines had no role in it. To think of having a crippled child in family was dreadful. As Rohit grew, with him grew his disability. He had difficulty in walking. We took him to different doctors but the answer was the same. I took him to holy men, sought their blessings, but no change was seen. Rohit was mentally alert and was brilliant in school but as he grew his mental faculties started slowing down. It became difficult to send him to school. As it was difficult to make him climb up on Rickshaw which was the only mode of transport available. “Mama why can’t I run fast and play like all my friends?” used to be his regular question. We had no answer for him but to console him saying, “Darling, you are a healthy fat boy, so you can’t run fast,” which I knew was not true.

  Gradually he was becoming a liability for the entire family. We used to take turns to complete his routine daily chores. All loved him a lot and did anything and everything to please him. Finally a day came when he could not lift himself and walk and a wheel chair was purchased for him. Everyone was sympathetic to him, even his class teachers, but everyone was helpless. Ram had also become very attached to him and used to pass his leisure time playing with him or narrating some tales of his past life. I used to quietly watch the happy and proud expression on his face. It was very evident that his past luxurious life is still fresh in his memory, but he never showed it to anyone. Destiny had delivered a cruel blow and peace of the house had been disturbed; we were mentally preparing ourselves for the worse which was yet to come.

  Rohit gradually became bed ridden, his condition was pathetic .Every activity was confined to the bed. We all took turns to give him a bath, take care of work like feeding and other small jobs. Life is a mystery it unfolds itself in bits and pieces. My mind was searching for an answer, why did this type of a child take birth in my family. He could have taken birth as another normal child. Was he born to us to take service from us for some deeds we had committed in our previous birth, or was it something for his future. Rohit one day developed high fever with cough. The doctor was called, he diagnosed it as pneumonia. He prescribed some medicines but there was no response .Rohit was hospitalized but he succumbed to the ailment and passed away at the age of 7 years. We all wept and missed him a lot, but the only consolation was, had he lived longer he would have suffered more and with his sufferings the whole family would have suffered, both physically and mentally. We would not have been able to see him in agony. He just came to us to take what we owed. I was confused, “was he born to fulfil or pay for the deeds of yesterday? Do the dead actually return?”

  Well, it reminded me of a fable in the Mahabharata, the Indian epic. Amba is reborn as Shikhandi to avenge her humiliation by Bhishma and paves the way for his death. It was Amba’s curse of her previous birth, saying that she would come again and be responsible for his death. Then Lord Vishnu incarnated nine times in different forms to fulfill different roles and we are still waiting for his tenth incarnation—Kalki.

  Time is a great healer, as the time passed the life apparently returned to normal. After the death of Rohit a vacuum was created, and on special dates, special occasions, we used to miss him terribly.

  My youngest son Manik and youngest daughter Reena were good at studies and wanted to become doctors. Ram had a great liking for our youngest daughter, Reena and he used to inspire her to study well and achieve something great in life. She also responded to his teachings .Convent education was considered to be very costly but he wanted her to be convent educated .This move was opposed by me and her uncle but Ram was adamant and he got her admitted and got her free ship too. Reena responded by doing brilliantly in the convent and soon became the favourite of her teachers.

  Now, on my death bed, I could feel my head swirling and my body getting numb, but I knew I had yet a long way to go. Recapitulating the past was probably taking me away from the present and reducing the agony of my pain, so I tried to cling to the string of my thoughts and cover another mile stone.

  I vividly remember Ram, by now, was having a steady business. He used to wear spotless white clothes; his only weakness was alcohol which he used to enjoy occasionally in limited quantity. He was a spend thrift and used to bring the best for all of us, was very honest at work, very laborious and always went for overtime to make both ends meet. I sometime used to warn him of the consequences but he used to smile and chide me. Many a times I had alerted him of his deteriorating health. He always took it lightly.

  Right from the time of my marriage, because of my parental influence, I always had an upper hand in decision making and did not know that these will have negative results. He used to give in to my tantrums probably to keep peace and harmony in the family. My head used to swell with pride on these small victories in family disputes. I think he used to let go, not because he was weak but just to maintain a peaceful atmosphere at home.

  Probably the only time when all my resistance and objections failed was when both my younger children started medical studies. Very strongly I had opposed to the decision of Reena going for medical school; but Ram was determined to send Reena for higher education. “What is the use of a girl going for higher studies? Get her married off and finish your responsibilities.” In my opinion a son should be well educated as he is the fixed deposit for the family, and would take care of his parents in old age. A daughter will get married and be of no help to her parents. I had to give up because Reena was determined to go to become a doctor. Ram had said one day, “You know the wealth of education which I want to give her can never be stolen or destroyed by natural calamities It will always remain with her at every step of life.”

  Before sending her to the hostel I had her promise me, “You will not compromise with family traditions or do anything to put our orthodox family to shame. You know how much value your dad has for his respect and dignity in the society.” I further added, “We are finding it difficult to make both ends meet, but still education of the children is kept as the top priority. Families of your brothers are multiplying which is an added burden to meagre resources. Children of your eldest sister, Kala, also are being financed for education by your father; this is putting a lot of stress and strain on him and his health. I hope you can imagine a man of his status and position who left everything behind, had to struggle for a decent living all these years, but he has always kept himself strong, and accepted everything as the will of God and his destiny. Goddess destiny had nearly forgotten to smile on us to shower back his lost luck. He is gradually losing his health, and has remained negligent to it. He is one of those persons who spreads happiness to others, and keep all the tensions to himself with a smile on his face. So I beg of you not to break his heart by even a single step in the wrong direction.”

  Now when I am on my death bed I can analyze it as my mistake but at that time my one track mind was obstinate. My decision used to come as a verdict of the court, it had to be executed, and if not followed, my tantrums would arise. Now when I am counting my last breaths, it is Reena and her doctor husband who have always been with me during times of need. That girl for whose higher education I was so reluctant has always been with me. My son, who was my bank deposit had gone thousands of miles away from me to a distant country. His financial help came time and again, but his medical knowledge was for people of the western world.

  My mind again wandered into the past, when Manik had completed his medical studies. We all rejoiced when Manik received his medical degree. He had a desire to go abroad; my husband who had a broader outlook to life, agreed, but I was reluctant and insisted that
he should marry and then go as he may bring some foreigner wife, when he returned to India. A good medico match was found and he got married. We all enjoyed the wedding. It was a very simple affair and then they left for London. Doctors over there were in great demand and were highly paid, and any amount sent from there could aid our finance. The fear in every one’s mind about their return was strong, “Of what use will he be to us from so far. If we fall ill or die, he will not even be there for our cremation,” I had said when they planned to leave. This intuition was strong and proved correct. Is this not destiny? You spend all your savings on the medical education of a son, thinking that in time of need you can depend on him, but he is at the other end of the world struggling in a new atmosphere to shoulder his own responsibilities and you can’t even meet him. I know Manik felt this pain all his life. After that he tried to compensate for his absence by sending financial help time and again. Ram always used to say, “Do your karam (work), and leave the returns on almighty.” This is the gist of Bhagwad Geeta. He always believed that destiny will give you only what it has in store for you, not a penny less or more than your share.

  A year after that, Reena also completed her medical school .Hunt was on for finding a match for her. Ram, who was always under stress of taking care of his large family developed hypertension and his health was not showing any improvement. Stress and strain was taking a heavy toll. Reena got married to a medico and settled down in practice. This was an arranged marriage, though they knew each other well as classmates, but Reena kept the promise she had made to me. She left the decision on her parents, though she had a great liking for this boy.“Mum he is a very decent guy, I know him for the past 5 years, but still I would like you all to meet him and his family. Only when you approve of everything, then it is a yes from my side.” We found him to be a perfect match for her, so the marriage was solemnized. They both settled down in practice.