The rest of the game doesn’t fare any better for him or the rest of the team. Even though the Wolves started out with a three goal lead, the Eastern Mavericks have been able to take advantage of Cole’s two minute penalty by scoring two goals while he sat in the box. The third was scored on his second trip to the penalty box in the middle of the third period.
As soon as the opposing team ties up the game, the Wolves’ frustration level becomes almost palpable. It’s like a living breathing entity filling the arena. And the players aren’t the only ones feeling pissed off by three goal lead that has now disappeared. Fans are on their feet shouting and booing. All I can do is sit there, holding Brooklyn’s hand, squeezing the very life out of it as a sick feeling churns in my belly.
Cole has now received two penalties for roughing during this game. I’ve never even seen him draw one penalty. This kind of behavior is so unlike the Cole I’ve gotten to know over the previous few months. I’ve never seen him be anything less than calm and collected.
Worse, he and Luke now seem to be getting into it.
It’s impossible from the stands to hear what they’re arguing about but it’s completely obvious that the few exchanges they’ve had have been less than amicable. They’re supposed to be a united front out there on the ice and they’re anything but. The bad energy between them seems to be affecting the whole team.
With less than a minute and a half to go, the Mavericks charge down the ice. Cole blocks them, slamming into a Maverick forward before knocking the puck loose. A scuffle ensues and Luke joins the fray. It’s impossible to see exactly what’s going on or who has the puck. I can’t help but anxiously watch the game clock.
Sixty seconds left.
Still plenty of time for the Wolves to score and win the game, I remind myself. In hockey, a team can score with just a few seconds left on the clock from the other end of the ice.
The puck is passed from the pile of players all tangled together just as Austin swoops in and nabs it. Digging his blades into the ice, he kicks it into high gear. The entire crowd surges to their feet in anticipation. They’re screaming and cheering Austin on as he races towards the net. They want their Wolves to pull off a win. Just as Austin closes in, he rips off a lightning quick shot. Everyone within the arena holds their breath waiting for the puck to hit the back of the net.
Just when we all think there’s no way he won’t score the winning goal, the Maverick goalie slides, effectively blocking the shot. The game ends in a tie and even though it’s not a loss, the Wolves aren’t happy.
And neither is their head coach.
Nerves churn uncomfortably at the bottom of my belly as we watch both teams file angrily off the ice. Everyone looks pissed off. Even the fans.
“Well,” Brooklyn finally says breaking the thick tension sliding through me, “that was one hell of a game.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. But it wasn’t good. At all.
Standing up, we both get ready to vacate the cold arena. I think my butt is actually numb at this point and it feels good to get up and stretch. But I’m undecided as to what I should do. Do I slink out of here and talk to him tomorrow? Or do I stay?
Understanding my dilemma, Brooklyn asks, “So, are we waiting around or what?”
Coming here tonight, I had assumed that Cole and I would be able to clear the air between us after the game. That doesn’t necessarily feel like a good idea anymore. Especially after what just happened out there. It’s obvious that Cole is angry and I know it has everything to do with me.
And then there’s the fact that his parents and ex-girlfriend will probably hang around as well. For all I know, they could have plans to grab something to eat after this. And there is absolutely no way in hell I’m going out with both Dr. Thompson and Jackie. All we would need to do is add Luke to the mix and it would be some god awful trifecta of uncomfortableness.
No.
Thank.
You.
But still… I don’t want to walk away without seeing him. Maybe by the time he leaves the locker room he’ll have calmed down enough so that we can talk. I really hate the way we left things between us.
For better or worse, I decide to wait. Brooklyn and I are the last ones to meander our way over to the locker room doors. We keep to ourselves because I really don’t want to get sucked into an awkward conversation with Cole’s parents or his ex.
“Cassidy?”
Damn.
My heart flips as I inwardly flinch. Plastering a tight smile across my face, I slowly turn to face her with as much dignity as I can muster. And considering that I’ve spent the last ten minutes using my friend as a human shield, that’s not saying much.
“Hi, Dr. Thompson.” Then I nod towards Thomas, Cole’s stepfather.” “And Dr. Thompson.”
Eyes twinkling, he grins in response. Even though I’m racked with nerves, his easy demeanor somehow manages to ease the thick tension crackling in the air around us. “Or you could just call us, Dr. Thompson squared.”
My lips lift. He really is such a nice man and yet all I can focus on is whether or not he knows that his wife was my therapist.
“That was a pretty rough game,” Thomas comments. “Cole usually plays with a lot more control and finesse. I’m not sure what was going on with him tonight.”
Trying to throw the focus off Cole, I add, “Well, the whole team seemed to be having issues.”
Thomas makes a noncommittal noise deep in his throat but doesn’t say anything more. Since Brooklyn only knows that hockey is played by hot rough guys wearing massive shoulder pads and hopefully extra-large jocks, she isn’t able to contribute anything further to the conversation which has now descended into a state of painfulness.
And that is exactly what I had been hoping to avoid when I’d been doing my whole ducking and hiding routine a few minutes ago.
I’m just about to make up an excuse as to why Brooklyn and I have to flee to the bathroom when Cole’s mother suddenly asks, “Cassidy, could we talk for a moment?”
I’m pretty sure every ounce of color leaks right out of my face as I stare at her in complete and utter horror. I’d rather gouge my own eyes out than have a private conversation with Cole’s mom. Which doesn’t exactly bode well for my relationship with Cole.
“Hey, Docs.”
I don’t think I’ve ever been so damn happy to see Austin in my life. I want to jump into his arms and kiss him senseless. Glancing out of the corner of my eye at Brooklyn, I decide that’s probably not a good idea.
Thomas claps him on the shoulder and tells him that it was a tough game. The rest of us all agree vehemently. Brooklyn studiously avoids Austin’s eyes. So apparently not much has changed since I last saw them.
At this point, I’m desperately trying to come up with a plausible excuse so we can make a hasty getaway. Unfortunately, Guggenheim isn’t going to work in this situation. I’m actually starting to sweat with nerves.
Which is not good.
“Where’s Cole?” Someone asks and as I glance up, I realize that Jackie has now joined the group, which only ratchets up the awkward factor.
Austin seems blissfully unaware of all the tension swirling around us, but I suspect that’s because his entire focus is centered on Brooklyn. Even when he’s talking with Cole’s stepfather, it’s obvious that he’s got one eye on her as if she might try to make a break for it.
Which, in all honesty, she just might.
“Coach wanted to ream his-” Austin’s eyes catch Dr. Thompson’s before he suddenly starts backtracking, “er, talk privately with him, so I wouldn’t be expecting him anytime soon.”
Well… there’s no way in hell I’m sticking around to wait with his parents and ex-girlfriend. Maybe it’s better to let this whole thing settle and talk in the morning.
Even though I know Brooklyn will probably end up killing me, I don’t see any other choice in the matter. “Austin, would you mind dropping Brook and me off at the dorms?”
His eyes slide
to Brooklyn just as her narrowed ones arrow straight to mine. Well, it’s not like I wasn’t expecting it.
“No problem. You ready to take off?”
Yeah… more than ready.
I nod before turning to Cole’s parents. “It was really great seeing you again.” Big. Fat. Lie. It takes everything I have to hold the tight smile firmly in place.
The edges of Dr. Thompson’s lips slide up as well. Strangely enough, her smile looks very much like the warm ones she used to give me in her office. That only makes me wonder if all the genuineness and caring I always felt from her was nothing more than a shtick she trotted out for her clients.
Cole’s stepfather beams at me before stepping forward and enveloping me in a big, unexpected hug. I can only stand there stiffly until it ends and I’m able to put some distance between us. I literally hold my breath until the three of us clear the sliding doors of the ice arena. The ride back to the dorms is a silent one. None of us seem very interested in making idle conversation. As I stare out the window, I wonder how I’m going to fix this mess with Cole.
When we finally pull up to Washington Hall, I thank Austin before quickly getting out of the car. Brooklyn holds my eyes as I wait for her to join me on the sidewalk but she doesn’t make a move to leave. “I’m, ah,” her words actually falter, “going back to Austin’s tonight, so don’t wait up.”
I’m not altogether surprised by this, especially since Brooklyn has finally admitted her true feelings for Austin. And if I’m not mistaken, her feelings run much deeper than not being able to screw him out of her system either. I think Austin is the first guy to ever sneak past her ninja-like defenses and she doesn’t quite know how to handle that.
Nodding, I hurry towards the dorm as Brooklyn and Austin take off. I kind of wish Brooklyn had come home with me tonight because I really need someone to talk with right now. Twenty minutes later, my face is freshly scrubbed and I’ve just pulled on a pair of well-worn yoga pants and a tank top when my phone chimes with an incoming text message.
We need to talk. Can I come up?
It’s those first four little words that have my heart stuttering to a complete standstill.
Chapter Seventeen
Taking a deep breath, my thumb hovers nervously over the screen of my phone. I’m scared. Scared to see him. Scared to hear what he has to say… but I know he’s right. We need to talk about what’s going on between us.
Ok
Two letters. That’s all I type before hitting send. Even though our room is tiny, I nervously pace the floor as I wait. It only takes a few minutes before he’s knocking softly on my door.
“Hi.” He hasn’t even stepped into my room and already everything feels different between us.
He gives me a quick nod as those golden whiskey colored eyes of his collide with mine. As they do, I swiftly realize that whatever is happening between us is much worse than I originally suspected. Cole stands before me with his hands shoved deeply into the front pockets of his jeans. He’s wearing a Western Wolves sweatshirt with the hood pulled up around his head. There’s an unhappy slant to his lips that I’ve never seen before.
“I thought we should talk in person,” he finally says before pushing the hood back. His hair is still shiny and damp from his recent shower. And I want nothing more than to slide my fingers through all those thick locks but I don’t.
Can’t.
“Um, yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”
Although it doesn’t feel like a good idea at the moment. In fact, it feels like this could be the end of us. I… I can’t believe I’m even thinking that. Not knowing what else to do, I slowly lower myself down onto my bed as he takes a seat across from me on Brooklyn’s. With his knees angled apart, he rests his forearms on them. His hands are knotted in front of him and for a long moment he just stares at them silently as if there are too many thoughts churning away in his head.
“Cole?” I finally whisper his name because I can see the unhappiness filling every nuance of his gorgeous face and it kills me. What hurts most is that it has everything to do with me. All I want to do is reach out and trace every contour of his face. I want to smooth away all the hurt and anger filling his beautiful eyes.
But I don’t.
It suddenly feels as if there is an ocean of uncertainty sitting between us. And I can’t bring myself to reach out and cross it.
Finally he drags his bruised eyes up to mine. A dull ache rips through me because it’s the first time I’ve ever felt like he didn’t want to look at me. Inhaling a deep breath, he holds it for a beat or two before slowly pushing it back out. His eyes never leave mine. “I don’t like playing games, Cassidy. It’s not who I am.”
I nod because Cole is one of the few people I’ve ever met who doesn’t engage in all that immature bullshit. Which is just another reason I fell so hard for him. He was so upfront about everything he was feeling and what he wanted. Which was me. It was as refreshing as it was scary. And even though it took me some time to trust him with the truth of my past, eventually I did. That was a huge step for me. I don’t trust people easily. Not anymore, I don’t.
That has everything to do with Cole and the kind of person he is. I couldn’t have taken that leap of faith with anyone else but him. I realize that even if he doesn’t.
“And I can’t be with someone who’s going to play games with me.”
My eyes widen with shock as everything in my world suddenly tilts precariously. It’s almost as if I can’t suck in enough oxygen. Barely am I even able to squeak out the words. “I’m-I’m not playing games.”
He takes another deep breath before continuing. “I think there’s something going on between you and Luke.”
I shake my head in denial before the words are able to tumble off my lips. “No. We’re just friends. You know that, Cole. ”
Ripping his eyes from me, he stares out the window into the swirling darkness for a long painful heartbeat. Finally he says, “I don’t know… it just feels like something’s going on between you two and I don’t want to be the dumbass that gets cheated on again.”
Leaning forward, my body strains unconsciously towards his. “We’re nothing more than friends. I honestly didn’t know he would be at the library today. It was just a coincidence.” I stare at him pleadingly until his gaze finally slides back to mine.
“But you weren’t going to tell me about it, were you?” It’s more of an accusation than a question.
Closing my eyes for just a moment I think about how to best answer his question because I owe it to both of us to be honest about what I feel, not only for Cole but for Luke as well.
So it’s slowly that I admit, “I’m not sure if I would have told you about meeting Luke at the library.” I pause long enough to see hurt and distrust flare to life within his beautiful golden depths. “But it’s not because I was doing something wrong.”
“Then why?” His eyes sift through mine searching for answers. “Why not just be straight with me? I can’t be in a relationship if it’s not open and honest.”
Biting down on my lip, I finally confess in a very small voice, “Because I know you don’t like when I spend time with Luke.” Even though I want nothing more than to reach out to him, to physically connect with him, I keep my fingers tangled painfully in my lap. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Clearing his throat, his eyes never once release mine. “You need to be honest with me, Cassidy.” He inhales another deep breath before slowly pushing out the words. “Do you have feelings for Luke?”
As much as I want to immediately shoot down what he’s suggesting… I don’t. Can’t. Because I want to be someone worthy of Cole Mathews. And being worthy of him means being honest even though it might be painful. And so I take a moment to slowly sift through my feelings for Luke before I answer.
“I feel very connected to him,” I finally whisper. He blows out another long breath as I continue, “he helped me when no one else would and I just ca
n’t let that go. I know he feels the same way about me. We’re friends. Nothing more.”
He leans forward as if his body is unconsciously straining towards mine. Like we’re two opposing ends of a magnet desperately trying to connect with one another. “You know that he wants you, right?”
Even though I want to shift my eyes from his intensely probing ones, I don’t. “Yes. He told me that he feels more than friendship for me.”
Cole snorts before abruptly shaking his head in disgust. “He knew we were together when he told you that.”
“Yes,” I admit quietly.
His words, when they finally come, are tightly clipped. “So, is he trying to steal you away from me or is he just waiting out our relationship?”
Not understanding the question, I ask, “Does it matter? What we have has nothing to do with Luke. It shouldn’t matter what he wants. All that matters is that you trust me.”
Looking frustrated, he plows his fingers through his damp hair. “Jesus, Cassidy, it’s not that easy. Luke is my teammate and he’s more than willing to screw me over in order to have you. How am I supposed to trust him both on and off the ice?” He doesn’t give me any time to answer. “I just can’t do it.”
He suddenly looks very tired…
“And it doesn’t feel like I can trust you to tell me the truth either. Because you could have told me that you two were together and you chose not to.”
My heart flutters before beating quickly into overtime. “I-I didn’t want to upset you,” I say almost pleadingly. But it sounds bad, even to my own ears. I made the wrong choice. I should have been upfront with Cole and I chose not to be.
And now it looks like I might lose him because of it.
Again he drags his hand through all those deep chocolate colored locks. He looks as miserable as I feel. “If he hadn’t come out of the library with your notebook, you wouldn’t have told me that you two spent time together,” he pauses before adding, “and that’s what bothers me most. I don’t know if this is the first time this has happened or if you’re just not telling me because there’s actually something going on between you two.”
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