Austin gives me a smug smile in return. “I’ll have you know that it was way more than a hook up. I spent the night on her couch. Met the fam in the morning. Ate pancakes and bacon with Janie and Richard.” There’s a shit eating grin sliding across his face. “They love me, by the way.”
A chuckle escapes from my lips. “Well, I guess that’s progress, man. Good job.”
“Exactly,” he agrees, “Slow but surely. That’s what I’m all about.”
I’m still waiting to hear where this Cassidy sighting occurred. “So I’m guessing you saw Cassidy at this party.”
His smile instantly flattens. “Yeah, she was there all right.” Something in my gut clenches as I wait for the bomb he’s about to drop. Because I can feel it coming. “With Wellington.” He shakes his head in disgust. “That dude is a major tool.”
I don’t know why I’m surprised by this information, but I am. After all, I practically gave her my blessing before shoving her in his direction. So I guess if there’s a tool around here, it’s probably me.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yep. I offered to take her home but Wellington was quick to shoot that down. I guess he picked them up earlier. The party was at some high school friend’s house or something like that.” Austin pauses for a moment as if he’s allowing those words to sink in before adding, “Look, I just wanted to give you a heads up.”
At least I can count on Austin to have my back. Luke Wellington… not so much. My eyes slide to his before I lift my chin. “I appreciate it.”
“Later, dude.” He jerks his head to the left where the science building is located. “I’ll catch you at practice.”
Again I lift my chin as everything Austin just told me rolls around in my head. “Yep.”
Even though I miss Cassidy like freaking crazy, I feel like the hard lessons I learned with Jackie have been pounded into my brain. And even though Cassidy and I have an amazing connection, maybe it’s not enough.
If she spent her break with Wellington, then he must be the one she wants to be with. And as much as that realization bites, it’s better to figure this shit out sooner rather than later before I get in any deeper than I already am.
With my head so full of Cassidy, I’m actually startled when she seems to materialize right before my eyes. When our gazes lock, I can’t help but raise a hand in greeting. The edges of her lips lift hesitantly as she waits for me to catch up. Even though I want to play it cool, my greedy eyes slide helplessly over her. It feels like I haven’t seen her in forever.
And yeah, I feel like a total chick when she unleashes a smile and my heart speeds up in response. But there’s no denying that it does. The fact that she’s no longer mine is like a stake through my beating heart.
With her eyes on mine, she greets me with a soft, “Hi.”
I may be kicking myself for letting her go, but I smile in return because it feels so good to see her again. At the moment, I’d like nothing more than to yank her into my arms and kiss the hell right out of her. Christ, I’ve missed this girl.
And yeah, this may sound bad, but I miss the way her body feels beneath mine.
I miss being inside her.
I miss the breathy little sounds she makes when she’s coming.
Hmmm. Well, this isn’t good.
Already I can feel myself stiffening up. I need to dislodge those thoughts damn quick before I end up with a piece of wood between my legs. Trying to distract myself from thoughts of sex with Cassidy, I say instead, “Hey. Good to see you. How did break turn out?”
Falling in line with one another, we continue walking to class.
She glances at me from beneath the dark inky fringe of her lashes. God she has the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen. “It was actually pretty great.” Then she says a bit more quietly, “It was nice to be home again and to spend time with my family. It really made me realize how much I missed being a part of their lives.” She laughs just a little bit. “You wouldn’t believe how grown up my two younger sisters have become.”
“I’m glad it went well,” I say earnestly. Before I can stop myself, the words are shooting their way out of my mouth. “I thought about you a lot over break.” I almost wince.
For Christ’s sake, could I sound any more desperate?
Probably not.
So I quickly try backtracking, “You know, wondering how it was going with your family. Hoping you were doing okay and everything.”
Whether she knows it or not, I did spend a lot of time thinking about her. Especially after my talk with Jackie. That conversation pretty much had me realizing that I couldn’t just let her go without a fight. But maybe it really is too late. After what Austin just told me, maybe I’ve already lost her.
The corners of her sweet mouth tip up. “I owe you a huge thank you.”
My brows draw together as I shake my head. “You don’t owe me anything, Cassidy.” The last thing I want is her gratitude. Sometimes I have to wonder if that’s her thing with Luke.
I want her heart, not her gratitude.
Then she surprises me by reaching out and grabbing my hand with her smaller one. My eyes slice to hers. She looks startled by her own actions but still our hands remain clasped together. The feeling of wanting to yank her into my arms surges through me again.
“If you hadn’t reached out to my dad, we probably wouldn’t be talking. What you did means a lot to me and I just wanted you to know that.”
Even though we’re still walking, our eyes stay locked on one another. Something electrical snaps and sizzles between us.
“You’re welcome,” I finally murmur before ripping my eyes away from hers. All I can think about is what a dumbass I am for telling her that she needed to explore her feelings for Luke.
We’re just about to reach the social sciences building where our nine o’clock class is held when she suddenly pulls me to the side, out of the way of the other students who are hustling to and from class. There are a few grumbles as we cut across the sidewalk.
Once we’re out of traffic, she asks with just a hint of nervousness tinging her voice, “I was wondering if maybe we could get together sometime this week.” Holding her breath, she bites down on her lower lip. She has no idea just how much I want to nip that plump little lip of hers. It’s the cutest damn thing I’ve seen in a while.
“Sure. What did you have in mind?”
She shrugs her shoulders before saying quietly, “Maybe we could skate like we used to?” She looks guardedly hopeful and something within me leaps to life.
Before everything fell apart between us, Cassidy and I used to skate a few times a week at five in the morning before the rink opened its doors to the public. And since I used to work there in high school and know the owner, I have a key to get us in. There’s nothing like having a full sheet of ice to yourself.
“Sure.” My mind is quickly sifting through everything I have planned out for the week. “Does Wednesday work?”
The corners of her lips tip up as her whole body relaxes. “Yeah, that sounds good.”
“I’ll pick you up at four thirty.”
Her smile brightens even more. “Okay.” She glances over at Dorin Hall. I know we only have a minute or two to find seats before our lecture begins. “I guess we better get going.” Although I’d much rather stand out here in the cold talking with her.
She nods as we jog up the cement stairs before I hold the door open for her. We enter the lecture hall just as the professor walks to the podium. Even though I wouldn’t mind sitting with Cassidy, I decide that it’s probably best to park myself beside Sammy today.
Cassidy turns and smiles as I move into the row next to my cousin. “I’ll see you Wednesday morning.”
I give her a little nod before sliding into my seat. Sammy eyes me speculatively before raising a brow.
Even though she hasn’t uttered a single word, I can all but see the questions brimming in her curious eyes. So I shake my head as I pull my laptop out of my backpack
. “We’re just skating together.”
She’s still eyeing me in that rather annoying way of hers. She’s giving me one of those looks that says- I’ve known you since birth, so I know exactly what’s going through that head of yours.
Which is completely irritating because she’s probably right.
“But you still want her.”
See?
I don’t bother denying it. “Yeah, I do.”
She doesn’t say anything for a long moment and just when I think she’s going to drop the subject, she says, “Good. I like you two together.”
I can’t resist the small grin that tugs at the corners of my mouth because that makes two of us.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
I’ve spent the majority of today camped out at the library with the exception of the two classes I hustled my butt to. Now that Christmas break is just around the corner, it seems like almost every course has another paper due. My books are spread out all over the table as I tap away at my laptop.
Every time I start feeling overwhelmed, I take a great big gulp of air and look over the list I’ve compiled to prioritize all of my assignments. Through a hell of a lot of hard work, I’ve managed to get my grades back up to where they were pre-break up. I certainly don’t want to blow it now that we’re finally in the homestretch of the fall semester. My mind tumbles back three weeks to when Cole ended our relationship. Feeling all sad bastard, I’d let some things slide that I shouldn’t have. Thankfully Brooklyn was there to slap some sense into me and I’ve been able to bounce back.
What happened wasn’t good by any means. I still miss Cole. But it did make me realize that life is always going to have its ups and downs and you just have to push through the bad times until they’re behind you. Curling up in your bed and crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s isn’t an option.
Okay, it is actually an option.
And a tasty one at that.
But it isn’t a long term solution if you don’t want to flunk out of school. Again. So I did what I had to and got through it.
That’s a far cry from what happened last year.
I’m excited to put this semester behind me. Excited to show my parents that I’m not the screw up they thought I was when I crashed and burned last year. Even though they’ve both told me that they believe in me, it’ll still be nice to show them the tangible proof. It’ll be nice to see it for myself.
I’m three hours in, editing my psych paper when I feel someone standing next to the table I’m working at. Glancing up from my laptop, I’m startled to find Jackie’s brown eyed gaze locked on mine. Something within me clenches as unease slides its way through me. We haven’t spoken since the Halloween party and quite frankly, I don’t really need a repeat of that.
Especially since Cole and I are no longer together.
What surprises me even more than finding her here is the tentative smile that is slowly curving its way around the edges of her lips. “Do you mind if I sit for a moment? I’ve been hoping we might run into each other.”
“Um,” I can’t help but hedge because there is absolutely nothing we have to talk about.
The smile instantly falls from her face as her eyes continue holding mine. Then she whispers, “Please?”
Even though I don’t want to, I find myself caving. Dreading another conversation with her, I finally gesture to the chair across from me. “I’m right in the middle of writing a paper.” Which really means- don’t make yourself comfortable, you won’t be staying long.
Sitting down, she tucks her long curls behind her ear. Her eyes dart nervously away before settling on mine once again. Then she nips her bottom lip with her teeth before finally saying, “I wanted to apologize for ambushing you at that party. I shouldn’t have done it.”
Whatever I was expecting to come out of her mouth, that wasn’t it. For just a moment, I stare at her from across the rectangle table that separates us. Is she seriously apologizing to me? Finally, clearing my throat, I say, “Um, okay. Well, thanks.”
Inhaling a big breath, she pushes out the rest. “I was still hoping at that point that Cole and I could work things out. Maybe pick up where we left off before I…” her words trail off awkwardly.
Because I can’t exactly blame her for wanting Cole back, I nod my head in understanding. Who wouldn’t want to be with him? He’s one of the best guys I know. Apparently Jackie feels the same way.
“So… you tried working things out with him?” Something slices through me as I say the words.
Sadness seeps into her deep brown eyes before she finally nods. “Yeah, we actually had a really good talk last weekend.” She pauses and I feel like I’m suddenly hanging in suspension as she does. “But it’s not going to happen. I,” blinking her eyes, she glances away and for one horrible moment it looks like she might actually break down.
I mean, am I supposed to console this girl about not being able to get with the guy I want? That would be kind of weird… to say the least. But I have to give her credit for rallying at the last moment. “I really screwed up and there’s no way to repair the damage. Hurting him is something I’ll regret for the rest of my life.” She eyes me for a long moment before saying quietly, “He’s a really good guy. I hope you know that.”
My gaze drops to the computer in front of me before I admit, “Cole and I aren’t together anymore.” I’m not sure why I feel the need to be honest with her. She’s Cole’s ex-girlfriend. I don’t owe her anything… but still.
I don’t expect her to already know about the demise of our relationship. Maybe I should have. Maybe she’s here to gloat after all.
Glancing up, I half expect to see victory or happiness dancing gleefully in her eyes. But surprisingly there’s no pleasure in her expression at all.
“He told me.”
I shrug not wanting to get into the whole thing with her. But for some reason, we’re both being truthful with one another. It’s actually kind of refreshing… in an awkward and strange kind of way. “Then I guess whatever you need to say is moot.”
Leaning forward she suddenly asks, “Is it?”
Biting down on my lip, I’m not sure what to tell her. I mean, I know what I feel for Cole and I also know that it’s not going to go away anytime soon. “I don’t know,” I finally admit.
Amusingly enough she seems exasperated by my answer. Cole’s ex-girlfriend. The one who wanted him back. She’s annoyed with me because I’m not sure if a relationship is going to work out between myself and Cole.
Yeah… it’s a little odd.
Maybe more than a little.
“If you want him back, Cassidy, then you need to do something about it.” Shards of sadness fill her eyes. “If he’s the best thing that has ever happened to you, then don’t let him slip through your fingers. Do something about it before it’s too late.” With those words sitting between us, she gets to her feet. “I’d better let you get back to work.” Just as she’s about to walk away, she turns towards me again. “Don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t let him go.”
I’m not sure why she felt compelled to seek me out, but I’m grateful that she did. “Thank you.”
Even though she smiles, I still see unhappiness shimmering around her. “You’re welcome.”
When she’s about four steps away, I call out her name. “Jackie!”
Again she turns, one dark brow raised. And I realize once again just how pretty she is. How perfectly suited she is for Cole. In my mind, I can actually see them together. “Are you still in love with him?”
The answer tumbles off her lips without pause or thought. “I love him more than anything but it’s not going to happen between us.” She takes a deep breath. “I have to find a way to live with my mistakes and move on.”
I can’t resist asking, “How do you know he won’t change his mind?”
“Because what we had is over and there’s no going back.”
Even though it’s a strange thing to say to Cole’s ex-girlfriend, I find
the words slipping from my lips before I can stop them. “I’m sorry.” And I am sorry for her. “I know what it’s like. To live with regrets. To pick up all the pieces and put them back together again. It’s not an easy thing to do.”
Tilting her head to the side, her eyes sharpen before sifting through mine. She smiles just a bit as if seeing me for the first time. “I think under different circumstances, we could have been friends.”
“Maybe,” I say in return. But I have the feeling she’s right. In a small way, we’re kind of kindred spirits. We both made mistakes. We both have regrets. And we’re both working to put our lives back together again.
“I’ve got to get going. It was nice talking with you, Cassidy. Good luck.”
“You too,” I say softly.
For a long time after Jackie walks away, everything she said continues to churn in my head. Grabbing my phone, I send a quick text because there’s something I need to take care of before I meet with Cole tomorrow morning.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
With a big smile lighting up his handsome face, Luke pulls me into the warm circle of his arms. “I have about thirty minutes before I need to be at practice. What’s up?”
For just a heartbeat I allow him to hold me before slowly untangling myself from his embrace. “Do you have time to grab a coffee and talk?”
“Sure.” He shrugs his broad shoulders as his eyes rove over me.
After we order our drinks, Luke hands the barista a few bills before I can even grab the money from my purse. “I’ve got it,” I say, quickly digging through my wallet, “I’m the one who invited you for coffee. I should pay.”
“You can get the next one.” Again he gives me a smile before adding a little wink. “I’ll hold you to it.”
A few moments later, he grabs our coffees from the counter as we head to a table nestled in back. Once we’re seated, we both take a few sips from our mugs. It feels good to warm up. The weather has only grown colder.
“So how are classes going?” His beautiful hazel eyes hold mine from across the small table separating us. “All caught up?”
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