Spirit's Lullaby

by J E Mueller

  My heart was pounding fast. I really did have zero idea how she felt, and I’m sure there were at least a dozen signs I had missed. I raked my hands through my hair as I quickly thought about where all of this could have begun. We had always been close, and I couldn’t imagine my life without her.

  As little girls, we’d have sleepovers, and do all the normal kid things. We’d sneak out of town, try and push chores aside, hide under the table giggling over the snacks we managed to convince her mother we’d earned. We played card games, told ghost stories and… it dawned on me.

  As we got older we went from skipping around town holding hands to constantly holding on to one another. Our stories went from loud announcements to secrets we’d whisper to one another. I had enjoyed the closeness and how natural everything was between us. How had I not seen this? This really was where things should be.

  “I haven’t thought about it,” I confessed, but even my heart knew there was a connection. “I do like you. I don’t know if you really want to deal with the crazy girl who hears ghosts, though.” Might as well get that last part out there too.

  Lydia laughed for a moment, clearly relieved by what I had said. “And I spent how long hiding my lifestyle from you? I mean, yeah, there’s likely to be some odd kinks to work out. My missions, and your listening to a seemingly empty room, but if that’s the worst of it we’re probably off to a good start. We’ve already been dealing with each other’s nonsense with no problem, right?”

  That was true. Very true. Still, I didn’t know what to say to that. We awkwardly sat in silence for several moments.

  Lydia finally nudged me with her foot. “So, will you go out with me?”

  I nudged her back. “Only if we can agree to no more secrets.”

  “Deal.” She smiled widely and tackled me with a hug.

  Morning came too soon. While Lydia went to get the details of the mission, I decided to open the chest privately once more. I pulled out the first book, the one that claimed to be the beginning, and read the first page.

  “I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Lliam’s voice sounded from behind me.

  Annoyed, I glanced behind me. “It’s rude to drop in on people like this!” I scolded him.

  “So kill me.” He rolled his eyes. “I’ve done some digging. You won’t like what’s in book one at all. It may be best to read it with a clean head after this mission. If you survive.” He glanced at his nails nonchalantly.

  I was screaming inside. Answers were sitting in the palm of my hand. The book didn’t even look that big. I could probably read it all in a day with the help of my magic. “Any reason why would you say that?”

  He looked me in the eyes, his gaze intense. “Because you’ll understand why you have this magic. It will pull the past out from the grave. Do you really want to relive all of that when lives are on the line?”

  The intensity of his gaze pierced through me, but I didn’t back down. “When did I stop reliving it? A night here or there? During a week of good sleep? You get just comfortable enough that maybe, finally, your mind has stopped torturing itself, stopped tearing itself apart, and then there it is,” I scoffed. There were plenty of hints about what had started all of this. That event would never truly leave my mind. How could it? Instead of a simple reply back I said in the most demonic voice I could muster, “Don’t you worry, child, everything is going to be all right.” I made sure to stretch the last two words longer than necessary. I knew this wasn’t going to end well, but the answers in my hands seemed too promising to continue to ignore.

  Victory was mine, and Lliam’s gaze turned towards the floor. “You seem too happy for that.”

  “We all hide shadows. I just kept mine from eating me alive.” I shrugged. I had enough support when I needed it, even if it was from unexpected places. “Anyway…” I paused, shook my head, and met his gaze once more. “Thank you for the warning. Who knows what all this information will reveal? Even with some digging, I’m sure you don’t know everything.”

  “Enough. More than I expected, and more than I wanted.” He didn't bother to look up.

  Silence overtook the room as I stared at the book. In a way, Lliam was right, but not in the way he thought. Now wasn’t a good time since I needed to repack things in order to leave. While I could pack quickly, I didn’t want to forget anything. My magic lent me speed, but I was still human and capable of forgetting things. So, I put the book away.

  “Tonight then,” I decided aloud.

  Lliam sighed and finally met my gaze once more. “There’s no talking you out of it?”

  “We’ve got quite a long journey. We’ll be meeting up with the first team soon, but we’ll still be a week without horses I think. Having the horses will cut the overall time down, but it’s still a long journey so I’ve got time to adjust.” I reassured him.

  “And you think it’ll be enough?” He eyed me skeptically.

  “I don’t know what to expect so I cannot say.” I shook my head. “But I do know quickness has always been my thing. I will not doubt myself in this.” Standing up, I went to pack.

  We covered a lot of distance in one day. The weather was on our side and much to my surprise, we were given horses to ride after all. I was grateful they had given us two. Sometimes there just weren’t extra to spare for non-Blessed.

  It was already starting to get dark when we finally set up camp. An abundance of different things were on my mind after all the odd events that had just occurred. It must have shown because I was quickly called out on it as we went about our tasks.

  “What’s wrong?” Lydia asked curiously as we set up camp for the night.

  I dropped the small collection of wood I had managed to gather. “Just thinking about angels and their stupid contracts.”

  Lydia raised an eyebrow in surprise. “Okay. What about the stupid contracts?”

  “Well, I never explained that in full,” I said, trying to find the words I was looking for.

  “You’re not one to keep secrets. Minus the whole ghost thing, I don’t think you’ve ever kept another secret,” Lydia said, collecting the wood I had dropped and setting it to make a fire.

  “Not really a secret, more of a confusing mess I never got around to trying to explain.” I sat down next to her and watched her work.

  “Well, you’ve got my full attention,” Lydia stated, mildly engrossed in her task.

  “I can’t make a contract,” I replied simply. Better to just get it out, or so I hoped, anyway.

  “Can’t is an interesting choice of words.” Lydia glanced up at me. “I’m sure this is the confusing mess part.”

  “Of course. Who but the already damned can’t offer up their soul for a contract right?” I asked rhetorically. Lydia nodded and I continued, “Apparently, there’s actually some gray area there and that’s where I fall. I’m not cursed, I still have a soul, but it cannot be offered up for anything. It’s like it’s locked somehow. Not sure what could be strong enough to do that.”

  “And the angels have no idea either, do they?” Lydia seemed hesitant to ask.

  “They’ve seen it before.” I paused and tried to decide the right way to explain. “It’s really what made me want to learn more about my gifts. Rania was the same.”

  Lydia looked bewildered for a few moments before it sunk in. “Cally’s friend. She was one of the others the Blessed allowed in like you.” A moment passed before her eyes went wide. “Wait, wasn’t that the person who was going to teach you….”

  “About my gifts, yes.” I shrugged. She had a mission soon after we first met and disappeared. “I didn’t know at first who the angels even meant until after she passed. There have been a lot of vague hints to pull together. The angels don’t seem to want to give answers, and at the same time, they really don’t have many to give. I don’t know what’s going on with this gift but it brings up more questions at every turn instead of answers.”

  “But you have the books now!” Lydia’s excitement radiated in
those few words.

  I smiled at that fact. “And that is my plan for the night. I think I can get through book one in a day, but I have no idea what to expect. Lliam seems to think it’s going to be a lot more information to take in than I believe.”

  “Psh, what does he know?” Lydia glanced around. “Is he even here?”

  “Not currently,” I replied, looking around just to be sure. “I’ve no idea what a spirit has to do all day.”

  “Haunt stuff? Complete that one thing holding them back?” Lydia mused as the fire she was working on came to life. “I have more campfire knowledge of ghosts than useful guesses.”

  “Might be fun to ask him when he comes around next time,” I said getting up to gather things to make a small dinner.

  “Think he’ll be back?”

  “Yes. He really seemed interested in helping us the best he could. Aside from me seeing him, I’m not sure what he can do.” It would be interesting to find out what he had in mind. “Even after her death, Key’s mom managed to figure out ways to help her. Subtle changes of wind, bad feelings… It might be an interesting adventure yet.”

  Lydia thought for a moment. “Have I ever had anyone following me around?”

  I was surprised she hadn’t asked sooner. It was usually the first question on everyone’s lips when the horror of my gift passed.

  “No.” I shrugged.

  “Makes sense.” Lydia got up and started to draw a box in the dirt around the campsite with a stick. “I’m pretty sure my whole family has had nothing but generations of Blessed blood. If they passed, they went straight to heaven.”

  “Has anyone important to you ever followed you?” she asked as she vaguely concentrated on her task.

  I didn’t feel like talking about it but answered anyway. “Asa did for a short while.”

  Lydia paused and looked at me. With a nod, she asked no more questions and completed her new task. I watched as she called upon her magic and a sliver of light slowly glowed from her hands and spread through the area she had marked off. It didn’t have any visible effect on things but I knew it helped to keep us off the demons radar.

  I tried to concentrate on dinner, but Asa, my late cousin, kept coming to mind. I was seven when she passed, and remember it was the first time Lee’s magic had truly failed him. Even seeing the future couldn’t stop her death.

  With a deep breath, I pushed the thoughts away. “So, how have your songs been coming along, then?”

  “Eh.” Lydia shrugged as she rejoined me by the fire. “I much prefer singing to writing songs. I don’t mind jotting down the adventures but to get the song part right is always much more boring.”

  I don’t know why it always amused me when she admitted that, but it did. I gave her a quick smile as I tried to figure out what I was doing with this dinner. Still, my mind wanted to wander back to Asa. Maybe I hadn’t dealt with the past enough. A child ghost who drowned was a pretty terrifying sight. Seeing that gave me a series of bad nightmares for years. I wasn’t going to put off reading that book any longer though.

  “Well, hand over the pan, you’re killing dinner,” Lydia stated, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “Oh, right.” I handed everything over to her. “Cooking’s fun, but it’s probably not my strongest interest.”

  “You don’t say.” She snickered and gave me a playful shove. “At least you’re a good taste tester.”

  “That’s a nice way to say that I haven’t died from your failed experiments.” I laughed, moving to set up the tent instead.

  “Cooking does not run in the family. Mother is happy my sister got those genes from her.” Lydia started to hum to herself.

  The tent was up in no time, and dinner was done not much longer after that. The evening air was cool, but it was unlikely to get cold. I loved this part of the change of seasons. The perfect weather, the many colors of leaves – really everything but the late season rain.

  “Well, we traveled. We ate. We seem to be clear of prying spirits.” I glanced around to be certain. “It looks like a great time to read.”

  “Yes! I want to see how this magical chest works,” Lydia said excitedly.

  Gleefully, I pulled out the tiny toy like chest. I considered putting a chain on it so it would be easier to wear but that would have to come another time. “Want to see it?” I handed it over to Lydia.

  “We’ve had magic our whole lives and I’ve never seen anyone manage to manipulate the size of something. There’s no way.” She laughed, handing it back to me. “Obviously I’m wrong here. Show me already!” Glee and delight twinkled in her eyes.

  Without further ado, I whispered the word to the chest and set it down as it grew to its normal size. Lydia was quickly glued to my side as I opened it up. Still sitting on top was, of course, the daggers. With great care, Lydia picked one up and stared at it.

  “A black dagger?” she asked, confused. She didn’t seem impressed and it confused me. The deep emerald green colors seemed to dance for me. Surely, she could at least feel the magic in them.

  Maybe she couldn’t. “You don’t feel anything?” I asked softly.

  “Feel anything?” Her expression echoed my confusion before it dawned on her. “Maybe since it’s for your gift, only someone with that talent can sense anything.” Lydia looked slightly annoyed. “So, this is how normal people feel handling Blessed artifacts. Plain, boring, ordinary nothingness.”

  “That’s kind of cool, actually,” I replied happily. “So, this gift really might be its own thing. It’s not standard magic anyone with a gift can sense. I just hope it’s in a positive category.”

  “I’m sure we’d know if it was bad. I mean, we can sense demons and all that,” Lydia reassured me.

  “Fair enough.” I pulled out the first book and put the dagger back in with its mate. “Kegan said she couldn’t read these. I wonder if your Blessed blood will help.” I whispered the word to make the text appear.

  Lydia waited expectantly. I glanced over at her as the text pooled to the surface and filled the book.

  “Guess not,” Lydia grumbled.

  “I really didn’t think this magic would truly only be visible to me and spirits,” I said.

  My heart raced at the thought. Angels and demons alike might, in fact, not have the power to see this. How? Even better, why? I loved the idea that someone managed to find a middle ground between the two all-powerful types of beings. Was that the original intention, or was something else at play? More questions, but some answers were finally at hand.

  “Guess I’ll just sharpen some blades. Keep me updated on the good stuff,” Lydia huffed as she gathered her gear.

  I got as comfortable as I could before reading the first line aloud.

  “In the beginning there was life, and then, your death.” I paused. “Well, that’s one odd start.” I shrugged and continued on. “You were young, between four and six when the spirits first showed. This is because only those who have experienced death at that age can see and hear them.” I felt my pulse quicken but kept reading. “It was a small miracle you were brought back from the brink, one foot over the line, just enough to taste the other side. It was enough that it never left you.” I stopped. Kegan’s words came flooding back to me. Should be dead. Well, damn.

  I looked over and locked eyes with Lydia.

  “Maybe you can help sharpen these instead?” she asked, playing cool.

  We both knew what incident the book was referring to, and I for one did not want to think about it. The whole mess was confusing and ended with more questions than actual answers. The lines I was fed I knew weren’t the truth. Everyone just wanted to push the event as far behind them as possible… and I wanted so much to believe them.

  “I’ll be okay,” I said instead, knowing I already wasn’t going to be. If reading was going to pull up nightmares, I might as well get all of them at once. So, on I read.

  Chapter 7

  Finally, it was late enough I knew I had to sleep. After all th
e recent traveling, it didn’t take long for dreams to consume me. It took even less time for them to twist and turn on me. The memories were strong and as sharply detailed as they always were.

  I was sitting in a chair at home by the fire, working on creating a scarf for Mother’s birthday. Both Marc and Mother were out of the house visiting Aunt Juniper and Lee. I didn’t remember where Father went, but he had been acting strange for months so his absence was hardly noticed by me. It bothered my family, and I knew Mother was spending a lot of time with Auntie Juni because of it. She wouldn’t tell me her concerns, but I didn’t care too much. I was learning to crochet and – being four – found it very hard to make a scarf. It wasn’t even real crochet since I didn’t have a hook, but still… I was determined to do it, and I was big enough to sit home alone and do so -at least for the ten minutes they were planning on being gone.

  Mother said she’d be back soon, she was only going to grab a pie, and Marc only really went to hang out with Lee. It wasn’t the first time I’d been left alone for a few moments, and try as I might, Mother knew about my surprise present to her was my terrible looking scarf so she allowed it.

  I had no idea how long I was sitting there, working hard on my project when the door opened. I felt the frigid wind sweep in and glanced over.

  “Evening, Father,” I called, remembering Mother had said it’s important to greet everyone as they come in. It showed you care.

  There was no response, so after I moment I glanced back over but saw nothing. The fire and a few lit candles caused shadows to dance around the room. It always felt snug and cozy, but something made me shiver, and the breeze from the door had already passed.

  Confused, I glanced around. I hadn’t heard Father go anywhere. When I saw nothing I got up, set my work down, and walked around the house. After not finding him anywhere, I started calling for my father out loud. He couldn’t have just disappeared.