The Ranger's Forgiveness (Army Ranger Romance Book 5)

by Bree Livingston

  No one understood. It wasn’t him that needed forgiveness, it was her. There was still an agreement. One that was in force even from the grave. “It’s over between us, Daddy. He just needs to move on. I have. I’m seeing someone in Roswell. He owns a vinyl record shop on Main Street.” It was a total lie, but she hoped her dad would buy it.

  By the look in his eye, he’d have sooner bought the Brooklyn Bridge. “We both know that’s not true. We’re going to that funeral, and you’re paying your respects. Not to Ruth, but to Elijah. She was a horrible woman, but she was still his momma. I’m sure he’s torn up and needs some support.”

  Taylor nodded. This was a fight she wasn’t going to win. Seeing Elijah was going to take a level of strength she didn’t know if she could muster. But she would. It was an old wound that needed to be stitched. For her sake, for her future. Seeing him would help her move on. The same lie she’d repeated since she was eighteen. She was still no closer to believing it than she was nine years ago.

  Chapter 2

  Raking his hand through his hair, Elijah took a deep breath. Three days he’d been in town, and the desire to run was still as strong as it was nine years ago.

  They had just opened up the home he’d grown up in. It had that same oppressive feeling as it once had. The one that felt like a noose. How was that possible when his mom was gone? She’d moved out years ago, and it still felt the same.

  “It sure is dusty.” Chris Lakes set his hands on his hips and turned in a circle in the grand foyer. “I’ve been taking care of the gardens, but your mom said to leave the house alone. If I’d known it was looking like this, I’d have sneaked in or something.”

  The older man, somewhere in his fifties, had been their gardener since Elijah was in middle school, right after his dad had landed a contract with a large grocery chain to sell Emerson Frozen Foods. It was the big win his dad had waited for, and it had been great until they’d moved from their modest home into the mansion he was standing in. A sore thumb sticking out in Las Vegas, New Mexico.

  Elijah shrugged. “No, it’s okay. I don’t mind cleaning it. It’ll give me something to do.” He’d stayed in a hotel the last few days while he got the funeral details sorted but would be moving into the house that night to start in on cleaning. The funeral would be later that day, and it was time to start figuring out what he was going to do with the estate. Granted, he couldn’t really do much until he knew what the will stated.

  “Are you going to sell it?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’m trying not to make decisions right now—at least not long-term ones.”

  Chris faced him. “Are you going to take over the company?”

  Shaking his head, Elijah said, “No, another piece of business I’ll need to take care of while I’m home. My mom’s lawyer called a few hours ago. I’m meeting her tomorrow morning. She says there are things to go over.” He handed Chris an envelope. “Here’s the check for the work.”

  “Thanks,” Chris said, taking the money. “Well, if you need anything, I’m here.”

  “I appreciate that.” Elijah smiled. Although, other than dealing with paperwork, there wasn’t much left to do.

  “Oh, hey, did you hear Taylor is in town?”

  Elijah’s lungs burned for air. She wasn’t supposed to be here. “What?”

  Once he’d reached the recruiters’ office, he’d made a vow that Las Vegas was behind him. He’d never speak of her, his parents, or anything that had to do with his past life. He’d kept that vow for years—until he met Noah. Still, she wasn’t someone he spoke of. Other than the people in his hometown, no one knew about the girl who broke his heart.

  The gardener smiled. “Yeah, heard from her dad while I was at the nursery getting some petunias. She called a bit ago, saying she’s coming for a visit. He asked me how you were doing, and that’s when I told him about your mom. He said to give you his condolences.”

  It took effort for Elijah not to brace his hand against the wall. As much as he didn’t want to hear her name, he wanted to face her even less. Seeing her would bring back crushing memories of a life he’d wanted and knew he’d never have.

  Chris gripped Elijah’s shoulder. “Hey, are you okay? Is the reality of your mom being gone finally getting to you?”

  “Yeah,” Elijah breathed. “Guess it’s finally sinking in.” A silent prayer went up that he wouldn’t see Taylor. That his time in Las Vegas would be quick and he could get back to the life he loved. The one where no one would hurt him or judge him.

  “Well, like I said, you need anything at all, you just let me know. I’ll be back later this week to tend to the back garden. I figured with the funeral, you needed the front to look tended.”

  Forcing his best smile, Elijah nodded. “You bet, Chris. Thanks for working so hard.”

  “Sure, I’ll see you later.”

  The man slipped out the front door, leaving Elijah alone in the oversized home. It had been too large when three people were living there. With only one, now it was simply a museum. Why his mom had to have this large home baffled him.

  In Elijah’s mind, money was meant to help people, not be hoarded. His mom didn’t share his philosophy one bit. She didn’t spend a dime unless it benefited her, like keeping herself looking young and in the latest designer clothing. He’d already taken care of that, donating the entire wardrobe she’d left when she moved to a closet that helped abused women get on their feet and find jobs. He’d have another wardrobe to donate once he got around to cleaning out her place in Albuquerque.

  The thought made him smile. His mom’s designer duds on someone she’d have considered lowbrow. He laughed, although he knew he shouldn’t. It wasn’t the Christian thing to do. Truth be told, none of his actions or reactions since he’d found out his mom had died had been all that great. She’d thrown a wedge between them, and after their last call, he wasn’t inclined to fix it anymore.

  This funeral…it was going to be his last and final goodbye. To her. To the girl who got away. To this town. The next time he left, there would be no returning. He’d make sure he had no reason to.

  * * *

  Sitting rigid with her eyes closed, Taylor braced herself as her dad’s pickup stopped moving. The five-mile drive to the funeral home hadn’t helped her gather strength at all. Then again, she could live ten lifetimes and it wouldn’t be enough. She could already feel the ache in her chest slowly spreading to her marrow.

  The whoosh of the door opening blew her hair across her face. “It’s time, Taylor. Time to bury this thing you have with that boy,” her dad said.

  Her eyes popped open, and she smiled. “You’re right, Daddy. It’s time to take care of this.” Lies. All lies. Her goal had been to avoid him until they reached heaven, and even then, she hoped there were sections and hers would be full.

  Lucas snorted. “Until she steps inside and sees Elijah. I bet she passes out.”

  Taylor shot him a glare. “Shut up. I will not.” Her words held conviction, but her heart didn’t. There was no telling what she’d do if and when she saw him. Maybe she should just keep her eyes shut until it was over.

  “Taylor Mabrey!” Gina Ramsey called, hugging Taylor just as she exited the pickup. She was the high school librarian and one of Taylor’s favorite people when she was growing up. “It’s been forever.”

  Taylor returned the hug. “Hey, Mrs. Ramsey.”

  The woman leaned back. “You are prettier every time I see you.”

  “Thank you. You’re so sweet to me.”

  “You were one of my favorite students. Always checking out books.” She looked at Taylor’s dad. “How are you doing, Joseph? You’re looking a little too thin.”

  Her dad waved Mrs. Ramsey off. “What is it with you women? I’m too fat. I’m too thin. I can’t win for losing.”

  “Daddy.” Taylor stepped back from Mrs. Ramsey. “She’s just being concerned.”

  “Well, both of you can stop. I’m fine.”

  Mrs. Ramsey
rolled her eyes. “Men.” She returned her gaze to Taylor. “I guess you’re here to see Elijah?”

  When would the knife stop twisting? “Uh, just paying my respects, you know. I just got into town. Didn’t even know Ruth had passed away.”

  “You’re such a sweet girl,” Mrs. Ramsey said. “I hope I see you again before you leave, and under better circumstances.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Lucas stepped beside Taylor and leaned in. “You sure you’re going to be okay? I know he broke your heart.”

  Another lie she’d told to make people stop asking questions. Well, not outright, but as hard as she’d cried, when they assumed he broke up with her, she didn’t correct them. “I’m fine. I told you I’m over him.”

  “If you say so.”

  Her dad turned to them. “Come on, you two. The service is starting.”

  They slipped inside the sanctuary, sitting near the entrance just as the preacher stepped up to the podium. “Good afternoon, everyone. Elijah thanks you for coming.”

  Despite herself, at the sound of his name, Taylor searched for him, but the number of people in attendance kept her from finding him. It was crazy to her that so many people would come to Ruth’s funeral. The only thing she could surmise was that they were all there for Elijah. In Taylor’s mind, he was the only good thing to come from the old bat.

  During middle school, Elijah’s dad found success with his company. Overnight, they went from being the regular family next door struggling with a small business to being the wealthiest family in Las Vegas. It had irrevocably changed Elijah’s family, and not for the better according to him.

  Ruth had always been a little snobby, even as they struggled, but after? Everyone was beneath her then. No one was good enough for her son, and after Elijah’s dad died, it was worse. There was no question what Elijah’s future held. He was going to run the company. Elijah couldn’t figure out why it was so important that he take it over, but he’d shied away from stepping into his father’s shoes. Ruth had not taken it well.

  The preacher continued. “And now he’s going to say a few words.”

  As Elijah stood, time stopped for Taylor. The boy she’d known had morphed into a beautiful man. The slow, easy strides he took to the podium gave him an air of confidence she didn’t remember him having. Strong, square jaw, thick dark hair so black it was almost purple, and definitely more muscular. Taller too. Her heart doubled its pace as she stared at him.

  “Hello, everyone,” he said, his voice a warm, deep timbre. He set a handful of papers on the podium and stared at them a moment. “I’ve written this whole thing about my mom, grasping at straws while trying to come up with something positive. In truth, I can’t.” He choked on the words and touched his fist to his mouth.

  Taylor’s heart broke for him. At least when her mom died, she’d had wonderful things to say. How she’d loved her husband and her kids and had given back to the community by volunteering at the elementary school, running the yearly food drive, and all sorts of things. Things that Ruth Emerson never did.

  Elijah continued. “Since I can’t say anything nice, I won’t say anything at all.” He turned to the preacher. “I’ll turn it back over to you.” His long legs quickly took him back to the seat he’d previously occupied, and he was lost from sight.

  Leaning over, Taylor whispered to her dad, “He’s hurting.”

  Her dad cut her a glance. “Ruth Emerson was the devil, but Elijah isn’t. That boy is grieving, and more than likely, he’s twisted in all sorts of ways, not knowing exactly what he’s grieving for.”

  Taylor wiped at a tear. She knew that feeling. She’d made a deal with the devil, and in the end, it hadn’t mattered. The experimental treatment hadn’t worked, her mom had lost the battle, and Taylor had lost…everything. A decision that had left her life bankrupt.

  Chapter 3

  “Thank you for coming.” Elijah was already tired of the assembly line of people, both familiar and unfamiliar. Some he’d grown up with while others, he was sure, were from circles his mom ran in.

  It had been a surprise to see the church as full as it was. He’d half expected to be there by himself—which he guessed was speaking ill of the dead, but he’d also grown tired of trying to pretend his mom was due anything but the truth.

  That was why he’d abandoned the speech he’d written out. It was filled with all sorts of niceties. Things he knew weren’t true. And while he didn’t want to be hateful or disrespectful…lying didn’t seem right.

  “Elijah,” a familiar voice pulled him out of his fog. “It’s good to see you, son.”

  “Mr. Mab—” The name died on his lips as he came face-to-face with the girl who broke his heart.

  Taylor was just as beautiful as the last time he’d seen her…the night they fought. Perfect lips he’d kissed so many times he could still feel the softness of them. A silky chocolate waterfall of hair that spilled over her shoulders and down her back. Her eyes were the only thing that had changed. They were lighter green now, but with the little gold flecks that still mesmerized him. A frenzy of butterflies danced in his stomach. The girl—no, woman—still had so much power over him. It made him feel weak and foolish.

  “Hey, Elijah.”

  He swallowed hard. “Taylor,” he whispered. Clearing his throat, he found his voice. “Taylor, thank you for coming.” She didn’t care about him, and he wouldn’t let himself care about her.

  Her brother, Lucas, shook Elijah’s hand. “I’m sorry to hear about your mom.”

  “Thanks.”

  Joseph Mabrey gripped his shoulder. “It’s a tough thing to lose family. It’ll break you sometimes. If you need anything, my number’s still the same.”

  “Yes, sir. Thank you.” Elijah looked past him. “Where’s Momma Mabrey?”

  Taylor’s dad ducked his head, rubbing his chin with his fingers. “You don’t know?”

  Elijah shook his head. “I didn’t talk to my mom much, and when we did talk, it was never anything worth hearing.”

  “She passed not long after you left. I assumed Taylor had told you.”

  “But she was…” Elijah’s gaze drifted to Taylor. “She was in that experimental trial. She was doing great.”

  He’d kept the same cell number until he’d finished his basic training. Even he couldn’t deny that he’d hoped Taylor would call and tell him she was wrong…that she still wanted to be with him. Which meant she felt so little for him that she didn’t even bother to call him and tell him her mom died?

  “I loved her,” he said, bringing his attention back to Mr. Mabrey. “If I’d known…”

  Mr. Mabrey smiled. “I know. It’s okay. She loved you too.” He pulled an envelope out of his suit coat’s inner pocket. “I found this letter addressed to you a few months after she passed. The note said it was for you. I’ve not read it. I didn’t think it was my place, but I hoped to give it to you someday.”

  Nodding, Elijah took the letter and stared at it as his vision clouded. “She was so good to me. I saw her right before I left.”

  “You saw my mom?” Taylor asked.

  He slowly lifted his head, and his eyes locked with hers. “Yeah…in the hospital before dawn the day after graduation. I told her some things about my mom. How she was trying to force me to take over the company. I wasn’t going to do it, and I thought the only way to escape was joining the Army.” He’d keep the fact that he’d spoken to a recruiter several times the last few weeks before they graduated and that he was an oath away from basic training. When Taylor began to pull away, he’d felt he needed options.

  “I had no idea,” Mr. Mabrey said. “She never said anything.”

  “I asked her not to tell anyone. I didn’t want my mom finding out and trying to stop me.” Elijah folded the envelope and stuck it in his back pocket. “I’ll read it later.” He smiled. “Thank you for giving it to me.”

  Taylor’s dad patted him on the arm. “You’re welcome. Have you got plans for dinner to
night?”

  No, he didn’t, but he also couldn’t stomach seeing Taylor any more than he already had. “I have a lot of family business to take care of. The house, the company, and all that. But thank you for the invitation.”

  “You’re welcome at the house anytime, Elijah. You always have been, and you always will be.”

  He shook Mr. Mabrey’s hand. “I appreciate that, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I do wish I’d known,” he said, giving Taylor a pointed look. He’d been heartbroken until that moment. Now he was angry. This girl he’d pledged his heart to not only ditched him but didn’t have the decency to tell him that someone he loved had died?

  All this time, he’d unwillingly carried a torch for Taylor Mabrey, and she’d never loved him. Not like she said she did. Not like he loved her. He’d been willing to give up everything for her.

  “Don’t leave town without saying bye this time, all right?” Mr. Mabrey said.

  “No, sir, this time I won’t.”

  He watched as Taylor and her dad strode off with Lucas lingering behind. “You really all that busy, or you just don’t want to hang around my sister?” Her brother was only two years older, and they’d been pretty good friends before Elijah left for the Army. Of course, that friendship had been another casualty in the great Emerson-Mabrey breakup.

  Elijah rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh.”

  “It’s okay. I get it.”

  Chuckling, Elijah smiled. “Thanks.”

  “So, you look like you could use a friend while you’re in town. How about I volunteer?”

  “Actually, I’ll take you up on that offer. You’re a lawyer, right?” Elijah asked.

  Lucas nodded. “Yep, I’m working with Steven Jeffers. My plan is to take over his firm when he retires.”

  “He’s an estate planner, isn’t he?”

  “Yep, family law, estate planning, all of that.”