by L. D. Davis
When I returned to the hotel, Kyle was tearfully apologizing the second he saw the cast on my wrist.
“I didn’t mean it,” he said pleadingly, and I believed him.
“I know,” I said quietly. I let him hold me for a minute and even kissed him back when he put his lips on mine.
Love, I decided on the plane ride home, can make people crazy. Love can make us do things we never meant to do. Kyle wasn’t trying to hurt me when he broke my wrist. I wasn’t trying to hurt Luke when he was around, and surely I never meant to find myself in this position in the first place. It happened accidentally on purpose—my heart accidentally started loving two men, but I purposely and stupidly acted on it instead of walking away from one of them.
Love can also borderline obsession and madness. Kyle was obsessed with me even though he had no right to be, and I was crazy to stay with him, even though I had no right to do so. The whole situation was a fucked up mess of insanity, and Leo was right. As long as I allowed things to proceed this way, the circumstances would remain the same.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Fall pressed on, as did my scandalous, dysfunctional relationship with Kyle. As I predicted, our busy season turned into the busiest ever, but I was able to hire two assistants and three temps, greatly reducing the stress and turmoil that would have been. This was especially helpful due to the fact that I was in a cast for five weeks.
More and more of Kyle’s time was being sucked up by that succubus Jess. Where I used to be patient and not complain too much, my patience became as thin as thread.
“What time do you think you will be over next Thursday?” I asked Kyle in the elevator one night after work. It was a week before Thanksgiving and I had a grand meal planned for us.
“Uh…” He said with a guilty look on his face. “I thought you were going to go visit your family in Louisiana.”
“I never said that,” I was sure that I not only didn’t say it, but never even implied it.
“I’m sorry. I just assumed…”
The elevator doors slid open on the ground floor. I waited until we were outside, beyond earshot of the security guards before speaking again.
“So, you made an assumption and then made other plans with Jess,” I said, making an assumption of my own.
“I honestly believed you were going down south.”
I took a deep breath, trying not to go ballistic. “So, fit me into your day somewhere. Maybe you can come over at the end of the night?”
He winced, and I knew he wasn’t going to be able to fit me in.
“I’m leaving Wednesday afternoon for Fiji.”
“Fiji.” I gaped at him. “With Jess.”
“I’m sorry,” he reached for me, but I took a step back.
“That’s why you asked me to keep your schedule open Wednesday,” I said accusingly. “If I didn’t ask, would you have told me about Fiji?”
“I guess so,” he shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal. It doesn’t mean anything. It was her idea…” He stopped talking, probably realizing how ridiculous he sounded.
“Yeah, okay,” I said, taking another step back. “You enjoy your fucking trip to Fiji.” I was supposed to be walking with Kyle to his car in the garage, but I turned in the opposite direction and stepped to the curb to hail a cab.
“Em, wait,” he rushed over as a cab pulled up.
“Stop telling me to wait!” I yelled and stomped my foot, halting him. I opened the door, and before climbing in I said, “Don’t talk to me. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t come over.”
“Throwing a fucking temper tantrum isn’t helping anything,” he snapped. “You make this harder than it has to be.”
I wanted to punch him, but instead I slammed the cab door and didn’t even turn to look at him when we pulled away and lurched into traffic.
***
After I left my Fiji-bound asshole lover on the sidewalk, I decided to take another vacation. I had more than earned it. I had been through the ringer over the months and I was so, so damn tired and run down.
The next day, I slept in. I didn’t even call the office to let them know I would be late. Kyle must had known I was in a shitty mood, because he hadn’t even called me to see where I was. Later in the morning, I walked into his office wearing jeans and a hoodie instead of my usual business attire.
He had looked me up and down and raised an eyebrow. “Late for work and not following dress code? What a rebel.”
I slammed a document down on the desk next to his computer.
“What is this?”
“My vacation request that you are going to approve and sign,” I said, putting my hands on my hips.
Kyle made a sound of disgust before brushing the document away. “I really don’t have time for your bullshit today, Emmy.” He picked up another paper and tossed it on the desk in front of me. “I really need you to go down to the archives and get all of these files as soon as possible.”
I glanced at the long list of names, but didn’t touch it.
“If you think that I am going to sit around here alone while you’re off screwing your girlfriend in Fiji, you’re a bigger asshole than I could have ever imagined,” I said.
“You don’t need me to sign fucking papers for you to go away over the holiday,” Kyle snapped. “Like me and everyone else in the company, you’ll have four days off.”
I smiled humorlessly. “And you didn’t deny that you would be screwing your girlfriend.”
Kyle rubbed the top of his nose with two fingers. “Don’t,” he said in warning.
“Don’t what?” I dared. “Don’t bring up the fact that you’ll be screwing your girlfriend in Fiji? Don’t bring up the fact that you still have a girlfriend? Which thing is it that you don’t want me to do?”
In a flash, he picked up a small desk lamp off of the corner of his desk and hurled it across the room. It smashed against the wall and glass shattered on the floor. If anyone had any doubts about our relationship, I was sure the sound of glass and plastic shattering and our raised voices settled that.
When I looked back to Kyle, he was standing, his hands flat on the desk as he leaned toward me. His face was red with rage, a vein bulged in his neck.
“Why do you always have push me?” he asked through a clenched jaw. “Why don’t you understand? Why can’t you understand how fucking hard this is?”
Staring at him, I quietly retorted “Why can’t you understand?”
We stared at each other for a long time before he finally dropped his gaze to the desk. He took several deep breaths before carefully sitting back down in his chair. He picked up the vacation approval and looked it over.
“The next five days?” he looked up at me with disbelief. His stress-lined eyes still blazed with anger. “We’re still in the busy season.” he argued.
“I don’t really care,” I said wearily. “You can either sign off on it or fire me. Either way, I’m walking out the door in about two minutes.”
“You’re over reacting. Things aren’t what they seem, Emmy.”
Pointing to the pieces of lamp all over the floor, I said “That right there? That is over reacting. I’m under reacting, trust me. Are you going to sign it or not?”
“Where are you going and with whom?” he asked, his eyes narrowed with suspicion and jealousy.
I wanted to mess with his head and tell him I was going away with another guy, but if the poor lamp was any indication of his mood and temper, I didn’t want to push him anymore. Absently, I fingered the bracelet on my healed wrist.
“I am going to Louisiana,” I answered. As much as my mom drove me up a wall, part of me needed her. There were some ouchies only a mom could soothe, my crazy mom included.
Kyle actually seemed to consider it for a minute, but then he was shaking his head. “No. Regardless of what happens between us, you still have a job to do. You still work for me and this company. You can’t use our relationship to get what you want and run away every time
I hurt your feelings. We are too busy. You said so yourself, this is the busiest we’ve ever been and I have a ton of other shit going on. I need you here.” He quickly glanced at my clothes and added “And today is not a casual day, so I suggest you go find something work-appropriate to wear.”
He looked away from me and went back to work, dismissing me.
I gaped at him for several long seconds. He totally overlooked the fact that if it was not for his persistent pursuit of me last winter, that we would have never been in this position to begin with. He chocked it up to me being a whiny, needy woman.
I turned on my heel and left his office, slamming the door behind me. Everyone looked up at me. I forced a smile and strolled out of the office. When I didn’t return that day, Kyle sent me a text. He had approved my vacation time.
***
The next morning, I was standing in front of the family home in Louisiana, facing my mother. She hadn’t even spoken yet and I wanted to tape her mouth shut. It was a knee jerk reaction when I saw her.
She stood on the porch, in a powder blue dress, wearing an apron and drying her hands on a dishtowel. She looked as beautiful as ever, which made me a little sick.
“Do you think you can prescribe me some valium?” I asked my brother-in-law. Eric, a successful ob-gyn in a nearby town was married to my sister Lucille. He was the one who fetched me from the airport.
“If I have to deal with her drug-free, so do you.” He carried my bags into the house, chuckling.
“Come up here and give your mama a hug, girl,” Mom beckoned to me.
Several children appeared out of nowhere, screaming and laughing. They were playing some kind of get away game, oblivious to the fact that I was there. They were running around me, bumping into me and yelling close to my ear.
“Hey!” Mom pointed at them with the dishtowel. “Don’t you kids see your Aunt Em trying to get into the damn house? Get the hell out of the way.”
The kids took off across the yard, several yelling “Get the hell out of the way!”
I didn’t pay attention to whose kids they were. The Louisiana branch of my family is enormous. I am one of five children, six if you count Donya. All of my siblings had kids and some of their kids had kids. Then there was my mother’s siblings and their kids and grandkids and great grandkids, and various friends and their families that were adopted into our family, like my brother in-law Eric. His family and my family go way back. Way, way back. My mom and his mom were best friends growing up, despite what people thought about a white woman befriending a black woman in the south.
“Mom, stop cursing at the children,” I said as I climbed the steps. I hugged her and planted a kiss on her cheek.
“I missed you, honey,” she smiled, and held me at arm’s length so she could look me over. “You put on a little weight, didn’t ya?”
Actually, I had, and I didn’t understand how or why. I was definitely thicker in the waist, but I didn’t need my mom calling me out on it.
“What is that on your wrist?” my sister, Charlotte demanded as she stepped outside.
I mentally punched myself in the face for not taking off the bracelet Kyle had given me. I couldn’t tell them he gave it to me and why. I’m sure they wouldn’t believe the “I fell down” story. I’m not even sure Mayson believed it, but I didn’t have a good lie ready, and both Charlotte and my mom were staring me down, waiting for an answer.
“Kyle gave it to me,” I said with forced cheer. The rest of my siblings – Fred Jr., Lucy, and Emmet – magically appeared at that key moment. They all stared at me as if I had lost my mind, and of course, it was possible.
“What on earth for?” Charlotte asked. She was the one that was most like our mother.
Mom met my eyes just then, and I already knew I was caught lying before I started. But if she wasn’t going to say anything, I thought I may as well charge forward.
“I work my ass off, like really work my ass off,” I said, which was true, but not true to the question asked.
“Didn’t you say he was a dick?” Lucy asked, confused.
“Well, I guess he was making up for that, too.” I shrugged.
Lucy held up my arm, turning it back and forth, causing the bracelet to sparkle in the sunlight.
“Are those real diamonds?” she asked in awe. “This thing must be worth thousands.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” Mom snapped. “Can your sister get the hell in the house sometime this year?” She pushed Lucy out of the way and opened the door for me.
“Thanks,” I said to her and stepped inside to greet more family.
I made a mental note to take off the bracelet, and soon.
I had a long day traveling and then reacquainting myself with my family and meeting new babies and spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. Eric’s mom, Allie Mae, and my mom made the best dinner. I hadn’t eaten that well since my last visit to Louisiana, which had been more than a year. Even when I was past stuffed, I kept nibbling. By the time I waddled to my bedroom, I was sleepy beyond all that was reasonable, but I’d been that way for a couple of months. I was probably burning out.
I lay in bed looking at the bracelet on my wrist, thinking about the night I got it.
“I have something for you,” Kyle had said the night the cast came off.
We were out at an actual, nice steak house for dinner. It was the first night in weeks that we were able to go out for more than a fast food run or diner food. Work had been hectic for both of us, but Kyle was also working on some other things that I didn’t really know anything about. In addition to all of that, Jess was leaching every bit of free time he had.
Halfway through dinner Kyle slid a small black velvet box across the table. The box was a little too big to contain a ring, but for about six seconds my hopes were up. Then I remembered the impossibility of such a thing happening anytime in the near future, if ever.
“What is it?” I had asked, my hand on the box.
“Open it and see,” he said, grinning.
Carefully, I picked it up and opened it. Inside on a bed of satin, sat a bracelet of leaves in yellow gold, white gold, and rose gold. Each yellow and rose leaf contained no less than a dozen and a half tiny diamonds
“Kyle, this is so beautiful,” I breathed.
“I want you to know,” he said, putting the bracelet on my healed wrist. “That I will never hurt you again.”
I stared at my wrist. I should have been melting and gushing and leaning across the table to kiss him. I knew he meant to make up for what he had done. I understood that he was trying to symbolize his love for me. But that’s not how I took it.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, reading my face.
I didn’t mean to say it, but the words fell out of my mouth anyway.
“Every time I look at this, I’m going to be reminded that you broke my wrist.”
We sat there, staring at the jewelry on my wrist, the moment ruined.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Wake up, sleepy head,” my mom sang, waking me up from a solid sleep.
I peeked out from under my quilt. She was opening the curtains, letting the blasted sunshine in.
“I’m on vacation,” I grumbled. “Let me sleep.”
“It’s nearly noon. Get up and make yourself useful.”
“Sometimes I really dislike you.”
“I can say the same about you, kiddo,” she chuckled. “Get up, take a shower. I have a list for you.”
It took me some time, but I was able to drag myself out of bed and into the shower. I had been in Louisiana for five days, sleeping in daily, relaxing more than I had in over a year. I hadn’t done an ounce of work for Sterling Corp, even though I brought my laptop in case I felt the need to do something. I should have felt well rested, but I still felt run down, and for three nights straight, I couldn’t sleep due to a series of anxious flutters in my belly. I didn’t realize I was anxious about anything, but I knew that the body acts in mysterious ways sometimes.<
br />
Surely, it wasn’t my lack of communication with Kyle making me anxious. I spoke to him once a day, and since I was still angry, that was all I needed. Kyle being Kyle, he still called and texted me several times a day, but I didn’t give him more than ten minutes of my time. He would either have to wait until I wasn’t as angry or earn back more of my attention.
After I was showered and dressed, I got my orders from my parents, snagged a few teenagers for help, and took off in my mom’s car. The days leading up to Thanksgiving were always very busy. It was the biggest holiday for my family. Not only was the entire, enormous family present, but so were co-workers, employees, neighbors, friends, and a large group of people who couldn’t afford a dinner of their own.
The event was held outside on the extensive grounds surrounding the family house. There were countless tables and chairs, and even blankets spread out on the ground. Turkeys were roasted, smoked, and deep-fried. Most years there was a whole pig roasted, sometimes two. There were yams and potatoes, various greens and beans, potato salads, pasta salads, and macaroni and cheese. Cranberry sauce, dressing, and various breads. The dessert list was even bigger.
All of this took days to prep and everyone had to help, including my burned out self. Even with the kids’ help, I was dragging. Before Eric left for the night, I stopped him and pulled him aside.
“I’ve been feeling totally run down lately,” I explained quietly. My family was so nosey; I didn’t want to share my personal issues with anyone else. I told him everything I’d been experiencing and asked him if he could just check me out, maybe order some blood work.
“Friday morning, come to my office early, like around seven-thirty. We’ll start with some basic stuff. It’s probably nothing.” He gave me a reassuring smile and I felt a little better.
Somehow I made it to and through Thanksgiving, tired as hell, but well fed. I almost slept through my alarm Friday morning, but the urge to pee was so strong I wasn’t sure I was going to make it.
