by L. D. Davis
I didn’t know where that came from. Of course someday I wanted to have children, and definitely a permanent home, but a minivan? That was over the top. That was definitely going to shock Emmy.
Emmy gasped, as expected. “Now you're going too far. A minivan? Unbelievable.”
“I knew that would hit you hard,” I laughed.
By the time I hung up with my best friend, my mind was made up. I was going to quit modeling. I was going to stop taking on more work and finish up my commitments and start a new era of my life. I was happy about my decision, but part of me was sad that I wouldn’t be starting that new era with Emmet.
It was a milestone in my life that he had been longing for, but he would never reap the benefits of it. We hadn’t spoken to or seen each other since that terrible night in Louisiana. I wondered what would happen if I told him I was quitting. Thinking about it was bringing me down when I should have been excited, so I hastily pushed it out of my head as best as I could.
I was considering calling Jerry to tell him my decision as I let myself into my hotel suite. I had no idea what his intentions were. For all I knew, he was going to break up with me because we were too serious.
I crossed the threshold and halted. My eyes widened, and my jaw dropped.
There were brightly colored flowers everywhere in my small suite—on the floor, on the table, on the bureau, on the desk, on the window sill, and on the night stands. On the bed lay an enormous bouquet of roses with a card resting against it. I slowly began to cross the room towards the bed, but couldn’t stop gaping at the bright, multicolored flowers in every direction I looked. Where had they come from? How the hell did they get them in there? I felt like I had just stepped out of Auntie Em’s and Uncle Henry’s tornado-thrown house and into Oz.
I picked up the bouquet of roses and brought them to my nose and inhaled. I had smiled at the smell before I plucked the envelope off of the bed. I sat down on the edge of the bed, opened it and pulled out a folded note. The words were typed, but I had no doubt that if Jerry could have sent a handwritten note to the other side of the world in a day, he would have.
Donya, I hope you have a beautiful day today, but if you didn’t I hope these flowers have cheered you up. I can’t wait to see you again. I am counting down the days, the hours, the minutes, and seconds. When you come back, there is something I want to ask you regarding our future together. I love you always.
Jerry
I clutched the note to my chest like a giddy school girl and squealed. I looked around at all of the flowers, grinning like the biggest fool. So much for wondering what Jerry’s intentions were. I think I figured them out just fine.
*~*~*
I was feeling rather melancholy as I looked at the diamond on my left ring finger. The ring Jerry slipped on my finger when he proposed when I returned from Japan was beautiful. He spared no expense buying it. It was huge, and I was sure that when I turned my hand the right way in the sunlight, it blinded anyone within a half mile radius. I wasn’t one for flashy jewelry, but I knew that Jerry was thinking with his heart when he bought it and gave it to me, so I didn’t mind wearing it.
I was happy, for the most part. I felt like my life was pulling together as it should, but sometimes when I caught a glimpse of the ring on my finger, I was reminded of the ring that Emmet had given me when I was practically still a kid. I had been happy then too, and I couldn’t have imagined a life without him. Now I had someone else’s ring on that finger and I was moving forward in a life that had nothing to do with Emmet. In fact, I was moving forward rather quickly, because I was only about twenty-four hours away from marrying Jerry Vasquez.
Spring training was starting in less than two weeks. Once that started, Jerry wouldn’t have time for a wedding. I had suggested that we wait another year and get married after the season ended, but Jerry was insistent. He said that besides his career, he had never wanted something more. He wanted to start the season with me as his wife.
I had felt panicked about getting married so quickly. We got engaged in mid-October and our wedding date was set for mid-January. I hid my panic and gently tried to dissuade Jerry from the January wedding. I reminded him that I was still working, that it would take several months before things settled down for me, but by early November, the decision was made and we were planning our nuptials.
The day after our wedding I had to fly to Paris for an appearance at an event that I could not get out of. I then had to go to London and then Madrid. By the time I would get back to the states, Jerry would be in spring training. For quite some time, we would still have a scheduling issue, but I chose not to bring it up. Surely he had to know that too.
I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing. Was I marrying Jerry because I really loved him and wanted a life with him? Or was I marrying him because I didn’t have Emmet? Worse yet, was I marrying him to spite Emmet?
I asked myself all of those questions and more, and the best answer I could come up with was: Yes, I loved Jerry and I wanted a life with him, but maybe a tiny, rebellious part of me was marrying him to spite Emmet as well. I wanted to prove to him that it didn’t matter what the hell kind of sick cord connected us, I could live without him. That’s what I told myself, and I had to believe it was true to move forward.
The wedding was taking place at the house in Louisiana. It was Jerry’s idea. The weather was warmer than it would be up north, and the grounds at the house were extensive, and the beautiful lake view was a bonus. I agreed with him, but I felt a little bit like I was betraying Emmet by having the wedding figuratively and literally in his own backyard. I wasn’t sure if he was coming or not. I didn’t personally invite him, but Emmy, who had no idea that we weren’t speaking sent him an invitation.
I didn’t tell Emmy about our fight. I didn’t tell anyone. I had a feeling Sam knew more than she let on, but she never brought it up other than to yell at me for breaking a glass and not cleaning it up. It was easy to hide the fact that Emmet and I weren’t talking, because he lived in Florida and I lived up north. I traveled a lot and when I wasn’t traveling, I was with Jerry. Everyone assumed that we were communicating, but I never confirmed or denied it and I guess Emmet didn’t either.
After the wedding rehearsal, we all made our way to the rehearsal dinner. It was at a country club that Sam and Fred belonged to not too far away. It was an upscale place with exquisite food and a great atmosphere. What I really liked about it was that on Friday nights they had dancing. After a delicious meal where there were a few speeches, some funny and some tearful, I convinced my soon-to-be husband to take me to the main dining room for some dancing.
The night was going well. Almost all of us were dancing, including Sam and Fred. I was passed around from partner to partner, every male wanted a chance to dance with the bride. It was while I was dancing with Fred Jr. that I felt it. It was as if a rubber band had been snapped and now it was quickly retracting.
When a rubber band snaps back, if your fingers are in the way, the rubber stings. My whole damn body was in the way. The initial sting started in my chest and quickly radiated throughout my entire body, affecting my throat, my lungs, and my heart.
My throat felt like it was closing up, it became a chore to force air in and out of my lungs, and my heart pounded at my chest cavity without mercy. I peered over Freddy’s shoulder. Through all of the others on the dance floor, I met the piercing green eyes of the man who was walking across the dance floor with a purpose.
I looked around frantically, hoping I would find a means of escape, but it was already too late.
“I’m cutting in,” Emmet said to Freddy without ever taking his eyes off of me.
“Nice of you to show up,” his brother snorted and then released me.
When Emmet stepped towards me, I took an automatic step back, but he wasn’t going to let me get away. He put his hand on my waist and roughly pulled me closer to him. So not to cause a scene, I relented and put my hand on his shoulder and my other han
d in his.
For a long time, Emmet didn’t speak. He simply stared at me, completely oblivious to the room full of people surrounding us. I put on my supermodel personality and painted on a small smile. I looked away from him and let my eyes travel casually around the room. When I saw Jerry dancing with Emmy, I pleaded with him with my eyes to rescue me, but he didn’t see the plea and went on dancing.
“Don’t do this,” Emmet said in a low voice.
I laughed. I laughed heartily as if I was amused, but I was not at all amused.
“I should have known you didn’t come here to wish me well,” I said once my laugher died. “After our last meeting, I shouldn’t be surprised by anything you do or say.”
“I was an asshole, I know,” he said hastily. “I was the biggest asshole I have ever been, but don’t let that night influence you to make the biggest mistake of your life.”
I flinched and my feet stopped moving. Emmet pulled on me hard to make me move again and I did so reluctantly. The small band that played at the club every weekend was playing “Put on Your Sunday Clothes.” It was one of my favorite songs from Hello Dolly. The song seemed out of place in my current situation. Something mournful would have better suited.
“Don’t do this,” Emmet said again when I didn’t verbally respond to his last comment.
“It’s already happening,” I said in a tightly controlled voice. “And I want it to happen.”
“You don’t want it to happen,” Emmet said angrily. “You only want to hurt me by marrying him.”
“I want to marry him because I love him, Emmet.”
“You may love him, but you know love isn’t enough, not in your circumstance.”
“What circumstance is that?” I challenged him.
“Your heart belongs to me,” Emmet whispered. I tried to move away from him, but he held onto me tightly and kept me moving on the dance floor, away from our friends and family, away from Jerry.
“You can put on that supermodel smile and waltz around this damn floor pretending that your life is a fairytale, but it’s all a lie and you know it.”
“It’s not a lie,” I began to argue, but Emmet spoke over me.
“It is a lie. You forget that I can see you like no one else.” His gaze was intense. I felt like he had stripped away every layer I had and was peering at me raw, and that he was seeing me better than I saw myself.
But I felt the need to fight him every step of the way, because he had no right to treat me as he did that night and then to show up at my rehearsal dinner for a dance and a chat.
“I don’t know why you’re here. Where’s Casey? Isn’t that where you should be? With your ‘future’?”
“I know what you’re trying to do and it isn’t going to work. Casey isn’t my future.”
“But you said—”
“I know what I said, but that wasn’t about me. Casey was having a rough time and I said that for her benefit. The only person I saw in my future was you.”
I gave him a doubtful look. “You didn’t correct me that night. Your silence was a confirmation.”
“Casey is just a friend, Donya. I posted what I posted for her benefit and something that she was going through. It had nothing to do with me and her. I let you believe what you said was true, because aforementioned, I was an asshole and I wanted it to hurt you. If you stopped trying to close yourself off to me, you would have known that without having to ask.”
“I’m not trying to close myself off,” I objected.
“Yes, you are. I can feel you trying to erect walls and push me out, but you can’t push me out, Donya. I am ingrained in you. I am woven into every cell of your body. You cannot eradicate me without losing yourself, too.”
I swallowed hard and looked away from him. Everyone else was dancing, laughing, smiling, and enjoying the evening, completely oblivious to the fact that I was suffering, smothering even. Unless I cried out for help, no one would come to my aid, but even if they did, it would make no difference. The only one that could redeem me was the very one making me feel helpless.
“I’m marrying Jerry tomorrow and that’s final,” I said weakly when I finally looked at him again.
Emmet stopped dancing so abruptly I almost tripped. He didn’t release me. He boldly pulled me closer, too close for comfort with my future husband a mere few feet away.
“You may become his on paper tomorrow, but you will always be mine, and I will always be yours. Think heavily on that before you make the biggest mistake of both of our lives.”
He kissed my cheek, close to my mouth, tenderly, letting his lips linger too long. Then his breath was warming my ear.
“I love you,” he whispered softly.
Then he was gone. He was walking back across the dance floor towards the exit, and he did not look back. I was left standing on the dance floor without a partner while people danced around me, feeling resistance in the cord as it stretched.
Chapter Forty-Seven
I stared at my reflection in the large floor mirror propped against the wall. My Vera Wang dress wasn’t custom made because we didn’t have time, but Vera herself helped me select it and tailored it to my body.
My makeup was professionally done to a smooth finish by Ginny. My hair was styled by one of the top stylists in the world and topped off with a diamond encrusted tiara, chosen by Jerry, of course. Nothing less for his princess.
I was beautiful. I looked like I just stepped out of a book of fairytales, but my life wasn’t a fairytale. For the first time in my life, I wondered if the princes in the fairy tales just looked the part but wasn’t what the damsel needed.
I gradually became aware of Sam’s fingers touching and plucking and adjusting. I felt as if a monkey was grooming me and it was annoying me. She hadn’t stopped talking all day, and I felt like my head was going to explode if I had to listen to her any longer. While she harassed Ginny and the hair stylist, I turned to Emmy and whispered in her ear.
“I really need some quiet time, or I’m going to lose my fucking mind.”
Emmy nodded her understanding and then walked across the room to the other three women. She told Sam that she really needed to check on things outside and when Sam was gone she kindly told the other women they could get ready. A moment later it was just Emmy and me.
“You look really stressed out,” Emmy said worriedly.
“Honestly, I just need a little bit of time alone,” I sighed, and then added for her benefit, “I’ll be fine. I’m just tired and cranky.”
“Understandable,” she said and believed me instantly. Of course she did, because she would trust me to tell her if I was freaking out about marrying Jerry.
Emmy checked the time on her phone. “You still have over an hour left. Take some time and relax. I’ll be back in a little while.”
“Thank you,” I said sincerely and hugged her.
“Cheer up,” she smiled after we released each other. “You’re getting married to your prince today.”
Princess Diana married her prince, too, and look how that turned out, I thought, but I didn’t say that to Emmy. I gave her a small smile and watched her walk out of the room.
I picked up my phone and checked it for messages, voice mail—for anything from Emmet. I was disappointed when there was nothing, as there had been all day. I didn’t know how speaking to him could have helped at all, but I couldn’t help but to hope for it.
I walked over to the window and looked outside. There were heated tents set up on the lawn, one for the ceremony and another for the reception. Even though we were in the warmer climate of Louisiana, the winter months had the potential to get pretty cool.
Many guests had already begun to arrive and were milling around in the yard talking. Just looking at the place where I was going to get married was making me anxious. I turned away from the window, but the room was beginning to feel too small. I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I needed to get out, even if for only a few minutes, out into the fresh air, alo
ne.
I picked up the hem of my dress and slowly pulled the door open. I could hear voices in the house, but they were all downstairs and at the back of the house. As quietly as I could manage in my swishing dress and high heels, I hurried to the stairs that led to the front of the house. I managed to make it down without killing myself but almost immediately ran into a body.
“What are you—” Felix started to ask, but I put my fingers over his lips and shook my head adamantly. He and Ginny had arrived in the wee hours of the morning before any of the media could show up at the end of the driveway.
“I need to get out of here,” I mouthed silently.
His eyes widened. He took my fingers off of his mouth and held my hand.
“You’re running?” he mouthed back.
“No,” I said, shaking my head and then whispered “I just need a break. I’ll be back.”
He gave me a look that I could only describe as sympathetic. He laced his fingers with mine and led me outside. He made me wait as he fetched the limo that Jerry had hired to take us away after the reception. I wondered why it was there so early, but then I was thankful for the car and its dark windows
Fortunately, there wasn’t anyone out front. All of the parking and the activity was at the back and east side of the house. Way down the road the media waited for a glimpse of some celebrity, but they wouldn’t know who was in the back of the car.
“Are you going to be okay?” Felix asked as he helped me get into the car.
“Yes, I promise,” I said. “I just need some air.”
“Okay,” he said and leaned in and kissed me on my forehead. “Be careful and call me if you need me.”
I nodded and thanked him. He closed the door, and the car began to move.
“Is there somewhere specific you would like to go ma’am, or would you like me to just drive?” the driver asked.
“I’ll direct you where to go,” I said. “Thank you.”
