by L. D. Davis
I bit my lip, wondering if I should tell him what Leo told me. He would probably laugh and call Leo a dumbass and promise me that it wasn’t him. He would give some kind of explanation that made perfect sense and then we would all move on. Then again, I didn’t want to throw Leo under the bus, either, just in case Tack got mad, but why would he get mad if it weren’t true? I had talked to Leslie on the phone about it, but she wasn’t sure how or if I should address it. The opportunity was before me and I had to choose.
“I heard rumors about you,” I said, carefully watching his face.
Tack grinned. “There are always rumors about me.” He looked down at the small waves crashing into his legs. “What is this one about?”
I put a hand on the back of my neck, hesitating before answering. I could make something up and let the ridiculous drug accusation go, but I really needed to hear his denial. Donya’s father had died the previous year after a drug overdose and she didn’t even know he was on drugs. She was completely blindsided. Not that I believed it, anyway, but I didn’t want to be blindsided. If—and I mean if—Tack was on drugs, I would want him to get help as soon as possible, because losing him was not an option, not like that. He had always taken care of me—chased away the monsters that hid under my bed, soothed me after nightmares, kissed my skinned knees, and gave me the love and affection that my parents couldn’t or wouldn’t give me. I needed to hear his denial. I needed to know everything would be all right.
“I heard you were snorting coke,” I said, diving right in. There were no bushes in sight to beat around.
Tack didn’t freeze or frown or laugh. He didn’t look uneasy or angry in any way and I started to feel relieved. He smiled, but he didn’t look up at me. The water was far more fascinating.
“Who said that?”
I tilted my head to the side. I wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting an immediate “That’s bullshit, Tabby. You’re so gullible,” or something like that, but that isn’t what I got. My heart rate sped up just a little.
“What difference does it make who said it?” I asked. “That doesn’t matter.”
Tack looked up and glanced over his shoulder. I couldn’t see his eyes under his sunglasses, but I knew he was looking at Leo.
“This is the part where you tell me it’s not true,” I said, making a hand motion for him to get on with it.
He finally looked at me. “If you didn’t have your doubts, you wouldn’t be asking me right now.”
I stared at him. He wasn’t denying it. He wasn’t denying that he snorted cocaine!
My heart seized in my chest and a lump formed in my throat. It was hot; nearly ninety degrees, but I felt a chill race up my spine.
“Tack,” I whispered his name, shaking my head.
“Don’t worry, little sister,” he said, smiling tightly at me. “I’m not addicted or anything. It was just a little bit of fun.”
“A little bit of fun?” I repeated his words. “Tack, are you crazy?”
“I did it twice, okay? I don’t have a craving for it or anything. Training starts in August, so I won’t be doing it anymore. I don’t want to fuck up my college football career before it even begins.”
My thumb was in my mouth again. Tack looked so casual, like he hadn’t just admitted to doing a hardcore drug. I glanced over my shoulder and found Leo watching me carefully, ignoring Emmy pawing over him. I looked away and looked at my brother again.
“It’s so dangerous, and you know better,” I said to him.
“You’re worried about nothing,” he replied dismissively.
“How would you feel if I told you that I did a couple of lines of coke, Tack?”
He looked at me and I knew he was narrowing his eyes at me. The muscles in his neck tightened and his hands fisted at his sides.
“I would kick your ass from here to the moon, throw you into rehab, and then track down the bastard who gave it to you.”
I rolled my eyes. “And you’re telling me not to worry? Really? Do you know how scared I feel now?”
He sighed, and the tension left his body. He wrapped an arm across my shoulders and kissed the top of my head.
“Tabitha, I promise you I won’t do it again. I’m sorry I did it in the first place. I didn’t mean to scare you. I’ll be okay, I promise.”
I hugged Tack, wrapping my arms around his waist. “You’re all I have,” I said. “If I lose you to something stupid like drugs, I will kill you.”
His soft chuckle vibrated softly against my cheek. “I promise I’ll always be here for you. I’ll be around forever, and when I’m old and shitting in my own pants, you’ll have to take care of me.”
I slapped his arm and let myself laugh, but a deep part of me thought that promises may as well be the fine grains of sand beneath our feet. You can scoop up a whole handful of the stuff, but most of it always ends up slipping through your fingers.
Chapter Five
“I’m just saying that he looked cute today, that’s all,” Leslie said many months later as we walked to my house from school on a warm spring Friday afternoon.
“He looks the same as he does every day.” I snorted. “Like an arrogant asshole.”
Leslie rolled her eyes but smiled. “Yeah, but he’s a sexy, arrogant asshole, and your ‘second best friend’ don’t forget.”
“Whatever. So, what are you trying to say? You want him back?”
She scrunched up her nose as she thought. Leslie is one of those cute button nose types that could scrunch up her nose and look cute. When I scrunched up my nose, I looked like I was smelling something foul.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Maybe.”
Before the summer was even half over, Leo and Leslie had broken up. I wasn’t very surprised because teenage relationships were so delicate—even I had a boyfriend for about five minutes. All around us, people were hopping to a new person every week. It was amazing that their relationship had lasted as long as it did, especially since Leo was starting to look more and more appealing to all of the horny teenage girls in town. Leslie had practically been beating them away with a stick, and Leo being Leo was slow to act when one of the floozies draped themselves over his body, or dropped kisses on his cheeks or dangerously close to his mouth that often left behind bright pink or red painted lips on his skin.
My friendship with Leo remained intact even when he and Leslie weren’t talking. My loyalties were with Leslie, but there was no telling how many guys she would date over the years, and surely I would be friends with any one of them. I wasn’t going to dump my friends because she dumped them as boyfriends. I didn’t even have to explain that to her, she already knew that about me and it never even came up.
“Does he talk about me?” Leslie asked hesitantly.
“He asks me how you’re doing.”
“That’s stupid. He sees me in school. He sees how I’m doing.”
I shrugged. “That’s different. There’s more to you than what people see in school and he knows that.”
She grew quiet and thoughtful as we neared my house. It felt like it had been forever since the Rico Incident and the funny feelings I had that night, when in reality, it had only been a few months. Even less time had passed since Leo told me about my brother during a late night walk on the boardwalk and Tack made me promises as we stood side by side in the sea. It had only been two months since he broke one of those promises and, along with my cousins Mayson and Emmy, got as high as the stars during an end of summer party. Emmet and Donya took care of Emmy, but I wouldn’t have been able to get Tack and Mayson back to my house safely without Leo. He helped me get them into Tack’s car and drove us home, regardless of the fact that he still didn’t even have a license. Then he helped me get them into the house where we deposited them on the living room couch instead of fighting to get them up the stairs. Fortunately, my parents were away for the weekend for a funeral. Then again, maybe if they had been home, the paths that both Mayson, Tack, and Emmy continued down could have b
een diverted.
When Leslie and I walked through the door, I was surprised to nearly run into my cousin Emmy. She was walking out of my kitchen, barefoot, with a soda tucked under her arm and a huge bag of cheese curls in her hand. One look at her eyes and I knew she was high.
“What are you doing here?” I asked her just as I heard Mayson’s voice from the basement. “What are you both doing here?”
“Nice to you see you, too, cousin,” Emmy said, stuffing a cheese curl into her mouth. “We came to see your brother.”
Leslie looked at her watch and her brow furrowed as she looked at Em. “It’s only a little after three. Didn’t you guys go to school today?”
Emmy waved a hand dismissively. “We took an unauthorized day off.”
My stomach contracted with uneasiness as I looked toward the stairs to the basement. My dad was at work and my mom was working one of her two shifts for the week at a local hospital. There was a lot that could have happened during the day without any parental guidance. Tack had been hanging out with Mayson and Emmy a lot. It was weird on many levels. Up until recently, Tack hadn’t been super close with any of the cousins. The three of us were close in age and had been friends since we were all still in diapers, especially Mayson and I, but Tack always looked at Em and May as annoying little sisters he never wished he had. Also, it wasn’t like they were close in age. Tack had three years on Em and five on Mayson. Why was a nineteen-year-old guy hanging out with a fourteen-year-old girl? If we weren’t all related, I would feel a little skeeved out about that.
Things had changed so much. Tack had changed since that day on the beach. He started college and played football as a Temple Owl in September, but during his fourth game, he sustained a concussion and a career altering knee injury. His college football career and aspirations of getting drafted into the NFL came to an abrupt halt during one play in the third quarter. After the injury, Tack was understandably bitter, especially when it was confirmed that he would be out for the entire season with no guarantee that he would be able to play the following year. He missed some school because of his injury and in the end, decided to miss the rest of the semester so that he could give his knee time to heal. He was cranky and downright mean sometimes. I was doing my best to be understanding, but it was more than just a grumpy disposition. Something else was off about him, but I couldn’t put my finger on it, and the whole new development of him hanging out with the girls was unsettling. Mayson had been dabbling in drugs since she was twelve and Emmy must have had a bottle of booze in her hand when she came out of the womb, but for the most part, in the past, they both seemed stable and had their stuff together, but I wasn’t so sure anymore. I was worried about all three of them, truth be told, but especially Tack. I couldn’t shake the feeling that they were getting into something terrible.
Later that evening after Tack left to drive Mayson and Emmy home, I rushed into his room with Leslie on my heels.
“What are you doing?” she asked in a loud whisper.
I stood in the middle of his messy room, unsure where to start first. “I think he’s doing drugs,” I said, voicing my thoughts aloud for the first time.
“He told you he wasn’t, right?” she asked hesitantly. “So, he’s been a cranky bastard lately. You can hardly blame him. The whole life he wanted went up in smoke. “
“I know, but…” I said as I began to move papers around on his desk. “He’s been weird. Sleeping at odd hours for long periods of time, disappearing for hours, and now hanging out with Frick and Frack.”
I could sense Leslie’s reluctance as she hovered by the door, but then she sighed and moved into the room and started rooting through the stand next to Tack’s bed.
“Emmy did look like she had just smoked a whole lot of something,” Leslie admitted. “But I don’t think a little bit of weed is anything to be worried about.”
I ignored her and made fast work of carefully rooting through my brother’s things. There was a time in my life when I would have never considered doing such a thing. I respected Tack’s privacy and he respected mine. He didn’t go snooping through my diary or anything, and I never even went into his room without his permission, but I couldn’t ignore my instincts and I had a strong feeling I wouldn’t get answers if I simply asked him questions.
After a few minutes of searching, I was starting to believe I was simply paranoid. Maybe my brother was just going through a hard time. It didn’t mean he was a full-time drug addict.
And then I found a small pencil bag in Tack’s desk. There weren’t any pencils in it. No erasers, no pens, and no glue sticks or staples.
“Shit,” I whispered as I gingerly picked out a skinny syringe.
“Shit,” Leslie said with wide eyes. She rushed over and snatched the pencil bag from me. “Shit.”
“Shit,” I repeated when Leslie held up a tourniquet.
“Shit,” she said when she held up a spoon and a lighter.
“We should stop saying shit,” I whispered, swallowing back a large lump that had formed in my throat.
“Yeah,” she said. “But shit.”
“Yeah.”
“This would almost be funny if it wasn’t,” she said. “I mean, it just seems so cliché—the needle, the spoon and lighter.” She plucked at a small candle on top of the desk. “A freakin’ candle.”
I looked at Leslie. She stared at me, her eyes wide with shock and concern.
“Tabby,” she whispered. “Are you okay?”
Hysteria snuck in through my open mouth, because even though I should have been anything but amused, I started to laugh. I should have been bawling my eyes out or rushing downstairs to show my mom and dad what their precious baby boy had been doing, but I didn’t. I stood there, laughing without any control. Leslie watched on nervously as I turned red and doubled over, laughing hard as I clutched the ‘pencil’ bag in my hand.
“Okay,” Leslie said carefully. “I’m starting to wonder who the addict is here,” she said as she gingerly pried the bag out of my fingers.
For some reason, I found that even funnier. I dropped to my knees, laughing and holding onto my aching midsection.
“Come on,” Leslie whispered, trying to pull me to my feet. “Let’s get out of here before your mom comes up here and goes all nutso on us for being in the special boy’s room.”
I got to my feet as my laughter began to die down some. I was still laughing, but at least I was able to breathe again. Leslie started to put the bag back in the desk, but I stopped her. I shoved the drawer closed but held onto the bag.
“Is that a good idea?” she whispered.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged, my laughter gone.
Leslie hugged me tightly. “I’ll stay with you as long as you need me to.”
“Thank you,” I breathed, truly thankful that she was there with me.
Tack didn’t come home that night or most of the day on Saturday. At least he checked in with my mom. He told her that he was at a friend’s house, but I didn’t know where he was for sure. I did know that Emmy and Mayson were with him because when I tried calling either of them, both parents said they were at each other’s houses.
Leslie stayed the night, and I really had to push her out of the house to make sure she went to the football game. She was a cheerleader, and nothing short of death was an excusable reason not to show up to events.
“I’ll be back right after, I promise,” Leslie said, lingering near my bedroom door, biting her lip. “It’s a home game, so I shouldn’t be forever.”
“It’s fine,” I said, forcing a smile. “Go do your rah-rah-rah thing.”
“Jeez, Tabby, you make it seem so mindless,” she said, rolling her eyes.
I wasn’t going to again tell her how mindless most of the cheerleaders we knew were.
She stepped across the room and wrapped her arms around me. “Do not engage the enemy without backup.”
“My god, Les, you’re so corny,” I said, rolling my eyes. I gave her anothe
r squeeze and then gently pushed her away. “Get out of here, cheerleader.”
“Fine, book nerd,” she said, walking to the door.
“Mindless pom-pom zombie.”
“Your mom,” she called over her shoulder before bounding down the stairs.
“Can’t argue with you there,” I muttered.
Five minutes later, Leslie reappeared in my room.
“What are you doing?” I asked, confused.
She shook her head, her pretty blond hair moving on her cheeks. “I can’t go pretend to be a happy cheerleader while you’re sitting here like this.”
I appreciated what she was trying to do, but I didn’t want her to get into trouble. “Leslie,” I started, but she cut me off.
“No, Tabby,” she said, dropping her backpack on the floor. “You’re my best friend and you’re upset and god only knows what you’re going to have to deal with when Tack comes home. I don’t care about anything else but you right now.”
“You’ll get in trouble,” I said.
“So what?” She plopped down beside me. “I’m not leaving you.”
I blinked back tears and quietly said, “Good. I didn’t really want you to leave.”
“I’ll always be here for you,” Leslie promised. I believed her.
When Tack eventually came home later that evening, I left Leslie standing in my doorway as I went to knock on his door with one hand behind my back so he wouldn’t see the bag right away. She offered to come with me, but I knew it was something I needed to do myself. I knocked softly and waited a moment for him to open the door.
“What’s up?” Tack asked, yawning.
“Where were you last night?”
“Who are you? My mother? I was out. What’s on your mind?”
“I want to talk to you,” I said carefully. “Can I come in?”
His eyes narrowed, but he moved away from the door to let me in. He turned his back on me as he fiddled with something on top of his dresser.
“What do you want to talk about? Are you okay?” he asked.
