Kate's Christmas

by Sarah Holman

  “It was nice to meet you,” Sandra said with a syrupy smile as one hand possessively slithered around Thomas’s waist. The two of them were soon walking off.

  “She’s pretty,” Kate said.

  Patrick studied taxi information as if it were a complicated treasure map. “Thomas doesn’t date any other kind.”

  Kate laughed, but it was devoid of mirth. “What guy does?”

  Patrick glanced at her, confused. She was staring after Thomas. Did she envy Sandra? But that didn’t make sense. It wasn’t like she was interested in Thomas…was she? He had better head it off now if she was. “Thomas likes his girls beautiful and for a limited time. He doesn’t keep girls around.” He wanted to say more, but what could he say?

  Kate looked up at him as they moved out toward the pickup zone. “Maybe it’s the girls who only like him for a limited time. Thomas is fine as a boss but he strikes me as the kind of guy who would not be easy to have as a boyfriend.”

  Okay, so with the way her nose scrunched, she probably wasn’t interested in him. So, what was with her? He felt like shrugging. Kate was hard to understand at times.

  Their taxi pulled up and Patrick swept his hand toward it. “After you.”

  Kate nodded and stepped in as he took the suitcase. After talking with the driver and placing the suitcases in the trunk, he slid in beside Kate.

  After a few minutes of silence, he decided that it was time to pick up the conversation. “Are you ready to spend some time with your family?”

  She folded her arms across her chest and stared off into space. “Ready is not how I feel.”

  Something about her demeanor reminded him of that first time they were in that interrogation room and she was trying to convince him of her innocence.

  “Want to talk about it?” Patrick asked.

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I want to make things right but… I’m not the same person I was the last time they saw me. We’ve talked on the phone and whatnot, but…I don’t know. It feels weird to be going back.”

  That he could understand. He remembered heading home for the summer after his first year of college. He had changed, grown, and he felt like he was going back to a place that expected him to be a kid. Not that his parents had treated him that way. What Kate was facing seemed a little more drastic. And she was heading home to try to make things right. There was a lot of pressure on her.

  Christmas Cabin

  Saturday, December 24 1:00PM

  Kate hadn’t felt this sick since…since… She had felt this sick when they had told her Ingrid was the one who had set her up to take the fall for the bombing.

  And she had a panic attack right after that.

  She worked hard to control her breathing. She didn’t want the first thing that her father saw to be her struggling for breath.

  “It’s been so long since I’ve seen snow.” Logan tossed a white and silver ball between her hands in the front passenger seat.

  Kate sat on her hands in the seat behind her.

  “Pink, we just saw snow in Tennessee,” Patrick reminded her.

  “Say, you’re really getting into this brother role,” Logan laughed. “You knew what I meant. It’s been so long since I’ve seen this much snow. Have you ever driven in snow like this, Patrick?”

  Kate contemplated the dangers of opening the door while the car was still moving so that she could jog. It was harder to breathe normally. Maybe they could go back and give her parents some excuse.

  “You seem to forget that I spent a lot of time driving in it during our time at Kate’s old school. I’ve driven in it for many cases and haven’t lost someone yet,” he countered. “Well, unless you count Timmy.”

  Kate’s attention was snagged. She looked at Patrick’s smirk through the rearview mirror.

  “Timmy?” Logan asked. “Who is Timmy?”

  “He was my partner before, you know, the tragic accident while I was driving in the snow.” Patrick’s dimples had appeared.

  Logan punched him in the arm. “You never had a partner named Timmy.”

  “I just don’t talk about him because of the…you know…tragic accident.”

  Kate smiled. Patrick’s jest lightened the mood. The next moment, she caught his gaze in the rearview mirror and she quickly looked away. He had known. He had known that she was back here worrying and had deliberately chosen something that would distract her.

  “Are you going to tell me about Tim—”

  Patrick held up a hand. “No, we don’t talk about Timmy.”

  “You were the one who brought him up,” Kate said, unable to resist joining in.

  “Did I?” Patrick glanced back at her.

  “Here are the cabins!” Logan said.

  The sick feeling returned. Cabins was an interesting name for the massive log cabin–style farmhouse that had been rented for this occasion. There was a smaller guest cabin behind the larger one, as if the large house wasn’t enough.

  Kate gazed out at the snowy world, the mountain backdrop, and the picture-perfect house. Her car door opened. She jumped.

  “You okay?” Patrick stood there.

  “I…I think… It’s just…”

  He placed a hand on her arm as if to steady her. “Are you okay? You look pale.”

  “I can’t do this.” Her breathing was shallow.

  “Maybe not, but God is your strength.” Patrick took her elbow and helped her out of the car.

  “I feel sick.”

  His hands were on her shoulders. “You need to remember something.”

  She lifted her eyes to meet his.

  “You’re one of the strongest people I know. Where your weakness begins, that’s where God’s strength is waiting to take over.”

  She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, the sick feeling easing. She rounded the car just as the cabin door opened.

  “Kate!” Her mother bounded down the steps.

  Her father stood at the top of the steps smiling.

  She ran to meet her mother and melted into her embrace.

  Logan had gone to the room she and Kate would share. Patrick headed out to the smaller cabin, which no doubt also hosted some other security people. The sick feeling returned to Kate with full force as her parents talked on about the postcards they had received from her and asked questions about her school and time overseas. She was prepared. The lies slipped off her tongue far too easily, showing the hours she had spent preparing for this moment. It seemed wrong to tell them lies about where she had been right before she shared her heart with them. Yet, their protection was important. Someday, maybe soon, Ingrid would be caught and they would know everything.

  She cleared her throat as her father handed her a cup of hot chocolate. The time had come. She couldn’t put this off any longer. She had to speak.

  “You don’t seem to be really listening to me. Do you have something on your mind?” Her father spoke in the same clipped voice he always did.

  Kate lifted her eyes to meet his and saw what she hadn’t seen before: her father’s questions may not have been worded well and always spoken in the clipped military style, but he cared. He would never ask her questions that he didn’t mean. Being around the team had influenced her more than she had hoped. She understood people better.

  Soft strains of a Josh Groban Christmas album played in the background, and she took a deep breath. “You’re right. I’m sorry, sir.”

  There, his eyes softened even as he crossed his arms. “Kate Mayfield, report. What’s on your mind?” His tone was even more clipped and Kate’s mother’s hand slipped onto her husband’s knee.

  Tightness came into Kate’s throat, but she wouldn’t back down now. Apparently, the silence had stretched longer than she thought.

  “Is this about that young man?” Her father shifted as if to stand.

  Kate smiled. “No, Dad, it has nothing to do with him. This has to do with me and making an apology to you, to both of you.”

  Her father opened his
mouth, but when her mother patted his knee, he shut it again.

  She took the plunge in. “I realized I’ve been holding against you my time in the military, Dad. You know it wasn’t easy for me when I was in the Middle East. You know I came to you before I left and said I didn’t want to go. I…I’ve resented you so much since then because I felt like you had pushed me into it. Truth is, some friends of mine have been teaching me about forgiveness and letting go of the past, and my personal responsibility. I realize that you pushed me into going into the military because you thought it would be the best thing for me. If I thought differently, I could have chosen not to sign up. I know that I’ve shut you both out since I got back from my tour of duty and I’m sorry.”

  The panicked feeling clawed at her throat. She wasn’t sure what she expected to happen next, but she knew this would be hard for all of them.

  Merry Christmas

  Sunday, December 25 6:10AM

  Patrick slipped into the cabin with the logs. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw a fire already crackling in the hearth. He looked around and spotted Kate tucked into a corner of the couch, staring into the fire.

  “Merry Christmas,” Patrick whispered, not sure if anyone else was up.

  Kate looked toward him and smiled, but there was something about it that wasn’t normal. He took a quick evaluation—she had dark circles under her eyes, her hair was down. When had it grown to brush past her shoulders? Her clothes… Was she wearing a skirt? She stood and sure enough, a black skirt swished around her ankles. Her hair fell against a red sweater top.

  “Would you like something hot to drink?” she asked.

  For a moment he was so startled by her appearance he said nothing. Inwardly, he shook himself. “Sure.” He didn’t really care about the drink, but he thought she looked like she needed something to do with her hands. They entered the kitchen and she pulled the milk out of the fridge. “How did it go last night?”

  She glanced at him before grabbing the cocoa powder off the counter. “It was hard. At first my parents didn’t understand. My dad was upset at the beginning.” After opening a couple of cabinets, she pulled out a small pot and poured in the milk and turned on the stove.

  Patrick took a step forward but then stopped. He wanted to do something. He wanted to protect her from the pain. He wanted to teach her parents a lesson. He wanted to protect her from…everything. He wasn’t even sure what it all meant.

  She dragged in a long breath. “We talked for hours. I still don’t think they fully understand, but we made things right. Though my dad never said the words, he did seem to be sorry for all I had to go through.” She poured sugar into the pan with the milk.

  Patrick wished he could see her face. He took another step toward her. He wanted to ask, he wanted to ask more than he ever had before, but he held back.

  “I don’t think he really understands how bad it was for me.” She stirred the mixture with a wooden spoon and let out a breath. “He doesn’t have to. We had a good talk and things are better between us than they have been in years.” She stirred in cocoa powder and vanilla.

  “What did happen during that time, Kate?”

  She went still.

  He mentally kicked himself.

  Slowly she turned. “Patrick…”

  He held up his hands. “I’m sorry. I’ve known from the beginning that was a topic not open for discussion. I shouldn’t have asked.”

  “It shouldn’t be that way.” Kate dragged in a deep breath and her eyes slipped closed for a brief moment. “You are…” She swallowed hard and her eyes opened.

  Patrick’s gaze locked with hers and he felt as if for the first time he was looking at a completely unguarded Kate. As if she had always kept a shield up and now it was gone. He wanted to say something, to offer her some sort of comfort, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t say anything.

  Kate took a step forward and the next moment she had wrapped her arms around him and laid her head against him.

  Warmth spread through him as he closed his arms around her. He smiled over the top of her head. Had she ever initiated a hug before?

  “You’re a good friend, Patrick. I want to tell you, I just…it can’t be today.” She stepped away and smiled up at him.

  He swallowed hard, his throat tight and his heart singing. She wanted to tell him about what had happened during the hardest part of her life. She wanted to, but now was not the right time. He could wait. It could wait for as long as she needed.

  “Ready for cocoa?” she asked.

  He nodded and she handed him the cup. As she did, there was something in her eyes, something in her gentle smile that made him think he was missing something. He cocked his head and she turned around to ladle out some for herself. He was an investigator, he was good at reading Kate, but there was something here that had changed that he wasn’t sure. Was it just their friendship? That must be it.

  “Merry Christmas!” someone shouted.

  They both turned and Kate’s brothers entered.

  “Merry Christmas,” Kate responded, the tiredness returning to her voice.

  Her parents appeared and the whole group was soon following their father’s orders for breakfast. Patrick sat on a couch watching. Her father’s tone was clipped and demanding, but that seemed normal for a general. The whole family accepted it and worked together like a well-ordered machine or army unit. Kate and her mother laughed over attempts to contain pancakes into shapes by using cookie cutters. Her brothers asked her questions about her travels and they teased her like brothers are apt to do. Even her father laughed and made jokes with them. It wasn’t a perfect family, but it was a loving family.

  “It looks like this operation was a success. Can we count this as a case? Maybe a half case?”

  Patrick turned toward Logan, who wore a poinsettia skirt and green, long-sleeved shirt. She tossed a gold ball between her hands.

  “I think you should get a medal for giving up your Christmas with Kevin and your family,” Patrick whispered so that no one else could hear.

  Logan’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears. “Hey, it’s not a big deal. You haven’t seen your family in what? Six months?”

  He reached over and gave her a side hug, and something bumped his leg. “Pink, are you packing heat?”

  She punched him in the arm. “Duh, of course I am.” She glanced over at the family. “Hello, Ingrid. Aren’t you carrying?”

  He smiled at her. “Of course.” He actually had a gun and a knife. Ingrid would not be getting anywhere near this family. If she had even figured out where Kate was. “But let’s be honest. You don’t fit the profile of someone carrying a gun.”

  “Exactly, so no one would think to check me.”

  “You have a point.”

  She smiled and tossed the ball to him. “I always do.”

  “Attention, time for breakfast,” General Mayfield bellowed.

  “I love it, Kate,” Logan squealed and gave Kate a hug.

  Patrick smiled. The two plastic boxes with little compartments were indeed perfect for Logan and her ball collection. The smaller one held four balls—the perfect travel size.

  Kate grabbed another package from beneath the tree as her parents opened a gift from her brothers. “I didn’t forget you.” She handed him a small box.

  “Thank you.” He took the box, reached beside the couch, and handed her a box as well. He held his present and watched as she lifted the lid of hers.

  “It’s from all of us,” Logan chimed in.

  After this morning, Patrick wished that he had some other gift as well that was just from him. At the same time, he wondered if that might be pushing it a little.

  Kate reached into the box and pulled out the chain from which hung a dog tag. She read the inscription and looked up at Patrick with that look again, and then she gave Logan a hug. One of the tags had Ribs inscribed on it, while the other had the message: If found, please return to Mr. President, CU, Meadow, Saint Patty, and Pink. “I love
it.”

  Patrick smiled and opened his package. There were three CDs inside. One was by Michael W. Smith and another was by a group called Avalon. The final one was a Guitar Gus worship CD.

  “He managed to find time to come up with a new album,” Kate said. “The other two are ones I like.”

  “Thank you, Ribs,” he said.

  “Merry Christmas, Saint Patty.” Her smile was brighter than any of the Christmas lights.

  Is It Supposed to Hurt?

  Sunday, December 25 10:30 PM

  “Wow, I thought my family packed a lot into Christmas day,” Logan said and flopped onto the bed.

  Kate smiled. She sipped her tea as she stared out at fresh snow falling on the perfect landscape. Her fuzzy pajamas offered her a feeling of comfort.

  “Seriously, your brothers are impressive. Did you see how they outran Patrick and how quickly they scaled the hillside?”

  She turned her full attention to her friend. “Should I tell Kevin that he has competition?”

  Logan rolled her eyes. “Please, a girl can be impressed by strength without being interested. Kevin might not be able to outrun Patrick or scale a hill, but he has a passion for Jesus and others that I have yet to see in anyone.”

  Kate looked down into her tea. “Are you in love with him? Or is that something you don’t do in courtship?”

  Logan laughed and moved to sit next to Kate. “Look, I know this whole thing seems weird, but I’m still a girl. I don’t like the term falling in love because it is so…nonspecific. It can mean so many things from fluttering in the tummy, to outright lust, to genuine affection. However, I’m not offended by the term. As I said a couple of weeks ago, it’s just hard to talk about.”

  Kate set her tea on the bedside table and drew her knees to her chest. “Why haven’t you told him that you love him?”

  Logan sighed and flopped back on the bed. “I want to let him be the first to say it. I know that sounds silly to you, but I want him to be the leader. I did tell you that it was hard for me to talk about it, right?”