Releasing her arms, Mario said, "Come on. We're going back to the cabin so you can use that spitfire in you to defend yourself against me when I show you some more moves, then I'm going to town to get you a punching bag and gloves so whenever your mind starts playing tricks, you can punch the hell out of the bag, and keep punching until you've driven the thing away."
Julia started to protest having a punching bag in her cabin, but she was too wired from the encounter to formulate the words, while at the same time her mind was trying to process the fact that even though she'd been furious with Mario for badgering her into fighting back, she couldn't deny she'd wanted him to kiss her from the moment she'd come to the realization that the marshal standing in the doorway of the lodge was the man whose face had haunted her memory for twenty years. But now, she wondered what kind of a man Mario really was. She knew the kind of man she'd invented over the years, a fabrication that came after six hours of being trapped in the dark with him, but that man would never have grabbed her and kissed her against her will.
***
Mario watched as Julia unlaced her boots, her quick, agitated movements punctuated by the words, "It's like you've suddenly become cold and unfeeling."
"I'm a U.S. Marshal, a machine trained to stalk, capture and kill. I have no feelings," Mario replied.
"That's what I mean."
"I was kidding."
Julia looked up at him in bafflement. "Then why did you say that?"
"Because you're pissed at me for doing whatever it took to get you out of this freakin' box you've imprisoned yourself in," Mario replied. "When you came at me, fighting mad, you blocked out everything else, and that's what you need to keep doing. We're designed to use adrenaline to run or resist, the fight-or-flight response. Without that rush, you'd have no fight when your life is threatened."
"I can't run from something in my head," Julia said. "It's impossible to describe what it's like to lose the ability to think while bathed in the acid bath of chemicals an adrenaline rush releases, and the aftershocks from a panic attack stay with me for hours, sometimes days."
"Then redirect the rush. Use adrenaline to get fighting mad at whatever's in your head that keeps you imprisoned," Mario said. "When you feel it taking over, physically fight back. Run on your treadmill until you drop, punch the hell out of the bag I'm getting you, something physical to get your mind off what's going on in your head. Pounding away on a bag also releases endorphins which help get rid of stress because endorphins give you a feeling of wellbeing."
Julia looked at him, incredulous. "You're actually serious about the punching bag."
"Absolutely. A good boxing regime involves different forms of movement and repetitive action which provides strength and power all over your body, especially to your arms, legs and core areas. If you really want to beat this, sign up with a gym and start working out with a sparring partner."
"That's another problem," Julia said. "I panic when someone restrains me."
"Not always. When I kissed you out there, you didn't panic," Mario replied.
"That's because I was too mad to panic."
"My point exactly."
As Julia held his gaze, her face became brooding, and troubled. "You'd already gotten your point across by throwing snow at me, so why did you kiss me?" she asked.
"I don't know. It wasn't planned."
"Then is that something you do with women?"
Mario knew he had to set the record straight or Julia would begin fearing him, instead of trusting him. "Not women. One woman. It's something I've wanted, and did on impulse."
Brows drawn in bafflement, Julia said, "I don't understand. You said that wasn't the kind of relationship either of us wanted, so why would you kiss me after saying that?"
"I told you it was unplanned," Mario replied. "It won't happen again, so relax and let's get on with some self-defense moves, and this time when I grab you, I want you to fight back with all your strength, and use any means you can to disable me, which will increase your confidence, bring out your animal instinct, and open all kinds of options for your counterattack."
"Any means?" Julia asked. Her gaze drifted downward.
"Anything in your female arsenal," Mario replied. "You'll never get me there though, but you can try."
"Better be careful what you ask. You could find yourself with a tiger by the tail," Julia said.
"Except it won't be my tail, and I'll wish to hell it was," Mario replied.
When Julia smiled, and her eyes brightened with playfulness, Mario had to resist the urge to pull her into his arms and kiss her again, because the fact was, the woman who was gradually breaking free from her self-imposed incarceration was unlike any woman he'd ever known, even the woman who'd haunted his memory for twenty years. "Go change and we'll see what stuff you're made of now," he said.
Julia's face sobered, which was both good and bad, Mario decided. Good, because the banter between them had been activating way too much testosterone, and bad because she could be crawling back into her safe cocoon. He hoped she'd come at him somewhere in between, with enough fight to let him know she could defend herself if needed, but not enough to trigger his response out in the snow, when he'd lost all control, and kissed her.
Julia returned a few minutes later, wearing a pair of gray sweats and a yellow T-shirt that clung nicely to her female curves, but not in a way that told him she'd worn it to get his attention, but it did. The image on it didn't help either because it had butterflies across the front that looked as if they were perched on her breasts.
"What now?" she asked.
Mario raised his gaze, and said, "We'll start with grabs because attackers use them to overpower their victims. So, as a defense, you allow the assailant to grab you, which takes away one of his weapons—his hand—while giving you an opening to strike when he least expects it. So, we'll walk past each other like we're on a dark street, but what happens in real life, and not in roleplaying, is attackers use foul, demeaning language, and grab hard and painfully, and a real attack will happen when you're unaware and alone."
"Where are you going to grab me?" Julia asked.
"You have to wait and see," Mario replied, "but it will be a one-handed grab, your arm, your shoulder, the usual places an assailant would grab. You ready?"
"I suppose."
"Then walk past me, get some adrenaline going, and be ready to send me to my knees."
Mario saw Julia purse her lips, like she was preparing herself, which he found encouraging because she wasn't backing down, and she wasn't giving excuses. She started toward him, and when they passed, Mario grabbed her left arm, leaving her right arm free to swing at him. For an instant she froze, but when he yelled, "Fight me dammit! Don't be a deer in headlights!" Julia swung at him with her right hand, but it was barely a punch.
Mario released her arm. "What was that all about?"
"I didn't want to hurt you."
Mario looked at her, incredulous, "You can't be worried about hurting your assailant."
"You're not my assailant," Julia said.
"I'm trying to be, but we'll quit until you get your punching bag, then I'll show you how to throw a punch. But there's one more thing I want you to learn before we quit, and that's how to get out of a bear hug grab from behind."
"I'm trying to get through this, but please don't grab me with both arms. I'm not ready for that," Julia said.
Mario saw, from the look in her eyes, that she was truly afraid, so he said, "We'll go easy then. Turn around and I'll talk you through it."
Julia looked at him with apprehension, then turned around, and waited. While standing and looking at the back of a head crowned in soft blond waves, and a pair of nicely formed shoulders, and arms that were amazingly well-muscled for a woman who spent most of her time at a computer, Mario said, "Bear hugs are a common attack because they catch the victim off guard. The attacker comes up from behind and pins both arms, in which case you should drop your weight, deliver a rear head
butt, then reach behind with your stronger arm and squeeze the attacker's testicles with all your strength. It doesn't take much for a man to pass out cold."
"Please don't tell me I'm supposed to try that," Julia said.
"You're not, but you need to remember it." Mario drew in a long breath, which carried with it the scent of something fragrant, maybe shampoo, and found himself leaning closer, until the top of Julia's head was just below his nostrils. "When the attacker loosens his grip, pivot and strike him in the eyes, nose, or throat, and run." He rested his hands on Julia's shoulders.
"Do you want me to turn and do that?" she asked.
"Maybe not." Mario glided his palms down her arms, while breathing in the sweet scent of her hair. "But if he grabs you around the middle—" he moved his hands over her ribs "—and your arms are still free, clamp his arms to your sides with your elbows." He became distracted when Julia covered his hands with hers, and when she rested her head back against his chest, and he felt the undersides of her breasts pressing against the tops of his hands, and he heard the sound of her heavy breathing, he leaned down and kissed the side of her neck, and beneath her ear, and along her jaw...
Her soft, plaintive, moan reminded him he was playing with fire, leading a vulnerable woman into believing there could be something between them. Sucking in a long breath, he released her, and said, "We need to stop here. I'll be back tomorrow with the punching bag and try to get things back on track."
Julia turned and looked at him. "Will you come for dinner tonight?"
"No, I need a cooling down period," Mario replied, then shrugged into his jacket, grabbed both pairs of snowshoes, and left.
CHAPTER 9
Julia was pleased when Grace brought Sergei and Irina over because she needed something to take her mind off the man who was dominating it at the moment. Mario made it clear where he stood. He had a deep affection for her, and some inner male drive to see her conquer her phobias and know she could defend herself against assailants, but when he moved his hands around her ribs and kissed the side of her neck and beneath her ear, she knew he felt something deeper than their initial platonic relationship. But he'd also made it clear that when it came time for him to leave, he'd be leaving alone.
While Sergei entertained himself at the computer with one of Julia's video games, Irina wanted to learn more sign language. Her vocabulary was building fast, and Julia found herself picking it up too, and before long, they could carry on a coherent, though limited conversation.
"Where is Mario?" Irina signed.
"He went to town," Julia signed back.
"Does he like Sergei and me?" Irina asked.
"Yes," Julia replied. She also knew Irina was asking more than passing questions. She was asking if Mario could one day be her father, just as she was hoping Julia would be her mother. Julia didn't need sign language to know what these two orphans wanted, and their seeing Mario with his arms around her at the farm and ranch store was impossible to explain, so the kids had drawn the natural conclusion.
Not wanting Irina to get her hopes up, Julia started to sign that Mario would be leaving soon, when she heard her car drive up. Although she knew he had left for town earlier, she sincerely hoped it wasn't to buy boxing paraphernalia, because she couldn't imagine doing that… Ever! To her displeasure, he dragged something large and bulky out of the back seat of the car, which she recognized as the kind of thing that stood on a floor, and boxers punched. After hefting it up on his shoulder, he headed for the cabin.
When Julia opened the door for him to enter, he went to a corner opposite from where the Christmas tree stood, and lowered to the floor, a tall, black, cylindrical bag made of canvas, that appeared to be stuffed with sand, and which stood on a kind of pedestal.
"It should be okay here," Mario said. "I'd rather have gotten you a hanging bag, but I didn't think the Hansens wanted me drilling a hole in the ceiling to put in the hardware to hang it."
While Mario crouched to adjust the mammoth thing, which stood chest high to Julia and was about a foot in diameter, she couldn't decide if she wanted to pound his back with her fists for mapping out the course of her life for the short term, or throw her arms around him and kiss him because he cared enough to want to do the things he was doing.
Sergei, seeing the huge bag, immediately left the computer and went over to where Mario was crouched, and said, "Is that for punching?"
"Yes, it's called a body bag because the boxer punches it like it's an opponent."
"What are you going to do with it?" Sergei asked.
"Julia's going to learn to box."
"Awesome!" Sergei cried.
Julia waved her arms. "Actually, I'm not, really," she said.
Mario stood, and eyeing the bag critically, said to Julia, "It was a more expensive bag because it's stuffed with tightly packed fiber instead of sand, but fiber bags are better because they offer more resistance, so just consider it an early Christmas present."
"That's nice," Julia replied, "but you never asked if I wanted to learn to box."
"I never asked if you wanted to go snowshoeing again either, but it's what you needed."
"Maybe from your point of view," Julia said, "but it just seems like you could run things like this past me first, and let me decide."
"I can take it back."
"That's not the point."
"Then you want to keep it?"
"I suppose, but I still think you should have asked first before buying it."
"There are a few more things in the car," Mario said, and cutting off the disagreement, he left the cabin.
While Sergei threw a few punches at the bag, and Irina looked on with interest, Julia glanced out the window and saw Mario returning from the car, with a box wrapped in Christmas paper tucked under his arm, while also carrying a huge plastic bag. She opened the door and he walked in and set the bag on the couch, then handed the box to Sergei, and said, "This is for you, so you can put it under the tree." Then he opened the bag and pulled out another brightly-wrapped present and handed it to Irina, and said, "And this is yours."
Irina's face brightened, and she took the present and scampered across the room.
As Julia watched the kids placing the presents under the tree, tears stung her eyes, and all the irritation she'd felt with Mario moments before, vanished. So, when he pulled from the bag a pair of hot pink boxing gloves, suede boots that looked like thick, stiff socks, a pair of silky blue shorts with a wide, rubberized waistband, and an elongated red sports bra with molded plastic inserts, which she assumed was for breast protection, she couldn't bring herself to tell Mario to return everything and get his money back.
"Can you teach me how to box?" Sergei asked.
Mario looked over at him, and replied, "I can get you started, but you need to work out at a gym to do it right."
"Is that what you do?" Sergei asked.
"I did once," Mario replied, "but that was a long time ago."
"Were you any good?" Sergei asked.
"I suppose," Mario replied. "I went to college on a boxing scholarship, but I had to practice a lot of hours a day to do that. Like marbles or anything else, you have to practice hard at what you want. There's no other way to get good."
Sergei looked at all of the boxing paraphernalia, then at Mario, and said, "Then you were good at both marbles and boxing?"
"Only after a lot of practice," Mario said. "But if you set your sights on something and go after it, and put in the hours of practice it takes to get there, when you finally do, the feeling of pride for having done something well will be something you'll never forget."
Sergei seemed to be taking that in, but after a few moments, he said, "You told me you'd help me with my sidespin today. Will you?"
"Sure, how about now?" Mario asked.
"That would be awesome." Sergei looked to where Irina was sitting on the couch paging through the signing book, then at Julia, who understood his dilemma, and said, "Irina can stay with me until Grace comes
for her."
"Far out!" Sergei headed for the door and started putting on his jacket.
Before Mario left, he said to Julia, "Any chance I could bum dinner off you tonight?"
Julia was surprised to hear him ask, because he'd said he needed a cooling down period, but she did want the evening with him. "I suppose it could be arranged," she replied. "What did you have in mind?"
"Anything with carbohydrates," Mario said. "Hard-boiled eggs, brown rice and black beans, apple and walnuts, bananas and almond butter, yogurt with fruit. Foods that give energy."
"Have you decided to go on some kind of diet or something?" Julia asked.
"No, but I'll be starting you on some basic foot positions and punches, followed by a short workout and a little sparring, and before any workout you need to fuel up on carbohydrates," Mario replied. "The idea is to eat enough to cut the feeling of hunger, while giving you energy."
"What do you mean by light sparring?" Julia asked.
"Just that," Mario replied. "I'll be showing you a few defensive moves, so you'll want to be wearing your boxing shorts, protective vest, and boxing shoes."
"You didn't say anything about sparring before," Julia said. "I thought I was just going to learn how to punch the bag."
"Punching's important, but boxing's about empowerment," Mario replied. "It's one of the best self-defense tools a woman can have."
Sergei opened the door, and when a blast of cold air came in, Mario said, "Got to go. I'll be back around six."
Julia started to protest the idea of sparring, but Mario had already shut the door behind him.
Less than an hour later, Julia was standing in the doorway watching Grace and Irina trudging through the snow toward the lodge, when she caught sight of a pack of Hansen women that, from a distance, appeared to be all of the younger wives, walking toward her. As they drew closer, Maddy, who was sandwiched between Billy and Sophie, with Emily, Genie, Rose, Annie and Kit walking behind, called out, "Don't close the door. We're coming to have a hen party."
Julia felt touched that these young women, whom she barely knew, were welcoming her into the fold. "Come on in then, but I warn you in advance, my place is a little crowded."
Finding Justice (Dancing Moon Ranch Book 12) Page 11
