Forever My Cowboy

by June Faver

  Jenn felt a rush of tears but managed to head them off with a paper napkin. “I’m just here to bury my brother, Jason. He brought me here a few times to eat with his family. It was always his favorite.”

  Milita’s face morphed into sadness. “I’m so sorry about your brother. He was a great guy.”

  A clutch of pain prevented Jenn from responding.

  “Such a lovely family.” Milita walked away, shaking her head.

  Jenn reached for her water and took a sip. Yes, Jason was a wonderful brother, and now he was gone, but where were the children? She ate as quickly as possible, and when Milita returned, she brought a Styrofoam takeout container. Jenn hadn’t thought about taking the leftovers home, but Milita was scooping the food remaining on the platter into the divided container. The Spanish rice. The refried beans. And two enchiladas, one beef and one chicken.

  “Aww, you weren’t very hungry, were you?” Milita snapped the lid on the container. “I understand. Perhaps your appetite will return later.”

  “That was a huge plate. I ate two tacos and the guacamole.” Jenn heard the defensiveness in her own voice. She sighed. “Sorry. My stomach has been in a knot since I first heard about Jason… The food was delicious.”

  “Glad you liked it. Hope to see you again soon.” Milita put the Styrofoam container into a paper bag and slid the check onto the table.

  Jenn did some quick math in her head to figure out the tip. Although she was low on funds, she couldn’t bear not to leave an adequate tip for Milita. Jenn hated to be chintzy, but there was only so much money left in her account, and she had to stretch that until she got a decent job. Maybe something clerical or even retail. I am not skilled in pole dancing. She sighed. Or much of anything, for that matter.

  Being an artist had only prepared her for being an artist.

  Jenn paid the check at the cash register near the door. She was an object of interest again as she passed by. Gathering her credit card, she left without looking back and carried her leftovers to the car. Maybe there was a refrigerator at the inn. Maybe she would eat Mexican food again tomorrow.

  * * *

  Cade didn’t sleep well. Hell, he hardly slept at all. Mrs. Reynolds made dinner and left. It consisted of things she thought the children would eat: macaroni and cheese and hot dogs. Just to be sure, she made scrambled eggs.

  Tomorrow, Cade would have to shop for groceries…food the kids would like. And he needed to go by Sara’s house to pick up clothing for the children.

  Lissy sat on Cade’s lap and he scooped in bites of mashed pasta, while she held a hot dog firmly in her fist. Her other hand was grasping the front of his Western shirt, grinding in the cheesy grease.

  Leo sat on a chair at the table beside Cade. He was too short to reach the table, so Cade had placed a cushion from the sofa onto the chair to give him a little lift.

  “How ya doin’ there, buddy?” Cade asked, but Leo just looked at him. He was spooning food into his mouth though.

  When the children finished eating, Cade had to get them cleaned up and ready for bed. He dressed both in his own T-shirts and tucked them into the bed in his guest room. Lissy whimpered, and he had to rub her back until she fell asleep. Just when he was tiptoeing out of the room, Leo’s small voice cut through the silence.

  “Unca Cade, where is my mommy an’ my daddy?”

  Cade froze in his tracks. He had no idea how to tell a three-year-old that his mother and father were dead…that he would never see them again.

  “Um, your mommy and daddy had to take a trip, and I’m going to take care of you until—until they come back.” Unable to speak the truth, Cade’s chest tightened as he uttered the lie.

  Leo’s large blue eyes examined him carefully.

  “Now, you get some sleep. Here, snuggle down.” Cade pulled the quilt up under Leo’s chin and gave him a pat. “Night, Leo.”

  Cade left the door open a bit and went to the kitchen. He grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator and carried it to his man cave: the den where his giant curved-screen television dominated one wall. He found the remote and flipped on the television, turning the sound way down. He was desperate to find something to occupy his brain besides the image of Sara lying in the coroner’s office.

  He watched a show without seeing it, and then the news came on. The anchor did a recap of the terrible accident that had occurred when a small plane took a nosedive into the Palo Duro State Park, killing both occupants. Just as the news anchor was wrapping up and the weatherman made an appearance, he heard a small voice.

  “Unca Cade?”

  He sat up and swiveled in his recliner. “Leo? What’s wrong?”

  A tear rolled down his cheek. “Lissy, she made pee-pee in the bed.”

  Cade stripped the sheets and bedding. He found an old plastic tablecloth and put it down over the soggy mattress. Then he made the bed with fresh sheets, put the children back to bed, and flung himself down on top of his own bed, exhausted but too tired to sleep. He lay awake in the dark, staring up at the ceiling, hoping the kids didn’t wake up until morning.

  There was a void in his chest. Every time he thought about Sara and her crumpled remnants lying in the coroner’s office, he felt as though someone had ripped the heart out of his body.

  Chapter 2

  Tyler Garrett climbed out of his big double dually truck and rounded the cab to open the door for his lovely wife. He took the containers out of her hands and helped her slip down to the ground.

  “Is he expecting us?” she asked.

  Ty shook his head. “You know Cade doesn’t stand on ceremony. Cade is all about family.” He gave her a kiss on the cheek.

  “Poor man,” she said. “I haven’t really accepted the fact that Sara is gone. I can’t imagine how he feels.”

  Ty gestured toward the house. “Sara was a little brat when we were young, always tagging along…but she was sweet. Turned out to be really smart in school. When she and Jason LaChance got married, it was what everyone expected. She fell in love with the flyboy as soon as she set eyes on him.” He shook his head. “Great couple. I guess I never thought anything could happen to them. I haven’t really kept up with them lately, but they always looked so happy together when I saw them in church.”

  Leah made a scoffing noise. “You’ve been so wrapped up in your music, it’s a wonder you keep up with anything.”

  He leaned against the doorbell. “I just try to keep up with you.”

  The door opened and Cade Garrett stood inside, appearing to be exhausted. He had always been a big, good-looking man, but sorrow was etched deeply on his face. Without speaking, he stepped back and gestured them inside.

  “It’s just me and Leah,” Ty said, ushering her inside.

  She took in Cade’s appearance, obviously sympathetic. “Um, we brought you a little something.”

  “Hey, Leah. That’s very kind.” He shook his head. “I’m just overwhelmed at the moment.”

  “We’re all just devastated about Sara and Jason.” Ty reached out to Cade, wrapping his arms around him and holding him for a long moment. He felt a tremor ripple through Cade’s body.

  Cade drew back, his eyes lowered and lips pressed together. “Thanks, Ty. Let’s go back to the kitchen.” He led the way but turned and put his finger to his mouth. “The kids are here.”

  Ty and Leah followed Cade as quietly as possible. Ty set the container on top of the counter and Leah placed a paper bag next to it.

  The kitchen occupied one end of a sizable combination family room and casual dining area. A large television was mounted above the fireplace mantel, and a big yellow SpongeBob image cavorted across the screen. On Cade’s sofa, a tiny, diapered girl slept on her stomach, drooling. Fortunately, there was a small blanket under her.

  Leah smiled. “Aw, Lissy’s so pretty.”

  Leo had wedged himself under the c
offee table, lying on his side with his knees folded up. He gazed at them with large blue eyes…as sad as Cade’s own.

  “That’s where Leo has holed up,” Cade said. “He’s pretty confused right now.” He shrugged his wide shoulders. “I guess I am too.”

  Ty felt his cousin’s aching grief. “Dad wanted us to tell you, he’s got your back. Anything you need.” He spread his hands. “He figured you didn’t need the entire Garrett clan to cluster around you right now, but we’re all here for you.”

  “Thanks, Ty. Did you draw the short straw?” A wry smile lifted one corner of his mouth.

  Ty grinned in return. “No, asshole. I got to come because you and I were in the same grade all the way through school. We’re more than cousins, bro.”

  “I know, bud. Just giving you a hard time. What did you do with your kids, Ty?”

  Ty removed his Stetson and tossed it on a side table. “Leah’s grandmother is taking care of the kids. Gracie is helping.” He had to smile when he thought about how much Gracie loved her brand-new baby brother. “She loves playing big sister.”

  Cade nodded, seemingly wrapped in emotion. “I hope I can be good enough to raise Sara’s kids without screwing them up. That’s my biggest fear.”

  Ty gave him a slap on the shoulder. “Oh, get over yourself. I’ve never known you to lack confidence about anything. In school you did okay, and you were a leader in sports.”

  Cade raked his fingers through his thick, dark hair. “I know, but this is different. More important.”

  “You can always lean on your family if you need a break. I know Leah and I can keep the kids for you.”

  Leah nodded, adding her support.

  Cade took a wide stance and hooked his thumbs through his belt loops. “Thanks, man. That means a lot…but I think, right now, I need to keep them as close as possible. They need to know I’m doing what Sara would want me to do. I’m going to raise her children as she would want them to be brought up.”

  Ty realized Cade was just speaking through his grief. “You and the children are going to need all the family you can get. The Garrett clan is a formidable force around here.” He turned to see his beautiful wife doing what Leah would always be doing: leading with her heart.

  Leah was sitting on the floor, her back against the sofa. Leo had crawled out from under the coffee table and was plastered against her like a baby monkey clinging to his mom.

  Ty swallowed hard, while Cade stared at her, openmouthed. “It’s okay. She has that effect on kids… Heck! She has that effect on everyone.”

  * * *

  When Jenn returned to the bed-and-breakfast from her outing, she tiptoed into the kitchen to place her takeout container in the refrigerator. The house was dark and the innkeeper had gone to bed. It was kind of eerie, but she managed to creep up the stairs to her assigned room.

  First, she gave Minnie half a cup of dog food and took her for a quick walk. Then she climbed the stairs again, this time with Minnie tucked under her arm. The children and her small dog were the only ones she would be responsible for now. She didn’t have that much left to lose.

  She was tired but probably much of her exhaustion resulted from her emotional chaos. This would pass, but in the meantime, she thought she would take a bath and relax. The bathroom sported a real claw-foot bathtub and she wanted to try it out.

  Gathering shampoo, bath gel, and her robe, she locked herself in the bathroom with only Minnie for company. She turned on the water and sprinkled in a handful of bath beads, while Minnie made herself comfortable on the bath mat.

  While the tub was filling, Jenn placed a washcloth and a bottle of water on the bath tray that spanned the tub. She slathered an oatmeal mask on her face and slipped off the robe.

  Jenn stepped into the tub and sank down into the warm, fragrant water. In a few moments, she could feel the tension ebb and her body relax. She laid her head back and slid lower until only her neck and head were above the surface. She reached for the water bottle again, grasping it carefully so it didn’t slip from her wet fingers. The ice-cold liquid rolled down her throat, cauterizing a path to her gut, numbing her in the process. Exhaustion began to set in, easing the tension from her tight muscles. Her head throbbed in time with her heartbeat.

  The next day she would have to show up at the funeral and watch the community mourn her brother and his wife. They would bury him in the dirt…forever entombed here.

  A man who loved to fly would be interred in the earth. Grounded forever.

  She had seen her brother in person as often as possible for the past couple of years. Most of their conversations had to do with finding someone to care for their parents and also the cost of such services. But they talked on the phone often and exchanged emails on a daily basis. Sometimes they Skyped. When she was down in the dumps, he was the one who could cheer her up, sharing a photo of the children or telling her about something they had done that day. He was also the one who would transfer money into her account when things were really dire. Now, she had no one. At least their parents had passed on and didn’t have to mourn the death of their beloved son and his wife.

  A tear rolled down her cheek. How did I screw up so badly?

  Just a few years ago, Jenn LaChance thought she had the world by the tail. As a brand-new graduate with a master of fine arts, her future was bright. It had seemed like such a wonderful career path when ensconced in the comfort of the educational womb. However, in the real world, there didn’t seem to be an abundance of eager employers waving job offers at her.

  She expelled a deep breath and sank deeper into the water.

  Now she had an ocean of educational loans to repay and no means to readily deal with her debt, although she had been able to earn a few scholarships and grants to lighten the burden.

  “They can’t squeeze blood out of a turnip, Minnie.”

  Minnie stretched and put her paws on the side of the tub.

  “Sorry, kiddo. You have to stay out there.” She reached out her wet hand to pat at the dog’s little round head and received an affectionate lick in return. “I guess we’re on our own. We have to be big girls now.”

  It wasn’t that she expected Jason to bail her out. She just expected him to lift her spirits.

  She accepted that she had been sheltered by the world of academia, but now she was getting acquainted with the real world, and it was not being kind. Okay, she had been wide-eyed, wanting to be an educated and sophisticated woman, her future firmly within her grasp. She wished she had been able to fight the aching loneliness instead of burying her head in her studies and the accolades from her professors.

  For all the letters after her name, Jennifer LaChance was just a naive girl, ill prepared for the hard-edged reality of her new life.

  But, oddly, it was her big, brash brother who had kept her on the straight and narrow. No matter what time of the day or night, Jenn knew her brother was always happy to take her calls or respond to her texts.

  Having Jason available to FaceTime with gave her the confidence to get through whatever the day held.

  We’re all proud of you, kiddo, Jason would say. Just stay positive and keep your sunny side up. Yes, it was corny but remarkably comforting.

  “No, Jason, I was an idiot with no idea how to live in the real world.”

  Minnie whined, gazing at her with an adoring expression.

  “Now I have to find Leo and Lissy and figure out how to support us…and how to live without my guardian angel, Jason.” A single tear rolled down to moisten the oatmeal mask. She scrubbed off the gummy mess, all the while wishing she had been able to learn the children’s whereabouts. She would do whatever it took to provide for them.

  She sank further down into the warm and comforting water. The forgiving water. The headache had eased a bit. She felt moderately cheered that at least she could provide her own consolation.

 
; She closed her eyes and inhaled the fragrance of the bath beads. Lilac…

  She took another long drink of the bottled water.

  The next thing she knew, she felt someone dragging her out of the water by her hair.

  Minnie was yapping rhythmically.

  “Are you all right?” It was the innkeeper. “My goodness gracious! I thought you were dead.” She was holding both hands over her heaving bosom.

  Minnie’s paws were on the edge of the tub, and she was whining.

  “I–I must have fallen asleep.” Jenn was flustered and she was suddenly aware of her own nakedness and tried to cover herself with her hands.

  “I see.” The innkeeper’s lips formed a thin line. “Your dog was barking up a storm. You should get out of the tub right now.”

  Minnie gave a yip of agreement.

  Jenn felt a little shaky. This woman was frowning ferociously, and her disapproval was evident. “Um, Ollie, isn’t it? Could you turn around, please?”

  Ollie huffed out an impatient breath but turned away. She took a towel off the rack and tucked it under her arm. “Now please get out of the tub. The water’s cold and you’re all pruney.”

  Jenn glanced at her fingertips, and indeed, they were wrinkled as prunes. She reached to pull the plug and tried to stand up, but the tub was slippery, probably due to the bath beads. A little whiny sound escaped her throat, causing Ollie to turn.

  Ollie held out her hand and steadied Jenn when she attempted to stand. Jenn gave up and allowed the woman to help her climb out over the edge of the tub and then handed her the bath towel.

  “Thanks.” Jenn wrapped the towel around her torso and then took a second towel to drape around her dripping wet hair. She managed a weak smile. “Thanks again. I can take it from here. Guess I was just really tired.”

  Ollie crossed her arms over her chest, her face a picture of disapproval. “Tired?” she echoed.

  “Look, my brother and sister-in-law were killed in an accident. I’m just here for their funeral.” She paused as tears flooded her eyes. “It—it’s hard.”