by S M Mala
‘Dogged determination and charm. My happiness makes people realise there’s no point being sad. I’m doing good things in the world.’
‘But what happens when you get sad? How do you cope?’
She thought hard and blinked at him.
‘I get a bit sick, and that’s why I try not to get sad. Things kick off, but I keep it all under control. I have to, or I’ll get ill.’ She knew he knew that she was talking about her bulimia as his smile faded. ‘And I won’t let it happen. I promised everyone I wouldn’t let anything get on top of me to make me feel like that again. Never. Not to me.’
‘You’re pissed.’
Stan had dragged her back to her home. Maddy couldn’t walk as two glasses of wine had got her drunk. ‘I told you to drink water.’
‘Wine is water,’ she said, starting to giggle again as Phyllis was on her lead, being held onto by Stan. ‘And I ache. Really, really ache. Shouldn’t I have gone into a ice bath to repair my muscles?’
He started laughing out very loudly and got her to the front door before rummaging in his pocket for the keys. Stan braced her up against the wall as she smiled at his gorgeous face. Then he yanked the hem of her dress down because it has ridden up. There was a funny little glance as he unlocked the door and pulled her in.
‘I smell of pond,’ she said, sniffing at her hair. ‘I need a shower or a bath or both. That’s right, I need both!’
‘Bloody hell, barking Maddy,’ he mumbled and took Phyllis of the lead. The dog happily ran around before sitting on her cushion. ‘You can’t get showered in the state you’re in.’
‘I can,’ she sighed, falling onto the couch and liking her happy feeling. ‘Take me to the bathroom, and I’ll be fine. Honest.’
‘Honest?’ He shook his head, but she noticed he had been grinning at her constantly from when they were in the pub to right now. ‘You’ll fall and hurt yourself.’
‘Well, that beat you pushing me in!’ Then she laughed out loud. ‘That was funny.’
‘You did need cooling down.’
‘I know.’ Maddy decided not to blatantly eye him up, so sat forward and looked at her feet, kicking off her shoes. ‘I can get up to the bathroom on my own.’
She stood and walked up to the stairs before getting on her hands and knees to climb them slowly. Stan was watching her from the bottom until she got to the top. When she did, Maddy flashed him a wide smile as she continued her journey to the bathroom.
‘You’re not doing this alone,’ she heard him say and run up the stairs, standing by the bathroom door as she crawled past him. Stan yanked her up and grinned. ‘A shower, a cold one, might be good for you.’ All she did was grin back as he shook his head. ‘A very cold shower.’
‘If you say so. You are my coach.’
He walked to the shower and put it on as she stood there and examined her face in the mirror. Maddy frowned but noticed the bathroom wasn’t steaming up.
‘There should be enough hot water. It’s a combination one, so it’s constant.’
Stan then stood directly in front of her and pushed the straps of her dress down.
That stopped her from smiling.
‘Don’t go taking advantage of a slightly inebriated woman,’ she said, frowning. ‘I can do a karate chop.’
‘Sure, you can. Take off your clothes and go into the shower. I won’t look, but I don’t want you to fall over and hurt yourself. That would mean I’d be stuck here for a few more weeks before I was allowed to go home.’
‘Fine! Turn around.’ She used her finger to show him what to do. ‘I’ll shower, and you keep guard.’ He turned around then turned back. ‘What?’
‘Can you undress?’
‘I’ve been doing it for years.’
‘You turn around, and I’ll make sure.’
She did as she was told and pulled off the dress, letting it fall to the floor and undid her bra, Maddy looked over her shoulder, and he was staring straight back at her.
‘I’m fine,’ she said, but her heart was beating at such as fast pace, she couldn’t speak. ‘Turnaround.’
He did as he was told and she removed her knickers then felt the water. It was cold, so she increased the temperature and carefully stepped in. She noticed he stepped towards her, still facing away.
Stan was going to be a good boy, so she washed her hair and quickly bathed her skin. Slowly she started to sober up.
It was when she was rinsing off did she see him taking a peek through the glass then look away.
‘I saw that!’ she said, covering her bare boobs. ‘Don’t look.’
‘I didn’t see anything.’
‘Good! Hand me a towel, please.’
He held one out and stepped away as she placed herself on the bath mat and dried her skin then wrapped the towel around her body.
‘All done,’ she announced and walked out the bathroom towards her bedroom. ‘I need to feed Phyllis and watch telly. Can you open a bottle of wine?’
‘No way, Maddy. You’re not drinking. You should go to bed early and rest. I bet you any money you’re going to feel it in your legs tomorrow.’
‘I’ll take some painkillers.’
‘Madeline, do as you’re told.’ Stan followed her into the bedroom and flung himself onto the bed. ‘I am going to miss staying here.’
‘Then don’t go.’ She realised what she had said. ‘There’s no rush and Pearl hasn’t started decorating. I don’t mind.’
‘But I do. I want to go back to my home before Phyl is confused and thinks it’s here.’
‘Nothing wrong with that!’
‘You don’t think?’ Stan got up and looked at her up and down. ‘I don’t think it’s a good idea, not right now.’
It happened again, the look he had given her earlier that day as she wondered what he was thinking.
‘It’s only eight thirty and I’m not tired. Can I watch telly?’ she asked seeing him frown. ‘I won’t talk, I promise.’
‘You not talk?’ Stan laughed. ‘Get changed and come downstairs but you’re watching what I want and no silly comments.’
‘Silly comments? Me?’
‘Do you think they get hard-ons?’
Maddy was watching an art film, courtesy of Film Four, which Stan had wanted to see. The main couple was shagging like rabbits on the bed. ‘I mean, pretending to have sex might put some friction down there.’
Stan had her headphones on mainly to drown her out, so he said. Phyllis was sitting between them, and Maddy had put her hands over the dog’s eyes.
‘And no-one gets that sweaty. Why do they oil them up? I’m surprised they don’t slip off the bed with that amount of grease,’ she continued, pulling a face. ‘You can see her pubes.’
‘We have been watching it for half an hour, and you’ve talked all the way through!’ Stan shouted, taking off the headphone and flinging them into the armchair. ‘Can you be quiet for a minute?’
‘Yeah.’ She tried not to smile at his annoyed expression. ‘In a few day, you’ll miss our time together. My cassoulet is your cassoulet, as they say in France, which means you’re welcome to drop by anytime should you have a yearning for my company.’
‘You won’t be seeing much of me then.’
It surprised her a little, the stab at her heart when he said it. Maddy stared at him for a moment then turned away.
He was evidentially sick of her.
Maddy sipped her water and aimed to keep her mouth shut if only to make Stan realise she wasn’t annoying, and she could sit through something without speaking.
Then her thoughts wandered off to Dora. She needed to send her the footage of her running, including her shortcut route.
For a thirteen-year-old Dora had the maturity of someone Maddy’s age and Maddy figured she, herself, had the maturity of a teenager. It was an interesting combination.
Should Dora’s health be deteriorating, Maddy would have to find a way to make her better.
She had the cash and would d
o anything to help.
The horrible thought was if she couldn’t help and Dora became critically ill.
Immediately she pushed that thought out of her head as it was too unbearable to contemplate.
‘Maddy, stop it.’
Startled, she turned to see Stan staring at her.
‘What?’ she asked, not knowing what he was talking about.
‘Whatever you’re thinking, you look devastated.’ He touched her face. ‘What goes on in that head of yours?’
‘It’s rather empty, and I rattle around it quite a lot,’ she replied, forcing a smile then gulping hard. ‘Not much.’
‘I didn’t mean it about us not coming to visit. I was joking,’ he said, Stan’s expression quite gentle as he stroked her cheek then removed his hand. ‘Phyllis will be dragging me here like she always does.’
‘If you don’t want to visit, we can always find a middle point to pick her up and drop her off. That will give you time to work, and I can keep her company.’
‘We’re not splitting up, and Phyl isn’t in a custody battle.’ Stan laughed and let out a big sigh. ‘What do you do with your time? After five weeks I get the impression you can’t keep still unless you’re watching television or sitting in the pub. Other than that, you seem to flit around aimlessly.’
‘And your point is what?’ she asked, realising he was going to make an observation.
‘Do you have a sense of purpose?’
The question took her by surprise as she sat there and stared at Stan.
‘I’ve explained time and time again what I do and why I do it. That’s an odd thing to ask considering you see where I go. Making people happy, trying to do good and wanting the best is a sense of purpose. My sense of purpose. You write your column and get paid for your opinion. Does anyone want to know?’
‘I’ve won a couple of awards based on the fact that they do, and I have a massive following,’ he smugly replied.
‘The masses don’t mean anything, not if it doesn’t truly make a difference to their lives.’ Maddy folded her arms, annoyed with his shitty question. ‘What do you do to make a difference? What sense of purpose do you have?’
‘I write things that people can relate to, and it makes them sit up and take notice. I get emails every day where I am told I hit a nerve and they agree with my sentiments.’
‘And you say I have no sense of purpose! You’re not doing anything to change the world, are you?’ Maddy then burst out laughing. ‘You talk about my chat, chat, chat. Well, that’s exactly what you’re doing, and it’s coming out in written words, not speech. You’re just like me but make out it’s more intellectual because you can spell!’
As she giggled to herself about her stunning observation, Maddy didn’t realise he was staring with a wide smile.
‘Barking Maddy, what are you doing tomorrow? It’s a bank holiday, and I think you and I should spend it together.’
‘What?’ She immediately stopped her chuckles. ‘I’m not running in the park or any such exercise. I will be in pain as you mentioned.’
‘It’ll be something very nice,’ Stan said, the flirtatious look returning to his eye. ‘Trust me.’
‘I’m crippled.’
She was lying in her bed the following morning unable to move. Phyllis was looking up at her as she waited for Maddy to get up. ‘Tell your pet I can’t walk.’
Her body ached, and her head wasn’t exactly clear given the wine she drank the day before.
‘Crippled?’ Stan was standing at the door grinning. ‘Had you done the run without trying to take detours and cheat, you wouldn’t be in pain. You’re so lucky I never told anyone what you did.’
Today he was dressed in denim shorts, a white vest, and a checked shirt, all topped off with a straw trilby. She smiled in seeing him then noticed he had a tan on his arms and legs.
‘I’m packing my things away for tomorrow. I’ll leave some of my other things in the garage if that’s okay. Pearl is still going to sort out the decorating, so I might as well keep stuff out of the way. You don’t mind, do you?’
‘I’m going to be bedridden for the next few weeks. I don’t care.’ Maddy let out an uncomfortable sigh. ‘I have suffered by running that marathon.’
‘Get out of bed,’ he replied, walking into the room and staring down at her. ‘As soon as you start moving around you’ll be in less pain. And we’re spending the day together, so I want to get it started sooner than later.’
‘Why are you nice? What do you want?’
‘To spend the day with you though right now I’m not sure how much fun you’re going to be.’
‘I have a baby buggy under the stairs. Maybe you could put me in that.’
‘I noticed it.’ Stan sat on the bed. ‘Why’ve you got one? I see no baby unless you’re broody?’
‘For when Honey stays, and I can take her out.’ She smiled. ‘I also got an attachment for Phyllis’s lead. I thought of everything. Now talking of access, I thought-.’
‘Your body might be in pain, but your mouth is still working fine.’ He flung himself back on the bed. ‘What about access?’
‘Can I have Phyllis every other weekend as well as Thursdays and Fridays each week?’
‘If I remember correctly before we moved in, you had her those days plus Mondays.’
‘Oh, and Mondays.’ Maddy sat up slowly and looked at him. She was in pain and found it hard to move her legs. ‘I need the company.’
‘Why don’t you get another dog?’
‘Why?’
‘Then she’ll have company as well as yourself, and I can stop you monopolising my pup.’
‘You don’t like to share, do you? Is that a twin thing?’ She smiled at her comment as he looked up at her.
Again, it was very sudden.
The pang in her chest when she looked at him and the need to touch his face with her lips.
He smiled in response.
‘You’ve got that look on your face that makes me wonder what you’re thinking,’ he whispered, tipping his hat back. ‘I think I know.’
‘Do you?’ She pushed her hair away from her face and smiled at Phyllis who was dutifully waiting for her to get out of bed. ‘Did he feed you, that pet of yours? Smells like he consumed a whole packet of bacon from here.’
‘I was hungry!’ he groaned, slapping his flat stomach. ‘Get dressed and come downstairs. I made you breakfast.’
‘What are you up to, Stanley Franks?’
‘Wouldn’t you like to know?’
He got up as Phyllis looked at him then at her.
‘Go follow. If you get a bacon rasher off him, that’ll be a miracle, but I’ll sneak you one, never fear my lovely girl. I’m a good pet.’
Stan rolled his eyeballs, smiled before running down the stairs quickly followed by Phyllis.
After getting showered, she noticed it looked quite sunny and checked the weather forecast on her phone. There was a bubbling of excitement with the idea of spending a day with Stan, but she was prepared that he’d invite others too. Even Maddy knew he could only stand her company for so long without him looking exasperated or laughing hysterically.
Right then she pondered for a moment then tapped in his name into a search engine to see what would come up.
Low and behold a link to his column, and she wondered what he had written this week.
Maddy pressed the link, and there he was. Stan was pictured wearing one of his hats, slightly covering his eyes, but the smile was as white and broad as ever. She didn’t know why he wanted to cover his face but then did a double take on the headline.
‘What is it with women?’
‘What?’ she said and started to read it.
‘What do they want?’ it began. ‘A complicated concoction of beauty and intelligence but heavily soaked in insecurities and neediness. And that’s not just the pain in the arse who today said something blindingly hysterical I didn’t know whether to laugh or run.’
Maddy stood wit
h her mouth open wondering what his problem was then noticed the date of the column was the previous Thursday. Then she read on.
‘They want you to want them. When you want them, they then want more until you’re not sure what they’re banging on about. Then the comment of living together crops up. You know it’s leading onto something heavier, but it was supposed to be about fun. And sex. Lots and lots of sex.
‘Now the proverbial pain in the arse isn’t exactly your normal run of the mill female. Oh no, she’s a rather confused version who thinks that sunshine and kittens come part and parcel of being a nice person. As for men, that’s a dubious subject because she seems willing to drop the moral values to get what she wants.’
‘Why that fucker!’
Maddy knew he was talking about her and furiously threw on a dress, the plain blue sun one her mother bought for her. Mainly because her parent’s neighbours thought she had some behaviour development issues because of the spotted clothes and bows when she stayed with them last.
‘Stanley Franks, you’re a liar!’ she shouted and stormed down the stairs. ‘You’re writing about me and don’t deny it! I’ve cut you lots of slack, and now I read this. Go on, deny it!’
She stopped seeing he had laid out the table for breakfast and had even got flowers, which she noticed were from her garden.
‘What did you say?’ he replied, taking a pot of tea to the table. ‘I thought you deserved something nice for all your cheating efforts.’
‘Stan, am I the pain in the arse? Tell me.’
‘Right now, all women are and why are you asking?’
‘Because I was reading your column from Thursday and I think you’re talking about me.’
‘Ah well, that’s what I mean. It relates to all women.’ Stan grinned. ‘She is a cacophony of women I know, including you. Though you can sometimes be more boy than a girl.’ He stopped and thought for a moment. ‘Then more girl than women, but when you’re a woman, that’s confusing. You’re not wearing spots.’
‘I have spot free days, you know.’
‘I didn’t.’
Maddy stomped down the remaining stairs and looked at him, feeling her body ache at the same time.
