by Jessica M.
My mother was beautiful inside and out. She put me in the mind of Lynn Whitfield with her stylish ways and caramel-colored skin. Now if only she had a backbone like the real Lynn Whitfield. Nope, don’t know Lynn personally, but she didn’t look like the type that would put up with someone’s bull. My mother could be sassy, but you barely saw that side, due to my father. He didn’t like a sassy female. He claimed females should be seen and not heard.
My father was indeed the true definition of a pastor and he played the part to a tee. He was always in his Sunday’s best. My daddy was fly. People always said he looked like he could be Idris Elba’s brother. With his low fade, neatly trimmed beard, chocolate skin, and nice physique, my daddy could for sure pass for Idris’ older brother. He carried himself well and everyone noticed, especially the females. You think it bothered my mother? Hell no! Kalissa Howard was the shit. Maybe weak when it came to my father behind closed doors, but when it came to the church and the chicks in it, you couldn’t tell my mother shit. She always had her head held high, and her strut in six-inch heels were on point. Any room she stepped foot in, she was a show stopper. Men envied my father and women wanted to be my mother.
“I’ll miss you too,” I responded as she let me go.
“Alrighty, call when you guys make it in.” My sister smiled and waved as our father opened the passenger door of his new black Bentley for our mother to get inside.
The church had already sent him plenty of money so that he could look the part when he arrived at his new church home. Not only did he have enough money to get him a new Bentley, but he had paid off our old house that was getting rented out starting next week, and my sister’s house too, even though she and Don had plenty of money of their own. He called it a gift for looking after me since I’d be living with them.
Both my sister and I stood in her driveway waving and smiling at our parents as they backed out headed to their new adventure.
“You are so damn selfish!”
“Me! Selfish! No, that’s all you Don!”
The screaming and yelling woke me up from what I thought was a bad dream until I rolled around in the extra comfy bed that now belonged to me. My sister had good taste and I guess that’s why she’s one of the most sought-after interior decorators in the Carolinas. Karmen had always been into fashion and decorating; therefore, I knew she would one day make it big with her expertise, but our father viewed it as a hobby. He felt like we should be lawyers, doctors, nurses, teachers, and maybe even preachers or community activists. He said the Lord made us to do big things. So, unlike Karmen, I yielded to being a teacher. Not saying I didn’t love kids, that’s not it, but if I had my way, I’d probably write books about love. Secretly, I’d write love stories about romance when no one was at home. See, even at twenty, my father still had a right to enter my room and go through my things at his leisure. He always proclaimed it to be for my own good, but I felt like his ass was just controlling and nosey. Like I mentioned earlier, we were close and we clicked on many levels, but deep down, I felt like we only clicked because I did what he requested of me. In a way, the things I hated about my mother were the same things I did when it came to my father. What I hated the most was what I was becoming.
Anyway, my father didn’t pay one cent for Karmen to attend design school. Well, leave it to my big sis to say fuck Daddy and his money, because she went to school, worked two jobs, and paid her own way. That’s the one thing about Karmen that I envied. She didn’t allow our father to dictate her life. She wore what she wanted to wear. She talked how she wanted to talk and she married who she wanted to marry.
Karmen and Don were high school sweethearts, but according to our father, he wasn’t good enough for a Howard, as he often put it. Don came from the projects on the Southside of Spartanburg and my father thought he was poor trash and would only be on street corners selling drugs his entire life. After realizing that my sister would not back down and stop seeing Don, he had no choice but to accept him. Now they got along, but that was it. Cordial was how I would put it.
Don defied the odds. After being born to two crack addicts and becoming a drug-dealing teenager to make ends meet, he just stopped and began to make better decisions. I always said it was thanks to Karmen because I never saw her being with a bad boy like Don. Instead of leaving him, she pushed him to be a better man, so here we are today with the Mr. Adonis Nash that was a financial advisor for one of the biggest law firms in South Carolina. Don, to me, was the definition of a come up, as many would say. His mother and father were crack addicts, so he often spent nights with friends and other family members so he could bathe and eat. For many years, I had an infatuation with Don. He and Karmen were both six years my senior, so I envied their relationship. She was the so-called good girl with the money, as I heard people say, while Don was the bad boy ready to turn her into a bad girl.
Don was sexy as hell with his six-feet, slim build, low fade covered in waves that would damn near have you drowning in them, and let us not talk about his smooth, mocha complexion that mirrored a newborn baby’s ass. It was safe to say I had a few wet dreams about my brother-in-law, but of course, none that I would act on. He was just a fantasy since I had never had the real thing. You heard me right. At twenty, my goodies had not been tampered with. At least not with the real thing anyway.
I snuck and bought a few sex toys when I would hang with my secret best friend, Meesha. Meesha was from the Southside like Don, and we met in college. She was everything that my ass was not. Meesha was outgoing, witty, funny, and spoke her mind. I loved hanging with her because she brought this spontaneity into my life that I had been missing. She was short with a dark Hershey bar complexion, a nice curly fro due to her being on her natural thing these days, a fat ass, and boobs like a thirty-year-old. She wore it well though and she had the niggas going wild. I heard from more than a few that Meesha was a lil’ freak, but hey, to each its own. Who was I to judge? Of course, my parents banned me from ever seeing or hanging with her again when they caught me with Meesha having lunch after one of my classes. My parents did little shit like that, that made me hate them. They would pop up in the student center or cafeteria of the college I attended, pretending that they were checking in on me like they hadn’t seen me just that very morning before I left for school.
Anyway, one particular day, they barged in the cafeteria and caught me eating with Meesha and a few guys and practically drug my ass out of there like I was ten. From that day forward, they said they never wanted to see me with Meesha or those guys again because where the Lord was taking me, I couldn’t deal with folk like Meesha. Their words, not mine. Little did they know, I was back linked with Meesha the very next day after classes. She and I just learned that we had to meet in other places and sometimes, we even met at her off-campus apartment. Meesha taught me a lot about niggas and sex, and I was grateful for her friendship. If not for her, I’d be real lost in this big ass world.
“Well, leave then Don!”
Snapping me back to reality, I could still hear Karmen screaming and yelling, so I reached over to flick the lamp on that was next to the bed. I was still fully dressed in what I had on earlier today. The move was hell. I had so many clothes and personal belongings that it took Don, myself, and Karmen hours to get it all in, but nevertheless, we did it and I passed out right after. I must’ve been tired as shit to not even change my clothes or pull the nice, soft comforter back that was on the comfy sleigh bed.
Sitting up on the edge of the bed, I checked my phone and like I already knew, there were numerous texts and calls from my father checking on me and letting me know they had safely made it to their new place. In the text, he went on and on about how nice their house was and how nice the congregation had been since they arrived. After reading the lengthy text from him, I saw that there was only one text from my mother saying they had made it and she loved me.
Deciding not to reply right away, I eased my way to the door to see what all the commotion was about. There
was no secret that all married couples had issues, but I had never heard Don raise his voice to Karmen. He was so laid back. I didn’t think he had it in him. Ear hustling, I pressed my ear to the door to listen on as they screamed back and forth at one another.
“You’re the liar! Bitch, you leave!”
Bitch?
Wait a minute now. They may be married and this may not be my business, but that nigga had lost his mind calling my damn sister a bitch. There was no doubt that Karmen could fight her own battles, but what kind of sister would I be if I just sat around and didn’t intervene? Making my way over to my Nike slides, I slipped my bare feet inside before slowly opening the bedroom door. They must’ve been in their room down the hall because the voices were echoing throughout the hallway.
Taking slow strides towards the yelling, the voices became louder.
“Nigga I’m not going no damn where! I made you, Adonis Nash, and if you leave you will have nothing! Absolutely nothing! It was me who called in a favor to get your no-diploma-having ass that damn job. It was me, who forged those papers to make it look as if you had gone to college. Nigga, your ass would be lost without me. So go, Don! Let’s see how a low-life, drug-dealing nigga from the Southside, with crack-head ass parents makes it without his wife!”
Wow!
I was in shock standing in the hallway only inches away from their bedroom door. Never hearing my sister talk to Don this way, I was stuck. I couldn’t move.
Just as I turned on my heels to go back to where I had come from, I heard my name.
“Kash, I’m sorry you had to hear that.” My sister’s voice was calm, like she had not just been screaming and hollering obscenities only a moment ago.
Trying to keep a straight face, I spun around to face her. She held a large wine glass with something red as blood inside. For all the commotion I heard, you couldn’t tell by the look on her face. She wore some real short, black, cotton boy shorts that showed off her nice, toned butt and legs. She had on a hot pink tank top with the words HOT in the middle in large print. I could tell she didn’t have on a bra the way her nipples protruded through the tank. My sister was gorgeous. She was tall, slim and held the same coffee complexion as I did, like our mother. Her eyes were slender, almost chinky in my opinion, and her long, bone-straight weave hit the top of her ass. She looked lovely for a chick that had just cursed her soul mate out.
“It’s ok. I know married couples fight.” I offered a fake smile.
“You’re right sis. They certainly do, but all is well.” She shrugged, placing the glass to her lips taking a large gulp, like she didn’t have a care in the world.
“Are you sure? I mean…” Before I could continue, Don was coming from their bedroom with a large duffle bag. We made eye contact which made Karmen spin around.
“Yep, all is well.” She walked back down the hallway and into her bedroom, slamming the door like she had no care in the world when in reality, her husband was about to walk out of the door.
What in the hell had I moved in on?
Kashae
A Few Days Later…
“Bye girl,” I slurred over my shoulder as I staggered away from Meesha’s beat-up, hunter-green Toyota Corolla.
She always wanted me to drive my car, but everyone in Spartanburg new my family so that wasn’t happening. There weren’t many people riding around with a hot pink 2018 Volkswagen bug with Howardgirl2 on the tag. My sister had the luxury of being Howardgirl1, but she snatched that shit off her tag so fast it would’ve made your head spin. Like I said, Karmen would not be run by our father. He thought he was being slick giving me the most noticeable car in the world for my twentieth birthday, but I knew it was so he would always have eyes on me wherever I went. He thought he had succeeded in his antics, but there were ways around it.
I was enjoying my newfound adult life with no parents watching my every move. It had only been a few days that I was considered a real adult, but I was out here living my best life. For the past three days, I had met up with Meesha after classes and we would go back to her apartment to smoke weed, take a few shots, and play spades with her neighbors and her brothers along with a few of their homeboys. Everyone she had over laughed in my face that I was actually a black girl who didn’t know how to play spades. The first night they taught me everything I needed to know, and now a bitch was knocking down those books like I had been playing my whole life. I was having harmless fun.
Digging in my purse for my keys, I struggled with putting the key in to unlock the door.
Damn, I’m buzzed a little more than I thought.
Giggling a bit, I finally unlocked it and pushed my way in. I wasn’t worried about waking up Karmen because her ass had been in the streets as much as I had been. Since Don hadn’t been home, she was always texting me that she would be out with potential clients and I would for sure beat her home. She wasn’t lying though. Since Don left three nights ago, she had been out every night and I was knocked out before she made it home. We barely saw one another which was cool with me, because I didn’t feel like explaining my whereabouts, my extra red, hooded eyes from being high on weed, or the slur in my speech to her. I wanted to question her this morning at breakfast about Don and his whereabouts, but decided to let married business stay married business.
Making my way inside, I bumped my leg on the table next to the door.
“Shit!” I yelped out in pain, and the light popped on.
Grabbing my chest in surprise, there stood Don shirtless, showing off all of his abs and tats. The most profound one was my sister’s name in large, bold, cursive letters over his heart. Drool almost escaped the sides of my mouth while I admired his stiff, hard body, until I realized it was Don I was admiring. Don was like my big brother. No, he was my big brother. Period.
Get your shit together Kash!
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” He laughed and so did I.
“Well, you did. What are you doing here anyway?” I asked, placing my keys on the hook next to the door while attempting to rub my sore leg.
“Ummmmm, I live here,” he sarcastically stated as he crossed his large arms over his chest.
“I know, but…” I limped over, plopping on the sofa where Don’s shirt and a blanket was.
“I know what you mean, sorry about the other night. Your sister and I do that sometimes. She drinks too much and then shit goes left. All married couples have problems.” He said it like he was trying to convince himself and not me.
“I wouldn’t know anything about being married, but I told her the same thing. So, are you guys good now?” I wasn’t sure if I should ask him, but he opened the door, so why not?
He shrugged before taking a seat next to me. “Shit, I guess. I mean, you know how Karmen can be.”
“Actually, I don’t know how she can be. The way you guys were yelling and talking to one another, I just never thought…” I sighed loudly.
“I feel ya, but marriage can be complicated.”
“I’m sure it can be, but you called her a bitch. She wanted you to leave. She said she made you. I was like whoa!” His eyes darted in another direction, trying not to make eye contact.
Never wanting him to feel embarrassed, it didn’t work. I could tell by the way he broke eye contact and nervously moved around, I had done just that.
Embarrassed him.
“Listen, I’m sorry Don. It’s none of my business.” I started to stand on my sore leg, but he gently nudged me back down next to him, barely leaving a gap between us.
“How’s the leg?” He extended his arm to touch my leg, but I jumped.
“Chill out Kash, I was just going to check your leg out.” He shook his head.
“I’m fine.”
“Yea, ok, and your ass smells like weed and booze.” He snarled up his nose, not even acknowledging my statement about him and Karmen.
“So, you smoke and drink too.” I shrugged.
“I smoke and drink good shit. I have no idea what that shit i
s you been smoking on.” I giggled.
He leaned in closer and I could feel his breath on my neck. I had to press my legs together tightly to ensure my wetness didn’t escape me.
This is wrong on so many levels Kash!
“And that alcohol loud as shit. Damn, you need to slow down Kash. It’s a harsh world out there. You’re a good girl Kash. Take it slow and chill out. A’ight.” His large brown eyes landed on me as he backed away, finally giving me room to let the breath go I had been holding on to so dearly like my life depended on it.
Nodding, I stood and this time, he allowed me to. Limping away in the direction of the kitchen, I felt Don’s eyes on me, so I did what came natural. I turned around and just like I knew, he was staring at me. And not like a big brother either. Maybe my ass was drunk as hell and was reading too much into it. Yea, that’s it.
That had to be it. He was my sister’s husband.
Adonis
Watching Kash walk away, I had to catch myself. She was always like my baby sister. I’d known her for years since Karmen and I were kids. It’s just that now, Kash was a grown ass woman with a grown ass body, and my wife was neglecting me. Of course, I was looking, but I knew she was off limits. Karmen would kill me if she had the slightest idea I was lusting after her little sister. Maybe it was the weed I smoked earlier, but it seemed like she was flirting with me.
Having her in such close proximity had me viewing her in another light. Wrong? Yea it was, but I was still a nigga with needs. Plus, I wasn’t blind. Kash had grown a little ass, some hips, and some nice size breasts over the years. I had never, and I mean never, looked at her in this light.
