A Scandalous Love Affair

by Jessica M.

  When Karmen asked what I thought about her staying with us once her folks left, I was all in. I mean, we were all like family and family helped each other. My family wasn’t shit but being around the Howards, I knew family was everything to them. Kash was young and I knew she wouldn’t want to leave her life and head three hours away not knowing any damn body. That would be torture for a twenty-year-old, so I was all for it. Plus ,in all honesty, I hoped it would settle things down on the home front to have her here. I wasn’t a punk by any means, but when Karmen got going, it was hell bringing her back down, so most times I chose to chill and let her have her way.

  The truth was, Karmen and I weren’t vibing at all. We were both going in two different directions. She was acting like my mother instead of my wife. I came from the hood and most days, people, including my wife, forgot that shit because of how low-key I was. Being low-key didn’t make me a punk, but my wife was pushing it. I should have put her in her place a long time ago, but I loved what Karmen did for me. I loved how walking in a room full of white muthafuckas with her on my arm made me feel. When I first landed my job at the firm, white people made me feel like I didn’t deserve to be where I was or making what I was making. I wasn’t stupid. I noticed the looks and stares when my wife and I entered the building. Those crackers wanted her. They all doted over her like I wasn’t even there until I made my presence known. I didn’t care how much money I made, they would not cast me out like I was a nobody. Karmen’s skin was the same tone as mine, but the way she acted was just as pale as they were. She knew how to fit in wherever she was. She could be as ghetto as a hood chick in the projects, and then she could turn that shit off and be as white as Dakota Fanning.

  They hated on me big time and they all tried to figure out how I ended up where I was. My wife did help me get my foot in the door, but she didn’t help me stay there. It was my smarts with money that kept me on top. I would be forever grateful for her connections, but I was a street dude first and money was my shit. And that’s why I was where I was, not because of Karmen, and the sooner she got that through her thick ass skull, the better off this marriage would be. It hurt me to know that Kash overheard all of that, but it was what it was. She needed to know love didn’t make shit perfect. Usually, it made things more complicated.

  Those crackers wanted my wife and my life. I saw the lust in their eyes and it gave me a hard-on knowing I had such a smart, intelligent woman on my arms. So, being with my wife came with a price. The price of letting her disrespectful mouth run without consequences.

  As soon as Kash disappeared, I heard the garage door letting up and knew it had to be Karmen. She was having a lot of late nights lately, but I never complained because most nights all she wanted to do was fight. I was drained as hell dealing with Karmen, so if her job made her stay out late until I was damn near asleep, then it was fine by me. I hadn’t spoken to Karmen since I left so I had no idea how she would feel about me just being here with no communication. Usually, one of us would break the ice by texting before I actually came back home during one of our feuds, but this time neither of us backed down.

  This house was as much mine as it was my wife’s, so if she wanted to be pissed then cool, but I wasn’t spending another night out when I paid bills here. When she unlocked the door, I watched her on her phone grinning and laughing with whoever she was in deep conversation with, until her eyes landed on me. Her smile instantly turned to a frown. Quickly mumbling something into her cell, she ended her call and tossed it in her purse. Closing the door and hanging her keys on the hook, she walked right by me like I wasn’t even in the room. Jumping up from the sofa, I followed close behind her as she made her way into the kitchen. Grabbing a bottle of Merlot, she faced Kash who was sitting at the bar holding an ice pack on her leg.

  “Hey boo, what happened?” she asked her sister, but still hadn’t acknowledged that I was here.

  “You know me, clumsy. I bumped my leg coming in,” Kash stated in a low tone, keeping her eyes trained on her leg. I already knew she was avoiding eye contact with Karmen because she didn’t want her to see that she was high and had been drinking.

  Karmen had no right to say shit to anyone about their habits, with her AA ass. Anytime I said anything about her drinking, she blew me off calling me dramatic, but my wife had a drinking problem. She had bottles of wine stashed all over our house. There was not one thing going on that didn’t involve wine in her mind. New client meant wine. Bad client meant wine. Not finding the right décor for a client meant wine. Bad day, good day, headache days were all excuses for her to have a glass of wine.

  “Poor thing, let me see.” Karmen went to move the bag of ice from Kash’s leg.

  “I said I’m fine.” Kash jerked the bag of ice from her sister’s hand.

  “Look at me Kash.” Karmen used her wine-free hand to lift Kash’s chin.

  “What?”

  “Oh my fuckin’ goodness. You’re high. Kash, what the fuck.”

  “It’s weed. The shit is harmless. It’s almost legal in every state now.” She shrugged, taking the ice from her leg trying to stand.

  “Are you serious right now Kash? If you get caught with weed, Dad will fuckin’ kill my ass. Since when did you start smoking? Damn, you’ve only been with me three days and you are on drugs, dressing like a hoe, cursing, and getting damn belly rings. Fuck!” She filled her wine glass then took it to the head, repeating her actions at least three more times.

  “Chill out, it’s not that serious Kar. She’s grown,” I butted in, and all eyes were on me.

  “Who asked you Don? Why are you here anyway?” my wife scoffed.

  It’s like a nigga blacked out. I was sick of her disrespectful ass. Grabbing her by her neck, ramming her body up against the wall, I began to squeeze. All I heard were the screams from Kash and the blows to my back that I was sure was coming from Kash as well. They were sisters. What did I expect? My wife’s eyes were bulging from the sockets and I knew if I didn’t let her go, she would be dead. My intentions were not to hurt or kill her, but to show her I was a fucking man, her husband to be exact, and she couldn’t keep talking to me any kind of way. I supposed I just snapped. Realizing my wife’s feet were dangling and her body began to go limp, I let her go and she hit the ground like a rag doll. Running to the front to grab my keys, all I heard in the background was Kash crying and Karmen coughing. Dashing out the side door where I parked my ride, I hopped in my candy red Camaro and sped away from my house.

  This shit couldn’t get any worse.

  Or could it?

  Karmen

  Coughing, trying to catch my breath, I couldn’t believe that Don had put his hands on me. My sister fell to the floor next to me in a panic.

  “Oh my god, are you ok Karmen?!” She studied my neck before taking her hands to rub the sore area.

  “No! I’m-not-ok!” I coughed.

  “What can I do?” I jumped back as her hands massaged my neck again.

  “Get my gun! I’m going to kill his ass!” Anger fueled my insides.

  Don had lost his damn mind thinking he could put his hands on me.

  “Gun? You need to relax Karmen. Let me get you some water.” My sister stood holding on to the edge of the counter to balance her sore leg. Watching her limp towards the refrigerator, I stood scrambling to get to the nearest bathroom to scope out the damage. My neck felt like fire. There was no way Don hadn’t left any marks, bruises, or scratches.

  Finally reaching the downstairs bathroom, I flicked the light on and immediately became annoyed and pissed all over again at the sight of my neck. I had fairly light skin, so Don’s handprints were quite noticeable. Running from the bathroom, up the stairs to my bedroom, I shoved my closet open in search for Nina, as I called her. I got a permit to carry right after those low-life’s tried to rape my sister awhile back. That night taught me that anything could happen anywhere, especially if they were out their lurking in a church parking lot. I swore I would never be caught off guard an
d not be able to protect myself or my loved ones. So, making sure I kept that promise, I took a concealed weapons class and then copped me a 9 mm. Never had I believed I’d be unlocking my lock box to get Nina out to shoot my own damn husband. Don and I had had some rough times during our marriage, but he had never put his hands on me and I had never wanted to end his life. But right now, if he had stuck around, I for sure would’ve busted a cap or two in his ass.

  I’d be the first to admit I had a slick mouth with independent ways. He could thank my father for that. My father was controlling with his ridiculous, outrageous rules and I swore as soon as I was able to get out of his house I would be gone, and that’s exactly what I did, never looking back. He didn’t approve of anything I did, so not caring about his approval, I was sure to pay my own way so he could never control or rule my life.

  My sister wasn’t so strong. She and my father were stuck like glue. But that was only because she did everything he requested of her with no back talk. He always referred to me as my “mother’s child.” I never understood the comparison because the woman I saw was nothing like me. I talked shit and did things my way. I never saw that in my mother. Maybe back in the day before she birthed me she had it in her, but now, nah. She was all up Reverend Howard’s ass like white on rice. He told her when to speak, when not to speak, what to wear, where to go. Hell nah, that wasn’t me by far; therefore, if my own father who spit me from his nut sack couldn’t run me, then Don sure as hell wouldn’t. I thought he understood that about me, but obviously not. I wasn’t the sit down and roll over type of chick. He claimed that’s what he loved about me and now, it’s like he hated me. Here of late, we never spent any real time together. We used to laugh, go out, and just genuinely enjoy one another’s company, but now, it was like we were roommates and we made appointments to have sex. We actually checked our schedules to see when we would be free. That to me just didn’t seem normal for two people who were in love. Perhaps that was it. We weren’t in love anymore, but only loved each other. What I did know was that I without a doubt I loved Don. He was all I’d known as far as a relationship and a marriage, but sometimes I felt like I committed too soon and lost out on other things. Hell, other men. I was only twenty-six years old. I didn’t want to be in a marriage and just love each other. I wanted to be in love with never-ending sex, spontaneity, laughter, and fun. The goal was to never end up like my parents. They looked like they were in a business agreement and not a marriage, but hell, I was headed down that same path. A path I wanted no parts of.

  Grabbing Nina from the box, I spun around and there was Kash leaning against my bedroom door with a bottled water in her hands.

  “You need to calm down and put that thing away. You two had a lover’s spat. That’s all,” she spoke calmly, dismissing the fact that I had Nina gripped in my hand and was ready to end Don’s life, or at least fuck a kneecap up.

  It was something about my sister’s innocence that I loved. She was beautiful inside and out, but I had no idea who this person was that I had met only three days ago. She now had a belly ring, plus she was smoking and drinking. That was not my little sister. I didn’t want to be hard on her because I knew this little freedom she had just gotten was something she needed to get used to. But damn, in just three days, she was an entirely different person.

  “It’s more than a lover’s spat Kash.” I went in search of the bottle of wine I had stashed in the night table next to my bed. Don always said I had a drinking problem. Maybe I did, but my wine wasn’t bothering anybody. I drank at home and wasn’t sloppy in public, so I didn’t understand what the issue was.

  Plopping down on my bed, I tossed Nina on top of the night table and leaned forward to get my wine from the bottom drawer.

  “That’s your problem right there.” Kash shook her head, extending her hand, gesturing towards my wine bottle.

  “Shut up Kash! You sound like Don’s punk ass,” I ranted while Kash sat down next to me.

  Popping the top on my wine bottle, I took it to the head. After a few swigs I extended the bottle in Kash’s direction. Hell, she was drinking now. Why not drink with me?

  “No thanks, I’ve had enough.” She chuckled.

  “What’s gotten into you?” I asked, taking another swig from my bottle.

  “If I tell you, will you tell me the truth about what’s really going on with you and Don?”

  After a few minutes, I nodded.

  “I just feel free now. I’ve never experienced anything, afraid to let Daddy down, so I just followed his lead.”

  “That’s it.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Yep, that’s it. I just want to have fun like a normal twenty-year-old. Now it’s your turn.”

  Inhaling and then exhaling, I held up my end telling her bits and pieces of my truth with my husband.

  “I love Don. We are just growing apart. It’s like he wants to run me and you know I don’t do well with demands.” We both laughed.

  “The biggest thing is the topic of kids. Don has wanted children for years now, but I feel like we have time. I want to travel and continue to get my business off the ground. Anyway, after fighting continuously on the baby subject, I finally agreed that if it happened it just happened, but the truth is…” She stared at me intensely. I wasn’t sure if I should tell her what I was about to say, but I wanted to release the burden and share it with my first best friend.

  “I was on birth control. I lied to Don about letting fate happen. And the other night he found the pack of pills, and that’s why we were fighting.”

  Finally releasing the burden from my shoulders, it felt good. Exhaling loudly, tears slid from my eyes and my sister drew me in, forcing my head on her shoulder. She was the baby sister of us two, but at this moment she took on the big sister role. She rubbed my back, gave me encouraging words, and whispered in my ear that everything would be ok with me and Don.

  Listening to her, I wanted to believe what she said, but deep inside I was scared to admit that I believed that my marriage was officially over.

  Kashae

  Last night made me feel like my sister and I were closer than ever. I was a bit surprised that she told me the truth about why she and Don were arguing. She wasn’t one to share and put her business on front street, so it felt special knowing she trusted me with her truth and her marriage.

  I had no idea all of this stuff was going on with Karmen and Don. In just under a week, I learned so much about them, as they had about me. Pouring me a cup of coffee, my phone dinged signifying a text message. Snatching it up from the counter top as I poured my coffee, I was stunned to see Don’s name displayed across my screen. After the stunt he pulled last night, I didn’t know why he was contacting me. It was best his ass stayed put after laying his hands on my sister. She was ready to pop a cap in his ass at any moment. And hell, I didn’t blame her.

  Taking a sip of my coffee, I slid my finger to display his text.

  Good morning sis, I wanted to apologize for last night. That was not me. I was just fed up. It’s still not an excuse to put my hands on your sister and I hope you accept my apology.

  Not sure of what to say, I decided against responding. He should be apologizing to Karmen, not me. She was the one who had been hurt. Placing my phone back on the counter, I took a seat at the bar and continued to sip my coffee. Hearing Karmen come down the stairs, I hopped up to grab her a cup as well.

  “Morning,” she said dryly.

  “Good morning, coffee?” I extended the cup in her direction.

  She accepted and took a seat on the stool that I previously occupied.

  “About last night,” she began, but I put my hand up to stop her.

  “No, you don’t have to explain anything to me. It’s between us and I promise to not repeat anything you told me. It’s your business, ok.” I smiled, giving her reassurance, and she did the same taking a sip of her coffee.

  “So, have you heard from him?” I asked, wondering if Don had reached out to her since he sent me
an apology.

  “Him? Who, Don?” She instantly had an attitude. “No, and I don’t want to. What can he say? I mean, my fucking neck hurts like hell and he left marks. I’m going to have to miss time from work until the shit fades. It’s too hot for scarves, so I’m stuck unable to do business until it goes away.” She shook her head back and forth with a scowl plastered across her face.

  I could tell me mentioning Don was not a good idea. She was still hot about the stunt he pulled last night. Who wouldn’t be?

  “Sorry.” I lowered my head, looking through my phone.

  “No, I’m sorry I snapped on you.” She stood from the stool with her coffee mug in her hand.

  “So, you’re in for today?” I questioned.

  “Need to make a run, but will be back in a few hours.” She walked off in the direction of the stairs.

  Wanting to question her about where she was going, I changed my mind, but she just told me she didn’t want to go to work because of the handprints from Don, so where was she going? Obviously it wasn’t business related. Where had she been all those other nights when she came home late? I wanted to know, but since she hadn’t volunteered any information during our heartfelt talk last night, I left it alone. When she was ready to share I knew she would.

  I hated my sister was going through this with her husband. She wasn’t perfect, but she was really a good person. She was a good woman and a hard worker. I had faith that she and Don would find their way back to each other. They had to.

  Making my way to my bedroom, I hopped in the shower in preparation for my afternoon with Meesha. After making sure the water was as hot as I could stand it, I stepped inside and washed my body numerous times with my Moonlight Path body wash from Bath and Body Works. Lathering my most intimate place, I often wondered what it felt like to be penetrated by the real thing. My parents made sex seem like a disease. They drilled it in my head over and over that sex was for married people, but they never expressed that sex was for people in love. My sister and brother-in-law, along with my parents, were prime examples that sex was not just for married people, but it should be for people who were in love. What did marriage have to do with love? I get it. It’s what God ordained, but he didn’t ordain being married and unhappy. Did he?