Complete Indelible Love Series

by Cee, DW

She almost cracked a smile. “All right. I’ll see you there.”

  *******

  Estelle

  I was scared what would happen once I stepped into this café. My heart didn’t want to end it with Jerry, but I thought it might be for the best. With me in Paris, a relationship wasn’t possible to maintain.

  Maybe Mother was right. Maybe I should stop with these pipe dreams of mine and settle down with a nice man. To run a household, to have children, to be a mother and wife—this might be the only job I was cut out for since fashion will most likely never work out. It was frustrating that women had to choose between career and family. Why couldn’t I do both? Why were women forced into a position they might not be suited for?—maybe I wasn’t meant to be a mother? What if I became a mother and was terrible at the job?

  “Um...Estelle? Were you going to stand here all day?” Jerry had come out to get me.

  “Oh,” I answered, startled. “No. I’m coming in.”

  With a small smile, Jerry asked, “What were you thinking about so seriously? You had a lot on your mind.”

  “I just wondered why we women have to make choices.”

  “What kind of choices are we talking about?”

  “Never mind. Let’s sit.” I didn’t want to tell him my innermost thoughts. It wasn’t wise since after today, we’d probably no longer see one another.

  “Tell me, Estelle. Don’t push me away.” For the first time since we met, Jerry appeared vulnerable. He wasn’t the confident, talkative, strong young man I had come to know. “Do I really turn you off that much? I don’t know if I can do it, but if you really want me to stop chasing after you, I’ll try.” I hated seeing him this sad; my heart broke along with his. I guess breaking up with him was going to be harder than I imagined.

  “I was wondering why we, women, have to decide between being a homemaker and having a career. I, for one, would like to do both.”

  “You can do both, Estelle. It’s a matter of juggling your time. If you’ll give me the honor, I’ll help raise our kids. I’m confident I can be a good father, and an even better husband.”

  It was lost on me how to approach this topic. In my heart of hearts, I didn’t want to let this man go.

  “May I explain something to you?”

  “Yes! Please! If it means you’ll tell me where I went wrong on Saturday, I want to hear it.”

  “A few years ago, I met two young men at a house party. In less than twenty-four hours, they both asked me to consider a future with them.”

  Jerry’s face fell and all the light in his eyes died. “You’re taken already?” Did he like me that much?

  “No. No. That’s not what I’m trying to say.”

  Though his mood slightly lifted, he was a man expecting bad news.

  “Go ahead and finish your story. Sorry for interrupting,” he answered solemnly.

  I hated how this was going. Before we met, I was dreading our conversation. Little did I realize Jerry was even more anxious than I.

  “Can we go outside and sit on the bench at the park? I think that might lend itself to a more enjoyable conversation.”

  “Sure.” He was still unsure where I was headed. I couldn’t say I knew for certain, but carefully watching this man, I had some idea where I might want us to be in ten years.

  *******

  Jerry

  Damn! Damn! Damn!

  How could I have thought I was the only man on earth to find this woman lovable? Of course there were other men who wanted her. I thought I was the first to propose. Who the hell would have believed that I’d be the third to propose? What the hell?

  I could read so little of Estelle’s usually expressive face right now. I could only guess how she was feeling about me. What had happened to my confidence? Other men be damned. I was going to win this girl over if it was the last thing I did.

  “Tell me all that’s on your mind, Estelle.” I needed to know her state of mind before I made my move.

  “A week before I entered UCL, my parents dragged me to the house party of the Duke and Duchess Bennington. There, I met two men. Harry Bennington, the heir to the Bennington duchy and Roland Ascot, a son of a baron and a current Harvard law student.”

  Damn. This story was getting worse with each description. “These are the two men who asked you to be their wife?” I asked.

  She nodded yes. “I hardly knew them but they were sure I would be a part of their futures. How they knew that soon, I don’t know. What I knew back then was that I wasn’t ready to marry anyone at that time. I wanted to get an education and to have a career—no matter how short it might be.”

  “They wouldn’t let you continue studying? Is that why you refused them?”

  “Roland asked me to either move with him to the States and study at Harvard or to wait for him for three years. Once he became a lawyer, he promised to come to wherever I’d be and to start his practice there.”

  I sighed. “And Harry?”

  She sighed, too. “Harry promised me the world. UCL, Paris, a career, motherhood, travels—you name it, he would provide it.”

  I couldn’t take it. Standing up, I said, “Give me a few minutes? I need to take a walk.”

  How was I to compete with an heir to a duchy or a man who had already started his career? I could barely stand up to my parents where my future was concerned. These men could give Estelle the world whereas all I could do was ask her to wait for me while I established myself. Perhaps I wasn’t as perfect for her as I thought I was.

  It took me a few brisk paces along one side of the park before I felt calm enough to sit down and listen to the rest of the story.

  “I don’t have to say anymore if you’re tired of listening to me, Jerry. We can end it right here if that’s what you want.”

  “End it right here? If that’s what I want?” I asked with too much anger and angst. “Keep going...please.”

  She didn’t like what I’d said, but she obliged. “Anyhow, I refused both men and their generous offers.”

  “So you’re not theoretically wedded to anyone?” I asked with growing excitement.

  “No. I am a free woman,” she answered with a small giggle.

  “If Harry and Roland are no longer in your life, then why’d you spurn me on Saturday? Are you not interested in me? I get that we are not on the same interest level, but I thought since you accepted my date request, you might want to get to know me.”

  What was the deal?

  *******

  Estelle

  How to explain to this thick-headed man where he went wrong...

  “Listen carefully, Jerry.” He sat up tall and did as was told. “I met Harry and Roland on a Friday and they both told me that I would marry them within a few hours of meeting them. Maybe Roland asked, but I know Harry almost demanded and expected I’d be his bride.”

  “OK...” He still didn’t get it. “You’re stunning. You’re smart. You’re witty. You’re everything. What did you expect?”

  “Keep listening, Jerry.” He sat up even taller this time. “What did you say to me when we first met?”

  “Gorgeous, you will be my wife before this year is over!”

  “Exactly. And what did you do at the Monet exhibit?”

  “Kiss you!”

  “Exactly. Do you see any similarities between you and the two men I refused a few years ago?”

  “They kissed you too?” He asked with vehemence. “You mean I wasn’t your first kiss?” I had to laugh. Jerry Reid wavered between a confident man and a petulant boy. “Well?” He wanted an answer.

  “I don’t think that’s any of your business, Jerry. Am I the first girl you’ve ever kissed?” I challenged.

  “It is my business since you’re going to be my wife.” He neglected to explain that I, obviously, wasn’t the first girl he’s kissed—no surprise there.

  “You’re not getting the point of this message, Jerry.”

  �
��Please explain, because all I can think about is the fact that I wasn’t the first man to place his lips on your ruby-red ones. I’m so upset, I think I need to run this park many times over to let go of this revelation.”

  “Jerry.” I sighed in exasperation. “As much as I like you and am attracted to you, I don’t like how you’re pushing me into a corner. You have no right to have expectations of me and us. I am not yours to command. I will marry whom I want, when I want.”

  “You like me and are attracted to me?” This man had a serious case of selective hearing.

  “Is that all you heard from my long speech?”

  “Hell yes, that’s all I heard. What else was there to hear?”

  “All right. Then hear this. You will not hear from me again until you understand what it is that I want.” With those ending words, I stood up and left.

  *******

  Jerry

  Oh, no she won’t! She will not get away from me that easily.

  Since she was literally walking away, I took giant steps to catch up to her. “I heard you loud and clear, Miss Cowper.” Defiantly, she looked up and almost glowered. It was adorable enough for me to steal another kiss. “How about we go back into the café and have lunch. Let me court you properly.” Her eyes said no. I cut her off before her lips could voice those words. “Isn’t that the gist of what you’ve said?” She couldn’t argue. I linked our fingers and paid no attention to the hand that continually attempted to squirm its way out of mine.

  “I’ll have whatever you’re having,” was what she said when I ordered lunch for us. She was being unnecessarily hostile.

  “So tell me when you knew you were attracted to me. I want every last detail.” This question would not win me any points, but a man had to know these things.

  “It doesn’t matter, Jerry. I’m no longer attracted to you.” I loved the feisty attitude.

  “How about I tell you my story instead?” She answered with a quick nod. “I am the third of three boys in the Reid family. My two older brothers are already doctors, practicing with our father and uncles. My mother, I’ve told you, should’ve been a doctor, too, but it wasn’t the fashionable thing to do during her days. Her parents pretty much married her off to Gerald Reid and she chose to raise three boys and to become an important member of society in her own secret ways. She makes more money than the doctors in the family, if you can believe that.” I couldn’t stop from laughing at how Mum has had no formal medical training, but people have come to depend upon her medical skills.

  “What an amazing mother you have. She must be proud of all three of you.” The softer Estelle was back.

  “Amazing, yes. Proud of all three of us, debatable.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “She and Father came to visit on Saturday and I broached the topic of leaving med school again. Mother shut it down before I got anywhere close. If I end up leaving, as I think I will, she will not be happy.”

  “When would you leave?”

  “I have the application for Harvard Business School already filled out. I only need to send it in. I haven’t found the courage to defy my parents, but I think if I want to marry, support my wife and children, and be happy with myself, I need to leave medicine. This is not the field for me.”

  “But you will have invested three years of your life in medicine by the time you leave.”

  “I know, Estelle. I’ve known from day one this wasn’t for me. After having met you, I’m confident business school is where I should be. I want to be able to provide for you and our kids.”

  “But you could do the same for your wife and kids while being a doctor.” She slyly omitted herself from the wife role.

  “I wouldn’t be as happy of a person. I have all these ideas I want to pursue as an entrepreneur. Constantly, I develop ways of making money and spending time with my family. I don’t want to be a slave to my career.”

  “I see.”

  “What about you, Estelle? I know you want to be a fashion designer, but do you also want to marry and have children?”

  “Of course I do. What woman doesn’t? I want to have at least four kids. Maybe three boys and one girl. Or maybe two and two?” I liked where this was going.

  “When do you see yourself having kids?”

  “Soon after graduate school. It’s not that I want a full-blown career. Honestly, I’m not that good. I just want to try it and walk away once I’m satisfied. If later, like your mother, I can continue a side job while taking care of the family—that would be ideal.”

  “Would you be open to moving to the States and studying there—hypothetically speaking, of course.” I chuckled silently, watching her stare at me. She had no choice but to answer this question.

  “I guess? Roland continually urges me to come study at Rhode Island School of Design. He says it might not sound as glamorous as Paris, but there are many more opportunities for women in the States than in Europe.”

  “Roland?” Wasn’t he one of her past suitors? “You keep in contact with both men?” That made me angry to know I wasn’t the only man in her life.

  *******

  Estelle

  Here was ugly, jealous Jerry. “Yes, Roland and I write. We’ve stayed in touch since he moved.”

  “Have you seen him since that house party?”

  “No, but I assume I’ll see him when he comes back to London at the end of this school year. He’ll have graduated from Harvard Law School.”

  “AARGH!” He made a loud, ugly noise. “What about Harry?”

  “Harry...” What a contrary man he was. “A month after the house party, he and his parents invited our family up to their castle in Fife. That night, he asked me to marry him again.”

  “Shite! Doesn’t the man know when to give up?” Jerry’s outburst was cute when it didn’t look like he was about to have an apoplectic fit.

  I ignored his comment and explained, “When I refused him a second time, he stopped speaking to me. Even when we ran into one another on campus, he ignored me and moved on.”

  “Good!” Jerry might have thought so, but I was hurt by Harry’s indifference. “Not good?” he asked after watching my expression.

  “I liked both men. Had they not rushed me...had they given me a chance to get to know them and vice-versa, we might not be having lunch, Jerry.”

  “Shite. Shite. Shite!” Jerry mumbled until the last loud expletive. “Has Roland married?”

  “Not since our last letter exchange.”

  “What about Harry?”

  “I don’t know. Rumors about him are rife, but according to Mum, he still wants me as his duchess.”

  “SHITE!” That was definitely an unhappy expression. “And you? What do you want, Estelle?”

  “I don’t know, Jerry. I think Mum wants me to pursue Harry and thus, she’s making up stories. But with you...at first, you excited me.”

  “But now?”

  “You scare me.”

  “Why? How? It was never my intention to frighten you. Why would you feel this way?”

  Now, it was me who felt bad for explaining my heart. “I’m overwhelmed to be feeling anything for someone I just met. A part of me likes you. A part of me doesn’t want to like you. A part of me is afraid that you’ll push your agenda and timetable on me before I’m ready. I don’t respond well to coercion—no matter how handsome the man doing the coercing.” I added a bit of humor, which finally made Jerry’s lips curl up.

  “All right. I get it, Estelle Cowper. I think I understand you.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. I am going to spend hours and hours with you until you find me so irresistible, you’ll be begging me to marry you.”

  I laughed. “Is that so?”

  “Just you wait, Estelle. You’ll regret not having married me today.”

  Today was the beginning of our beautiful courtship.

  *******

  Jerry

&nb
sp; “I assume your sweet lady is attending our engagement party?” My brother, Stephen asked. “Melisse and I can’t wait to meet her.”

  “Estelle will be there. Just look for the most beautiful woman, not wearing a fancy engagement dress.”

  “Smart words, Brother.”

  “Estelle and I came in together on the train this morning, but she had to stop by her parents’. She’ll be here.”

  “We can’t wait to meet her, Jerry. You’ve been dating the girl for months and haven’t brought her around.”

  “We’ve both been busy. Plus, Mother wasn’t receptive to me dating anyone. I didn’t think it was wise to flaunt my gorgeous girlfriend.”

  “So what’s happening with business school? Are you still thinking of dropping medicine?”

  “I decided if I get in, I’ll take it as a sign from God that I’m meant to be in the States. I will leave it up to the Man Upstairs.”

  My brother whistled. “Remind me not to be anywhere near Mum when you give her the grim news.”

  “Good news, not grim news, Stephen.”

  “Think what you like.”

  I walked away from my brother to find my date. Today was a big day for us as a couple. After four months of courting my beautiful woman, she was meeting my family this morning and I’d meet her parents for dinner tonight.

  “I’ve walked by you twice now and am heartbroken you haven’t noticed me.” My Estelle jested.

  “Gorgeous. It’s hard not to notice the most beautiful woman in this hall. You outshine all the other women here.”

  “Not the thing to say at your brother’s engagement party, no matter how true the statement.” I loved her sense of humor. “What had you so deep in thought?”

  “I was excited about the family introductions. Our relationship is finally heading forward.”

  “So up until now, we’d been walking backwards?”

  “No, my sweet lady. We’d been taking baby steps. Today, we are making the biggest and boldest move, yet. I know Mum and Dad will love you as I already do. How could anyone not, my gorgeous Estelle?”

  “You say the kindest words, Jerry. Where shall I sit while you go do the family thing?”