Complete Indelible Love Series

by Cee, DW

  “Not directly, but my grandfather tells me he’s still single, if that’s what you’re wondering. Could it be that the duchess position has been left empty for you?”

  “I doubt it, Roland. I haven’t spoken with Harry in a very long time.”

  “Have you thought of him?”

  “I did that first year after the house party, but not since. Neither you nor Harry is easy to forget.”

  “Is that so?”

  “I’m glad we became friends, Roland, and I’m glad you’re here.”

  *******

  Roland

  This was the perfect segue into my proposal. “Tell me, Estelle. If I asked you to consider marrying me, if you and Jerry didn’t work out, what would you say?” I saw the torment in her eyes. I didn’t want to cause her any further pain, but I also needed her to understand what I wanted for us. “Stella. I’m not asking you to marry me tomorrow. I understand that you love Jerry Reid. However, seeing as how you are here with me, I must mean something to you.”

  “You’re a wonderful friend and one of the best men I know. But, I can’t consider you anything beyond that right now. I’m sorry if I’ve led you to believe otherwise. Perhaps we should stay pen pals.”

  “Stella. I’m not asking for right now. I’m asking for later. Assuming it’s over for you and Jerry, I would like to court you properly and ask you to consider me as your beau.”

  She shook her head no. “Jerry has asked me to wait for him for two years. As hurt as I am...” her voice broke saying these words. It pissed me off that he’d hurt her this badly. “As much as he’s broken my trust in us, I will wait.”

  “Have you considered that he might fall in love with another woman?” Those were piss-poor choice of words as the woman in front of me crumbled—literally and figuratively. Had I not caught her, she would’ve been on the ground in the middle of the dance floor. “I’m sorry, Stella. I shouldn’t have said that. Let me take you home.”

  Stella sobbed all the way back to her apartment. “Roland,” she said, “why don’t we stop seeing one another for a while?”

  “No, Stella.” I answered gently and placed her hand in mine. “Today, I made a grave error. I underestimated your love for Jerry. However, I’d like for us to stay friends, and for you to consider using me to either get Jerry back in your life, or to keep me in your life for good.”

  “What does that mean, Roland?”

  “Say you’ll marry me, Estelle. It can be at any time of your choosing. Tell Jerry you’re marrying me and if he doesn’t cross the pond in a month’s time, consider it finished with him. That’s the only way you’ll know and move on.”

  Estelle said no more and walked into her apartment.

  I didn’t know if what I’d done was the smartest thing or the stupidest thing. The answer would be revealed soon.

  *******

  Estelle

  “What has you in such deep thought, Estelle?” My roommate Georgiana asked.

  “I’ve done something terrible and am horribly regretting it.”

  “What have you done?”

  I told Georgiana that I’d decided to accept Roland’s offer to use his proposal to bait Jerry. It was childish bordering on asinine. In a moment of weakness and desperation to know if Jerry still loved me, I’d written to him and told him that I was engaged to the first man who came along.

  “What am I going to do, Georgiana?”

  “Sit and wait? Personally, I think this is great fun. I can’t wait to see Jerry bursting through those doors.”

  “And what if he doesn’t come?”

  “Then you marry Roland Ascot. I think it’s terribly romantic how these men are vying for your hand in marriage. Where’s the duke?”

  Georgiana, a fellow Brit, had been my roommate since Oxford and knew about my plight with all three men. When Jerry left for Massachusetts without me, she graciously took me in and helped me settle into this city of lights and love.

  “There’s no duke and there will be no Roland Ascot. I think I’ll die a spinster.”

  “Pish posh Estelle Cowper! You’re full of shite.” Georgiana always had a way of making me laugh. “I assume Roland will be here again, tonight?”

  “I guess...?”

  “Of course he’ll be here again. He can’t possibly leave his fiancée alone.”

  Fiancée...what the hell had I done?

  *******

  Jerry

  “Before I go see Estelle, I wanted you both to know that I will be marrying your daughter in a private ceremony in Paris. Afterward, I will take her back to the States with me.”

  “What?” Penelope Cowper wasn’t happy with my explanation, which came out sounding like a threat.

  “I thank you for supporting my future wife in her endeavors in Paris, but I do not appreciate not having had any connection with her all these months. All those letters I’d written went unanswered. It would’ve been kind of you to have let me known where she was all this time.”

  “You’re the one who left her and asked us to take care of our daughter.”

  “My mistake, Mrs. Cowper—one that I plan to fix.”

  I couldn’t believe what was happening. A week ago, I had received a letter from Estelle saying that she was engaged to another man. It took me days to procure enough money to get on a flight from Boston to London. I should’ve gone straight to Paris, but felt the need to explain my plans to both sets of parents. One extra day would not cause any more strain on our already stressed relationship. All this time, I believed my feisty fiancée was only upset. Who knew she was upset enough to set up life elsewhere and to marry another man?

  “I can’t believe you’re blaming us for what you’ve done!”

  “Penny,” I saw George caving. “Cut the boy a little slack and let’s give him our blessing. I only want to see our daughter happy. You know she’s not happy right now. Don’t you want to see your grandchildren one day? Let’s be on friendly terms with our future son-in-law.” George grinned and walked to their desk. “When you go find our daughter, your future bride, take these with you.” He handed me all the letters I’d written since our separation along with her address. “We didn’t hold onto them purposely, Jerry. Stella asked that we not forward any posts. She said it hurt too much to be reminded of you.”

  “Thank you,” I breathed and ran out of their house.

  “What are you doing back so soon,” was the greeting I received from my brothers, Stephen and Dillon, when I stepped into the house.

  “I’m here to take Estelle back with me. Before I do, I came to inform you,” I said to my parents, “that we will get married in a small ceremony in Paris with or without your blessing.” “Life in America has been hell without Estelle. Since none of you reached out to my fiancée after I left, she’s found her way to Paris and is unwilling to see me. I will not lose her. At this point, I’ve strayed so far from your approval, Mother, that I’m sure you don’t care what I do. But, I still wanted you to know.”

  Surprisingly, Mum was silent.

  My brother showed his concern and asked, “How can we help, Jerry? I’m sorry. Melisse and I should have checked in on Estelle. I feel terrible.”

  “Just pray that my fiancée will understand why I left her the day before our wedding.” That was about all the patience and emotional fortitude I had for the night. I needed to get to Estelle and win her back.

  *******

  Roland

  “Not that I’m complaining, but it’s a little early for a visit, no?” I wasn’t quite ready for Estelle to come to me in regret less than a week into our “engagement.”

  “I’m sorry, Roland. This past week has been all wrong. It was done in error and I need to correct my deeds.”

  Damn! I could do no other than laugh. “Stella. Could you not allow me to bask in our mock-engagement a little longer? I would’ve liked to have spoiled you with fancy dinners and jewelry surprises.”

  M
y fiancée started crying in earnest. “I shouldn’t have said yes to your proposal and I shouldn’t have sent Jerry that letter. Even if he doesn’t come back for me, I need to tell you that I’m not in love with you, Roland. It would be cruel to lead you to believe that I was. All of this is my fault. I started something I don’t know how to finish. Please forgive me.”

  “Your sweet tears make me love you and envy Jerry Reid with an even greater passion. Don’t cry, Stella.” I held this woman for what would probably be the very last time. Jerry Reid would have to be a fool not to cross the Atlantic and reclaim his fiancée.

  “I’ve wronged you, Roland. I’ve used you to make Jerry come back to me and I feel so terrible for doing so. My actions are deplorable. Who uses a friend for her own gain?”

  “Listen. Stella.” I wanted her to stop crying and to hear me clearly. “I’ve enjoyed being your fiancé, and I knew what I was getting myself into when I suggested this farce. Don’t feel bad. You will be nothing but a treasure to me. We will continue to stay friends no matter whom you marry.”

  “You are too good to me, Roland. I don’t deserve you.” I wished there was love, in addition to gratitude, in her heart.

  “What can I do to help you, Stella?”

  “There’s nothing to be done. Jerry hasn’t come and I don’t think he’ll be here. What I did was horrible.”

  “Don’t lose faith, Beautiful. If Jerry had the guts to leave you the day before your wedding, he’ll be back.”

  By the look on Stella’s face, all faith was lost already.

  *******

  Estelle

  “Estelle!!!”

  “Jerry?” Was that really Jerry Reid standing in front of my apartment? “What are you doing here?”

  “What am I doing here?” he asked angrily. “What are you doing out at this hour? Are you just coming home? Did you spend the night elsewhere? Were you with your fiancé all night?” I didn’t like the anger nor appreciate the accusation.

  “I don’t think I have anything to say to you and you have no say in my life.” I was thrilled to see him, but apparently, feelings weren’t mutual. I’d never seen Jerry this upset.

  “How can you leave me and get engaged to another man? Was that how much I meant to you? In the course of a couple of months, you can discard me without another thought?”

  I heard the pain in his voice and saw the anguish in his eyes, but I was too angry to right my wrong. How dare he come here and accuse me?

  “You left me!” I yelled. “The day before our wedding, you left me a note and told me to have a nice life until you were done with your schooling. I cried for days wondering what I’d done to make you leave me.”

  “That letter explained everything! I told you that I didn’t want you to suffer. I had no idea what kind of place Massachusetts would be. I didn’t want you to work while I went to school. What’s wrong with wanting to protect my woman?” He hollered the last three words loudly enough where Georgiana and a few of our neighbors popped their heads out to make sure we hadn’t killed one another.

  “What you did was break my trust, Jerry. I trusted you to love me and what you did was break my heart.”

  “You were so heartbroken you went and found a replacement already? How can you give yourself to another man, Estelle? I thought you loved me?”

  “Ugh!!! Do you understand that when you left, you severed our relationship?”

  “I believed I was doing you a favor!” He was still upset with me.

  “Jerry, I don’t care what you thought you were doing. I told you what you ended up doing to me. If you’ll excuse me, I can’t stand here and argue. I have to attend class.”

  I left him standing at my door and walked into the apartment to grab my bags. When I came out, I was dismayed to find Jerry gone.

  What had I done this time?

  *******

  Jerry

  I came all the way from America to argue with the woman I needed to convince to marry me again. What the hell? I was angry enough that she’d tossed me aside for another man. It was only made worse by seeing her coming home at eight in the morning. If I didn’t walk away, more ugly words would spew out of me. Shite! What was happening to me? What had happened to us?

  Why couldn’t Estelle understand that I had left for her good? How could she not know how much I loved her? What sane man would leave his fiancée and go to a foreign country alone? What had I done to make her doubt my love?

  After walking through a good portion of Paris, I decided to go back and wait for Estelle. Perhaps the approach I took wasn’t the smartest move. I should’ve come begging, first. I just didn’t think she’d be so angry.

  “Hello Jerry.” Two smiling faces greeted me when I knocked on Estelle’s door. “I think you know who I am.” Georgiana said with a huge smile. “This is Annalisa, our third roommate.”

  “Hey, Georgiana. It’s good to see you again. And hello, Annalisa.”

  “Estelle implored us not to let you in, but since she won’t be home for a while, we’ll invite you in.” Estelle’s roommate, since Oxford, said.

  “I’m glad Estelle was able to room with you again, Georgiana. How have you been?”

  “I’ve been well. It’s our other roommate who’s been in the dumps since you left her.”

  Maybe Georgiana could share some light on what had been happening. “My fiancée explain to you why I left?”

  “She did, but the way you did it was harsh, Jerry. She was heartbroken. Still, she’s heartbroken.”

  “But, I wouldn’t have been able to go had I not done it in stealth.”

  “Not the right move, Jerry.” Annalisa added to her roommate’s earlier comment.

  “Who is Estelle engaged to? What’s his name and how did she become so close to another man so quickly?” Neither roommate spoke a word. “Come on. Just a name. What harm is there in telling me the guy’s name?”

  “We’re not supposed to say a word, Jerry.”

  “Georgiana,” I countered. “You’ve known me since Estelle and I began dating. You know how much I love my future wife. How can you take another man’s side over mine?”

  After more thinking, she gave in and said, “I guess there’s no harm in giving you his name. It’s Roland Ascot.”

  “What the hell? Isn’t he in America?”

  Both ladies shook their heads no. “As soon as he learned that Estelle was in Paris, alone, he came for her. He’s madly in love with your future wife.”

  “Shite!” I spit out angrily. “Is Estelle just as madly in love with him?”

  Once again, the ladies would not shine any light on this matter. “That’s for Estelle to answer, Jerry.”

  I knew I would get nowhere in this matter. The best way to garner answers was from the woman in question.

  I’d wait until she came home and wrestle some answers out of her.

  *******

  Estelle

  “Estelle!” Georgiana implored. “It’s been almost a week since Jerry’s been here and sleeping outside in the cold. Have mercy.”

  “Don’t think that I don’t know how you and Annalisa have been helping him.”

  “We’ve done nothing of the kind,” she answered with a smile. “The man you love is here. What are you waiting for?”

  “He came to me angry. Never once did he acknowledge that he’d done anything wrong. All I wanted to hear was that he was sorry for leaving me behind, that he missed me, and that he loved me. So far, it’s been about all the things I’d done wrong.”

  “Well...” my other roommate said, “you did make him believe that you fell in love with another man and were about to marry him.”

  I knew I was in the wrong, too. I just wanted Jerry to admit his mistake, first.

  Georgiana said, “Your lovely roommates have decided to go to Amsterdam for the weekend. You have the entire apartment to yourselves. We want you to make up with Jerry any way you see fit.” Her suggest
ion came with a few winks. “We are leaving now.”

  “But...” Without my roommates as buffers, this was going to be hard.

  “Bye Jerry!” I heard the two ladies calling out.

  “Estelle?” By the loudness of his voice, I could tell Jerry was right on the door. “I want you to know that I’m not leaving until you come with me.”

  “I can’t go anywhere with you now. I’m enrolled in classes.”

  “Before I left,” he explained, “I went and talked to your parents.”

  “You did?” Why had my parents not explained this to me? “What did you talk about?”

  “I apologized for not being capable of taking care of you financially and emotionally. In my stead, I asked them to provide you with all that your heart desired. I understand now that material things don’t matter when you’re not with the person you love.”

  I had no idea Jerry had thought this through so thoroughly. I was led to believe he wanted what he wanted and didn’t care what I wanted for us. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were going to leave? How did you think I’d react, knowing you had abandoned our wedding and flown to start your future without me? Remember how we promised to share our lives together? How can we do that when we’re thousands of miles apart?”

  “Sitting out here has given me much time to think. I see now that no matter how good the intention, I didn’t execute my plan well. I’ve been miserable without you, Estelle. It didn’t help that you answered none of my letters. I was so scared that I’d lost you. Weekly, I wrote asking for your forgiveness and love. When none of the return letters came, I was considering coming home and taking you back to the States with me. I couldn’t stand the silence.”

  “I had no idea,” I whispered and opened the door. “I’m sorry, Jerry.” Reaching out to him, I held his cold hand and brought him inside. “I didn’t know you’d written,” I confessed.

  Jerry handed me the pile of letters. “Listen, Estelle. I’ll give up Harvard and go back to medical school if that means we can be together again. Please just tell me that I haven’t lost you. I can’t tell you how much it kills my heart to know you’re engaged to another man.”