A Fighting Chance

by T. L. Hayes

  She turned her head left then right, checking out the work of the barber she had gone to that morning. It had taken her a while to find a barber who would cut women’s hair. She had thought it was just a matter of preference, until the barber that morning informed her that most barbers just didn’t have the proper license and could only cut men’s hair. She was happy with the guy she found, even if the place was a new retro hipster place that did well to bring back the old-school barber motif, complete with old barber chairs, a tricolored pole, and old signage from a time when her grandfather had been a young man. No matter that her barber had a boy band flip on his own head, he seemed to know what he was doing and had given her a great buzz, leaving a little style to it so she didn’t look as if she had just entered basic training.

  She reached for her cologne, thinking she would dab a little something on her neck at the very least, then thought better of it. It was just coffee, not a night on the town. Maybe, if she was lucky enough to get Lou to agree to a night out, she would splash a little something on, but for the time being she stilled her hand and instead went back to fussing at the button. She put her hand up to it, thinking it still looked wrong somehow. It took her a moment to realize why, and she pulled the pendant out from under her shirt and kissed it, then let it fall to her chest on the outside of her shirt. She gave a relaxed sigh and finally smiled at her reflection.

  “You got this.”

  * * *

  Lou walked into the café at four twenty, thinking she would beat Steve there and have time to order her coffee and find a table, but she wasn’t two steps in the door when she heard her name and looked to the right and saw Steve sitting on an overstuffed leather couch. Great. She wouldn’t have the protection of a table between them. She gave Steve a small smile and a wave and walked over to her. Steve stood when Lou reached the couch and extended her hand, which Lou shook.

  “Hi, Lou. I’m glad you’re here. I was going to order you a cup of dark roast, but I didn’t know how you take it and I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about me ordering for you, so…” She suddenly looked unsure of herself as she fumbled for her words.

  Lou bit back an amused grin and said, “No, that’s fine. I’ll be right back.” She started to walk away, then stopped and turned, this time letting the smile come. “Oh, and for future reference, my preference is Colombian with skim milk and maple syrup, but failing that, I’ll take whatever dark’s on tap.” Then she turned and went up to the counter, not watching to see Steve’s reaction. When she returned a few minutes later, Steve rose again and didn’t sit back down until Lou did. Well, that was kind of endearing. Nothing wrong with good manners.

  “So, you must tell me, Professor Silver, just what are you a professor of, anyway?” Steve shifted on the couch so she was facing Lou, and she propped her right foot on her left knee.

  Lou tried to keep focused on her face, but she’d be lying if she said Steve wasn’t attractive. Steve was taller than Lou and lithe looking, with long legs. When Lou had told the boys that Steve was butch, she wasn’t joking. Buzz-cut blond hair, black men’s Levi’s, combat boots, and a black button-up men’s shirt completed her ensemble for today. The only color she wore was a simple silver chain with a silver Capricorn pendant, not the goat symbol but the one that Lou always thought looked like 7 and 6 put together. Lou held her coffee with both hands and blew across the mug. “Well, my main focus is stage combat, but I teach other classes in the department. Most of which are cross-listed between several majors.”

  “So your reputation as a badass is not unfounded, then.” Steve said it as a statement that brokered no argument.

  “Mm-hmm, but one I did not get easily.”

  “Being a badass usually doesn’t come easily.”

  “What about you? What was your specialty in the military? Where did you earn your stripes?”

  “Interesting way of putting that. I was a PT instructor. Maybe we should spar sometime.”

  Lou narrowed her eyes at Steve. “You have an interesting way of flirting.”

  Steve laughed out loud. “What can I say? I guess I’m not that far removed from playground days.”

  Lou wasn’t as amused by the conversation as Steve appeared to be. “I’ve never really found violence much of a turn-on, to be honest.” Her words were spoken softly but with a lot of power. She cleared her throat and looked away.

  Steve seemed to pick up on Lou’s shift in mood and looked at Lou worriedly. “Did I say something wrong?”

  Lou exhaled and forced a smile. “Not really, sorry. I know you probably didn’t mean it the way I took it. I just meant that usually when people invoke playground flirting, they’re referring to the little boy’s habit of hitting the girl he likes and then running away. Never cared much for that scenario.”

  Steve looked stricken. “Oh, I see. I’m sorry. I’m really not violent—I mean, I like to spar in the ring, that’s all. I promise.” They didn’t say a word for a moment, just shared a look. Finally, Lou broke it by looking down at her mug.

  After a moment she looked back up and said, “So, you’re a Capricorn.”

  Visibly startled, Steve said, “What?”

  Lou pointed to Steve’s necklace.

  Steve reached up and touched the symbol and suddenly looked sad. “No…um, no. I wear it for someone else.”

  Not sure about the shift in mood, Lou said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to trouble you.”

  “No, it’s not your fault.” Steve paused a moment, then she said quietly, “My first love was a Capricorn. I wear it in her memory.”

  “Her memory?”

  “She died a couple years ago. We were going to get married.” Steve looked down at her hands and swallowed.

  Lou reached out and put a hand on Steve’s knee. “I’m so sorry. You can talk about it if you want.”

  Steve put her hand over Lou’s, then looked her in the eye and gave her a brave smile. “Nah, not today. Not exactly good first date material. Maybe another day, though.”

  Trying to tease, Lou asked, “Wait, this is a date? I thought we were just meeting for coffee. If I’d have known, I would have made more of an effort in my clothing choices.” She had come straight from campus and she had had a combat class today. She had changed out of her workout clothes to her street clothes, olive-green cargo pants, a black blouse with three-quarter sleeves, and loafers. She hadn’t had the time to shower, which she regretted. But she was the one who had set the time, knowing full well that would be an issue. She had only herself to blame.

  “Well, if this isn’t a date, I got a haircut this morning for nothing.”

  Feeling devilish, Lou asked, “May I?” and raised her hand partway.

  Steve looked confused for a moment, then understanding dawned and she laughed. “Sure, go ahead.” She leaned forward a bit and inclined her head.

  Lou put her hand on the side of Steve’s head and rubbed the short blond prickles of hair. They looked like they would be sharp but they were as soft as down. Lou’s fingers lingered a moment too long and Steve raised her eyes but not her head and smiled. Lou broke contact and leaned her arm on the back of the couch but drew one leg up under the other, so they were still close enough to touch. Lou rested her cup on her foot. She didn’t know what was happening, but she thought she was okay with it.

  They talked for a few more hours, from the mundane to their views on a variety of topics, laughing together several times. After she figured she had drunk a pot of coffee, Lou realized it was time to go. “I should go—it is a school night, after all.”

  “Aw, okay. I understand. Walk you out?”

  “Sure.” They set their cups on the coffee table in front of them and stood to leave.

  Steve walked Lou to her car and stood there awkwardly with her hands in her pockets. “I would like to see you again. The conversation was wonderful, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like being petted.” She raised her eyebrows comically and Lou laughed.

  She was doing that a lot
, Lou realized, and was glad of it. “Okay. You can take me to dinner on Saturday if you’re free.” Lou had no plans on Friday but she thought she needed a break before she saw her again.

  “My old line used to be The only thing that could keep me from having dinner with you would be a declaration of war, but that line won’t work anymore.”

  “A simple I’m free works for me.”

  Steve gave a small bow, but it was a courtly bow and not a martial arts one.

  Lou hid a smile.

  “As you like. I’m free. Pick you up at seven?”

  Lou bowed in the way she was used to with a big smile and mimicked Steve’s words. “As you like.” Then they were both giggling. “Good-bye, Steve.”

  “Good-bye, Lou.” Steve stood there until Lou got in her car and was buckled in, then waved as she pulled away. In her rearview mirror Lou saw Steve stay on the sidewalk for a minute more before walking away.

  Chapter Four

  On Fridays Lou was lucky enough not to have any classes, so she used that day to catch up on her grading and class prep to—at least in theory—free up her weekends, when she taught her kung fu classes, relaxed some, or met up with friends. And now, maybe date again. She mentally chastised herself not to get ahead of herself and think there was going to be anything more beyond one date. A lot could happen on a date and not all of it good. Just relax, Lou, and take it as it comes.

  She was pulled out of her reverie by her office phone ringing and she answered automatically. “Dr. Silver speaking.”

  “Hey, Lou, how’s it going?” It was Rachel, a former student, now a friend, who had graduated the past May. She and Bobby, her boyfriend, had moved out of state as soon as they’d been able, hoping to find a community more open to trans people. As much as Lou was sad to see them go, she understood why they’d felt the need to leave.

  “Rachel, it’s good to hear from you. I’m wonderful. How’s life in the Land of 10,000 Lakes?”

  “Like buttah.”

  Lou groaned. “I see it’s done nothing for your sense of humor.”

  “Yeah, Bobby said he thinks my humor froze to death.”

  Lou smiled at the mention of the young trans man. “How is the sweet boy?” Before they left, Bobby had been the target of anti-trans violence. He had been hospitalized for a while but thankfully his injuries healed.

  “He’s good. Complains about the cold. I told him to suck it up and deal—it’s not even winter yet. He says he’s practicing for when it is. Oh, he told me to tell you he’s started classes again. Says he wants to teach music composition, of all things.” Lou could hear the pride in Rachel’s voice, despite her flip words.

  “That’s great. Tell him I think that’s wonderful and I wish him well. What about you? Found a job in the theater yet?”

  “Yeah, sorta. Not my dream job, but I have a steady gig. Doing a little stage-managing, a little casting, whatever they need. Hell, I’m even learning lighting, just in case.”

  “You can never learn enough in the theater. You should know how all of it works.”

  “Yeah, Dr. Baskin used to say something similar. I’m trying. What about you? Torturing any more kung fu students?”

  Lou smiled. “Only on the weekends.”

  “Aw, that’s too bad. Others need to know the joy of your wrath.” Rachel laughed.

  Amused, Lou asked, “When was I wrathful?”

  “Okay, not wrathful as such, but how about displeased?”

  “You may find this hard to believe, but I was never displeased with you. You were one of my best students, in both fields. How could I be displeased with you? That doesn’t mean you weren’t trying at times.” Lou smiled at the memory of all the times Rachel had challenged her in the classroom. She had been a smart-ass but Lou saw through that facade and saw the student who really wanted to learn and do well. The fact that she had cared enough to challenge Lou’s authority was proof of that, Lou felt.

  Rachel was silent a moment. Then, “Wow, thanks, Lou.”

  “You are very much welcome. Are you planning a visit anytime soon?”

  “Ah, yeah, at Thanksgiving. His mother invited me to their house for the holidays.”

  “Wow.” Up until the attack, Bobby and his mother had been on the outs because she had had trouble accepting his transition, but once she’d almost lost her youngest child, she reexamined her priorities. “She must be really coming around, then.”

  “She’s trying. She still slips on his gender sometimes but Bobby’s patient. She’s no longer doing it on purpose, and, as he says, as far as she knew, she had a daughter for twenty-five years, so it’s going to take some getting used to. The fact that she’s willing to try is enough for him.”

  “That’s a good attitude to have. I’m happy for you both. I know I’m no longer your teacher, but you must come and see me while you’re here.”

  “You’re not going out of town?”

  “No, my parents are both gone and I don’t have any siblings, so I’m going to be staying in town, celebrating with friends.” Bill and Dix threw what they called an orphans’ Thanksgiving for their friends who either no longer had living parents to go home to or who had been rejected by them. She had been happy to be included last year and was looking forward to going again.

  “Oh, okay, good. And yes, I don’t think the sweet boy will allow me to be in the same town with you and not see you. You know he has the biggest crush on you, right?”

  Lou laughed. “I’m sure that’s not true. That boy loves you.”

  “Oh, I know, but that doesn’t mean anything. He has a great respect for strong women, as should be obvious.”

  “You have a point there.”

  They talked for some minutes more, and before hanging up they made plans to get together over the coming holidays, which would be upon them in less than a month. When they finally disconnected, Lou couldn’t stop smiling. Rachel hadn’t just been one of her favorite students—she was one of her favorite people. Teachers weren’t supposed to have favorites, the same as parents, but of course, they did. The trick was not to let the other students know who the favorites were, while still encouraging the favorites, who were usually the favorites because they were the ones who worked the hardest. Rachel had been no exception.

  * * *

  Lou walked into her session with Mrs. Adams with a smile on her face. She couldn’t help it; she was seeing Steve later and she had been in good spirits all day. She set her water bottle and towel down on a table off to the side of the mat, well away from the activity they were about to engage in. She took a sip of her water as she waited for Mrs. Adams and brushed back a curl that had escaped her hair clip. She loved her curls but they had a mind of their own, especially on humid days, and today had been one of those days.

  When Mrs. Adams came in she smiled big and waved at Lou. She had her own towel and bottle of water she sat next to Lou’s. She elbowed Lou lightly on the arm and winked. “So, if you and Stephanie work out, will I get a family discount?”

  Surprised, Lou laughed. “Mrs. Adams, you should know I don’t play favorites.”

  “Not even for your future mother-in-law?”

  Lou grinned. “I had no idea you were a meddling yenta.”

  “I’m not, actually. Maybe a touch of a matchmaker, but a gossipy old woman? Nah.”

  “So you’re not denying that you are trying to matchmake?” Lou raised an eyebrow.

  Mrs. Adams laughed. “Well, I think Steve’s doing just fine on her own, but anything I can do to help. You would be a fine addition to the family.”

  Lou felt her cheeks going warm as she said, “Thank you. But let’s see how the first date goes before we start setting a date, shall we?”

  “Too true. Besides, isn’t it the second date when lesbians get serious? Hear tell anyway.” Mrs. Adams was wearing a mischievous smile.

  “Not this lesbian.” Lou nodded to the mat. “Come on, time to go kick some butt.”

  Mrs. Adams bowed to Lou even though
they weren’t on the mat and it wasn’t required. “Yes, Sifu.” Then she waited for Lou to take her position before she followed.

  As Lou began to put Mrs. Adams through her warm-up, it became harder and harder not to think of Steve, since Mrs. Adams had brought her up. Lou had been doing a great job of not thinking about her up until then, trying to focus on the session ahead, as Mrs. Adams deserved her full attention.

  She thought about the text Steve had sent on Friday. It was sweet and she hadn’t been prepared for that. Looking forward to tomorrow. And hopefully many tomorrows. The feel of your fingers in my hair was lovely.

  Lou had been sitting in her office when it had come through, sometime after the call from Rachel, and she sat and stared at her phone for several minutes, alternating between smiling, and looking at it in wonder, not sure how to respond. Finally, after having given it some thought, she responded with, Yes, to tomorrow. And if you play your cards right, I might pet you again. We shall see. She had thrown her phone on the corner of her desk with a smirk.

  Flirting wasn’t something she was good at, and so she didn’t do it often. Plus, flirting always came off as not terribly genuine to her, and being genuine was something she always strove to be. But she liked Steve’s playfulness and she reasoned she wasn’t so much flirting, as being honest. She had liked touching Steve. She thrived on touch and when she touched Steve just that little bit, she had had the urge to continue, letting her fingers linger. Maybe tonight she would get the opportunity to touch some more.

  When the session was over, she and Mrs. Adams bowed to each other, and once they left the mat, the mischievous smile returned to Mrs. Adams’s face.

  “If my daughter can distract you this much before your first date, then I have high hopes for the future.”