A Fighting Chance

by T. L. Hayes

  “Well, where have all those options been the last couple of years before you came along?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean in the last two years, since my last relationship, no one has noticed my awesomeness. But now, besides you, I have two girls I could have given birth to who seem to have noticed. Where were those sweet young things when I was putting up profiles on dating sites and lamenting the state of lesbian dating?” Lou was laughing at herself and it felt good.

  Steve seemed amused also and laughed with her, but after a moment she looked at Lou shrewdly and said, “Oh, they were probably still there, but I doubt you saw them.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What I mean is I just don’t think they were on your radar because they’re not who you were looking for. Of course, I wasn’t exactly what you were looking for either, but I was just persistent.” Steve winked at her.

  “So are you saying they were there the whole time, but because I was looking for some other type of woman, I didn’t even see them? That I was blind to them?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Steve used her fork for emphasis to gesture at Lou.

  Lou shook her head. “I just don’t buy it. Steve, I was mostly happy being single, but I was lonely sometimes too. I wanted a girlfriend. I was hoping for a girlfriend. I don’t think I would have overlooked girls who were falling at my feet.”

  “Maybe. But you almost overlooked me. I had to get my mother to introduce us. When I tried it on my own, you literally walked right past me.”

  “Steve, the first time I ever saw you was when your mother introduced me to you. And I talked to you then. And I was charmed by you. And I still am.” Lou gave Steve the warmest of smiles.

  Steve sat back and folded her arms over her chest and smiled. “I knew you didn’t see me.”

  “Care to tell me what you’re talking about?”

  “I’d been coming to pick my mother up every Saturday for a month. I would wait inside the front door, by the display case. I saw you walk by that first day, and I smiled at you and said hi, but you kept walking. Didn’t see me. I thought, well maybe she’s just in a hurry, she’ll see me next time. The next week, same thing. So the third week I thought I would try something more than hello, and so that time when you walked by, I tried to get your attention a different way. I was dressed in my black boots, snug blue jeans, an Army T-shirt—I was looking fierce.” They exchanged a smile. “You did look at me that time, but the look you gave me could have melted stone.”

  Lou looked horrified at the thought. “I was rude to you?”

  “Well, you didn’t say anything, so you weren’t rude in that sense, but you looked at me like I was a scrub hanging out of my best friend’s car, and I was definitely not going to get any love from you.” Steve shrugged it off.

  Lou did too, but Steve could tell it bothered her to think she had been mean. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know why I would have acted that way.”

  “No biggie. I just figured you either didn’t like butches, and I was looking very butch that day, or it was my shirt. You did kinda look at my shirt before you looked at my face.”

  Looking sheepish, Lou admitted, “It was probably both. The Army thing for obvious reasons, and the butch thing…I’m not sure why, exactly. I mean, I used to tell myself that I just wasn’t attracted to butches, but that is patently false. I’ve always known that. I think it had more to do with needing to feel like I was the masculine one in a relationship, so I needed my counterpart.”

  Steve rolled her eyes at Lou’s comment.

  “And I see that look,” Lou continued. “I know I’m not that masculine, but I’m not that feminine either.”

  “Nope, you’re just Lou. And there’s nothing wrong with that.” Steve smiled and they shared another kiss.

  “Thank you.” Lou sighed and sat back in her chair with a thoughtful expression on her face. “Plus, if I’m being truthful, butches have always been about strength and independence to me, and Step aside, little lady. I didn’t want to deal with that. I give up my independence for no one.”

  “Misogynists, you mean?”

  “Seems so harsh, but yeah, I guess.”

  “Some butches are—not because they’re butch, but because they’re people with a skewed view of the world. And they’re assholes. But as you can see, most of us just want to find a nice woman to romance and charm and to treat her like the precious, badass creature she is, and just love her to pieces.” Steve smiled, then felt self-conscious. “And when push comes to shove, we are big cream puffs who have to ask our mothers to help us get a girl’s attention sometimes.”

  Lou laughed, then reached over and cupped Steve’s face in her hands. “Well, you have my attention now. And I think we should make up for lost time.” She cocked her head toward the bedroom, and then she kissed Steve so long and so passionately, it brought out a moan. Lou broke off the kiss and leaned back again. “Come on, cream puff, show me what you got.” She took Steve’s hand, stood up from the table, and started walking through the house, to her room, pulling Steve behind.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The next morning, Lou was in her office trying to get through her emails quickly, so she could spend the rest of the morning grading the final papers that had come in early from some of her eager students. She couldn’t blame them for wanting to get through some of their work early, as most had several essays to do, and letting them all pile up until the last minute was not the best strategy. She had done the same thing herself when she’d been in college. She never missed a deadline, never asked for an extension. She knew she was there to study, not to party. She had never understood why so many of her classmates didn’t see it that way. She had been lucky to fall in with a group of geeks her freshman year who all felt the same way she did, and no one made fun of her for begging off group activities so she could spend the weekend roaming the library or hunched at her desk, not moving unless one dire need or the other made itself known.

  She did have fun with her friends, often doing things like playing D&D or having Monty Python marathons hosted by Jim, the only member of the group who had all the movies and would often say lines along with the actors, knew the words to all the songs, and would sing them at top volume. She had been lucky to find those irregulars, as they allowed her to finally be more herself. They had accepted her coming out with ease, even when it surprised them. She had been nervous to come out to them at first and had come out to her best friend, Dave, initially. His reaction surprised her the most. “So? You want a cookie?” It had left her speechless. She had built up this whole dramatic scenario in her head, and when he didn’t give her that, she had no idea how to respond to his blatant acceptance. Finally, after several moments, she realized that his reaction was the right one—coming out should be treated as no big deal. The rest of her friends had reacted in similar ways, not one of them rejecting her. Her male friends even began to lightly tease her. Her friend Brad would sometimes ask her whether she was having any luck with the ladies, and they’d commiserate about their dating woes.

  Ah, dating in college…She had noticed a lot of attractive young women on campus, but it didn’t seem like they noticed her. When she did find someone to date, it was someone her roommate had introduced her to, a friend of hers from high school who lived several hours away from their campus. They made it work for a couple of years, with one or the other of them driving out for a stolen weekend of passion or a week or two over Christmas break. Steve’s comments from the night before came back to her. She wondered if there actually had been women who had noticed her back then on campus, but she hadn’t noticed them because they hadn’t fit the ideal of what she thought she was looking for, and she had completely dismissed them. Could Steve be right? Were there women who didn’t even register on her radar? God, if there were, she hoped she hadn’t been rude to them the way she had been rude and dismissive to Steve. The encounters Steve described, about trying to get Lou’s attentio
n…Lou felt horrible about that. She always tried to treat everyone with kindness.

  She picked up her phone and sent a quick message to Steve: You are so kind and gentle and I don’t deserve you. I love you. She set the phone back on her desk and blinked and tried to refocus on the screen in front of her. She had just opened an email from a student with the subject line Final Paper when there was a knock on her door. It wasn’t time for her office hours yet and she was hoping to get some work done, but it wasn’t in her nature to ignore the knock, even when she would much rather be doing something else. She hollered out, “Come in.”

  The door opened and a hand shot through first holding a paper cup from her favorite coffee shop, and Lou smiled. “Come in, Bill.”

  Bill poked his head around the door, opening it more, and asked, “How’d you know it was me?”

  “Because coffee rarely knocks on my door unassisted. And since Rachel graduated, you’re the only coffee fairy I have.” She winked at him and accepted the cup with her thanks.

  Closing the door behind him, he replied, “I’m the only coffee fairy you know who’s actually a fairy.” He took the seat next to her desk and sipped his coffee.

  Lou sat back in her chair and took off the lid, setting it on her desk. “I’ve been meaning to ask, and I’m sure you can speak for everyone in your tribe. Why fairy?” She sipped her coffee, made the way she liked it.

  Bill seemed to contemplate the question. “I could ask you the same question. Why dyke?”

  “That is a good question. Whose idea was it to pick a label that referenced a structure that retains water? Always thought that was rude.”

  “Hmm, but accurate.” Lou scoffed and threw her lid at him. He laughed and dodged it.

  Lou said, “As least fairy refers to ethereal creatures who are beautiful and spread glitter everywhere and I think I just figured that one out.” They laughed together again, but then Lou grew thoughtful.

  Bill took a sip of his coffee and looked over at her. “Something troubling you, princess?”

  “I should kick you out of my office for slander. I am not a princess. I rescue princesses, thank you very much.”

  “Thank God you don’t have to do that anymore. Sgt. Hottie seems capable of taking care of herself.”

  “True. I might have to hang up my sword and stable my white horse if this keeps up.”

  “Quit dodging my question and tell me what’s on your mind.”

  “You are annoyingly persistent.”

  “That’s what it says on my résumé. Come on, tell me.”

  Lou sighed. “I don’t know, just something Steve said last night that I can’t stop thinking about.”

  “What’d she say?”

  Instead of answering, Lou asked, “Bill, do you think I overlook women who don’t fit my ideal?”

  “Yes.”

  “Wow, that was quick. Are you sure you don’t want to think about it for a minute?”

  “Don’t need to.”

  “Then care to explain?”

  “Simple, sweetie. Just in the short time I’ve known you, I’ve seen you walk by several women who were giving you the eye, and you didn’t even register their existence. These women could have been plastic plants, for all the notice you took of them.” Bill crossed his legs out in front of him and gave her a matter-of-fact look.

  Lou looked abashed. “Did these women have anything in common?”

  “How would I know? It’s not like I stopped and had a conversation with them.”

  “I mean, were they like Steve?”

  “Oh, I see what you mean. Were they more masculine of center, as the kids are saying these days?” Lou nodded. “Yeah, I guess they were, now that you mention it. Why, does that bother you?”

  “The thought that I may have been rude to them, even unconsciously, bothers me. The thought that I might have missed out on knowing some great women because I was caught up with the ideal I had in my head of the perfect woman, that bothers me.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure it wasn’t that big a deal to them. People are rejected every day—it’s something we all have to deal with. And I’m sure you weren’t rude to them. You don’t have it in you to be rude. How can you be rude to someone you don’t see?”

  He hadn’t meant the words to sting, but they did. She tried not to wince at their implications. “Just something I need to be more mindful of in the future, I guess. Anyway, that’s enough of this maudlin crap, what’s up with you? And why did you bring me coffee? Not that I am protesting in the slightest.” She grinned at him as she took another sip.

  “Well, returning the favor, for one. Also, to see you. I miss you, pet.”

  Lou scrutinized him. “What’s with the cutesy nicknames? Are you trying to butter me up for something?”

  Bill put his hand to his chest and mocked looking shocked. “You question my motives? I’m appalled. Oh!” Then he dramatically tossed his head to the side as if he couldn’t bear to look at her.

  Lou snorted. “You’re such a drama queen.”

  Bill turned back around with a grin. “That’s what it says on the nameplate on my desk under my name.” Bill took a sip of coffee and an innocent look came over him. “Also, I was wondering if you could proctor one of my finals for me. My final final of the semester.”

  “I knew there was something. Don’t you have grad assistants for that?”

  “No, they cut the funding, remember?”

  “How would I know that? Us untenured folks don’t have the privilege of grad assistants anyway. That’s for you posh people.”

  “Well, what’s the use of being posh when you have to do your own grunt work? I have plenty of suck-up seniors who I could ask, but I’d rather have a professor do it. And I trust you.”

  “Why are you asking this, anyway? What are you going to be doing instead?”

  Bill mumbled into his coffee cup. “Spend a week in Key West.”

  Lou’s mouth fell open. “That’s why you need a proctor?” He nodded. Lou chuckled and shook her head in amusement. “Oh, how the posh live. What time is the exam?” she asked with a gesture of defeat.

  He just grinned in triumph.

  She pointed an accusing finger at him. “I never said I would do it, so don’t get ahead of yourself.”

  “Okay.” He gave her the information she asked for, then put his hands to his chest as if in prayer, although the posture was awkward, since he still held his coffee cup. “Please?”

  Lou sighed as if it was a major imposition, even though it really wasn’t that hard to sit in a room babysitting undergrads. She could bring her laptop and get some grading done. She would have two hours in a quiet room, where no one would be knocking on her door and calling her, and she could concentrate on what she was doing. One thing did occur to her, however. “Why don’t you just do a take-home test?”

  “If they were upperclassmen or grad students I would, but it’s freshmen. Must keep up the tradition of torturing them, so that when they’re upperclassmen and are given the gift of a take-home final, they will appreciate it.”

  “Ah yes, of course. Torturing young people is one of the main reasons I took this job,” she joked.

  “Exactly. Don’t be surprised if some leave crying. Happens every year.”

  “I’ll bring a box of tissues. Fine. Have fun, you slacker.”

  “If only I had a magic wand to sprinkle you with magic fairy dust right now, I would.”

  “I’d rather you didn’t. Glitter is forever.”

  “That’s why it’s magical.” Bill mimed jazz hands and Lou just shook her head.

  After Bill left, a text came in from Steve: Just getting this, was with a client. No, I’m not. You are the epitome of kindness and I love you so much. You are a goddess.

  Lou was so moved. Her cheeks grew warm, and she was glad she was alone. She sighed contentedly and sent back the biggest smile she could text.

  Chapter Eighteen

  On Saturday, Steve drove her mother ho
me after her lesson with Lou, but not before kissing Lou good-bye and making plans for later. Her mother was in a great mood, as she usually was after her time with Lou. She said the workout energized her, and that was easy to believe.

  “I hope you have invited her over for Christmas. She’s a part of this family now and it’s time she realized it. Poor thing, doesn’t have a family of her own anymore.”

  Her mother only knew that Lou’s parents were both gone, but nothing about her abusive childhood. Steve figured she would find out in time, but it wasn’t her story to tell. Steve looked at her mother now and smiled. “She’s really a part of the family now?”

  Her mother smacked Steve’s knee good-naturedly. “Don’t be daft—you know she is.”

  “Once you’re an Adams…” Steve broke off in the same place her father would have, waiting for her mother to respond.

  She played her part with a smile. “You’re always an Adams. Exactly. I know you haven’t married her yet, but all things in time,” her mother declared knowingly.

  “Married? Mother, we haven’t even been dating that long.”

  “When it’s right, it’s right. How long does it really take to know you’ve met the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?”

  Steve tightened her grip on the steering wheel. With Cairyn, she had known after that first kiss. That was all it took. With Lou, it had kind of snuck up on her. It had happened so gradually, she wasn’t sure of the exact moment. But her mother was right—sometimes you just knew. Instead of dwelling on all that, Steve asked, “When did you know you were going to marry Dad? And if you say When I got pregnant I will stop this car right now and leave you on the side of the road.”

  “Such a way to talk to an old lady. Were you raised by wolves?”

  “Close. Hippies, apparently.”

  “Humph. Anyway, to answer your question, I knew I wanted to marry your father the first time I saw him on campus. He was standing in the middle of a group of people on the quad, giving a speech against the war. Oh, he was so passionate and he spoke so well that it brought tears to my eyes. I didn’t know about your uncle John yet, the reason he was so passionate.”