A Fighting Chance

by T. L. Hayes

  Lou wiped a tear from her eye and nodded. “Thank you, Lorraine. I needed that.”

  “I know, sugar. Here, you take this. When the time is right, you call this number and you tell them what you need. They’ll be glad to help.”

  Lou looked at the card Lorraine put in her hand. “What is this?”

  “That’s the doctor Steve used for her panic attacks. Trust me when I say they have gotten better, though she’s still on her journey. We all have to walk one, sometimes alone. Sometimes alone is best. For a while.”

  “You are a wise woman, Lorraine.”

  Lorraine let go of Lou and backed up and wiped her eyes. She chuckled at Lou’s words. “I’ve been called a lot of things, but I don’t think I’ve been called wise before.”

  “Well, you are. Thank you. I’ll give them a call.”

  “Good.”

  Lou took a deep breath, putting steel in her spine, and gave Lorraine a genuine smile, then looked at the older woman shrewdly. “Did you really give her a piece of your mind?”

  Lorraine laughed. “Oh, honey, at my age, I don’t have any to spare.”

  Lou surprised herself by laughing and it felt good. They walked out together in good spirits and Lorraine hugged her at her car. For the first time in years, Lou felt like she was part of a family. She looked up to the bright sky overhead and whispered, “I love you, Mom. I miss you.” Then she got in her Jeep and drove home. Before she went into the house, she pulled out her gym bag and all the empty coffee cups from the back seat. Once she got inside, she dumped the coffee cups into the trash and put her clothes into the wash. Feeling better than she’d felt in days, she pulled out her phone and opened up her music app and looked for a good song to play, finally settling on an Elvis song. She smiled when she realized what it was. “Yeah, I’m all shook up too, Elvis.” She let Elvis work his magic on her, and she got lost in the music, this time, not trying to summon the muse, just to soothe her soul.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  The next day, Lou dressed in black slacks, a long-sleeved white blouse, and a black bow tie that had diamonds on the tips. She smiled when she looked at herself in the mirror. She often didn’t do the butch look at all, but she was feeling festive tonight. Even though she and Steve weren’t back together, she felt it would happen in its own time, when it was right. She really did love her. She was ready to make some positive steps in her life, and she wanted them to include Steve. She wasn’t quite ready for them to ride off into the sunset together yet, but all things in time. As Lorraine pointed out, sometimes you have to take your journey alone for a while, but eventually, when the time was right, you could let the right one join you on the path.

  Taking one last look in the mirror, she exhaled and blew a stray hair off her face at the same time. “You got this.” Then she was out the door.

  Dix greeted her knock and kissed her on the cheek. Bill came up to her shortly after she got there and hugged her. When he pulled back, he said, “I’m glad you’re here. There’s someone I want you to meet.”

  “Bill, please tell me you’re not going to set me up with someone.”

  “Would I do that to you?”

  “What was that woman’s name you introduced me to at last year’s party?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Uh-huh. She was old enough to be my grandmother, Bill.”

  “You exaggerate. Walk this way.”

  “Oh, I’ll walk this way, but I’ll run if it looks like you’re doing the same thing again.” Bill steered her to a couple on the other side of the living room, one a tall, gorgeous redhead with long curly hair who looked about Bolen’s age if she was a day, and her much shorter partner, with dark brown hair pulled into a braid, who stood with one arm around her waist. The woman with the braid was easily her age, her partner much younger, and Lou suddenly knew who she was standing with and smiled when both women turned to greet her at Bill’s introduction.

  “Rory, Maggie, I want you to meet Lou, your replacement.”

  Maggie stuck out her hand and smiled. “Nice to meet you. Bill mentioned that he has replaced me. So fickle, that one.” She grinned up at Bill, who tried to look shocked.

  “I have not replaced you, love, but I have to have my daily dose of lesbian vibes, otherwise I’ll be deficient.”

  Lou playfully narrowed her eyes at him. “That’s not what makes you deficient.”

  They all laughed as Bill put his hand to his chest, pretending to be offended. While he was being overly dramatic, Rory stepped into the gap. “It’s nice to meet you. It seems like you can handle the most important part of the job.” She lifted her beer bottle in Bill’s direction and said, “Putting up with him.” Maggie and Lou laughed. Bill pretended to look shocked again.

  “I would never have introduced you if I’d known you were going to gang up on me like this.”

  “What do you expect, Bill? You put a bunch of lesbians together, and we’re either going to start a softball team or have a potluck. Or make fun of you.” Lou grinned at him and patted him on the arm.

  “That’s it, I’m out of here.” He turned and walked away, but not before stroking Lou on the shoulder in a reassuring way.

  “Did you bring a date?”

  “Rory, that’s none of our business. Forgive her crassness—she’s just a romantic at heart and wants to make sure everyone is in love.” Maggie smiled affectionately at her wife and Rory kissed her on the forehead.

  For a moment, Lou envied them their easy affection. But she quickly admonished herself. She knew their current state of comfort hadn’t come easy, and they had each paid a price. But they seemed to be making it work. The love she saw passing between them assured her that they would end the evening in each other’s arms. Shaking herself out of her reverie, she realized she hadn’t answered Rory’s question. “No, I had one, but I canceled it.”

  Rory looked disappointed for her. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Suddenly, something over Lou’s shoulder caught her attention and she said, “Well, looks like you might be in luck. Looks like that gorgeous blonde over there is checking you out. She seems really interested.” Rory grinned and inclined her head. She lifted her bottle in the air to the woman in question and nodded her head.

  Maggie put her hand on Rory’s arm. “Rory…” But she shook her head, laughing.

  Lou turned in the direction Rory was looking, hoping she wasn’t going to see who she expected, but sure enough, there was Steve, and she was walking toward her with a look of determination. Steve was just as dashing as she had been on their first date. Why did she have to clean up so nice, Lou wondered. Focus—the problem wasn’t her looks or her charm, dammit.

  When Steve reached them, she nodded briefly to Rory and Maggie but she was lasered in on Lou. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

  “Steve, I do want to talk to you, but I don’t want to be rude.” She gestured vaguely to Rory and Maggie, who were doing their best to politely ignore them.

  “Oh no, you two go on. We’re fine here,” Rory assured them.

  Lou nodded to Rory and gave her a quick smile. She saw what Rory was up to. It was hard to miss the note of mischief on her face. She might have enjoyed it on any other day, but she just wasn’t in the mood to deal with the whole Steve issue right now, so it was hard to see the humor in what appeared to be Rory’s well-intentioned meddling.

  “See, they’re fine. I just need a few minutes, Lou. Please?”

  It was hard to turn away from the pleading she saw on Steve’s face, but she couldn’t handle it. “Not now, Steve.” She turned and walked away from her, not going anywhere in particular, just away. The party was well under way and the house was full of guests, and she had to dodge several people she didn’t know on her way through the house. She knew Steve was following her and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that. At one point, she stopped and smiled to herself. Maybe she liked it all right. She made her way to the door that led to the backyard and stepped o
ut onto Bill and Dix’s patio. No one else was out, since it was too cold for most people, but Lou enjoyed it. She hugged her arms to herself as she leaned against the side of the house and looked up at the stars.

  From behind her she heard, “There’s our girl up there now, looking as beautiful as ever.” Steve walked a few steps closer to her, her dress shoes tap-tapping on the brick patio.

  Lou turned and Steve was pointing up to the heavens, her finger indicating Cassiopeia. Lou turned back around and looked where Steve indicated. “Yep, there she is. Just as beautiful as ever, but I wouldn’t say that too loud. You don’t want to stroke her ego too much.”

  Steve chuckled. “No. Nighttime ego check.”

  “I don’t think she’d take too kindly to me smacking her on the chest.”

  “No, probably not. Lou, we need to discuss this.”

  Lou turned to face her. Her face was an unreadable mask. She said very calmly, “I know.”

  “Then why’d you run away from me in there?”

  “Just because I know we need to have this conversation, that doesn’t mean I’m ready for it.”

  “That makes two of us.” Steve stood only a few inches away from her and kept her hands in her pockets. She wanted to reach out to Lou, but she didn’t want to frighten her off.

  Lou sighed. “Steve, there’s a part of me that wants to just kiss you right now and keep kissing you until the song plays. There’s another part of me that just wants to shake your hand and wish you a nice life, because I don’t know if we can get through our baggage enough to have a relationship together.”

  “I know. And there’s a part of me that wants to pull you to me for that kiss and keep kissing you until it’s not today anymore. Then the other, more sensible side just wants to apologize profusely, hope you forgive me, and wish you well.”

  Lou took one small step toward Steve but didn’t reach out. “Sometimes I hate being an adult, but I think it’s for the best.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Soldier, you came in and swept me off my feet, you romanced me and charmed me, and it was wonderful. But you also made me take a look at myself, closer than I ever have before, and I wasn’t happy with what I saw, not all of it. I’m working on those things now. I’m trying to learn how to forgive and to let go of my anger, but it’s going to take time. I don’t know if I can be with someone while I go through this. I’m sorry for hurting you, for shutting you out. But my love is real. Can we revisit this on another day? If it’s not too late by then?” Lou looked at Steve, and in her face Steve saw hope, but fear.

  Steve searched her face for clues to what she was thinking, but she just wasn’t sure. Finally, she heaved a heavy sigh, accepting defeat. “Losing you is what hurts, but I get what you’re saying. We will revisit this on another day.” Steve offered her hand to shake and Lou put her hand in hers. But instead of shaking, Steve bowed slightly and brought Lou’s fingers to her lips and kissed them. When she stood she saw the tears beginning to form in Lou’s eyes, as she was sure they were in hers. She said, “It won’t be too late.”

  Lou left her hand in Steve’s for a moment, then awkwardly pulled it back and turned without a word and went back into the house. She wiped her eyes as she went.

  Steve took a few steps across the patio, then looked up at the sky and saw the brightest star of the night shining brilliantly, just as she heard the countdown begin from inside. She muttered to herself, “Beneath the rage of burning Sirius rise…” She stopped, not because she didn’t remember the rest, but because she did not share Homer’s dread. Instead, she pulled her eyes away from the heavens and said, “You’re wrong, Homer, it’s not an evil portent.” Steve turned and hurried back inside, through the room full of revelers. Everyone was hugging and kissing and dancing in the new year. In all the revelry, it took her a moment to spot Lou, walking away from Bill and Dix toward the door. Steve pushed past the partiers until she was by Lou’s side. When she was next to her, she reached out and lightly touched Lou’s arm. Lou turned around, curious. When she saw who was behind her, she was obviously repressing a smile.

  “Lou, before you go…I just had to say that it’s a new day, and I hope it’s not too late. I mean, we both have stuff to work through, but work always goes faster with two people instead of one, you know?” Steve felt like she was bungling it and seeing Lou biting her lip to keep from laughing was a sure sign that she was. “What I mean is, I love you, Lou, and I want to start the rest of our lives right now.”

  Lou couldn’t hold back the giggle and she covered her mouth. “Did you watch When Harry Met Sally last night?”

  Steve grinned. “Well, it sounded much better when he said it.” Steve took a step closer to Lou, who was now smiling, and caressed her cheek, then leaned in for a slow kiss. Lou’s arms went around her neck, and Steve kissed her with more passion.

  After several moments, Lou pulled away and looked Steve in the eyes. “You’re getting much better at reading signals, soldier.”

  “You wanted me to come after you, didn’t you?”

  Lou nodded. “I was really hoping you would.”

  “What if I hadn’t?”

  “Then, I guess, I would have had to turn around and go back out to the patio and just grab you and give you the kiss of your life.”

  “You can still do that.”

  “You make an excellent point.” Lou pulled Steve to her and did indeed give her the kiss of her life. Steve was gasping when she let her go.

  “Thank God this worked, or I might have had to stand outside your window holding a boom box or go to that café of yours and sing ‘You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling.’”

  “Just how many eighties movies did you watch last night?”

  “All of them, I watched all the movies.” Steve grinned at her, then kissed the top of her forehead.

  “It’s probably a good thing my parents are gone,” Lou noted. “That way you don’t have to do a big dance number in front of them to prove your love for me.”

  “You are horrible.” But she was laughing.

  Before they could laugh or kiss any more, Bill came up to them and said, “No one puts Louie in the corner.”

  Instead of acknowledging his use of her childhood nickname, something she had never told him about, she admonished him instead. “Bill, you were eavesdropping.”

  “Of course I was—I had to make sure you two didn’t screw this up. I’m just trying to keep the family together.” Bill put a hand on each of their shoulders and smiled at each of them in turn. “I’m guessing you two crazy kids are going to work this out?”

  “Yep. One day at a time.” Lou smiled at them both.

  “Now there was a good show,” Steve said.

  “Steve, honey, I feel you’re getting sidetracked,” Lou teased as Bill drifted away again.

  “You’re right. Would you like to get out of here and take a moonlit stroll? I know this great place where you can see the stars.”

  “That sounds wonderful. Maybe I can show you others besides you know who.”

  Steve pulled out her necklace from under her shirt and kissed it before letting it fall back to her chest. Then she smiled at Lou and said, “I would like that very much. Let’s go. Show me the stars, Lou.” She stepped back and held out her arm and Lou took it with a smile, and they left Bill and Dix’s place and made their way to Lake Van Horn, where Lou showed Steve more stars and they kissed under the watchful gaze of the envious moon and the vain queen.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  “So, what does the Farmers’ Almanac say about New Year’s?” Steve asked, as she cuddled Lou to her as they lay on top of the covers on her bed, where they had come after strolling around the lake. They were both still in their party clothes but had kicked their shoes off inside the living room door, and Steve had hung her suit jacket up before they got comfortable. Her only other deference to comfort had been to untie her tie. She was sitting back against her pillows cradling Lou to her chest.

  Lou smiled at
the question as she lazily fingered Steve’s tie. “Nothing that I recall, but it’s been a while since I’ve read one. Other than Sirius, the only other thing I know about New Year’s Eve is that it’s tradition to eat black-eyed peas. But I didn’t need the Farmers’ Almanac to tell me that, my grandmother did. She was from Virginia. Made them every year. They’re supposed to bring good luck.”

  “I’ve heard that. We never ate them in my house, though. In my house, we stayed up late on New Year’s watching scary movies and eating popcorn and all kinds of other bad, delicious things.”

  Lou chuckled. “Why scary movies?”

  “Because it was fun to critique them. Dad made a game out of counting how many jump scares there were. We laughed every time one came up. We made the mistake of going to see a scary movie at the theater once and everyone looked at us funny when we laughed while the rest of them screamed. We just watched scary movies at home after that.”

  Lou put her head on Steve’s chest, laughing. When she came up for air, she said, “Oh my God, I love your family.”

  “Well, my family loves you.” Steve grew melancholy. “I just wish you could have met my dad. He was the best.” A smile of remembrance flashed across Steve’s face and she wasn’t there for a moment.

  “Would your dad have liked me?” Lou asked with real concern.

  “Are you kidding? He would have insisted that you call him Dad and immediately dubbed you an Adams. Then he would have given you a role—like, on Christmas every year it would be your job to decorate the tree or hand out presents or something. That’s how he welcomed you. Well that, and big hugs every time he saw you. My dad was a teddy bear. And he gave great hugs.” Steve hugged Lou tighter.