Confidential Moments: A M/M Sports romance

by Laura John

  That’s probably a horrible idea, but the thought of spending more time with Xavier both exhilarates and terrifies me.

  “Yeah, let me know when you’re home next. I’m still pretty busy with work, but maybe we could play some video games after one of your games.”

  “I’d like that. Talk to you later,” he says, ending the call.

  I place my phone on the table and take a small sip of my drink. I’ve been pushing it off long enough. Tomorrow, I’m going to come out to my sister. I just hope it goes well.

  Me: Dinner at my house tonight? We need to talk.

  Leah: I’ll be there. I’ll get Rayna to watch Eddie.

  Me: Perfect. See you later.

  Leah: Love you.

  Me: Love you too.

  I make a quick call to my favorite Mexican restaurant and order us some food that I’ll pick up on my way home. I’ll also stop at the liquor store and pick up a bottle of wine and bourbon. Alcohol will be needed.

  “This looks so good,” Leah says, sitting at my kitchen table where I’ve already set up all the food.

  “Wine?” I ask, lifting a bottle of her favorite type.

  “Just one glass,” she says with a smile. “How has life been?”

  Starting with small talk, that’s a good idea.

  “Good. I’m going to help Meadow open a restaurant this summer. She’s an amazing cook, and her passion is food. She loves the kids she teaches, but it’s not her dream job.”

  Leah has a giant smile on her face as I set a glass of wine in front of her and grab my half glass of bourbon before sitting beside her.

  “Meadow is such a sweetheart. Why aren’t you guys dating? You are best friends and closer than most people. It doesn’t really make sense to me.”

  Leah fills her plate with her favorite dishes, and I do the same.

  “That’s kind of what I wanted to talk about tonight,” I tell her, and I feel my heart racing.

  “Are you guys back together?” she asks, with a giant smile.

  “Umm, no, that will never work. But I do want to start dating again.”

  “That’s great news! You should date Rayna. She’s single. She’s super pretty, funny, definitely your type,” she waggles her eyebrows at me, and I fight back a groan.

  I take a large gulp of my bourbon and shake my head. “She’s most definitely not my type.”

  My heart is beating fast and I feel my palms sweating. Fuck, how am I going to get this out?

  “How isn’t she your type? She’s like every girl you’ve ever dated.”

  I nod. “Yeah, that’s the problem.”

  “I don’t understand,” Leah says with a confused look before taking a bite.

  I take a few deep breaths, feeling like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. You can do this, Mason. Now is your moment. She’s your sister, she’ll always love you. Just say it.

  “I’m not into girls, Leah. I’m gay,” I finally spit it out.

  She stares at me for a minute before laughing.

  “You’re such an asshole. Don’t joke about stuff like that.”

  I sigh and grab the back of my neck. Not exactly the reaction I was expecting.

  “I’m not joking. Why do you think Meadow and I aren’t married right now? She’s perfect for me, she’s my best friend, she’s hot—for a woman—and she knows me better than anyone. I wanted so badly for that relationship to work, but in order for me to come… I have to think of a man. I’m not attracted to women, never have been.

  “I’ve been putting all of my effort into my career because Sienna Legal has never had a gay partner, and I’m terrified that they are going to pick someone else when they find out! I’m sick of being miserable, though. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner…

  “I’ve been trying for years to make myself straight, to follow in Dad’s footsteps and have the perfect family and perfect career, but it’s not me, Leah. I love being a lawyer and I would love to make partner, but I’m sick of working myself to death for a position they won’t ever give me.

  “I’m coming out of the closet and I’m going to start dating men. It’s time to be happy,” I say in a torrent of words. Heat rushes to my face as I blurt out everything I’ve been holding inside of me for years.

  After I’m done speaking, Leah is extremely quiet. All we can hear is the sound of my heavy breathing, and probably the sound of my racing heart, or maybe that’s only ridiculously loud to me.

  She stares at me for a few minutes, her face hard to read. Is she mad at me? Is she upset? Is she confused? I just wish she’d say something.

  “Does this mean Eddie is going to get to see his uncle more?” she asks, breaking the awkward silence.

  “Umm, yeah,” I stammer, a bit taken back by her reaction. “If I meet someone, then I will eventually want to introduce him to my family. Is that all right with you?”

  She smiles and gets up from her chair to wrap her arms around me. An instant feeling of relief rushes over me.

  “I’ve always wanted you to be happy,” she whispers into my neck. “I don’t give a fuck if you like guys, girls, or aliens. I just want my brother back.” She steps back and tears are streaming down her face. “Have I made you feel like I wouldn’t accept you for you? Am I the reason you’ve stayed in the closet for so long?”

  I shake my head and grab her hands.

  “It was never you. I always knew you loved me and wouldn’t care who I dated, but I was scared. I’m still terrified. I want to make Dad proud, Leah. I put my everything into work because I thought that if I could just make partner, nothing else would matter.

  “But I’m tired. I’m tired of lying, I’m tired of faking it, and I’m so damn tired of being alone. I’m sorry for pushing you away and not telling you the truth. I just wanted to be straight so badly! But I met someone, and she showed me this crazy strength. And if she can follow her heart, then I have to as well. I want what you and Johnny have… I want a forever partner.”

  This is my first time admitting this aloud. It feels like a weight is being lifted off my shoulders to share this moment with my sister.

  A tear slips down Leah’s face.

  “I never knew you were battling such a nasty inner demon. Dad wanted us to be happy. He worked hard so that we could get farther in life, but he wouldn’t have wanted you to be miserable. I’m sorry that it felt like you had to hide yourself, but I’m happy you are finally coming out to me. I know you hate being set up, so I won’t do that… yet.” She giggles and I laugh. “But just know you can bring anyone to meet me and as long as they make you happy, I’ll be all for it.”

  I stand up and pull her into my arms. A feeling of unbelievable happiness rushes over me. “You are the best sister ever!”

  “I know,” she whispers into my chest, causing me to laugh again.

  We both pull back and sit back down at the table.

  “I’m going to talk to Mr. Henry and tell him I’m going to be taking fewer cases. I’ve been working most weekends and I’m exhausted. I know he’s going to wonder why, but I’m not ready to come out at work yet. Maybe when I find someone worth showing off. I just don’t want to be the office freak right now.”

  Leah rolls her eyes. “You are not a freak because you love men. And honestly, I don’t think they will care. Mr. Henry loves you, and I think he’d be happy for you. Who says you can’t be the first gay partner? I think it would make an awesome story to tell your future kids.”

  “What makes you think I want children?” I ask, raising a brow.

  “I know you well. You want children,” she replies in a sassy tone.

  I nod; she isn’t wrong.

  “I know the adoption process is insane, but I was even thinking about adopting on my own. I have lots of love to give. And even though I’d love to have a partner, I’ve been considering trying to do it solo.”

  She smiles at me. “But having a partner makes it so much better.”

  It would make it easier, that’s for sure.
And I always wanted the full family, I just never knew if it was something I was going to get. But now I feel like it could be, if I can get out of my head long enough to actually find love.

  “It’s nice to be home,” Johnny says when we step off the plane.

  I nod, but Sienna doesn’t feel like home yet. I miss my family a bit and sometimes I wish I would have signed with another California team. But Sienna has been my dream for years, and I finally got it. I’m just grateful to be playing. When the season is over, I’ll move back home. In the meantime, I just have to make more friends.

  “Any plans tonight?” Johnny asks and I shake my head.

  “Nah, just unpacking and relaxing. Just happy for a night off even though we did spend most of it flying.”

  He laughs and adjusts his hat. “I feel that. Well, take care, man. I’ll see you at the stadium tomorrow.”

  I nod and head off to my waiting Uber.

  It feels so weird heading to my empty condo. Not being around anyone. Just me and the silence. Who would I even call if I wanted to hang out with someone?

  Of course, my thoughts drift to Mason, and I sigh. I can’t get him out of my head no matter what I do.

  I slept with a few “ballgirls,” or “baseball Annies,” whatever they are calling themselves these days, and they were so fucking hot. It should have gotten my mind off of someone who is just starting to come out of the closet. A relationship with someone as open as me, and as famous as me, is not what he wants right now.

  It doesn’t matter what I do, though. I am pulled toward him. I was an idiot to tell him that we should hang out. How am I supposed to be in the same room with him and just “chill”?

  There should be a part of me that doesn’t want him to call, that would be relieved if he just left me alone. But there isn’t. Honestly, I’d be crushed if he didn’t call, and that’s what I’m expecting.

  It’s like being a teenager in high school all over again, crushing on someone who will never like me back. But he does like me back. At least, I think he does. I mean, he let me suck his dick in a closet, and it was way more than just a blowjob. I felt this connection with him, and I saw his walls slipping for a moment, even if he put them back up instantly after our intimate moment was over. And he called me sexy the other night. Doesn’t that mean something?

  I’m fucking losing it.

  I’m not an insecure person, and I don’t chase after people who want to be left alone or have no interest in me. But something about Mason has me going stupid.

  I get out of the Uber and climb the couple of steps to my empty condo. It’s decorated very sparsely because I’m never here and I don’t plan on entertaining often. But the bedroom and living room are cozy and comfy. I throw my bag by the door and head to my fridge to grab a beer. Glancing into the empty fridge, I make a mental note to grab groceries tomorrow morning.

  Walking to the living room, I let myself fall on my super comfortable sofa and grab for the PlayStation controller. I could play by myself, but I go out on a limb that Mason might be home on a Monday evening and text him.

  Me: What’s your PlayStation ID?

  My phone dings almost immediately, and I’m kind of shocked that he responded so fast.

  Mason: Lawyer4life2001

  I laugh, because it’s the least creative ID I’ve seen in a long time.

  Me: Very creative.

  Mason: I’m a lawyer, we aren’t that creative.

  Me: Are you home?

  Mason: Surprisingly, yes. My secretary was shocked when I was leaving at the same time as her.

  Me: It’s not healthy to work so much.

  Mason: So I’m told. I was going to go for dinner with friends, but Meadow got food poisoning.

  Me: That’s rough.

  Mason: For sure. Are you home? Or still traveling?

  Me: Just got home. Want to play some COD?

  Mason: That actually sounds nice. What is your I.D? I’ll add you.

  Me: PlayerBoi2222

  Mason: *crying laughing emoji* And you were giving me a hard time.

  Me: Hey! I was young and stupid. Don’t feel like changing it now.

  Mason: Fair enough. Do you have a headset?

  Me: Of course! Do I look like a noob?

  Mason: Lol of course not. Let me grab a beer, and I’ll meet you online soon.

  I pull up the Call of Duty screen and go to the multiplayer lobby.

  Once we’re both logged in and have our headsets on, we start playing. The back and forth we have is amazing, and he’s actually not as bad as I thought he would be.

  “Fuck!” I yell when I get ambushed and die.

  We finish our last game and my phone rings.

  “How the fuck did you get so good?” Mason asks when I pick up, and I laugh.

  “I don’t have friends, and it’s really hard to shut your brain off after a game. So, I play a lot. I’m also really fantastic at Mario Kart. You should come over and I’ll kick your ass.”

  His laugh is deep and throaty, and fuck, I’m starting to get hard. “It makes sense that you would play a lot. I haven’t played any video games in a long time. I was getting pissed that I was dying so much.”

  “I could tell. You were sure swearing a lot. I didn’t think that a hotshot lawyer like yourself would have such a potty mouth.”

  He laughs again, and that deep sound goes straight to my dick.

  “Yeah, I have to dial it way back at work, so it kind of just comes out when I’m outside of the office. Meadow thinks it’s hilarious. It also apparently gets worse when I’m drinking, and I’ve had more than a few tonight.”

  “You talk about Meadow a lot; she must be a special person.”

  “She’s my person. If I was straight, she would be my wife. Any partner either of us have in the future is going to have to understand that we are kind of a package deal. There is no me without her. She makes me a better man, and I will never give that friendship up for anyone. It would be like someone saying I could only date them if I never talk to my sister again. It’s not happening.” His tone is strong and sure, and fuck, I find that sexy. A passionate Mason is totally a turn on.

  “That’s really awesome, and any man who tells you not to be friends with her is an asshole.”

  I want to tell him I respect him and would never make him give up any friends. But that would be too forthcoming, and I don’t want to ruin this budding friendship.

  “Well, I’m going to go, man. Thanks for the awesome night. Get some rest and play a kick-ass game tomorrow. I’ll be watching.”

  “Good night,” I say and hang up, because if I don’t, I’m going to say something stupid.

  Mason makes my brain go mushy, and I hate it, but also kind of love it. It’s different, a feeling I’ve never really felt before. Now I have to figure out if I’m willing to be friends with him, knowing that it might never progress past that.

  It’s a hard decision, considering my heart already wants him, or maybe it’s just my dick. I think if that was the case, though, sleeping with others would have gotten him out of my system, but it hasn’t.

  Thankfully, I’ve trained myself well to never let anything bother my baseball playing, but there is a lot of down-time after games, and it leaves room for thoughts about Mason. A lot of dirty thoughts.

  I pull my cock out and start stroking it. The way he sounded so sure tonight really got me wanting him. I think about Mason’s lips surrounding me, sucking me into his mouth.

  I shouldn’t be doing this. I can feel him friend-zoning me already. But maybe I can break past his boundaries and show him what it’s like to be cared for. To show him more pleasure than he’s ever experienced. And maybe even show him love.

  I’m exhausted as I leave the stadium and head to my car. I barely slept last night, and I’m fucking feeling it today. Of course, I still played amazing, and we won our game. A bunch of the guys are going out tonight to celebrate and get some pussy, but I’m heading home. By myself.

  I just c
an’t do it anymore. It’s not getting my mind off of the one I want, and I kind of feel dirty going from one person to the next.

  It never used to bother me. In fact, I used to love the no strings attached sex. And there are lots of women who want to sleep with a baseball player, but not be a baseball wife. It works for everyone, but it isn’t working for me anymore.

  When I climb in my car, I hear my phone ding.

  Mason: Great game!

  Me: Thanks!

  I know I should just hit the sack when I get home, but I can never shut my brain off right away, so I do something that is either brilliant or stupid.

  Me: What are you doing?

  Mason: Just chilling.

  Me: Want to come over and play video games?

  He doesn’t respond right away, and my heart kind of sinks.

  Mason: Sure. Text me your address. Want me to bring anything?

  Me: Beer! I’ll make us a snack.

  Mason: Sounds great. See you soon.

  I smile and put my phone on the passenger seat. I’m excited to spend more time with him. I hope that if we get to know each other more, we can take that next step that I’m so craving.

  I’ve thought about offering to just show him a great sexual experience, no strings attached. But fuck it, I want the strings. I want the partner waiting at home for me. I want the accountability of having a life partner.

  If Mason doesn’t want me, I’ll understand and eventually move on, but I have to at least give it a try. The worst that could happen is he says no. It would hurt, but I’d live. I don’t want to never try and always wonder: what if?

  “You didn’t say what kind of beer you drink, so I brought Coors Light because it’s my favorite. I hope that’s okay!” Mason says when he walks into my condo.

  As he passes me, I get a whiff of his cologne, and I instantly start getting hard. I don’t know what it is about a good smelling man or woman, but it turns me on so much. He smells like summer, but with a hint of licorice, and I want to nuzzle my nose into his neck and stay like that all night long.