The Sickeness

by K. A. Applegate

  Just take it one step at a time, I coached myself. But what should the first step be? I closed my eyes and tried to picture what my dad did before an operation and what I'd seen in the books I'd gotten from my mom. Got it. Step one: Get things clean. Duh.

  136 Numbly I walked over to the sink and washed my hands with antibacterial soap. I dried them, then pulled on a pair of latex gloves.

  I took a bottle of rubbing alcohol off the shelf and grabbed a jar of cotton balls. I soaked one of the balls.

  "This will feel a little cold," I told Ax before I started swabbing his head. I knew he couldn't hear me. But it made me feel a little better to talk to him.

  I tossed the used cotton ball in the garbage and carefully returned the alcohol and the rest of the cotton balls to their proper places. I was stalling. And that could be deadly to Ax. I didn't know how much time he had left.

  I jerked open the long drawer in the middle of my dad's cabinet and pulled out a scalpel. I took it over to Ax. My heart was thudding so loud I could feel it all over my body. In my ears. Even in my fingertips.

  I positioned the scalpel over Ax's head. Then I froze. How could I just make a cut? Where was the Tria gland?!

  Maybe I could feel it through Ax's scalp. Maybe there would be swelling. Or a spot that felt hotter or colder.

  I used my free hand to examine Ax's head. I started with his forehead. Nothing. I moved up to the space between his eye stalks. Nothing. I

  137 checked the area around each of his ears. Nothing. I ran my fingers over every inch of the back of his skull, twice. Nothing. Nothing.

  "This is hopeless! It's impossible!" I cried. "He's going to die with me standing right next to him!"

  "You've already done one hopeless, impossible thing tonight," Erek reminded me.

  Rescuing Aftran from Visser Three had felt pretty impossible. Pretty hopeless. Now Aftran was safe and sound -

  Wait.

  Wait.

  My mind seemed to slow down and speed up at the same time.

  Aftran!

  "Be right back," I told Erek. I dashed out of the operating room and over to Ax's stall. I scooped Aftran out of the trough and raced back.

  I skidded to a stop at the edge of the operating room table. I brought Aftran up to one of Ax's ears. Her Yeerk instincts should tell her to go inside.

  Yes! Aftran slithered across my palm and into the opening of Ax's ear canal. I watched as her slick gray body disappeared inside.

  "Maybe she'll be able to tell us where the Tria gland is," I told Erek. I gripped the metal table with both hands.

  "You're brilliant," Erek said. "Unless . . ."

  138 "Yeah. Let's wait and see if it works first," I answered.

  I stared down at Ax. Waiting.

  Aftran should be pushing herself into Ax's brain right now, I thought. Once she's in control, she'd be able to talk. Wouldn't she?

  This had to work. It had to. If it didn't -

  Don't, I ordered myself. Aftran will come through.

  But why wasn't she saying anything? Why was this taking so long? Was she having trouble with the Andalite brain? Was Ax's illness making it impossible for her to connect?

  «Cassie?» Aftran said in Andalite thought-speak.

  "I'm here. We got away from Visser Three. You're inside my friend, Ax," I explained, talking as fast as I could. "There's a gland in his head that's going to explode any second. If it does, he dies. I have to take it out, but I don't know where it is. Can you feel it? Can you tell me where to cut?"

  «The Tria gland. Yes, I have accessed his memories,» she answered. «lt is ... it is unusual to attempt this. I have few nerve endings . . . no way to feel what . . . wait!»

  "What?" Erek demanded. "Wait what?"

  «Got it! But, Cassie, it feels very warm.»

  I grabbed a scalpel with trembling fingers. "Just tell me where to cut."

  139 « me Tria gland is in the back of the head,» Aftran explained. «lt's even with the bottom of his ears. Dead center.»

  I turned Ax's head so I could easily reach that spot. "Okay, I'm going to make the first incision," I told her. "Stay out of the way."

  «The gland is about as big as a human thumb. Well, Karen's thumb, at least.»

  "Thanks." I picked up the scalpel and positioned it to one side of the spot Aftran had described. Then I made a straight cut about four inches long. I could feel the metal blade scraping the bone of Ax's skull.

  But that was good. That's how deep I needed

  140 to go. I needed to peel back a flap of skin so I could work on the bone.

  A line of blue-black blood appeared. My stomach did a flip-flop. I swallowed hard and made a cut that was perpendicular to the first, again about four inches long.

  "Hemostat!" I snapped.

  The instrument was in my hand a split second later.

  "Another. Okay. Retractor. No, it's that other thing!"

  I pulled back a flap of skin.

  "Tape," I said.

  "How much do you want?" Erek asked.

  "Three inches."

  He passed the piece of cloth tape to me. I used it to hold the flap of skin away from the bone.

  «His hearts are starting to beat faster. And the gland is still throbbing. It's swelled a little, too,» Aftran announced.

  "Can you control his heartbeats at all?" I asked. "Try to slow them down?"

  «l'll try,» she said.

  "Gauze pads, Erek." I held out my hand and Erek slapped them in my hand. I used them to mop up some of the blood oozing out of the incision.

  "Now the hole saw. It's in the sterilizer."

  141 "Here."

  «You need to hurry, Cassie,» Aftran said. «lt doesn't look good in here.»

  Aftran sounded nervous. What would happen to her if Ax's Tria gland burst while she was still inside his head?

  "Okay, I'm going to need you to blot some of the blood away as I go," I told Erek.

  "You got it."

  Erek handed me the hole saw. I positioned the circle of saw teeth around where I hoped the Tria gland was. I turned the saw's handle a few times.

  I pulled the saw back, and the circle of bone came with it. Now I was looking at Ax's brain.

  Sweat popped out all over my forehead and started to run down my cheeks and nose. Erek dabbed it away with another gauze pad before it could start dripping onto Ax's brain.

  I didn't have to ask Aftran for more help finding the Tria gland. It was easy to spot. Deep purple. Bulging.

  "Retractor," I told Erek. "Scalpel."

  My fingers shook when he handed them to me. The gland looked ready to blow. I was afraid if I touched it, it would start spewing.

  "Hold this. My left eye! Sweat!"

  He swabbed my eye with a cotton ball.

  "Okay. Let's do it," I whispered.

  142 I slid the scalpel blade beneath the gland with trembling care.

  I cut.

  The Tria gland was out. I tossed it into a metal pan.

  "Okay." I wrapped my arms around myself. My whole body was shaking.

  Don't lose it now, I thought.

  As quickly as I could, I replaced the circle of bone. It would fuse back in place in time. I un-taped the flap of skin and smoothed it down.

  "Now we sew."

  «His heart rates are slowing down. His blood pressure is going down, too,» Aftran reported.

  "That was one of the coolest things I've ever seen," Erek said with a laugh. "And I've seen a lot."

  «Cassie, he's coming to,» Aftran announced. «And he's starting to scream!»

  143 What's wrong?" I cried. "Am I hurting him?"

  «No,» Aftran said, her voice suddenly flat. «He's screaming because there's a Yeerk in his head.»

  "Ax, listen to me. The Yeerk is Aftran. She helped me save your life," I cried.

  «He's totally freaking,» Aftran told me. «He's saying you should have let him die. He would have killed himself with his own blade before he let a Yeerk infest him.»


  "He doesn't understand," I answered.

  «Yes, he does,» she insisted. «l'm coming out.»

  A moment later, Aftran slithered out of Ax's ear.

  144 Ax bucked on the table. His eye stalks jerked back and forth. «Where is it?» he cried. «Don't let it touch me!»

  I grabbed his head between my hands. "Stop it!" I ordered angrily. "You have to stay still until I finish stitching your head!"

  Ax obediently lay back on the table, but I could see tremors running through his body. My anger faded. Ax had been so sick. Then he'd come to and found a Yeerk in his head. One of the monsters who had killed his brother.

  No wonder he went off. He probably thought he'd been captured and infested.

  "You're okay," I told Ax soothingly. "You're in my dad's operating room. I put Aftran in your head. She looked inside you and told me where the Tria gland was. She helped me operate. I got it out. You're past your crisis."

  I scooped up Aftran, filled the sink with water, and let her inside. "I'll be back in a minute," I promised her. Even though she was deaf again. Blind, mute. Helpless.

  I turned back to Ax. He kept rubbing his ear. I knew he was feeling violated. Repulsed by what I had done to him.

  "Visser Three was planning to interrogate Aftran tonight," I said softly as I returned to stitching up Ax's incision. "He discovered she was part of the peace movement."

  145 «Filthy Yeerk,» he spat.

  I made the last stitch. "That filthy Yeerk helped save your life. And she very nearly gave her life for peace between human and Yeerk. And now, unless I can think of some way to save her, she will die a slow death of Kandrona starvation."

  Ax didn't say anything. Maybe when he'd gotten some rest, he'd think it over.

  "Erek, would you take Ax back to the stall?" I asked. "He'll need at least a few days to recover. Is that too long for you to stay and keep the hologram up?"

  Erek gently lifted Ax off the table. "You're talking to a guy who helped build the pyramids. A few days is nothing."

  I smiled at him. "Thanks. I couldn't have gotten through all this without you."

  "Yes, you could have. But you're welcome," he answered as he carried Ax out the door.

  I sat down on the little stool my dad keeps by the table. I wrapped my arms around my knees. All the fear I'd been pushing away suddenly hit me. I felt like my body was deflating.

  It's just a delayed reaction, I told myself. You're safe. Ax is safe. Aftran's safe.

  That wasn't really true. Yeah, I got Aftran away from Visser Three. But in three days, she would be dead.

  146 I pushed myself to my feet and leaned against the sink, staring down at her. She had done what few have the strength to do. She had questioned the beliefs she had been raised with. And ultimately, she had chosen to go against her society. To turn away from everything she had once believed, to become the enemy of those closest to her.

  Aftran had sacrificed so much. She had experienced all the richness and wonder of our world. But when she decided she did not have the right to control another, she had been strong enough to give it up to save a little girl's life.

  She returned to the Yeerk pool. It must have felt like the worst kind of prison to her after being in Karen's body. But she didn't allow herself to wallow in despair. She chose to fight. She battled to free us all.

  I reached into the water and slid Aftran into my hands. I pressed her against my ear. It was the only way I could talk to her, and I needed to thank her for all she'd done.

  A moment later I felt her cold, slick body touch my skin. My ear canal tingled as she pushed her way through.

  «l knew you would come for me, Cassie,» she said as soon as she had made her connections with my brain.

  There was so much I wanted to say to her, I

  147 hardly knew where to start. «Thank you for helping me save Ax's life,» I answered.

  She laughed. «lf you had told me when we first met that I would ever do anything to aid an Andalite . . .»

  «0r become a Yeerk freedom fighter,» I added.

  «That, too,» Aftran agreed. Her tone turned somber then. «Cassie, there's something I have to ask you to do for me.»

  «Anything,» I replied instantly.

  «l need you to kill me,» she said simply.

  «What?» I cried. «No!»

  «We both know I will be dead in three days no matter what you do. You have witnessed Kan-drona starvation. I ask you to spare me that,» Aftran answered. «End my life now. You can make it fast and painless.»

  I felt a lump of unshed tears form in my throat. Were they mine? Or Aftran's?

  Maybe they were both of ours.

  Both of ours. That gave me an idea.

  «You could stay in me!» I exclaimed.

  «No. You would have to go into the Yeerk pool every three days. It's too dangerous. If you were somehow found out, Visser Three would learn everything about your friends and the peace movement. All would be lost,» Aftran answered.

  148 She must have felt the wave of despair and sorrow sweeping through me.

  «lt's not so bad to die for what you believe in. There are much worse deaths,» she said gently. «Many worse deaths.»

  149 My mom didn't let me eat any solid food until today," Rachel complained. "And it's been four days since I got sick."

  All the way to the beach, Jake, Rachel, Marco, Tobias, and Ax had been trying to top each other with stories about who felt worse when they were sick.

  «That's the worst thing that happened to you while you were sick?» Tobias demanded as he soared overhead. «l'm not even sure Cassie's dad is a real vet. He tried to stick a pill up -»

  "Yeah, well, my dad brought me baby aspirin from the store. Baby aspirin!" Marco groused. "Like for a baby."

  150 "A Yeerk was in my head," Ax said, still amazed. He was in human morph, naturally. "In my head. Head-duh."

  I mostly ignored my friends' complaining contest. I was enjoying the warm sand sliding between my toes. And the salty smell and soft sounds of the ocean.

  There's nothing like a trip to the Yeerk pool to make you appreciate life and freedom.

  "Is this where we're supposed to meet Af-tran?" Jake asked.

  "Uh-huh. When I morphed to dolphin and visited her this morning, she said it's time for her to move on. But she wanted to say good-bye," I answered. "Just look out there." I pointed out at the blue-green water.

  "I don't see anything," Marco said.

  «l do,» Tobias answered. «Turn a little to the left.»

  We turned. I scanned the ocean and spotted a foamy spot. The water broke over a massive fin.

  Then a humpback whale leaped. All the way out of the water. Droplets of water flew off her in a sparking comet.

  There should be a picture of that scene in the dictionary - under beauty. And joy.

  "We made the right decision," Jake said. "Better than the last time we used the blue box."

  151 "Would have been hard to do any worse," Marco said. "Anyway. Visser Three will never find Aftran now."

  On Aftran's second day out of the Yeerk pool, everyone in the group was well enough for a short meeting. We all agreed that we couldn't let Aftran die. It was Jake who thought of the way to save her.

  He suggested that we give her the power to morph, on the condition that she choose one morph and stay in it forever. It was just safer that way. For everyone. Like I said, the decision was unanimous.

  Aftran took another sparking flight. I felt like my heart was leaping with her.

  "Whoa! Good leap!" Marco exclaimed.

  It felt good. We were all together again. Alive. Well. And Aftran was free. How amazing was that?

  «Aftran's moving out. Heading for the deep ocean,» Tobias announced.

  "She must feel like she's in paradise," I said. "Can you imagine living in the ocean after the Yeerk pool? And in that body - fast, powerful, able to see, hear, feel, and communicate."

  "I bet she'll miss the fight though," Rachel added.
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  "She's done her part," Jake said.

  152 I thought back to that moment when I had first allowed Aftran into my head. One decision, so many consequences.

  I caught Jake watching me.

  "What?" I asked.

  He shrugged. "Just wondering what you were thinking."

  "Nothing very profound," I said. "Just . . ."

  "Just what?"

  "Just that every now and then, we actually win one."

  He nodded. "Sometimes we do win," he agreed. "This time? This time, Cassie, you won."

  153

  With a clean face and conditioned hair I headed toward the school bus stop.

  And walked past it.

  Instead, I hopped on a city bus headed downtown.

  The warren of streets that is the financial and business center of our town seemed as good a place as any to kill time. To get lost without running the risk of running into anyone who knew me.

  There were movie theaters downtown. I figured I'd look around till I could catch a matinee of something loud and fun.

  Twenty minutes later the bus dropped me and thirty office-bound men and women in the heart of blue-suit central.

  It was still way early but already the sun was heating up the sidewalks, and the exhaust from the cars, trucks, and buses was spread like a

  154 grubby, smelly blanket over the concrete and steel jungle.

  Nice choice, Marco. I should have gone to the beach. I stood on the sidewalk and stared.

  Seething mass of humanity. I'd heard that phrase once and now I knew what it meant. It meant "office workers at rush hour."

  What was the big hurry? Did adults really like going to work? Or was Friday free donut day at the office?

  THWACK!

  I was down! My knees hit the pavement and my face landed in a planter full of cigarette butts and abandoned coffee cups.

  The enemy! I prepared myself for the next blow.

  Nothing. I looked up.

  No one had noticed I'd been knocked over.

  I got to my feet, dazed. I rubbed the ash, dirt, and stale coffee off my face with the bottom of my shirt.

  I was disgusted. And I was mad.

  A woman had run me over with her tank of a briefcase. Then she'd continued on down the street like nothing had happened. And no one had stopped to help me.

  "And they say my generation has no manners," I muttered.

  I gave myself a quick once-over - nothing