“Drew…”
“I’m sorry, Maggie. I really am. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, you have to know that. You believe that, don’t you?” Having that sliver of doubt coursing through me was pure torture. Like a white-hot fire coursing through my veins. Ignoring the pain, I rubbed at that spot over my chest that felt like I was going to keel over and have a heart attack and pushed on. “Say it. Whatever it is that’s bouncing around inside you, say it. Out loud. I want to know. I need to know. And I need to know now.”
“I… I can’t.”
“Maggie, you have to. For us.”
“Drew…”
“Maggie…”
This was fucking torture. There was no other word to describe it. We’d been broken and battered and somehow, we were still here. Sure, we were a little bruised and, in my case, scratched, but we could fix this. We could make it. I knew we could. I just wasn’t sure Maggie believed in us anymore. And the not knowing was killing me.
“I can’t be a mum.” At least that’s what I think I heard. Through the cries, her whispered reply came barely seconds before she fled up the stairs.
I sucked in a breath and pinched the bridge of my nose. Staring at the ceiling, I tried to get it together. If Maggie wanted to be a mum, if she felt like she wasn’t complete until she was a mum, then she’d be a mum. We’d find a way. Whether it was adoption or foster—hell, she could be a mum to a fur baby if that made her happy. I didn’t care. I’d do anything, give her anything to take away the pain she was carrying.
I’d given her a head start up the stairs but I wasn’t about to let her stay up there and hide. Maggie spent enough time trapped up in her head. This shit needed to end. And it was ending now. Taking the steps two at a time, I could hear something odd coming from our bedroom. Pushing open the door, I saw something I never wanted to see.
Maggie was stuffing handfuls of clothes into a bag. She was quite literally running. It was bullshit.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“Drew… I… I…”
“You what? You’re leaving?”
“I… I have to. We can’t keep doing this. It’s too hard.”
“I agree.”
Maggie stepped back and looked at me like I’d just slapped her. I’m pretty sure the last thing in the world she was expecting was for me to agree. The bag fell from her hands and landed on the carpet with a thud.
It took her a second before she reacted. Bending down, she grabbed the bag, stuffed her feet in the shoes on the floor, even though they were mismatched she didn’t even seem to notice. “Well, I guess that’s that then.”
“For fuck’s sake, Maggie! Stop fucking running! For once in your life, turn around and face the fucking problem.”
“Why? There’s nothing more to say.”
“If that’s how you really feel, then there’s nothing I can do to change your mind, is there?”
“It’s not that simple!” Maggie screeched as she fought her way into a jumper.
“Let me make it simple for you, Maggie. You need to make a decision. Right now. You’re either in, and you’re staying, or take your bag and go. But you need to choose. For once in your damn life, Mags, make a decision.”
SIX MONTHS LATER
MAGGIE
I was going to lose my shit.
It was my first day off since I’d quit my job, and I was being woken up at the arse crack of dawn by banging and crashing. I’d had big plans for today and they didn’t start like this. I was going to sleep in. Wander around in my pyjamas. Snuggle up on the lounge with the box of chocolates I’d been given as a parting gift and watch a couple of trashy chick flicks.
“This is bullshit!” I screamed into the empty room as I threw the blankets off and stomped over and yanked back the curtains.
Outside the weather reflected my mood perfectly. It was dark, dreary and raining that annoying drizzle. After ducking into the bathroom and cleaning up, I crawled back under the covers and willed the pounding in my head to go away. Waking up with a migraine was never a good way to start the day and the construction going on downstairs wasn’t helping.
Diving even further under the covers, I tugged the blanket up to my chin, tucked a pillow between my legs, closed my eyes and willed the pounding in my head to stop. I’d just found that sweet spot; I wasn’t too hot, and I didn’t have to stick my toes out the edge to be comfortable when the bedroom door creaked open, and I caught the end of someone’s rant below.
“You’re awake.”
“Grrr.”
“Still not a morning person hey, sweetheart?” Drew bent down and kissed the top of my head.
“What’s with the noise?”
“Yeah.” He looked sheepish as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“You need a haircut.” I brushed the still-damp strands from his face. He looked like sex in a suit. He wore the navy pin stripe suit like it was nobody’s business.
“You feeling okay? You look a bit pale.”
“Headache.”
“Ah. And let me guess, this noise isn’t helping.”
“Not really.”
“Want me to send them home?”
“No.”
“You sure?”
“Yep. I need this shit finished. I’m so sick of having plaster dust all over the bloody house.”
“I know it’s dragged out longer than we’d hoped.”
“Come on, Drew. We didn’t even think. You ripped the dining room apart and then when you finished you kinda freaked.’”
“It was kinda like that, wasn’t it?” Drew sat on the side of the bed and wriggled up. “But I did come bearing gifts.”
“Gifts? Oooh! I like gifts. Gimme. Gimme. Gimme.”
I was looking on the chest of drawers beside the door for coffee. Usually Drew made the coffee in the morning while I attempted to tame my hair and caked on the makeup. Right now, I wasn’t sure I could stomach it but I was sure as shit going to give it a try.
“It’s not coffee.”
“I didn’t say…”
“I know you, Mags. You’re searching for it like a sniffer dog looking for coke.”
“Am not.”
“Do you want your surprise or not? Sit tight.”
Drew swiped my hair out of my face and stood up. As he headed for the door, I couldn’t help but laugh loudly. He’d obviously sat in something. He had a white butt print on his crisp suit. It was typical us. We almost had our shit together… almost.
“What?” Drew spun around and stared at me like I’d lost my mind. I probably had.
I should’ve told him. I should’ve let him know he was walking around with a cotton tail. A good wife would’ve. It was no surprise that I didn’t fall into the good wife category. Instead I kept my secret and answered cheekily, “Nothing. Nothing at all.”
“Mmm.” I don’t think he believed me, but he let it slide.
He opened the door and picked up a cardboard box. Intrigued, I kicked off the blankets and threw my legs over the side of the bed.
“What this?”
“It’s for you.”
Drew set the box in my lap without saying a word. It rocked in my lap; the contents obviously unstable. “What’s in it?”
“Open it and find out.”
He had this sneaky, smug smirk on his face.
Pulling back the flaps, to say I was blindsided with what was inside would be an understatement.
DREW
I couldn’t wait to see Maggie’s face. Even though we’d talked about it in the hypothetical, maybe one day conversations, we’d never actually committed to pushing forward. But I’d taken the idea and ran with it. Now all I could do was wait and hope she didn’t bust my balls for not asking. After all, I’d heard it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.
“Andrew!” Wow! She full-named me as she lifted the puppy from the box.
As the now-forgotten cardboard box fell to the ground, Maggie cradled the tiny ball of fluff against
her cheek, cooing softly to him. Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I couldn’t help but snap a few pictures.
“What’s his name?” Maggie asked as he licked her cheek and nuzzled against her.
“He’s waiting on you to give him one.”
“He’s mine?”
“He’s all yours, Mags. What are you going to call him?”
He was a beautiful, clumsy golden retriever. It had been pure hell knowing he was coming and trying to keep it to myself. When I’d gone and seen him a couple of weeks ago, as soon as I stepped in the yard, I knew he was the one for us. He bounded towards me before head butting my shoe. He was one of six and I had my choice, but as soon as I picked him up and he peed on me, I knew he was the one I needed to take home to make our family complete. Now seeing him with Maggie, him nipping and wiggling and Maggie smiling wider than I’d seen in a long, long time there was no question. I’d fucking nailed it.
“What do you think we should name him?”
“Whatever you like.” I ruffled his ears and ended up with his cold nose pressed against my hand.
“Ridley.”
“Ridley?”
“Yeah. He looks like a Ridley. Don’t you like it?”
“Ridley’s perfect! Welcome to the family, little boy.”
Maggie tore her eyes away from the newest, cutest member of our family and looked at me. Her eyes were filled with wonder and pure happiness. If bringing home a puppy made her light up like that, I wondered how many would fit in our house. “Don’t think this gets you out of trouble either.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, would we, mate?” I asked him as I tried to pet him.
Maggie set him down on the bed and he bounced around the blankets before curling up on my pillow. The sound of Maggie’s giggle combined with the soft snores and snorts that floated from Ridley made everything else okay. Nothing could ruin this moment. Not even the arguing and banging below us could dampen or take away from this moment.
“I think you just lost your bed.”
“Not likely,” I grumbled half-heartedly. It was hard to even pretend to be annoyed by something so cute. One thing I needed to be cautious of, though, was quickly getting some rules in place or that puppy would soon be the king of this castle. Rule number one, he wasn’t sleeping on the bed.
“We’ll see.”
“Yes, we will, Mum.”
“Mum?”
“Well, yeah. You’re his mum now, Mags.”
Stunned, Maggie fell silent. There really wasn’t a need for words. Her face told me everything I needed to know. Everything would be okay. Our family might not be the one we envisioned all those years ago, but it didn’t matter. This was enough. More than enough. We’d been through hell. We’d been broken, battered and bruised but we’d somehow survived. Together. Now it was time to forget about the past and focus on our future.
EPILOGUE
MAGGIE
TWO YEARS LATER
I couldn’t believe we were actually doing this.
It was our ten-year wedding anniversary and Drew was taking me away. He hadn’t told me until two weeks ago when we’d ended up in a huge argument all because he refused to commit to anything, then dared to bitch at me for making plans with Mum and Kristie to have a girl’s day out without checking with him. I never checked with him. If I wanted to go out to lunch with Mum, then I did. So, I couldn’t figure out for the life of me, why he’d been such a pain in my arse over it.
“Are you excited?”
Was that an actual question? Like seriously. Excited was the understatement of the century. From the moment Drew had told me we were going away, I started to bubble. I was more than ready for a holiday. Renovations had taken almost eighteen months. For six of them, I’d lived with a half-finished bathroom and carpet-less floor. Something I was less than thrilled about. Every time Drew said ‘she’ll be right’ I resisted the urge to stab him in the leg with a fork. Every time I got dressed, every time I tried to clean up, a new coat of dust, or paint splatter would end up everywhere.
Now we were sitting in the airport lounge, sipping champagne, waiting for our flight. Until half an hour ago, I had no idea where we were headed. It’d taken two weeks for Drew to give me a date and time. Then it was only last night when I was throwing a tantrum like a hangry four-year-old, did he cave a little and tell me what sort of weather I could expect. He kept his secret right up to the ticket counter, and only when he handed the information over to the perfectly pressed lady checking us in, did I discover Drew was taking me back to Africa.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I screeched, forgetting where I was, causing strange looks to be shot in my direction and the security guards to do a double take. Looks that I definitely deserved as I bounced up and down on the spot. Given how I was vibrating, I was a little surprised the sniffer dogs weren’t closing in on me.
Drew had had to deal with the details while I tried to fake calm. It was as fake as it came. I couldn’t believe it. Ever since I’d come back, having had an amazing adventure but unable to shake off the disappointment of not getting to see an elephant. Drew was giving me my second chance. I’d never loved him more than I did in this moment. He understood me, better than even I understood myself. And surprisingly, he’d listened to me. Really listened. That’s why I was sitting here, flicking through the information package Drew had finally conceded and handed over to find everything was taken care of. We were heading back to Tambuti Lodge in the Pilanesberg National Park, checking into the honeymoon suite, and preparing for a week’s worth of game drives. Although Drew couldn’t promise I’d see an elephant, he’d done his damnedest to make that dream, my dream, come true.
DREW
I was seriously considering slipping a Valium into Maggie’s champagne. If I didn’t think it would look bad, drugging your wife, I may have just gone through with it. She was buzzing. It was freaking adorable to watch. Now all I could do was hope she calmed the fuck down a bit before I ended up stuck next to her on a long flight. Sitting next to her while she fidgeted and fussed would have me wanting to feed her to the lions she wouldn’t shut up about.
When I’d come up with the idea, I wasn’t sure I could pull it off. Thankfully, Kristie had forgiven me and agreed to join forces with me and help. Since she was the one who not only booked Maggie’s original trip but was also her best friend, the one who’d been forced to sit there and listen to her friend gush and awe over her adventure, she had the inside scoop. Maggie was going on the exact same trip, except this time, she wasn’t going alone.
Over the years Maggie had shown me photos of her adventures and told me over and over again how much she loved it. But there was always the shadow of disappointment hanging over it. I was hoping, wishing and praying to everyone and everything that this time she’d get what we were coming for. A bloody elephant.
“You ready?” I asked as I gulped down the last of my beer and stood up.
It was time to board.
“Let’s do it.” Maggie draped her bag over her shoulder and reached for my hand.
As we made our way to the gate, I looked down at our joined hands, offering her a gentle squeeze. We’d survived so much. Most of it my fuck ups, something I’d had to own, apologise for and prove that I deserved another chance, but somehow, I’d done it. And Maggie, my beautiful, patient Maggie had found it inside her massive, forgiving heart to give me that second chance. Things hadn’t always been easy. The renovations had caused more arguments, frustrations and even tantrums than either of us were prepared for, but again, we’d weathered the storm. I think Ridley helped. He’d become such a big part of our lives, of our family, that all the rules I thought we’d have for him went out the window the moment he looked at either of us with those sad, puppy-dog eyes. Even though I pretended to be the tough one, the moment Maggie turned her back, it wasn’t unusual for me to be sneaking Ridley extra treats.
fof unmoving people. I was planning on sitting down and stretching my legs before I ended up cra
mped and stuck for the next fourteen or so hours. Not Maggie, though. If she could’ve gotten away with elbowing her way to the front of the queue, then she’d be charging through. Nothing was going to dull her enthusiasm. Beneath the excitement that was consuming her, I could see happiness, and I realised that’s all I needed in my life. Nothing more. Just a happy wife, and a happy life.
Broken Promises
Copyright © 2020 by Rebecca Barber. All rights reserved.
First Print Edition: November 2020
This book has been previously published as Nobody Knows.
No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to locales, events, business establishments, or actual persons—living or dead—is entirely coincidental.
To women everywhere, and one in particular.
You are stronger than you believe!
PROLOGUE
GILLIAN
The scowl on his leathery face should have been enough warning to shut me up, but tonight I wasn’t in the mood to back down. I was ready for a fight. Whatever he dished out would come back at him twofold. He came through the door, ripping it almost off its hinges and letting it slam behind him. He took one look at me, sitting on the lounge quietly watching television and sipping my coffee, and rolled his eyes. I didn’t say a word. This was the game we played these days. After more than a decade of marriage, this is all we had left.
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