Total Surrender

by Erika Wilde

  “There’s nothing to figure out, Maddux.” She took a step back, away from him, her expression heartbreakingly sad. “They’re your family, and your loyalty is to them, not me. It never was, and it never will be, and that’s okay,” she said in a voice choked with emotion. “The truth is, there is just too much pain and heartache between our families, and I don’t belong or fit into your or your siblings’ lives.”

  He wanted to argue that she belonged with him, even though he knew her pain and heartache were a direct result of his act of revenge toward her father. Yeah, it was totally a fucked-up situation, but who knew that he’d fall hard for this woman who’d managed to thaw the ice around his heart in a very short time? “Bella—”

  “I’m going,” she said, cutting him off, the look in her eyes suddenly resolute. “Goodbye, Maddux.”

  She turned around, and with her shoulders straightening with pride, he watched her walk out of his hospital room . . . and his life.

  Chapter 23

  Nothing was the same without Arabella. Maddux’s apartment was too quiet and devoid of any warmth. His bed was too cold and filled with too many provocative memories of the two of them together intimately. And his heart . . . Jesus Christ, when had that organ become more than just a vessel to pump blood throughout his body? When did it develop the ability to ache for a woman he wanted so badly she consumed his thoughts twenty-four seven?

  Standing out on his terrace, Maddux stared at the dark night sky and the twinkle of lights around the city. Up until a little over a week ago, everything he did had been fueled by rage and retribution, to the exception of anything else. He’d even taken Arabella as a form of revenge against her father, never imagining how one tiny, stubborn, and brave woman would change the way he viewed his life and his future.

  Except without Arabella, his life and his future felt empty and bleak. And at the age of thirty-two, with so many years still stretching ahead of him, he felt as though an integral, emotional part of him was missing, thanks to the prospect of spending all that time alone and without her. He’d been so wrapped up in avenging his parents’ deaths, and now that he’d accomplished his goal, there was nothing that gave him purpose anymore.

  Sure, he had a billion-dollar tech and security company that he still needed to run, but he’d never been a man who felt as though he needed all the luxuries that money could buy when his main purpose for creating a small empire was to take care of his siblings and to build the capital to eventually take down Theodore Cole. Having money was nice, definitely, but all those tangible things he’d purchased over the years had never truly made him happy deep inside or fulfilled that hollow, isolated part of his soul . . . until Arabella.

  What he now wanted more than anything was a reason for getting up in the morning and facing the day, knowing he actually had something to look forward to . . . like Arabella’s sweet smiles. Her humor and the way she challenged him and aroused him and made him want to be a better man going forward in life.

  Except a week had passed since she’d walked out of his hospital room, and he hadn’t heard anything from her. Not that he’d expected to when she’d ended their short-lived relationship in a way that had finality written all over it. And things with him had been a little insane, too, with the takedown of Addingwell Financial, the dozens of arrests, and his involvement in the investigation.

  He’d also had several meetings with his lawyer to transfer all of Theodore’s assets into Arabella’s name, which he’d yet to tell his siblings. Maddux had taken everything to hurt her father and cut the other man off at the knees, and he didn’t want or need any of Theodore’s property. Arabella, however, had nothing . . . and she deserved everything. He’d at least be able to give her what was rightfully hers to make her life a bit easier.

  Inside his apartment, a chiming sound announced the arrival of the elevator on his floor. He turned around, leaned against the railing, and pushed his hands into the pockets of his slacks as he watched through the open French doors as his brother and sister walked into his place. His sister saw him out on the terrace first and headed in that direction, with Hunter following her, looking much more subdued and serious.

  Something was definitely going on with his brother, but with Maddux’s life in an upheaval since the night of the Wilder Way Charity Ball, he really hadn’t had a chance to have a more personal conversation with Hunter to find out what had him so preoccupied, though he was guessing from what Tempest had told him, his brother’s distracted mood had a lot to do with the woman who’d vanished on him the night after the ball. If that was the case, it was amusing to see him so twisted up over a female, when it had been years since he’d allowed one to get to him on anything deeper than a physical level.

  Maddux exhaled a deep, heavy breath, because the conversation he was about to have with his siblings wasn’t going to be an easy one. It was the one last issue he needed to resolve when it came to the whole Theodore situation, and there was no guessing how his brother and sister were going to react to what Maddux had decided.

  His brother and sister now knew everything—from the years Maddux spent trying to build a case against Addingwell Financial and the front it had been for organized crime, which both Gavin and Theodore had been a part of, to Arabella being kidnapped by Gavin and the other man’s intention to kill him, her, and Theodore. He’d sat them down the night of the shooting and told them the entire story, and while Tempest had been shocked and a little rattled by it all, Hunter had actually been contrite about his behavior toward Arabella that had sent her running in the first place.

  But none of that changed the fact that Arabella was gone, and the two of their lives were entwined in such a way that they both believed they had valid reasons for keeping their distance. Because of Theodore killing his parents and Maddux being the one to finally incarcerate her father, they’d both believed their conflict was insurmountable. But the more he thought of the situation, and those emotionally driven arguments they were both clinging to, the more he realized that nothing was impossible. Maddux knew this lesson firsthand and had lived it his entire adult life.

  When had he ever shied away from going after something he wanted, despite the obstacles in his way? Never. He’d never feared rejection, because he’d refused to accept that anything was beyond his reach or unattainable. It had never been in his nature to give up on anything worth having or admit defeat when it came to the important things that mattered the most to him . . . yet he’d given up on the one person who meant more to him than any possession he owned or any amount of wealth he’d acquired.

  He’d let Arabella go when she’d needed him the most in her life. And God, the truth was, he needed her, too . . . in ways he never knew were possible. She was his other half, and without her in his life, his future was incomplete and would stay that way.

  He wanted to give her everything . . . not because she’d lost her family and was completely alone, but because he loved her. The realization was a huge shock to his system. How the hell had that happened? He never believed falling in love was a possibility, but as the truth settled around him, he couldn’t deny that Arabella fulfilled every part of him.

  The epiphany hit him like a bolt of lightning, knocking sense into him as his brother and sister stepped out onto the terrace to join him. Jesus, what a fucking idiot he’d been for agreeing that Arabella walking away was for the best. It wasn’t for the best. It was, quite possibly, the worst mistake he’d ever made.

  “What’s with that frown on your face?” Tempest asked, tipping her head at him curiously. “Is the discussion you asked us up here for that bad?”

  “No.” Maddux crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “I just realized what a dumb ass I am.”

  Hunter snickered. “You just realized that? I could have given you that news flash years ago.”

  Wanting to be civil, Maddux refrained, just barely, from flipping off his brother because he had set himself up for that reply.

  A spark of optim
ism glimmered in Tempest’s gaze. “Dare I hope that this dumb-ass revelation of yours has something to do with Arabella and the fact that you’re miserable without her?”

  Maddux grimaced at this sister’s too accurate observation. “Is it that obvious?”

  “To me, yes,” she said with a soft, affectionate smile. “Only because I’m a woman and I noticed the changes in you while she was here. Despite everything with her father, you seemed incredibly fond of Arabella.”

  Maddux didn’t want to get into his feelings about Arabella with either of his siblings, especially when it was becoming increasingly clear that being fond of Arabella was a very mild term for the emotions weaving in and around his heart. “Yes, my moment of clarity has to do with Arabella,” he admitted, and was relieved when neither sibling, especially Hunter, balked at what Maddux was insinuating. “But before we get to that conversation, there’s something I need to tell you both.”

  Tempest and Hunter looked at him expectantly, and Maddux forged ahead. “I went to my lawyer and had him transfer all of Theodore’s assets to Arabella. I know I didn’t run it by either of you, but the decision wasn’t up for debate. The papers are done and just need to be delivered to Arabella for her signature, and then everything will be in her name, where it belongs.” Maddux would be out three million dollars for paying off Theodore’s debt, but that had been his choice, not Arabella’s, and that money didn’t matter to him. Arabella did.

  His sister reached out and gently touched his arm. “It’s the right thing to do,” she said.

  Hunter nodded solemnly. “I agree. She doesn’t deserve to suffer for her father’s offenses.”

  Relief swept through Maddux. He’d been unsure about Hunter’s reaction, but it was clear that his brother was trying to make amends. “I’m taking the papers to Arabella tomorrow, and if I’m lucky, she’ll be coming home with me. Permanently.” He’d do everything in his power to persuade her to be his.

  Always a romantic at heart, Tempest grinned happily and clasped her hands against her chest. “I knew this day would happen eventually. I knew some special woman would come along and chip away at all those hard edges you’ve built around your heart. And I’m so glad that woman is Arabella. She’s soft and sweet where you’re gruff, and you need calm and gentleness in your life. And I get the feeling she’s not going to back down from your occasional surly attitude, either.”

  A grin tugged at the corner of Maddux’s mouth. True, Arabella had already proven she could go toe to toe with him. The only time he wanted her submissive was in the bedroom, and so far that hadn’t been an issue between them. No, his Bella loved surrendering her body and pleasure to him.

  “Thank you,” he said to his sister, and shifted his gaze to Hunter, wanting and needing his blessing, too.

  Hunter exhaled a deep breath, his expression filled with sincerity. “I know she’s nothing like her father, and if she makes you happy, then that’s all that matters.”

  “She does,” Maddux said, surprising himself with the spontaneous admission.

  Tempest placed her hand on Maddux’s cheek, looking into his eyes, searching for something, and seemingly finding it. “Yes, she does make you happy, and you deserve that, Maddy. You both do.”

  Maddux would have gone after Arabella regardless of his siblings’ feelings, but he was incredibly grateful that he had their support, and that Arabella would be welcomed into their family and treated with respect.

  He just prayed that his powers of persuasion were strong enough to convince his Bella that she belonged with him.

  Arabella taped up a box filled with her father’s personal items and added the carton to the stack of others she’d been piling into the living room. Her dad had so much stuff, and with prison time looming in his future, it made the most sense to pack up things she thought he might want to keep and put them into a storage unit for now. She’d sell all the other unimportant but valuable items in the apartment and donate the rest.

  It was an arduous, emotional process going through his personal effects, but it had to be done because she’d made the decision to move out of this too big and luxurious apartment she’d shared with her father in the city and would probably downsize to a cozy one-bedroom place near her work. This apartment belonged to Maddux, and considering what her father still owed him, he’d no doubt want to sell the place to offset the three-million-dollar debt he’d paid off, and she couldn’t blame him for that.

  After everything that had happened with Gavin and her father’s arrest, Arabella had requested two weeks off from work to sort through her emotions, get her father’s affairs in order considering the legal battle he was facing—though Arabella harbored no illusions that her dad wasn’t guilty—and have the time to figure out the direction of her life and carve out her new normal, which she hadn’t quite figured out yet.

  She’d spent her days keeping her mind occupied with the to-do list she’d made, while at night she’d cried a lot of tears. For the things her father had done to hurt other people, for the loss of her only parent that now left her feeling alone in the world, and for the fact that she’d fallen in love with a man who held her heart and a piece of her soul . . . and she knew he always would.

  At the thought of Maddux, her heart clenched in her chest, and she sat down on the nearest couch cushion, needing a moment before she dove back into all the packing again. There was no denying that she missed him, so much. More than she’d believed possible. There were so many times since that night at the hospital that she’d questioned her decision to walk away from him, and her reasons for doing so, when she knew they’d formed a strong, intimate bond in a very short time. But considering how quiet it had been, and she hadn’t heard a word from him, she kept trying to convince herself she’d done the right thing. For both of them.

  But had she? That was the question that haunted her. Confused her. Tangled up her heart and emotions and made her wonder if maybe, possibly, she’d given up much too soon on convincing Maddux that they might be able to take everything good about their time together and build a steady, permanent relationship from there based on creating happy, fun memories, that helped to ease the dark, painful past.

  She wanted that for Maddux. She wanted it with Maddux. She didn’t want them to end like a tragic fairy tale. She desperately wanted her happily ever after with him.

  The doorbell rang, startling her out of her thoughts. She wasn’t expecting company, and she stood up and grimaced as she glanced down at the dusty, faded jeans and plain T-shirt she was wearing. She’d run her fingers through her hair so many times in the past few hours, she knew it was probably a tousled mess, and she didn’t have a lick of makeup on.

  Not that she needed to impress anyone, she thought as she walked to the entryway, where she glanced out the peephole . . . and gasped when she saw Maddux standing on the other side. Her heart raced with anticipation and hope. She couldn’t imagine what he was doing here when everything between them had been silent for the past week, but she was curious enough to find out that she opened the door.

  God, he looked so good. So gorgeous and golden and sexy, and it took restraint not to throw herself into his big, strong arms, just to feel him hold her again so she no longer felt so alone in the world.

  “Hi,” he said, his voice low and husky as his warm gaze roamed over her face, as if taking in every feature, every detail. “Can I come in?”

  Her mouth had gone dry, and since speaking at the moment was difficult, she nodded and opened the door wider for him to enter, then shut it behind him. She led the way into the living room and turned around to find him frowning as he took in the dozens of boxes stacked everywhere before refocusing his attention on her.

  “How are you?” he asked, tapping a dark yellow legal-sized envelope against his palm, the gesture almost . . . nervous.

  “I’m okay,” she replied, wondering how his gunshot wound was faring, which she’d thought about often since that night. “How’s your shoulder?”

&nbs
p; “Getting better.” He gave her a tentative smile. “Still sore, but manageable.”

  “Good.” She was glad to hear there hadn’t been any permanent damage.

  His gaze kept traveling back to the disarray in her living room and all the sealed cartons in the vicinity. When he finally looked directly at her again, she didn’t miss the flicker of worry that passed across his features. “Are you going somewhere?”

  “No . . . yes.” The idle chitchat set her on edge, and she swallowed back the frustration rising to the surface. “Most of these boxes are my father’s things, which I’m going to put into storage for now, but yes, I’ll be moving soon to a smaller apartment so you can do whatever you want with this place. You can lease it or sell it. Whatever benefits you the most. I should be out in a month.”

  He was quiet, his expression intense, and that envelope still tapped away, increasing her own anxiety because it was difficult to stand right in front of the man of her dreams, knowing he was probably there to claim the property that was his, when all she wanted was him.

  “Maddux . . . why are you here?” she flat-out asked him, needing to be put out of her misery already. Whatever he’d come there for, she’d give it to him, and then he could be on his way, and she could fall apart all over again once he was gone. Her heart was already tearing into shreds at the thought.

  He exhaled a deep breath. “I wanted to deliver something to you, in person. Two things, actually,” he amended, and extended the envelope toward her. “First, this.”

  She opened the flap and pulled out a sheaf of papers. Right on the front page, she caught the words “transfer of all listed assets to Arabella Cole,” and beneath that, the complete list of all her father’s possessions and property that had been signed over to Maddux a few days after he’d secured all of her dad’s debt.

  She shook her head in confusion. “What is this?”