Life Changer (Chicago First Responders Book 2)

by BJ Harvey

  Her head jerks from side to side, and my heart jumps in my chest at the wide-eyed look of worry covering her face. “I can’t. It’s stupid. It’s something I just have to get through. I’m sorry I haven’t been here. I never meant to . . . I mean . . . I was just trying to process stuff on my own, and I couldn’t do it when I was with you.”

  I frown, because that makes absolutely no sense to me. “Sweet cheeks, we promised to be honest with each other, remember?”

  She grabs her glass, downs the rest in one go, and leaves it on the table before walking over to the doors leading out into the backyard. She stands there looking more beautiful than ever, gazing outside as if coming to a decision in her mind. She’s quiet for a long time before she lets out a breath and breaks the silence filling the room. “Please don’t hate me for what I’m about to say.”

  “Okay. I promise. Just tell me, baby. Please. This is killing me.” I say, and yet she still can’t look at me.

  “These past few weeks, I’ve been wondering whether I can live the rest of my life being second best.”

  My head jerks back like I’ve been slapped. “Why would you ever think that?” I hold my muscles tight. Every part of me itches to jump up and go to her. But she needs to get this all out before that happens. “Dee, please look at me.” Her body stills, and she slowly turns her eyes to mine. “You are not a woman who should ever be second best, and you have not—and never will be—with me. This is not our first rodeo, and we both have baggage, but never—not once—have I ever thought of you as runner-up.”

  “When we started this, I was a single, divorced mom. I made a choice to end my marriage with Flynn. It was a decision we made together, because we both knew that we were only holding each other back from future happiness.”

  I nod since this isn’t news to me.

  “But you lost the love of your life. You didn’t choose to separate from her. She was taken from you, and that’s something you can never get back.”

  My brows furrow. “I’m not sure where you’re going with this. None of this is anything that we both don’t already know.”

  She swallows hard, her eyes wet with unshed tears. “This is where I’ve gotten things twisted up in my head. I fully admit that.”

  “I love you, Dee. That’s something I’ve only ever said to one other woman in my life. I don’t take it lightly, and I mean it every single time I say it.” There’s a force behind my words, and I hope to hell she’s hearing it, feeling it, and letting it sink in.

  “I know,” she replies quietly. “But I heard what you said at the hospital . . .”

  I go completely still. I can’t even remember what I said at the hospital. I was so worried about Jake and what his injuries might be that I was running on autopilot. “What did you hear?”

  “That losing Lily destroyed you,” she says, her voice breaking.

  “It did. But I had Jake, and my parents, and the guys to help me through. And when Jake was hurt and in hospital, I had you by my side.” Her head snaps my way and I push to my feet before slowly approaching her. “And it was you that got me to the hospital and stayed strong by my side until I could see him.”

  “Anyone would do that.”

  “I didn’t need anyone to do that. I needed you.” I stop in front of her. I reach out and cup her shoulders, turning her body my way, needing her full attention so that what I’m about to lay on her sinks in once and for all.

  “Six months ago, a beautiful, sassy, enigmatic woman made my dead heart beat again, and she’s continued to breathe life into me ever since.”

  Dee’s mouth drops open with a soft gasp.

  I smile down at her as I place my thumb under her chin and push it closed again. “Lily may have shown me I could love. You were proof I could love and let myself be loved like that again.”

  She stares at me with those big blue eyes of hers, and I know I’m getting in there.

  “Did I choose to lose my wife? Fuck no. Would I want that to happen again? Absolutely not. But does that mean I should put my life on hold and never have the chance to fall head over heels in love with you?” I step closer, eliminating the last remaining space between us. “Should I have ignored everything I was feeling just from looking at you, before I’d even met you? Or do I tell you that it taught me life is too fucking short to lose one love of my life, let alone two? Especially when the love I feel for both is completely different, completely separate, and cannot be compared.”

  The well of tears in Dee’s eyes finally break and fall onto her cheeks. I cradle her face in my hands and try to swipe them away with my thumbs.

  “The one who taught me how to love was taken from me far too soon, and the one who changed my entire life and taught me to love again is standing in front of me telling me she thinks she can’t be enough, when all she’s ever been is too much. I love you, Dee. I love you in a way I’ve never loved anyone before, and that’s because of Lily, not despite her. She’s my history; you’re my future. “

  “Oh my god. I’m such an idiot,” she whispers tearfully.

  “No, you’re not. You had a moment—we’re all allowed those. But I’m not going to let you get in the way of us, and that’s something I will never apologize for.”

  Her lips part, but she doesn’t say anything.

  “She would’ve wanted you for me.”

  Dee jerks at that statement before shaking her head. “No, she wouldn’t. Because there’s nowhere else in the world she’d want to be than by your side.”

  She trembles as I pull her body close to mine and I’m standing so close I’m all she can see. “You’re right, but when she knew she wouldn’t get the chance to be with us any longer, she made me promise I’d find someone who made me feel alive again, and loved, and like I’m one of the most important people in their world.” I cradle Dee’s face, tipping her chin so my eyes can lock with her wet ones. “The first time I saw you, something told me that would be you,” I say, resting my forehead on hers. “And, baby, I wasn’t fucking wrong.”

  Dee kisses me this time, and it makes me want to beat my chest and growl in victory. Her tongue spearing between my lips, seeking mine and tasting deep and long, both of us pouring all of our passion and fears into this kiss, as if we’ve spent years apart, not mere weeks.

  When we pull apart, we heave in much-needed air, her nose scrunches up and she’s glaring at me. “Don’t call me, baby. ’Cause when you do, I swoon, and we can’t have a serious, adult, potentially life-altering conversation if I’m weak at the knees and thinking about jumping you.”

  My eyes soften as my lips curve into a slow-growing, shit eating grin. “If it gets a reaction like that, there’s no fucking way I’m going to stop calling you baby . . . baby.” My voice is rough and low. “Besides, I know the look you get when you want to jump me.”

  Dee’s eyes flash. “What look?” She tries to wriggle loose from my arms, but I tighten my grip and keep her right where she is.

  I pin her with a stare and shake my head, my gaze never once looking away. “Oh, no you don’t.”

  “This is important, Rhodes. We’re talking.”

  “Not anymore we’re not. We’re done talking. You love me. I love you. We’ve untwisted whatever it was that had you doubting us, and now . . .” I lower my mouth to her ear. “I’m going to spend the rest of the night making sure you know it deep down to your fucking bones.”

  “Well, um . . .”

  An amused grunt escapes my lips as I run my hands up her back and tug her body flush against my hard one. “You were saying?” I rumble.

  “Maybe we should . . . Ah, fuck it.” She jumps into my arms and her lips collide with mine. I turn around and push her back against the living room wall, caging her in as I plunder her mouth.

  “I agree,” I murmur as I run my lips along her jaw. “We should. Actually, we need to. I definitely need to. And from the way you’re squirming against me, you do too.”

  She drags her hands through my hair and tugs my
head up, touching her mouth to mine again.

  “I love you, Dee, and I know I always will.”

  A sob escapes her and she crushes her mouth to mine before pulling away and burying her face in my neck.

  “Hey. What’s wrong?” I say, rubbing my hand over the back of her hair.

  “Nothing. I’m just happy.”

  “Okay . . . so why the tears?”

  “’First you were being sweet. Now it’s because I’m ugly snot crying, and you’ll never want to sleep with me again if you see me like this.”

  I chuckle, which earns a cute little growl akin to a baby lion cub. “I’ll never not want to look at you, sweet cheeks, ugly snot crying or not.”

  She lifts her head and narrows her red-rimmed eyes at me, all brimstone and fire but still absolutely irresistible. “Prove it.”

  “With pleasure.”

  And that’s all the talking we do for the next few hours other than ‘yes,’ ‘more,’ ‘fuck,’ and my favorite, ‘please.’

  Lying in bed later that night with Dee draped over my side, her fingers drawing lazy circles on my naked chest, the only thing on my mind is how happy I am to have Dee back here where she belongs.

  She lifts her head to look at me. “So, I think we need to expand on our honesty policy and maybe set some ground rules,” she says, her voice soft and husky.

  “Okay . . . hit me with them. There’s a rule of my own I wouldn’t mind implementing.”

  “Whatever happens, don’t let me ruin this.”

  “I promise you, I won’t ever let happen.”

  “So what’s your rule then?”

  I roll her to her back and lean over, holding her head in one of my hands. Locking my gaze to hers, I love how bright and clear her eyes are, gone is the doubt and fear I saw when she arrived earlier. Now I have my Dee back, I want more nights like this. In fact, I want all of them. “My proposed rule is that you think about spending every single night in my bed . . .” Her expression goes from relaxed to shocked to one of contemplation. Then, to my surprise, a slow-growing smile stretches wide over her face.

  “I wholeheartedly agree.”

  “What?” I whisper with a laugh. “You will?”

  “I mean, unless you weren’t serious, then I—”

  I shut her up by kissing her speechless, then that leads to another kind of celebration, which ends with us both yelling yes in far more satisfying ways.

  “I love you, Dee. Best thing I ever did was accidentally stalk you,” I murmur against her lips, earning a giggle.

  “Maybe we should go thank that kid Pete. After all, if he hadn’t run off with my purse, who knows if you’d have said hello.”

  “Oh, I would’ve. It might’ve taken you publishing a video called ‘Food to Feed Stalkers You Want to Date,’ but we would’ve crossed paths eventually. Nothing this good could be anything other than meant to be.”

  “Maybe I should film that video. Might see what other stalkers I have out there.”

  “Don’t you fucking dare, sweet cheeks.”

  “Or what?”

  “Or I’ll tie you to this bed so that you can never leave.”

  Then she’s laughing against my lips. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Rhodes Anderson.”

  “Believe me, Dee Duncan. That’s one you can count on.”

  Epilogue

  Rhodes

  With Harvey and Dee walking hand in hand behind us, Jake and I make our way to the group of familiar faces already waiting for us. All of the crew are here including Zach, Scotty, Marco and Luca, along with Gio. There’s also Cohen, Ezra, Bryant, and the other two Cook brothers, Jamie and Jax, along with their wives and children.

  Gio makes a point of checking his watch. “You guys are cutting it close. Who’s fault was it? Did ya take too much time doing your hair, Jake?”

  Jake shakes his head and laughs. “Nah. Blame the parentals.”

  Everyone turns their attention to me. Dee’s giggle gives us away. I hold my hands in the air. “Hey. Don’t lay this all on me. Dee is just as complicit.”

  Ezra groans. “Dude, that’s my sister.”

  “And mine!” Faith adds.

  “And my mom!” Harvey joins in even though he has no clue what the joke is.

  “What can I say? It’s a Sunday morning, and for once, I didn’t get dragged out to run.”

  “Decide to warm up another way, huh?” Scotty flashes a shit-eating grin, making the entire group groan and Marco whack the back of his head. He rubs his scalp and glares at my best friend. “What was that for?”

  “There are kids present, idiot,” Marco replies with a ‘duh’ voice.

  “Jake’s not a kid.”

  “No, but Harvey is.” Marco jerks his chin our way.

  “Oh, shi—shoot. Sorry, bud.”

  “It’s okay. Mom and Rhodes said they were sleeping. It’s important to rest before a big run. Right, Jake?” He stares up at my son, who grins at me then Harvey.

  “That’s right. How about we go and see my grandparents? They’ve all just arrived, and I bet Nana Nora brought us snacks for the walk.”

  Due to the accident, Jake hasn’t been able to keep up his training with the rest of us. And when Dee and Harvey told us they wanted to walk the race as a show of support, Jake volunteered to do it with them, which lead to all the wives putting their hands up. Now what is usually a Firehouse 101 and Jake tradition has grown into a rather large event all in Lily’s memory, making it all the more meaningful.

  “Should we go register and start stretching?” I turn to face Dee, who’s moved beside me. “You gonna help me stretch, sweet cheeks?”

  Her lips tip up into a salacious smile. “I thought I did that a few hours ago.”

  “You did. That’s probably why I’m feeling so lax and limber.”

  Her eyes dance with amusement. “Would’ve been hard to explain if you’d overexerted yourself though.”

  I lean in and rest my forehead on hers. “Would’ve totally been worth it.” Then I kiss her gently. “I’m also thinking it’s time we try and get Gio a girlfriend. Then he might have other things to keep him busy rather than watching the clock like a fucking hawk.”

  Renee sidles next to Dee and hooks her arm over her shoulder. “Funny you should say that. He told us at lunch yesterday he’s advertised for a roommate. Says he’s going to buy Marco out of his half of the house and take over the mortgage himself.”

  My brows lift at the news. It makes sense, of course, but Gio has always been a lone wolf and a bit of a homebody, much preferring to stay home than go out looking to get laid with Luca and Scotty. The fact he’s willingly going to invite someone to share his house with him is an interesting development. “I wonder if Marco and I will get vetting privileges,” I ponder, earning a snort from Dee and approval from Renee.

  “We should volunteer our services,” Renee says. “And make sure the roommate is female. If anyone deserves to live with a woman who’ll keep him in check, it’s Gio. He’s always giving the rest of us shit. Maybe it’s time for him to get a taste of his own medicine.”

  Dee laughs. “You’re so mean.”

  “Hey. Do you remember who gave me shit right in front of you when we first met?” I say with a smirk.

  Both of the girls snicker. “And called Marco to tell him what happened?” Renee nods.

  “Well you did stalk me,” Dee adds.

  My mouth drops open. “I did no such thing, and I’ll deny it until my dying days.”

  Renee winks at me “Yeah, yeah. We believe you.”

  I shake my head. “Anyway. I’m gonna go over with the guys. See you at the start line?”

  “I’ll be wherever you are,” Dee says softly, lifting on her toes and giving me one last kiss.

  “Move in with me?” I hold her to me and smile against her mouth.

  “Considering I’m doing that tomorrow, I’d say you already know the answer to that.”

  “Just checking.” I touch the tip of my
tongue to her lips briefly before letting her go.

  “Take care of my girl, Jake?” I meet my son’s eyes over her shoulder.

  “Done deal, Dad.” Don and Connor walk beside him while Harvey is being doted on by my mom and Celeste behind them. To say Harvey has been wholeheartedly adopted by all of the grandparents would be an understatement, and he loves every single minute of it.

  I meet Don and Connor’s eyes and lift my chin. “You old men ready for today?”

  “We were born ready, and even if we weren’t, we’d still run anyway.”

  “Yeah, I know.” My voice thickens with emotion. Dee reaches out and squeezes my hand, drawing my eyes to hers. “See you at the finish line, sweet cheeks.”

  She smiles and shines that bright light of hers my way. “I’ll be waiting for you, honey. Go get ready. We’ve got a wonderful woman to remember today.”

  “That we do.”

  She’s wonderful too, Rhodes, Lily says in my head. Dee’s exactly who I wanted for you and Jake. She’s perfect in every way.

  So were you, baby. So were you. Then together with Don on one side and Connor on the other, we walk over to my other family and get ready to run for Lily.

  Dee

  “Moooom, do you know where my soccer ball is?” Harvey calls out from down the hall.

  “It’s in a box!” I yell back.

  “Didn’t we pack it in the box with stuff written on the side?” Jake shouts from the kitchen.

  “I can’t find it,” Jake continues.

  I snort and shake my head. “Why do we suddenly sound like The Waltons?”

  “Who are the Waltons? Are they our neighbors?” Harvey asks, making me laugh out loud.

  “Isn’t that an old person TV program?” Jake bellows.

  “Good night, John Boy. Good night, Elizabeth. Good night, Daddy. Good night, son. Good night, Mary Ellen . . .” I murmur to myself with a smile.