Seek the Stars

by Barbara Cartland

  Sadira knew that the Dowager Countess was thinking of the women like her stepmother who had pursued him.

  And like the Marchioness, they would fight to keep the Earl’s love even when he was married to her.

  She could hardly tell his grandmother that she did not care what he did or who he spent his time with as long as it was not with her.

  She only felt that the future was going to be more complicated that she had supposed and she so wished now that she did not have to pretend to this dear old lady that she loved her grandson.

  She must never guess that it was quite impossible for her to make up for his unhappy childhood.

  ‘I must not feel sorry for him,’ she told herself.

  It was then that the Earl came into the room.

  “I have been to the kitchen, Grandmama,” he said, “to tell Mrs. Field the good news. She is absolutely delighted and is determined to make my Wedding cake. But you know as well as I do that it will infuriate my own chef!”

  His grandmother chuckled.

  “Then you will just have to have a Wedding cake in every house you own,” she said, “and two in London!”

  Her eyes softened as she added,

  “It’s just like you, Norwin, to tell Mrs. Field. I know she must be really thrilled. She has been in a complete tizzy ever since you sent the message saying that you were coming to dine here.”

  “We will dine with you again next week,” the Earl promised, “and then Sadira can meet all the old servants, as she will have to do in the country and naturally at Kensall House.”

  “The tenants and the whole village,” the Dowager said, “will expect a special feast on your Wedding Day.”

  “They shall have fireworks and endless barrels of ale,” the Earl promised.

  He glanced at the clock and remarked,

  “I know it is nearly your bedtime, Grandmama, so I am now going to take Sadira home.”

  “I think the truth is,” his grandmother answered softly, “that you want to be alone. Take me up to bed and then you can stay here comfortably in front of the fire.”

  She gave a little laugh before she added,

  “I remember years ago, when your grandfather was courting me, it was very difficult for us to get a moment alone to ourselves. There were always people round us, so sometimes we used to slip away from them and hide in the garden.”

  “Surely in your day that was considered most improper,” the Earl teased her.

  “Of course it was!” his grandmother answered. “Once we found a hiding place in the attic and I was in terrible trouble with my mother.”

  Her eyes twinkled as she carried on,

  “But it was worth every moment of it.”

  The Earl offered her his arm.

  “Let me take you upstairs, Grandmama,” he suggested.

  “You can take me to the foot of them,” the Dowager answered. “My lady’s maid will be waiting there. You remember she is Lucy, who used to be your nursery maid.”

  “Of course I have not forgotten Lucy,” the Earl answered.

  He escorted his grandmother from the room.

  Before she left the Dowager Countess kissed Sadira affectionately on both her cheeks.

  “You have made me very happy, dear child,” she sighed. “One day, when you can spare the time, come and see me and I will tell how naughty and at the same time how adorable Norwin was when he was a little boy.”

  “I don’t mind you doing that,” the Earl said, “but leave Sadira to find out for herself how much I have blotted my copybook since then!”

  He spoke jokingly, but, as Sadira met his eyes, she had a feeling that he was challenging her in some way.

  When he and his grandmother had left the room, she stood gazing down into the fire.

  She felt that if only this charade they were acting was real, how differently she would be feeling now.

  She had always wanted to marry a man who had a keen knowledge of horses, who was athletic and strong and whose home was in the country.

  It was one of the idyllic dreams that she had shared with Anne.

  Now the background was perfect, but everything else was wrong.

  The Earl was in love with a woman he could not marry and she knew that every moment they were together he was wishing that it was her stepmother who was beside him and not her.

  As she thought of the Marchioness, she put her hand up to her cheek, which was still burning.

  ‘How can I possibly – endure this sort of humiliation – happening to me not only now but every day in the future?’ she asked herself.

  She could envisage the years ahead as the Marchioness encroached more and more upon them and finally she herself would become nothing but a pale ghost.

  She would move around the great house like a disembodied zombie where she was not wanted, unnoticed and totally alone.

  When the Earl came back into the room, Sadira did not turn round.

  He walked towards her and, when he reached her, he said,

  “I can only say thank you for making my grandmother so happy.”

  “I dislike having to lie to anybody who is so kind and – who loves you so much,” Sadira muttered in a low voice.

  “I feel exactly the same,” the Earl replied.

  Sadira thought that he was then going to say something pertinent about the situation that both of them found themselves in.

  Instead he said abruptly,

  “Let me take you home, unless there is anywhere else you would rather go?”

  “I would like – to go home,” Sadira answered quietly.

  She knew as she spoke that that this was untrue.

  The Marchioness might be waiting for her and, if she could choose, she would rather be anywhere than under the same roof as her stepmother.

  The carriage was waiting, the Earl assisted her into it and they drove back in silence.

  Only as they neared Langbourne House did the Earl say,

  “My Grandmother has suggested and, I think it is a good idea, that tomorrow we have luncheon with my aunt, Lady Winterton. She will invite a number of cousins and other relatives whom you will have to meet sooner or later.”

  Sadira did not speak and he went on,

  “Our engagement will be announced in the newspapers tomorrow and it would be a mistake to give them cause to ask us why they had not been notified personally before its appearance.”

  He gazed at her before he went on,

  “We can, in this way, prevent there being any complaints by meeting them before you go to any other parties.”

  “I understand,” Sadira nodded. “At what time will you call for me?”

  “At half-past twelve,” the Earl replied, “and I feel sure that your father will understand if he is not invited to this luncheon.”

  Sadira knew what he was implying, it was that his aunt would not want her stepmother to be included in the invitation.

  “I am sure that Papa already has several engagements arranged for tomorrow,” Sadira said quickly.

  The carriage duly arrived at Langbourne House and then the Earl jumped out to help her alight.

  They went into the hall and, because the servants were listening, the Earl said,

  “Goodnight, Sadira, and thank you again for what has been a very happy evening.”

  To her surprise he then took her hand and raised it to his lips.

  She just knew that he was once again play-acting, but at the same time she had to admit that he played his part very gracefully.

  As he left the house, she said to the butler,

  “I would like you to know that his Lordship and I are engaged to be married. The announcement will be made in the newspapers tomorrow morning.”

  She saw the astonishment in the butler’s eyes before he answered quickly,

  “That’s very good news, very good news indeed, my Lady, and, of course, I wish you and his Lordship every happiness.”

  “Thank you,” Sadira replied.

  She ran up
to her bedroom, but did not ring for her maid and instead she undressed herself.

  When she had put on her nightgown, she walked slowly across the room to the window and pulled back the curtains.

  It was a clear night.

  The stars were shining brightly and the moon was rising over the garden at the back of the house and turning the distant roofs to silver.

  ‘What shall I – do?’ Sadira asked the stars. ‘How can I go on with this – farce?’

  As she spoke, she felt as if her stepmother was there menacing her and preparing to strike her again.

  ‘It’s impossible – quite impossible,’ she murmured.

  Then suddenly, as if the stars were telling her what she should do, she had an idea.

  It seemed unthinkable and yet she knew in her heart that it was a possible way out of the ghastly trap that she had been pushed so forcibly into.

  It was going to be difficult, very difficult indeed.

  Yet, because the stars had told her what she would do, she knew that it was feasible.

  Just feasible if she was clever and resilient enough.

  ‘Thank you – thank you,’ she said to the stars deep in her heart.

  She then closed the curtains and climbed slowly into bed, not to sleep but to think and to plan.

  *

  The next morning Sadira went riding early.

  She stayed in Hyde Park for so long that, when she finally returned to the house, it was to learn that her stepmother had gone out.

  She then changed her clothes, putting on one of her prettiest gowns and a most attractive bonnet.

  The Earl called for her punctually, as she had anticipated at half past twelve.

  Sadira recognised that he did not wish to come into the house and so she was waiting for him in the hall.

  As soon as the carriage drove up, she was on the doorstep and therefore there was no reason for the Earl to alight or even approach the house

  Today he had brought an open carriage and they drove off in the bright sunshine.

  The coachman and footman on the box looked very smart and the two horses that drew them were perfectly matched and extremely well-bred.

  It was easy to talk at length about them and the Earl’s other horses and so avoid the subject of themselves.

  His aunt’s house was a large one and despite herself Sadira found that the Kensalls were all charming and delightful people.

  They were obviously thrilled that the Earl was to be married and they went out of their way to let Sadira know how pleased they were that she was to be his bride.

  Of course they never mentioned her stepmother, but she knew instinctively, however, that they were thinking that she had been a bad influence on the Earl.

  They disliked his name being linked with hers in gossip, although they would have been far too circumspect to say so to his face.

  So it was with genuine delight that they welcomed Sadira into the family.

  What a pity that this is not true she found herself thinking, not once but dozens of times during the visit.

  Every one of the Earl’s relations wished to entertain her in their homes and, when at last they left, the Earl had half-a-dozen dates written down on a small pad that he carried in his pocket.

  They climbed once again into the carriage and as they did so Sadira asked the Earl,

  “Would it be possible on the way back to call in for only a few minutes at 29 Belgrave Square? There is something I particularly want to ask my friend, Anne Beecham.”

  “Yes, of course,” the Earl agreed.

  He told the footman that it was where they were to go first and they moved off into the sunshine.

  “You were a huge success,” the Earl praised her. “Every one of my relations acclaimed you as if you were an angel sent from Heaven!”

  “They were – very kind,” Sadira answered, “and I do so hate deceiving them – as I hated doing last night to your enchanting grandmother.”

  “Fortunately,” the Earl replied, “they will never know that they have been deceived and they will therefore be your devoted admirers and, I hope, your friends for the rest of your life.”

  Sadira did not answer and he added,

  “There are quite a number of my other relatives I want you to meet, but they live in the country and so I think that we should spend a few days at Kensall Park as soon as it can be arranged.”

  Sadira thought that this was another thing that would infuriate her stepmother.

  The Earl must have known what she was thinking for he said quickly,

  “I thought perhaps, as your father is so busy, I could ask one of my aunts to chaperone you so that there would be no need for him to leave London.”

  “That is a good idea,” Sadira managed to reply.

  They reached 29 Belgrave Square and she said a little hesitantly,

  “I don’t suppose – you want to – come in and so – as I shall be only a minute or two – it might be easier for you to – stay in the carriage.”

  “That is what I will do,” the Earl replied.

  Sadira alighted and the door of the house was opened by Watkins.

  “Good afternoon, my Lady,” he smiled.

  “Good afternoon, Watkins. Is Miss Anne in?” Sadira asked.

  “She’s upstairs in her sitting room, my Lady. I expect you can find your own way.”

  “Yes, of course, Watkins,” Sadira answered, “and is your rheumatism any better these days?”

  The butler shook his head and she knew that it was the reason why he had no wish to climb the stairs unless he had to.

  She ran up the stairs as fast as she could and burst in on Anne, who was writing at a desk by the window.

  She jumped up with excitement in her eyes.

  “Sadira!” she cried. “I had no idea you were coming to see me.”

  “I have only dropped in on my way home,” Sadira answered. “I want to tell you that I think I have some money for Father Christopher.”

  “How splendid. I have not yet had the chance to ask Papa and I expect he will resent having to give money to me as well as Mama.”

  “Then you must try some of the people who have not yet already been approached,” Sadira suggested. “But tell me, when is Father Christopher leaving? I thought he said that it is tomorrow.”

  “That is right,” Anne replied, “and some of the people who were at Mama’s meeting are going to see him off.”

  “Where is he leaving from?” Sadira enquired.

  “From Tilbury and his cargo boat, which is called The Idris, is sailing at ten o’clock. I know this because I have just had to tell one of Mama’s friends who is taking him some money, quite a lot, I believe.”

  “How splendid to have collected it so quickly,” Sadira said, “and, if I get what I expect from Papa, I will see that he has it before he leaves.”

  “You are making me feel as if I have been very lazy, but I have really not had much time. I am writing out invitations now for Mama’s next Charity, which is for people who are suffering terribly after a huge earthquake in Turkey.”

  “Your mother is wonderful!” Sadira enthused. “She is always helping somebody who is in dire need.”

  “I know,” Anne replied, “but I have to write the invitations!”

  Sadira kissed her friend.

  “I would help you, but I must not keep the Earl waiting. He is in the carriage outside.”

  “I will peep at him out of the window. I saw the announcement of your engagement in the newspaper today and I do wish you every happiness, Sadira. I am going to save up to give you a really marvellous Wedding present.”

  “Thank you, thank you,” Sadira answered. “Now I must go. I told the Earl that I would be only a minute.”

  Watkins bowed her out and she waved to him as they drove away.

  “I suppose your friend, Anne, will be one of your bridesmaids?” the Earl remarked.

  “She will be my Chief Bridesmaid,” Sadira replied. “We have known each oth
er since we were very small and she is my best friend.”

  “Those are the friends who really matter. One knows that whatever trouble one is in, they will always stand by and never let one down.”

  Sadira thought that this was what she had found herself.

  She was sure that in the sophisticated Social world that the Earl moved in there would be few people who he could really rely on if she found herself in real trouble.

  Real trouble – for instance being co-respondent in a divorce case with her stepmother!

  They reached Langbourne House and, as the carriage came to a standstill, Sadira held out her hand.

  “Thank you very much,” she said to the Earl. “I enjoyed the luncheon and I think your relatives are all charming and undoubtedly very fond of you.”

  “That is what I think myself,” the Earl answered, “and I am grateful to you for being so pleasant to them.”

  He did not take her hand, but climbed out of the carriage first in order to help her to the ground.

  Sadira wondered if perhaps he would like to come into the house, but he said quickly,

  “I doubt if your father is at home and I have a great deal of work to do. Perhaps you will give him my regards and say that I shall expect to see him at dinner tonight.”

  “Tonight?” Sadira questioned.

  “There is a special dinner being given by the Secretary of State for Foreign Affairs,” the Earl explained, “and I know that your father will be one of the guests.”

  “Yes, most certainly,” Sadira replied, “they are great friends.”

  “I suppose,” the Earl asked reflectively, as if he had just thought of it, “I could ask if I could bring you now that we are officially engaged.”

  “No, no, please,” Sadira objected. “I have a great deal to do and actually I believe that I have had enough excitement for one day.”

  “Then we will meet tomorrow. I am sure that there will be a family luncheon of some sort and I will let you know as soon as it is arranged.”

  “Thank you,” Sadira said, “and – goodbye.”

  She walked into the house and the Earl went back into the carriage.

  As he drove away, he thought that for someone so young and inexperienced Sadira had come through a very difficult ordeal with flying colours.