The Wit and Humor of America, Volume IV. (of X.)

by E. Oe. Somerville and Martin Ross

  THE STORY OF THE TWO FRIARS

  BY EUGENE FIELD

  It befell in the year 1662, in which same year were many witchcrafts andsorceries, such as never before had been seen and the like of which willnever again, by grace of Heaven, afflict mankind--in this year it befellthat the devil came upon earth to tempt an holy friar, named FriarGonsol, being strictly minded to win that righteous vessel of piety untohis evil pleasance.

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  Now wit you well that this friar had grievously offended the devil, forof all men then on earth there was none more holier than he nor nonesurer to speak and to do sweet charity unto all his fellows in everyplace. Therefore it was that the devil was sore wroth at the FriarGonsol, being mightily plagued not only by his teachings and hispreachings, but also by the pious works which he continually did do.Right truly the devil knew that by no common temptations was this friarto be moved, for the which reason did the devil seek in dark andtroublous cogitations to bethink him of some new instrument wherewith hemight bedazzle the eyes and ensnare the understanding of the holy man.On a sudden it came unto the fiend that by no corporeal allurement wouldhe be able to achieve his miserable end, for that by reason of anabstemious life and a frugal diet the Friar Gonsol had weaned his bodyfrom those frailties and lusts to which human flesh is by nature of theold Adam within it disposed, and by long-continued vigils and byearnest devotion and by godly contemplations and by divers properstudies had fixed his mind and his soul with exceeding steadfastnessupon things unto his eternal spiritual welfare appertaining. Thereforeit beliked the devil to devise and to compound a certain little booke ofmighty curious craft, wherewith he might be like to please the FriarGonsol and, in the end, to ensnare him in his impious toils. Now thiswas the way of the devil's thinking, to wit: This friar shall suspect noevil in the booke, since never before hath the devil tempted mankindwith such an instrument, the common things wherewith the devil temptethman being (as all histories show and all theologies teach) fruit andwomen and other like things pleasing to the gross and perishable senses.Therefore, argueth the devil, when I shall tempt this friar with a bookehe shall be taken off his guard and shall not know it to be atemptation. And thereat was the devil exceeding merry and he did laughfull merrily.

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  Now presently came this thing of evil unto the friar in the guise ofanother friar and made a proper low obeisance unto the same. But theFriar Gonsol was not blinded to the craft of the devil, for from underthe cloak and hood that he wore there did issue the smell of sulphur andof brimstone which alone the devil hath.

  "Beshrew me," quoth the Friar Gonsol, "if the odour in my nostrils bespikenard and not the fumes of the bottomless pit!"

  "Nay, sweet friar," spake the devil full courteously, "the fragrancethou perceivest is of frankincense and myrrh, for I am of holy ordersand I have brought thee a righteous booke, delectable to look upon andprofitable unto the reading."

  Then were the eyes of that Friar Gonsol full of bright sparklings andhis heart rejoiced with exceeding joy, for he did set most store, nextto his spiritual welfare, by bookes wherein was food to his beneficialdevouring.

  "I do require thee," quoth the friar, "to shew me that booke that I mayknow the name thereof and discover whereof it treateth."

  Then shewed the devil the booke unto the friar, and the friar saw it wasan uncut unique of incalculable value; the height of it was half a cubitand the breadth of it the fourth part of a cubit and the thickness of itfive barleycorns lacking the space of three horsehairs. This bookecontained, within its divers picturings, symbols and similitudes wroughtwith incomparable craft, the same being such as in human vanity arecalled proof before letters, and imprinted upon India paper; also thebooke contained written upon its pages, divers names of them that hadpossessed it, all these having in their time been mighty and illustriouspersonages; but what seemed most delectable unto the friar was anautographic writing wherein 'twas shewn that the booke sometime had beengiven by Venus di Medici to Apollos at Rhodes.

  When therefore the Friar Gonsol saw the booke how that it was intituledand imprinted and adorned and bounden, he knew it to be of vast worthand he was mightily moved to possess it; therefore he required of theother (that was the devil) that he give unto him an option upon the samefor the space of seven days hence or until such a time as he couldinquire concerning the booke in Lowndes and other such like authorities.But the devil, smiling, quoth: "The booke shall be yours without priceprovided only you shall bind yourself to do me a service as I shallhereafter specify and direct."

  Now when the Friar Gonsol heard this compact, he knew for a verity thatthe devil was indeed the devil, and but that he sorely wanted the bookehe would have driven that impious fiend straightway from his presence.Howbeit, the devil, promising to visit him again that night, departed,leaving the friar exceeding heavy in spirit, for he was both assottedupon the booke to comprehend it and assotted upon the devil to doviolence unto him.

  It befell that in his doubtings he came unto the Friar Francis, anotherholy man that by continual fastings and devotions had made himself anensample of piety unto all men, and to this sanctified brother did theFriar Gonsol straightway unfold the story of his temptation and speakfully of the wondrous booke and of its divers many richnesses.

  When that he had heard this narration the Friar Francis made answer inthis wise: "Of great subtility surely is the devil that he hath set thissnare for thy feet. Have a care, my brother, that thou fallest not intothe pit which he hath digged for thee! Happy art thou to have come to mewith this thing, elsewise a great mischief might have befallen thee. Nowlisten to my words and do as I counsel thee. Have no more to do withthis devil; send him to me, or appoint with him another meeting and Iwill go in thy stead."

  "Nay, nay," cried the Friar Gonsol, "the saints forefend from thee theevil temptation provided for my especial proving! I should have beenreckoned a weak and coward vessel were I to send thee in my stead tobear the mortifications designed for the trying of my virtues."

  "But thou art a younger brother than I," reasoned the Friar Francissoftly; "and, firm though thy resolution may be now, thou art more likethan I to be wheedled and bedazzled by these diabolical wiles andartifices. So let me know where this devil abideth with the booke; Iburn to meet him and to wrest his treasure from his impious possession."

  But the Friar Gonsol shook his head and would not hear unto thisvicarious sacrifice whereon the good Friar Francis had set his heart.

  "Ah, I see that thou hast little faith in my strength to combat thefiend," quoth the Friar Francis reproachfully. "Thy trust in me shouldbe greater, for I have done thee full many a kindly office; or, now I dobethink me, thou art assorted on the booke! Unhappy brother, can it bethat thou dost covet this vain toy, this frivolous bauble, that thouwouldst seek the devil's companionship anon to compound with Beelzelub?I charge thee, Brother Gonsol, open thine eyes and see in what aslippery place thou standest."

  Now by these argumentations was the Friar Gonsol mightily confounded,and he knew not what to do.

  "Come, now, hesitate no longer," quoth the Friar Francis, "but tell mewhere that devil may be found--I burn to see and to comprehend thebooke--not that I care for the booke, but that I am grievously tormentedto do that devil a sore despight!"

  "Odds boddikins," quoth the other friar, "me-seemeth that the bookeinciteth thee more than the devil."

  "Thou speakest wrongly," cried the Friar Francis. "Thou mistakest piouszeal for sinful selfishness. Full wroth am I to hear how that this devilwalketh to and fro, using a sweet and precious booke for the temptationof holy men. Shall so righteous an instrument be employed by the princeof heretics to so unrighteous an end?"

  "Thou sayest wisely," quoth the Friar Gonsol, "and thy words convince methat a battaile must be made with this devil for that booke. So now Ishall go to encounter the fiend!"

  "Then by the saints I shall go with thee!" cried the Friar Francis, andhe gat
hered his gown about his loins right briskly.

  But when the Friar Gonsol saw this he made great haste to go alone, andhe ran out of the door full swiftly and fared him where the devil hadappointed an appointment with him. Now wit you well that the FriarFrancis did follow close upon his heels, for though his legs were not solong he was a mighty runner and he was right sound of wind. Thereforewas it a pleasant sight to see these holy men vying with one another todo battle with the devil, and much it repenteth me that there be someribald heretics that maintain full enviously that these two saintlyfriars did so run not for the devil that they might belabor him, but forthe booke that they might possess it.

  It fortuned that the devil was already come to the place where he hadappointed the appointment, and in his hand he had the booke aforesaid.Much marveled he when that he beheld the two friars faring thence.

  "I adjure thee, thou devil," said the Friar Gonsol from afar off, "Iadjure thee give me that booke else I will take thee by thy horns andhoofs and drub thy ribs together!"

  "Heed him not, thou devil," said the Friar Francis, "for it is I that amcoming to wrestle with thee and to overcome thee for that booke!"

  With such words and many more the two holy friars bore down upon thedevil; but the devil thinking verily that he was about to be beset bythe whole church militant stayed not for their coming, but presentlydeparted out of sight and bore the book with him.

  Now many people at that time saw the devil fleeing before the twofriars, so that, esteeming it to be a sign of special grace, thesepeople did ever thereafter acknowledge the friars to be saints, and untothis day you shall hear of St. Gonsol and St. Francis. Unto this day,too, doth the devil, with that same booke wherewith he tempted the friarof old, beset and ensnare men of every age and in all places. Againstwhich devil may Heaven fortify us to do battle speedily and withsuccessful issuance.