Cotton

by Sandra Pavlic

didn’t even notice I was gone.”

  “Strange. How come?”

  “I guess they were very busy. You know, a little while ago we produced cotton here. But then my uncle went away and my parents didn’t do that anymore. Now my uncle is back and we have a lot of work to produce cotton again.”

  “Yes I noticed the field hasn’t been cultivated for long time. So you live in your uncle’s estate?”

  “No, on my dad’s. But my uncle has a big influence here.”

  “How come?”

  “I don’t really know. He gained respect somehow.”

  We talked for about an hour and she soothed my bruises. I thought about why Jake has that much influence on people. Probably because he is strong, tall, knows what he’s doing and knows the punishment for wrong actions. I went to lunch and then to the neighbor’s. I was there until dusk. Parents weren’t home at all and the children were very hungry. They lay in bed and waited to be fed. Fortunately I was there to help.

  It was a Sunday, which means that we all get up early and go to mass. In this church only a few black people went. I guess they were all slaves, just like me. I sat next to Mr. Jake. Everyone thought I belong there since he is my boss and he decides of my future. After Mass there was a lot of people in the restaurant, and women have returned home. This time Jake went there, which meant that I was free as long as no one gave me work. Yet I must ask for permission from lady Jane.

  “Of course my child, you must rest a bit. Such moments you must cherish, you know. Rarely Jake isn’t around. “ lady Jane said.

  “Thank you ma'am. Thank you. May it be possible .... “ I was so embarrassed to ask.

  “What Kate?” Jane asked kindly.

  “Would it be okay if I play with Mary?” Well, I just said.

  “Of course, Kate, why not. You deserve it. “ She said and called Mary. She was obviously delighted. Her closest classmate is 10 miles away. I went into my room. Indeed I did not dare go to her room. Mary took the two dolls and with them we played. Time has passed quickly, and Jake came home. Drunk of course. With Mary we hear him when he went into the kitchen. We went there as well. From the half-closed door we listen to what Paul and Jake were talking about.

  “So Paul, where you said Kate is.”

  “Come on Jake leave her for one day in peace. Can’t you see that girl as old as Mary. You just torture her, that’s all. Beside you’re drunk and I’m afraid you would do something bad to her again.” said Paul.

  “What I had already done to her?” Jake asked.

  “You know how many times have you beat her.”

  “Hey, this girl deserves it. Look at her. She’s black. Don’t you see? Black women deserve to be tortured, you know, “Jake shouted at Paul.

  “Please don’t do that. She’s also a human. “

  “Human, right. She’s inferior. You know. Moreover, blacks are a good workforce. “

  “Well, she is still a child,” begged Paul.

  Jake hit him.

  “You didn’t know I dare to hit you? Do not worry, I dare everything. And believe me, you are not the last, that I hit today. “ said Jake.

  Mary and I exchanged glances, then start running to my room. Jake went to us shortly after we were in it.

  “What are you doing here Mary? Go away! “said Jake.

  “No uncle. I’m not going! “she cried to him.

  “Yes you are. Now! In your room! Do not be friends with her, she is a bad company. “Jake yelled.

  “No she’s not. She is a really good friend to me,” she was on my side.

  “She’s black! Enough! Go now. “Jake insisted.

  Mary sat down on the floor in front of the door and said, “I'll be here. As long as you're not going out, I will be right here. “

  “Okay, but do not say I did not warn you.” This time I felt he stopped yelled at Mary and now will get me.

  “So Kate. You rude negress. You think she'll be converted, ha you were wrong. “Before I can say whatever he was already in front of me. He said something else, but I didn’t listen to him, because I felt awful.

  “Can you hear me,” Jake yelled at last.

  “I hear, I hear ....” I fought back. But unfortunately in vain. Again, I was beaten up so much that my blood began to flow. I tried to keep the tears, but I couldn’t. I was hurt too. My heart hurt and my whole face was painful. Finally, Jake pulled the waist of trousers and beat me with it.

  “Never hang out with white people!” he told me last and went out of the room. I burst into tears. This time more than ever before. This time, I didn’t even worry how Mary must have felt when she saw it all.

  She quietly left the room. After a while Stash appeared in the room. She had the first aid kit with her. She had also the pot of cold water and some ice.

  “Poor girl ...” she said.

  “I know you warned me Stash. But really, I did not do anything wrong. I really didn’t. “

  “I know child, I know.” she comforted me.

  “If you only know how everything hurts. I am really so inferior because I'm black? “I asked.

  “No one is inferior due to the color of their skin. Do remember that. No one! “

  “How do you know Stash?”

  “You know, my parents died when I was little. Then I was inferior because of this, because I did not have parents. But not in this family, somewhere else. “

  “Have you been beaten up Stash?”

  “No, Kate. Never. “Stash said. For some time we were silent. She did what Jane ordered her to do. Later Jane also appeared in my room.

  “Mrs. Jane, do not look at me. Please look away. “ I was embarrassed.

  “Kate, but do not be like this. I'm here to help you. “

  “But how. You must be the same as him. Of course you are. You have the same blood. “

  “Kate, please. Who set you up against the whole family? “

  “You know who. I’m not allowed to speak to no one. Never. From now on I'll keep quiet. I don’t trust people anymore, “I said and turned away. Jane sat down on the bed and turned my head toward her.

  “Kate. Do not talk like that about people. We are not all bad as Jake is. In addition, Paul should have him stay away from you. "

  “I know he tried. We heard what they were talking. “

  “And what was it?”

  “Nothing, Jake hit him, then Paul shut up and let that man come here to beat me. Icing on the cake was Mary was with me. “

  “Yes I know. Don’t worry, I will make sure that this will not happen again. “Said Jane.

  Otherwise, she gave me some hope, but still not enough. Every day was the same song. More and more he was drinking, forgetting his duties on the farm and every day he found me, and then beat me, so I had bruises all over my body. Slowly I really have to get used to this life. This was my destiny and nobody can change it. Otherwise, Jane said that she would change things, but don’t have enough courage. Her brother has too much influence over it.

  The day to pick cotton approached. This was the end of summer. Just last night I was beaten by Jake again so that I won’t make problems the next day. This time he beat me up so much I couldn’t get out of my bed. This morning I was waken up for breakfast. I was all puffy from the previous days, I had a lot of bruises, not just the face but all over the body. I still get all hurt and I could hardly get out of bed but I came to breakfast. Of course it was my time to even serve breakfast. Then I find it difficult to sit down at a table to eat it.

  “Nothing today for you Kate. Today you stay without breakfast, did you hear? “Jake told me. I understood him and went to my room. Many times he done that, so I'm well accustomed to this already. After some time Mary came into my room with a piece of bread.

  “Here you go, Kate. Eat a little. “

  “No thanks. When Jake says that I better work hungry, then I will. “

  “Kate, don’t be so hard on yourself. Take a piece of bread. You will be able to work better. “

&nb
sp; “Thank you Mary. I just hope that something will not go wrong again. “I was sad.

  “Don’t worry, it will not. We'll take care of it, right? “

  I nodded. She’s right and it is very important day today, I have to eat. Today we harvest cotton. The whole family will be harvesting, not only me, the neighbors will come to help. In the end they throw a party only Stash and me will not attend. This is not an appropriate place for maids, maids will have to go to sleep for another day of working. Who brought me here, to this end of the world? Neighbors came and we went to the field. Each had one end of the field, and of course they gave me the biggest one. But still. I tried several times to harvest. But I couldn’t. I was still hurting from all the previous days. Neighbor came to me.

  “What's wrong with you girl? You can’t pick up anymore?“

  “No, but I will manage somehow.”

  “I see you’re in a lot of bruises. What are they doing to you?”