The HUSH Series: (HUSH, HUSHED and JANE.)

by Sandra Raine

  "Who in the fuck do you think you're talkin' to, huh? Jane? Chloe?" By this point Justin's eyes were exceptionally wide and crazed - it was a side I had not glimpsed as a bystander but always as the victim, and it was chilling. "Just because you're out of the game doesn't mean shit, Tanya! You're still a whore! And once a whore, always a whore! You remember that!" Justin abruptly shoved Tanya from him. She then let out a whimper while her body slumped over my bruised legs.

  "Fuck off, Justin," Dominic retorted belatedly. Justin stopped badgering Tanya and let out an upsetting breath of air. Once Justin calmed down, he then glanced my way. And I know he didn't mean to but sub-consciously he did, and I couldn't help but to freeze in terror especially when his eyes seized mine. Then, for the life of me, I couldn't understand why I started to scream nor why I continued to scream and scream?

  Dominic rushed over to me and grabbed my arms sternly and began to shake me profusely. I guess his action was to shush my screams 'cause I wouldn't stop screaming. Then, Tanya, too, rushed to my side. And just like Dominic, she, too, tried to shush me. But it was useless. 'Cause little did they realize that I had fallen back into those dreadful pre-dawn hours of nameless guys terrorizing every inch of my body for their pure amusement nor of Justin and Josh putting me in an uncontrolled environment.

  I picked up both my arms. And instead of surrendering to the perils of Dominic's safety and Tanya's over anxiousness, I instead fought against them 'cause I couldn't get them off of me. I couldn't get those animals off me no matter how much I screamed and fought, and fought and screamed. . .I still couldn't get them animals off me. And just like that, after every inch of my strength had been spent trying to protect myself against those filthy fucking animals everything around me suddenly went black.

  I was in Tanya's bed when I finally came to.

  I smelled like a bouquet of flowers instead of semen, beer and blood. And when I found the strength to sit up I noticed I was no longer naked but dressed in a white tank top and gray bottom sweat pants. And even though I was in a different room, a comforting room, the pain within me continued to remain.

  "You need to be resting, Jane." Tanya retorted dryly, upsettingly as if my attempting to fend for myself was of inconvenience. I glanced up at Tanya just as she was settling a glass of orange juice on the nightstand. My initial intent was to scowl at her but I held back after I glimpsed the fist-size bruise embedded on her left cheek when she turned to look at me. Tanya and I gazed at one another, the two of us obviously lost within one another's grievances, yet I wasn't sure which one of us two was in actual grievance. . .me, with my abortion, or she with Justin beating on her in front of me? One thing was for sure though, we had both been equally humiliated.

  "Why didn't Dominic do anything? I mean, why did he allow Justin to beat on you like that?" And just my asking her made me feel bad like opening a wound that never heals 'cause I refused to let it heal.

  Tanya shrugged her shoulders. "He's an asshole. And Dom's an asshole, too. And the other part is none of your - "

  "Who's Chloe?" I interrupted.

  ". . .Business," Tanya then concluded prior to adding, "and that's also none of your business. Anything else?" Sensing the crass in her tone, I decided to leave the subject alone.

  "What time is it?"

  "Five-thirty."

  "Day?"

  "You were only out a few hours, Jane."

  "Did you talk to my parents?"

  "Yes."

  "What'd you tell them?"

  "I said you stayed with me and Dom after school to help with our annual book fair."

  "Book fair?"

  "Yeah, book fair. Our school has one every year at this time."

  "So my ass was spared, yet again."

  Tanya slapped a hand over her curvy hip and shot me an annoying stare. "What did you want us to say?"

  "The truth." I held no punches.

  "Damn, girl! Your mouth is going to get the better of you one of these days!"

  "You think I give a shit after what I've just been through?"

  "Tanya. Jane." Dominic suddenly cautioned. He was unexpectedly standing at the doorway. And he didn't sound any better than Tanya and I both looked, either. "Tanya, Helena needs you downstairs."

  My jaw suddenly dropped. I looked up at Tanya in a state of mortification. "Your parents are home?"

  "Oh, grow up!" Tanya scowled. She then stormed past Dominic, slamming her bedroom door behind her. I ignored Dominic and gave him a cold shoulder instead. I reached for the glass of orange juice still sitting on the nightstand. I took a sip and my face soured.

  "Next time I'll just let you bleed to death!" Dominic casually, yet ruthlessly scolded me.

  I whipped around on the bed and shot him a hard, icy stare. "What fucking stopped you this time? Hmm?" I challenged. And while I would have easily feared - if this were any other time - my staring Dominic down the way I was staring him down now 'cause of the consequences, I found I was much too blinded by my inner rage to feel that fear.

  "What?" I sassed. "Afraid of losing your thousand dollar whore?"

  Within a blink of an eye Dominic had me pinned by my throat. I flinched from his unexpected reaction but that was about it. I mean, not even the calm of my eyes faltered from the rage of his. In that instant I knew I was staring at death straight in its face but I didn't care, I was actually welcoming it particularly as I bated Dominic to squeeze my throat harder by leaning further into his grasp and not away.

  But somewhere within that challenge I had come to the devastating conclusion that while my spirit longed for death my soul did not: I loved my family. And their lives tended to flash before my eyes rather than mine.

  Right then and there I stopped bating Dominic and yanked my neck out of his grasp.

  "I hate you," I muttered truthfully.

  "Good!" Dominic seethed as his jaw clenched. "Maybe you can focus some of that hate toward work and make me my fucking money!"

  Chapter 30

  Mid May -

  It took me almost two weeks to recover from the infection I sustained after the abortion which explained the incessant bleeding. And the fact that Justin put my body out to "work" less than forty-eight hours didn't help in a full recovery. I found out, days later, that the same Doctor who performed the abortion and supplied my birth control was not only a family friend of the Ray's, she was also Dominic's occasional "fuck buddy". Her use of the term "favor" when I first met her explained it all.

  I had been under the assumption that the Doctor had [previously] been looking for a "boy toy" outside her marriage and found that Dominic was willing. But that clearly wasn't the case according to Tanya who disclosed, much to my surprise, that it was Dominic who had been looking for a Doctor to aid in his unorthodox profession. So when he came across the Doctor he prostituted himself in exchange for her medical discretion. I guess it was fair to say that she and Dominic deserved one another, and I had no problem whatsoever wishing them both eternal bliss in Hell if only God would get off his fucking ass and do something to get them there fast!

  It was another Friday night, back at Applebee's with the family, including Doug who came home for my birthday, and I really didn't care to be there in their company as I was longing to be alone.

  For the last couple of months however, that's all I've ever wanted to be was left alone: Alone at home. Alone at school. Alone at lunch. Just alone. But it was next to impossible particularly with school, after school and "work" - Dominic, Justin and Josh were always there by my side, stealing my breath, chocking my space and watching my every move. Occasionally Tanya would tag along but it was more of a front like a group thing with partying, or just hanging out rather than anything else.

  After the motel fiasco Dominic began to frequent me to rave clubs, resorts, and high-end parties. But mainly mostly he'd been sticking strictly to the club scene 'cause according to him it was big money. We don't dance, we just kind of sit around at tables, sipping on drinks with Josh supplying me with an
endless supply of coke to relax my tension around the various "John's" who visited our table. After the "dates" were set and paid, I would then be escorted to a back room within the club. The majority of the rooms either resembled oversized storage rooms, or utility rooms transformed into fuck nests. And Justin was always in tow as protection.

  Some of the other clubs we frequented didn't have back rooms so I we were forced to either take "work" outside, in cars, trucks, vans, and the occasional RV. Sometimes business was conducted in the backs of buildings when there was no other place to fuck.

  Most of the guys reeked of alcohol, weed and pricey colognes. And even I had to admit that the money was fast and easy 'cause the "tricks" were fast, and at times easy, simply because the majority of the guys were either drunk, or high, or both, and they'd pass out long before they'd finish.

  Once I had a guy throw-up on me. And as sure as I was about Justin sympathizing with my misfortune he instead took the misfortune as an insult. And to make himself feel better, he slapped me hard and then insulted me with: 'Don't you know how to fuck yet? Next time they're shitfaced, you don't let them crawl on top of you, you crawl on top of them. That way when they fucking puke they ain't gettin' that shit all over you. Dumb cunt!'

  I had to admit I preferred the club scene rather than the motel scene. Not because the "Johns" were idiots, or as Justin put it, "shitfaced" most of the time, it was 'cause I got to go home early and I wasn't as sore.

  I knew Justin and Josh had complained to Dominic a time or two when I wasn't supposed to be listening in on their many disagreements on how the fast money wasn't enough particularly when they had to split it three ways. Dominic would ignore them but not without failing to remind them: 'As long as it keeps them happy, you two don't have any room for complaints.'

  I still didn't know who "them" were. Sometimes when I was left alone with Tanya I'd ask her about it but she, too, would ignore me. Then I'd tell her to go fuck herself just to make myself feel better.

  So tonight was Friday. Family and fun. But I just wanted to get home. Not 'cause I wanted to be alone it was because I needed to be home when Dominic called.

  Doug, after twenty minutes of conversing with the parentals about school and shit finally looked in my direction.

  "You alright?" He asked a bit on the concerned side. I figured he had sensed my distance. I just nodded and sipped on my soda. "So how's school going?" he then continued to ask as if I really gave a shit! Pft! So instead of answering his stupid questions I instead sat back in my seat and folded my arms idly against my chest, and let him have it.

  "You know I've called you a few times and left you voice messages." I scoffed.

  Doug, too, leaned back in his seat and folded his arms against his chest. His biceps flexed. He looked like he'd been working out. But that tiny faint hickey on his neck didn't help his next words none. "Been busy, sis."

  "With what? Gettin' laid?!" I chastised with a devious smile.

  "JANE!" Our invisibly superficial mother just about spewed her drink all over our table. She looked at my father mortified and my father looked at her amused. "You think that's funny?" she then quested tight lipped, even a bit offended herself.

  "She's a big girl, hon. If she wants to express her opinion. . .let her. I'm sure Douglas can handle himself." My father then winked at Doug as if coercing him to challenge my petty little pot shots.

  So if that was the case. . ."Well, bro, school sucks. And I'm failing all my fucking classes! I mean, if you really want to know. Happy now?" I then sassed with a big, big smile.

  "That's enough, Jane!" my mother suddenly cautioned. She was still tight lipped, at the same time, sounding like she was close to her wits end.

  "What?" Now Doug looked mortified. And it wasn't over my swearing "What do you mean 'you're failing' all your classes? You're an Honor Roll student for crying out loud!"

  "That was grade school, Doug. This is high school. Shit's a lot harder."

  "Goddamn it, Jane!" My mother finally lost it. She bolted from her seat literally yanking me out of mine. And like some child in the midst of a paroxysm, she dragged me to the woman's restroom. "What is with you? And what's with the language, the disrespect?" my mother than quickly interrogated me once the restroom emptied itself of other women.

  "What do you care!"

  "What?"

  "I mean. . .you're too fucking busy decorating and re-decorating to even notice what's going on in your own damn house!"

  My mother tossed a hand mid-air and stared at me first speechless, then after, bemused. "Where are you going with this, Jane?"

  I opened my mouth. And for the first time I actually found myself just seconds away from telling my mother everything that had been happening to me; everything from Tanya betraying my friendship to Dominic stealing my virginity then forcing me into prostitution through blackmail: everything from sneaking out of the house almost every night to "work" to my attempt on running away from home; everything from Dominic getting me pregnant to the forced abortion, the beatings, the drugs. . .I mean, everything. But then Dominic and the cousins flashed before my eyes with Dominic's threatening words of killing my family and putting Bree's virginity up for auction stunning my mind and paralyzing my tongue. I immediately forced my mouth shut and stepped around my mother instead to avoid my near breakdown.

  "Everything's going to be fine," I uttered indirectly as I washed my hands for no apparent reason. From the mirror I caught a glimpse of my mother staring at me mystified like I had stimulated her curiosity but then suddenly uninspired it which I realized I had done unconsciously.

  "I'm confused, Jane," my mother at last admitted. And I'm sure she meant to say more but the restroom door unexpectedly opened, and to both my mother and my surprise, Doug casually walked in. "Uh. . .um what. . .what - " our mother then began to stammer toward Doug's intruding demeanor; Doug who just casually smirked while I turned back to the sink and continued to wash my hands.

  "It's alright, CeCe," Doug then casually joked forcing our mother to dim a sharp eye in regards to the informality - she detested whenever he addressed her as so, particularly in an intense situation that called for a man's prerogative 'cause it made her feel inferior. But even she had to admit that Doug was "the man of the house" when our father wasn't around. So in that sense she couldn't argue with his informality.

  "Jane won't say anything to me." She complained perturbed.

  "Don't worry, I'll talk to her." Doug said ushering our mother toward the door. "We'll be back in a few," he then asserted. Like a gentleman, he opened the door and gave our mother a gentle shove, sending her on her way. Doug closed the restroom door and locked it and I flinched. And I presumed my action to be nothing more than a natural reflex from having doors closed and locked behind me.

  I ignored my unsettling nerves and turned off the faucet and dried my hands, all the while staring at Doug through the mirror. He was still standing at the door in a bar bouncer's stance looking uncomfortably serious.

  "What?" I demanded.

  "Nothing." he said.

  I tossed the paper towel into the trash can. "Why are you looking at me that way then?"

  "What way?"

  "Like you're getting ready to do. . .something?"

  "I really should beat your ass for talking to me like that in front of mom, dad. . .Bree."

  "Then why don't you then, I mean, if it'll make you feel better and we can go on with our stupid evening!"

  "It wouldn't be fair to mom and dad and Bree if you went back to the table bloodied and bruised. Wouldn't you agree?"

  "This is pointless!" I grumbled frustrated. I stormed toward the door and reached for the lock but Doug unexpectedly grabbed my wrist forcing me to look at him questionably. "Doug?" I then pleaded startled as I had a sudden flashback of Dominic, Justin and Josh grabbing me exactly like that. I mean, I actually lost my breath over that eerie thought.

  "Either you start changing your tune tonight and for the next couple of nights, or el
se I'm going to be extremely disappointed."

  "'Disappointed?'"

  "I didn't fly this fucking far to get treated like shit, Jane. . .especially from you."

  "Well I'm sorry for having to disappoint you, Doug, but you've caught me at a bad time - "

  "We all have bad times, Jane," Doug stated matter-of-factly. "But we also don't shit on the ones we care about either."

  I didn't know what to say to that comment even after Doug unlocked the restroom door and led me back to our table. . .I mean, I was speechless. And for the next hour I remained speechless as my parents and Doug laughed and joked and chatted it up leaving me and Bree sitting there like a couple of zombies, barely mumbling, barely moving.

  I reached out for Bree's hand beneath the table and held it tight while she did the same with mine. And between the mindless chatter continuously unfolding around the table, I gazed into Bree's eyes and caught a reflection of my soul embedded within hers. And looking at Bree was like looking at myself. And what I saw I pitied. I knew right then and there I had to break away. . .and soon.

  Chapter 31

  Late May -

  My fifteenth birthday came and went and nobody seemed to notice not even Dominic who called me to "work" the same night, and the men that followed came and went as well.

  Before "work" my birthday was celebrated with dinner first, then cake and ice cream, and lastly, a few gifts, all lasting less than three hours which was kind of sad when you considered sperm lived up to seventy-two hours where it then took a woman nine months to carry, countless hours to give birth, eighteen years to nurture, and the rest of the child's life to help get their shit straight.

  I was restless throughout the duration of my party because one, I could not bring myself to enjoy my own birthday; and secondly, I just didn't feel like celebrating it. Then when it was finally over, not only did I have to endure what awaited me after nine, I had to endure it with Doug who started to become a thorn on my side which left me with this incredible yearning for him to go back home; to go back to that fancy fucking college of his and leave me the fuck alone!