Love Me Always

by Peyton Banks

“I’m sorry, Te. You know how I get about my ice cream when I am upset. You can have some. I didn’t mean to be selfish like that asshole Leon.”

  “Speaking of him, what the hell happened? I thought you were on the verge of getting that ‘Happily Ever After’ you always dreamed about. How did last night turn into him breaking things off?”

  Shante reached over with her spoon and pulled a huge portion of the creamy goodness to her mouth and closed her eyes, savoring the sweet flavor. Not more than a second passed before her eyes shot open and she grabbed her temples in pain.

  “BRAIN FREEZE!”

  I chuckled at her silliness. It never failed. Every time we ate ice cream, Te always got a brain freeze and acted like it was the end of the world.

  “You shouldn’t be so dang greedy.”

  “But it’s so good. Never mind that, tell me what happened so I can decide what weapon I am going to use when I castrate him.”

  “He said he wanted to explore his options. That bastard acted like my love wasn’t good enough. He said he loved me, but he wanted more. Can you believe that shit?”

  “He said what now? He must have bumped his head talking to you like that.”

  “Right? And get this, the asshole is moving to New York next week!”

  “Wait! What? That means he has been planning this for quite some time because you don’t just up and move to New York. What about his job?”

  “Apparently, he has been planning this for months because he already has a new job waiting for him when he gets there. I can’t believe how stupid I was. I actually thought we were getting married. I feel like such a fool.”

  Te shot off the couch in mid-spoon and pointed her utensil at me. I watched as the ice cream from her spoon plopped onto the rug. I was definitely not cleaning that up.

  “Listen to me because I am only going to say this once. You are a beautiful goddess, and he is a fool not to marry you. This is not your fault. You would be a kick ass wife! He is the idiot for not realizing it. I am going to allow you one week to sulk over this relationship, but after that you will get yourself together, hold your head high and move on with your life. He proved he wasn’t worthy of you, so I won’t allow you to pine for him. Got it!”

  I smiled at my cousin and nodded my head. I loved her so much. She always knew how to make me feel better. She hugged me but quickly pushed me away.

  “Ewww, I can still smell the stench of sex on you. Go wash your ass while I spray this couch down.”

  I laughed as I stood up, handing her the ice cream. I was done eating anyway. Shante frowned at me and fanned her hand in front of her face like she smelled something awful. I mean, I wasn’t fresh, but I was by no means homeless level stench. Rolling my eyes, I disappeared into my bathroom, leaving her to clean up our mess. This was a switch. I was usually the one cleaning up her messes, but when I really needed her, Te always came through.

  4

  Astrid

  A week had passed since my world came crashing down around me, and true to her word, Shante had allowed me to wallow in my misery. However, I knew my time was up when she came barreling into my room with a wicked grin on her face. I knew that look. It usually meant mayhem was about to ensue. She had another thought coming to her if she thought I would be partaking. The expiration date on my grieving may have come, but that didn’t mean my heart was ready for the world.

  “Whatever you have brewing between those elfin ears of yours, forget it.”

  Acting shocked by my comment about her ears, she feigned like she was hurt. I looked at the silly expression on her face and burst into laughter.

  “Are you hurt?”

  “Yes, I’m hurt.”

  It was a game we played with each other as a joke. Ever since we watched that movie ‘Old School’ and heard that epic line, we always used it whenever we wanted a laugh.

  “Listen, Ash, I know you aren’t ready to move on from Leon, but I thought you could at least get out of the house with me. I have this work mixer thing, and there are going to be a lot of industry people there for you to connect with. You can finally meet someone other than Leon, and finally start working on making your dreams come true.”

  “I don’t know, Te. I am not ready to be around all those people.”

  “That’s exactly why you need to come with me. You need a distraction, and if you stay home alone, you will do nothing but think about your ex and sulk all night. This is a chance to take one step towards living your dream. When I say there will be some good connects in this place tonight, I am not joking. This mixer could possibly change your life. And if not, at least you can take advantage of the open bar and buffet.”

  “Bitch, what? Why didn’t you lead with that? You wouldn’t have gotten any argument out of me. I am tired of eating frozen meals. Let’s go.”

  After jumping in the shower, I brushed my shoulder length tresses into a side sweep over my left shoulder. It still had a few curls from earlier in the day, so it made a sleek sexy look. And, yes, before you ask, it’s all mine. I moisturized with my sensual body butter that had undertones of amber and vanilla. It always left my body feeling soft and smelling like a dream. I tossed on a floor length maxi dress that fell off one shoulder and slipped on some flat sandals. The gold chain and a few matching gold bangles my mom gave me for Christmas topped off the outfit. I was comfortable, chic and ready for anything. After tossing all my necessities in my oversized clutch, I walked into the living room to find Shante dressed like she was going to the club.

  “You look casually fine! Are you ready to walk into your future?”

  “I sure am, but why are you in a body con dress and 4-inch heels? Your feet are going to be crying by the end of the night.”

  “Girl, you know King Bey told you Pretty Hurts!”

  “Well, that’s a price I am not willing to pay.”

  “Besides, you don’t need to wear heels. You are tall and statuesque. I, on the other hand, am 5’3” with all my mama’s curves. I need the lift to make me look slimmer.”

  “There is nothing wrong with your body. You know the men all pause when you walk into the room.”

  “Corny! Let’s go.”

  We walked into a sea a beautiful black faces smiling, chatting and laughing. There were people from all walks of life shining in the glory of their melanin. People were dressed in anything from t-shirts and jeans to suits and ties. I was afraid I would be underdressed, but my outfit was perfect for this gathering. I decided to follow Shante’s lead since these were her co-workers from the playhouse she was currently working at. I loved that she wasn’t afraid to go for what she wanted in life. She had been obsessed with make-up since we were two. She cut her teeth while applying foundation to her dolls. Over the years she developed her skills into a marketable commodity. She was one of the most sought-after make-up artists in the region.

  “Astrid, let me introduce you to Tomi Chambers. She is an up and coming film producer who you should probably get to know. Tomi, this is my cousin Astrid. You know, the one I told you about who is a talented director in her mind. One day she will be producing and directing award-winning movies and television shows. Just wait and see.”

  The woman couldn’t have been more than five feet tall, as Shante towered over her. I shook her hand, noticing the strong grip she used. Tomi was confident and intelligent from the conversation I had overheard. I was looking forward to picking her brain about the industry, especially how it pertained to black women in her position.

  “So, Astrid, it is very nice to finally meet you. Shante talks about you all the time. She is your biggest cheerleader.”

  “Yes, she is. My cousin has always been my biggest supporter and I hers. I must apologize, but I am not familiar with your work.”

  “Oh girl, nobody is. Not yet anyway. Give me five years and I am going to be a household name.”

  “I guess now is the time to hitch my wagon to yours, then.”

  We both laughed as Shante wondered off to go chat with some
of her friends. Tomi and I talked for over an hour about just about everything. She was a very fascinating lady, and I was looking forward to working with her.

  “So listen, Astrid, that show idea you have about the call center with sex workers, what do you call it?”

  “Well, right now it is only in the concept stage. I am still figuring out the details and the characters. I so know I want the show to mostly revolve around the work environment. Of course the main character may have some scenes at home, but not many. I want the focus to be on the relationships that are built between co-workers.”

  “So will this be a drama?”

  “No. This is going to be a comedy. It is more of a parody of a call center. If you have ever worked in one, you know how comical things can be. I want to play on the most ridiculous of situations that could happen to the employees.”

  “This sounds like a project I want to be involved with. So you have a script for the pilot episode?”

  “Not yet, but I can certainly work on it. Like I said, it is only in the beginning stages. I could have a rough draft to you in a few weeks for the pilot. I am thinking a 30-minute show so three weeks gives me time to get that done while working my regular job.”

  “Great. Here is my card. Make sure you call me when you’re finished. If you need help or just have questions, feel free to contact me.”

  Wow! I made my first connect in the industry and she was interested in my concept. It was time for me to get serious about a career in the film industry. I had put my dream on the back burner for far too long. Shante was right. This was exactly what I needed to jumpstart the spark inside me. I was finally excited about working on this project. I couldn’t wait to get home and write some ideas down in my notebook.

  Him…

  It had been a week since I moved to New York and nothing had gone as planned. My new job turned out to be totally different than what I was promised. Instead of the corner office, I was working in an open cubicle that sat across from my overbearing boss. My wonderfully overpriced apartment was nothing more than a shoebox where I had to squeeze my 6’2” frame into every day. It was the most uncomfortable place I had ever lived. I naively thought I would have plenty of time to pursue my acting career while working a nine to five, but my boss had other plans. What little free time I had was spent curled up in the fold-away bed in my place trying to fall asleep as the man below me practiced his bagpipes. I was usually a mild-mannered man, but something about the sound of those pipes evoked a rage I had never felt before.

  Not to mention, I missed Astrid so much. She had been my best friend as well as the love of my life. I thought somehow dating other women was going to be fun, but I soon found it was more trouble than it was worth. New York women were a different breed. They were intimidating to say the least. I prided myself in my ability to talk with anyone, but the ladies here would take some getting used to. It didn’t help that none of them were the bubbly, fun-loving goddess I left behind in North Carolina.

  “Mr. Coltrane, are you planning on staring into space for the rest of your shift, or are you going to have my reports to me in the next fifteen minutes?”

  Shit, my boss caught me daydreaming once again. I found myself drifting off into the memories of the softness of Astrid’s body when she snuggled up to me in the middle of the night. I wanted to feel her sweet kisses trail down my neck while she wrapped her long legs around me, pulling me into her. I needed to shake her out of my head, at least until I got home for the evening.

  “No problem, Miss Winters. I should have that report in just a minute.”

  It was almost quitting time. I hadn’t made any friends here yet, so I spent my nights thinking of what I left behind and debating if I should try to contact her. I always came to the conclusion that she would rather drink a glass of bleach than to speak with me after I broke her heart. It was my biggest regret, but there was nothing I could do about it now.

  5

  Astrid

  Winter 2019…

  “Shante, come here!”

  I sat staring at my laptop in disbelief. Could this really be happening? I had wanted to do something like this since I first fell in love with movies. Now the opportunity of a lifetime had fallen into my lap out of thin air.

  “What’s up, Ash?”

  “Look at this.” I turned my computer so she could see the email inviting me to attend a writer’s workshop at NYU!

  “Girl, what? This is amazing. You’re going, right? I mean, you have to go.”

  “Te, I can’t just pick up and go to New York for the winter. I have bills and obligations. Plus, I know it is cold as a witch’s titty and just as expensive. I need to use all of my funds for the upcoming season of Honey Bee.”

  Honey Bee was my web series that was currently streaming on YouTube™. It turned out that Tomi Chambers was the real deal. When I finished writing the screenplay for my call center show, she helped me get it produced through her company. It had been running for three seasons and was a huge hit online. I was getting my Isaa Rae on.

  “Stop making excuses not to go. You know good and damn well Honey Bee is on hiatus for the winter. Shooting doesn’t start until the spring.”

  “Yes, but I have to finish writing the next season before we resume.”

  “Listen, Ash, I know you’re scared, but you need to do this. Once upon a time it was your dream to go to NYU and study film. You may not be getting a degree, but why would you miss out on this opportunity?”

  “Te, the workshop is a study of Classic Black Romance in Cinema. I don’t believe in romance anymore. You know this.”

  She stood there looking at me like I had lost my mind. She shook her head in what looked like disappointment before continuing to make her case. I swear, if Shante ever tired of doing make-up she should go to law school. The woman could argue anyone under the table.

  “Ash, I know what happened between you and Leon hurt you tremendously. I get it, but something happened to you when you guys broke up. It’s like your glow was dimmed. It has been dim and lackluster ever since. You stopped believing in love and with that you lost a huge part of who you are at the core. I want my cousin back in all your melanin glory. Bitch, it’s time to glow up, and this is exactly what you need to get back to being you.”

  I knew she thought she was right, but I disagreed. I had always been that girl who loved love. Romance was my middle name. But ever since my heart was ripped from my chest, I hadn’t been able to get back to feeling like me. The old Astrid was officially dead. She had been cremated and her ashes scattered in the ocean. She wasn’t coming back, no matter how many classes I took. However, I still wanted to take that workshop. Tomi was teaching it, and upon closer inspection, the cost of my tuition was being waived. I would be a fool to turn it down.

  “Where the hell are we going to live when we get to New York?”

  “We?”

  “Yeah! You didn’t think I was going to New York without my favorite cousin, did you?”

  “OMG! Ash, we are going to have such a good time we might never come back. Don’t even worry about a place to stay. My godmother lives in Brooklyn. I am sure if I call her, she will let us crash with her.”

  “Does she live in one of those huge brownstones or something?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “From what I’ve heard about NYC, the apartments are tiny as hell unless you are banking.”

  She rolled her eyes at me as if I was stupid.

  “Girl, my godmother is ballin’. Trust me, we will not be sleeping in a closet. Her house is huge. She even has a basement. We may have to share a room, but we will not be homeless or hurting for space.”

  “To get the chance to attend this workshop, I’ll brave sharing a room with the gassiest girl on the planet. I’ll just have to stock up on air freshener like I did in college.”

  “Lies you tell. That was your shoes you were smelling not my butt. I have you to know my flatulence issue has been resolved. Thank you very much.” />
  “Yeah, right. Your name wasn’t Shante and the Funky Bunch for nothing.”

  Him…

  “Man, I am having the best day ever! First, I think I got through to that crazy chick LaShea. She finally stopped calling me. All it took was a restraining order and blocking her on all social media platforms. Next, I just got notice from my boss that my leave of absence has been approved!”

  “I know you’re happy to get rid of that pest LaShea. Man, I am so sorry for introducing you to her. I really thought she was cool. I guess you never know a person. Wait, did you say you were taking a leave from work? What’s up? You good?”

  “Yeah, Stew. I am better than good. I am fan-fucking-tastic. I told you I was on the wait list for that writing workshop at NYU, right? Well I just got the notice today that I was accepted. I will be spending twelve weeks in the company of world-renowned movie producer, Tomi Chambers. I am finally going to NYU. It may not be film school, but this workshop is the best in the country.”

  “Man, that is great! I know Astrid would be proud of you for following through with your dreams. Well, if she knew.”

  “It’s funny you said that. She was the first person I wanted to call when I found out. I picked up the phone but then stopped myself, too afraid of what she would say, if anything at all.”

  “You don’t think she’s still mad after five years, do you?”

  “I don’t know, but I am not willing to find out. Real talk? I miss her so much.”

  “I still don’t know why you broke up with her. It’s not like you’ve been happy since you left her. Hell, your dating life was nothing like you imagined it would be. Just think man, you could have been married with a few kids hanging off you, if you had stayed and done right by her.”

  “Yeah, but at what cost? I would have always wondered what if. No, I did the right thing. Even if it feels like the biggest mistake of my life. I had to know what life was like without her. I had to grow up, man. Otherwise, I would have ended up cheating on her and hurting her worse than I did. I’ll tell you what, though. If I ever get another chance at loving Astrid Satterfield, I am jumping at it. That woman was meant to be my wife.”