Knight's Absolution (Knights of Hell Book 5)

by Sherilee Gray

  She was shattering in front of him. “I’m going to touch you now, love, okay? I’m going to pick you up and take you to your room.”

  “Then you came to the house and I…I couldn’t let the demon kill you. He came up behind you and I had to stop him, but Sir saw me. He saw me, and he locked me away. But I swear I was going to do it, just as soon as I got out…”

  “You stopped that demon?” He’d heard the shriek of pain behind him while he fought. That had been Luna? Oh fuck, she’d been there. She’d used her power to protect him, and she’d been punished for it. He was the reason she was in that basement. His stomach rolled over. “You told me to leave, didn’t you, love? It was your voice I heard that night?”

  She nodded and stared up at him blankly, shaking so hard it had to hurt, but she said nothing more. She was about to break—

  She locked it all down.

  Suddenly shutting herself down in a way that worried the hell out of him.

  Gunner took her silence as an affirmative that he could touch her because he needed to. He couldn’t stand by while she suffered and not touch her.

  He scooped her off the chair and stood. She flinched but didn’t push him away or ask him to put her down.

  He glanced at his brothers, and it was written on their faces, the same thing he was sure was on his own. The same thing etched into Grace’s fine features. This female was not their enemy, what she did, had nothing to do with them. She’d been a broken little girl, torn from her brother after seeing a monster murder her mother. And his female was still broken. She’d survived the only way she knew how.

  “I’ve got you, love,” he said as he strode from the room, holding her closer than he should but unable to stop. “No one’s going to hurt you ever again,” he said against her soft, silky black hair. “I promise you that.”

  Chapter 10

  Gunner looked down at the female in his arms. He wanted to take all the hurt, all the fear from her, but he didn’t fucking know how.

  She looked up at him and winced before she shoved at Gunner’s shoulder. “Let me down.”

  “It’s okay, Luna, I’ve got you.”

  She struggled harder. “Let me the hell down,” she screamed.

  Gunner quickly lowered her to the floor, hands raised, and backed up. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, you are wrong.”

  “I did what I had to, and I’d do it again. What do you think about that? I’d do it all again if I thought it would keep Ronan alive. I’d do worse. So you might as well throw me out now. Do it. I don’t need your goddamn pity or your protection. I’ve survived this long on my own and I’ll keep on surviving without anyone else.”

  Gunner shook his head, vibrating with fear that she might actually walk out and he wouldn’t be able to stop her.

  Christ, the way she was desperately trying to push him away, to protect herself from more pain, sliced him right down the middle. “No one’s judging you, Luna. I promise you that. And no one wants you to leave.”

  Her eyes were wide and filled with fear, with anger, with so many things. They darted around, landing everywhere but on him. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered, then gasped. “My head’s spinning. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know how to be…when I’m not with him.”

  The horror in her voice was unmistakable.

  “Luna…”

  “I have this feeling, deep in the pit of my stomach. I fucking hate it, Gunner. It makes me want to run, to keep on running,” she said. “I don’t know what it is…but I don’t want it. I don’t want it.”

  “I’ll help you. We’ll get through this…”

  Her face crumpled, and she crossed her arms and strode away from him, cutting him off and heading down the hall. Gunner trailed after her, unable to do anything else. She was all over the place. The things she said, the way she described how she was feeling, something more was going on with her.

  He followed her through the stairwell door and back down the two flights of stairs, then out onto the third-floor hall.

  She glanced over her shoulder. “You don’t need to follow me. I won’t leave, okay?” She stopped outside her new room and studied him from under thick, black lashes.

  “I’m not following you because I think you’ll leave.” Not entirely. “I care about you. I want to help you. Whatever you need to make this easier, just ask me. You’re not alone, Luna.”

  Her gaze moved over his face, and color darkened her cheeks before her lips parted and she drew in a sharp breath. His own gaze was instantly drawn to those parted lips. She didn’t need to breathe from what he’d seen, and that involuntary physical response spoke volumes.

  She felt something. For him. He was sure of it. Even if she didn’t understand it.

  He almost dropped to his damned knees from the relief.

  Luna licked her lips, her gaze locking on his, and it was a punch to the sternum.

  “Luna…”

  She spun away, shoved open her door, and rushed inside.

  He followed, unable to stop himself. “We should talk about this.”

  “I want to be alone.”

  “It’s going to be okay, I promise.”

  Her hands lifted, gripping her head. “I need you to leave me alone.”

  She was freaking out. He didn’t want to leave her, not like this. “I’ll make it okay, love.”

  Her eyes widened. “It’s too much; everything inside me, it’s too much.”

  He took a step toward her.

  “I can’t take this anymore!” She doubled over.

  Gunner rushed her—

  She disappeared.

  One moment she was in front of him, the next she was gone. Completely.

  Luna couldn’t hold in her cry.

  She was being torn in a thousand directions. It was too much, too many emotions all at once. Gunner must think she’d lost her mind. Maybe she had. She didn’t want him to see her like this.

  “Luna, fuck…” Gunner's voice sounded panicked.

  She lifted her head to say something, anything, to the knight watching her break down in front of him.

  He stood there, statue still, jaw tight, eyes filled with alarm. It was as if she was looking at him through water. She’d lifted her shield, had blocked him out without even realizing she’d done it.

  That had never happened before, not once. And never that easy. The panic subsided a little.

  “Luna, please. Please don’t…please don’t…hide from me.”

  Luna stared at Gunner through her shields, her block so thick, she was completely invisible.

  She hadn’t used her powers since she came here. It felt wrong to use them when she’d caused so much pain with them. When she’d hurt so many people.

  “You’re still here? Aren’t you, love? You haven’t left…you haven’t left me, have you?”

  Left him?

  What did he mean by that?

  She moved so she stood directly in front of him, and he unknowingly looked right back. Her hand lifted the way it had the night he came to her house, her prison, the night Sir had locked her away. The urge to touch his handsome face, to take comfort in the warmth and texture of his skin, was so incredibly strong.

  Luna dropped her hand and walked around him, taking in his expression, the way he held his strong body so rigid. He was upset. Even to her, still learning about emotions, there was no missing it.

  Why?

  Why did he care?

  “Please, Luna. Please, come back.” He trembled. “I’ll leave you alone. I’ll give you space. I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry.”

  She didn’t like seeing him like this. It…it hurt to see him like this.

  “Luna, you don’t need to hide.” He gripped the back of his neck, a haunted look taking over his amber eyes. “Please don’t hide from me.”

  She backed up until she was on the other side of the room, then let her block fall away.

  His head snapped up, eyes locking on her as soon as she wa
s visible. He staggered back a step, then came forward two before he stopped himself.

  She couldn’t meet his eyes. “I…I hadn’t meant to do that.”

  “That’s okay,” he said in a raspy voice, chest pumping as if he’d been on a run. “It was my fault. I pushed.”

  Luna shook her head, but Gunner was already backing away, heading for the door. He turned back to her before he walked out. “I won’t do that again, love. You don’t ever need to protect yourself from me.”

  Protect herself from him?

  He was the only person she felt safe with right now.

  She opened her mouth, but the words wouldn’t come. Then it was too late.

  He walked out and closed the door behind him.

  Gunner stood against Luna’s closed door and tried to gather his own fraying emotions.

  Terror had fired through him when she’d vanished like that.

  He told her he’d leave her alone, but he didn’t know if he could. He wanted to be back in that room with her, wanted to be near her.

  But if she walked back out and found him still standing here, she might freak out and pull a disappearing act on him again. So he forced himself to back away from her door, to return the way they’d come. Each step away felt more wrong than the last.

  As he strode through the control room and toward the balcony, he locked eyes with Grace. “She needs some time. Can you check on her later?”

  “Of course, Gunner. Should I tell her when you’ll be home?”

  He swallowed, his throat tight as hell. “I think it’s best if I give her some space.” Yanking his shirt over his head, he tucked it in the waistband of his jeans and dove off the side of the building as his wings sprung from his back.

  He didn’t know where he was going, only that he needed to kill something. He needed to hurt the evil fucker who had convinced Luna she wasn’t worth anything, who had gotten in her head and warped the way she saw herself until she’d lost sight of who she was.

  “I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know how to be…when I’m not with him.”

  A roar tore from him as he flew over the city, heading back to the place where he’d found her.

  Only now the burned remains of a house littered the area. A house that had been hidden from them. Where Luna had been hidden from him.

  Where she had been brutally punished for saving him.

  Christ. His gut gripped tight.

  Whoever that fucking demon had given Ronan’s power to was gone as well. The fucker would have taken them with him. No doubt hiding somewhere else, waiting, watching for his next shot.

  Luna said the demon would come for her. He’d try to take her from Gunner. That wasn’t going to happen. He’d make sure of it.

  “Come out and face me!” he roared. “Fight me, you twisted fuck.”

  Nothing. No one showed themselves, and that just had his rage shooting higher.

  Not knowing where that demon was or when he would try to come for Luna—and the fear that she might run before he could get through to her—was seriously fucking with him.

  “They’ve gone.”

  Gunner turned at Rocco’s voice.

  “I’ve been watching,” his brother said.

  He’d lost more weight, Gunner noted, his cheeks appeared drawn, his clothes looser on his tall frame. “Thank you, brother,” Gunner said, not asking why he looked as if he’d taken a giant step back when he’d seemed to be improving, if only a little. Because to a lesser extent he understood. Nothing would cure or fix Rocco, nothing but having his female returned to him.

  “How is she?” Rocco asked.

  Gunner shoved his fingers through his hair. “Confused, scared, angry. That fucker killed her mother, he’s had her since she was seven, Roc. His toxic fucking blood is the only blood she’d ever had. He used her as a weapon, said if she didn’t do as he demanded, he’d take it out on her brother. But that fucker had already killed him. So yeah, she’s fucking struggling right now.”

  Rocco’s eyes flashed black, then back to blue. “She’s talking, sharing, that’s gotta be a good sign.”

  Gunner planted his hands on his hips. “Brother, I’m the reason she was in that cell in the first place. She tried to warn me the night we came here, and he caught her. The state she was in, that was punishment for helping me.”

  A muscle in Roc's jaw jumped, and his eyes flashed again but stayed black this time. “She needs you.”

  “I wish she did.” He swallowed hard, pacing away and back. “She doesn’t want a damn thing to do with me. The last thing she should have to deal with is some desperate fucking needy male.”

  “You’re wrong, brother.” Rocco’s white, silver-tipped wings snapped out from his back. “You don’t know this, because you haven’t felt that bond between the two of you grow yet. But I promise you, even without mating, she feels it. Even if she’s afraid of it, even if she’s not ready to accept it, she feels it.” Roc’s gaze lowered, hiding his demon who had come forward to stare at Gunner through his brother’s eyes. Gunner had started to think Roc and his demon had made some kind of unholy pact to work side by side until they got Kyler back because his control over it, while he was so volatile, was seriously impressive.

  “Roc…”

  “Eventually, she’ll reach for you,” Rocco rasped. “Make sure you’re there when she does because, fuck, brother, the reward waiting for you…it’s worth any amount of suffering, any amount of pain, I promise you that.”

  With two deep beats of his wings, Roc lifted off and disappeared into the sky.

  Gunner stared after him, the things Rocco had said echoing through his mind.

  He already knew his brother’s words were true. He felt it deep in his bones, his soul. He’d do anything, suffer anything for Luna.

  Somehow, he would get through to her.

  Chapter 11

  Gunner rolled to his back with a groan. He’d returned in the early hours of the morning and had barely slept. After talking to Roc, Chaos had called him into the city to back up Zen and Kryos. Some demons had shown up at a club and things got ugly. There’d been a handful of hellhounds there as well, and they’d jumped in to help since they loved a good fight.

  Afterward, a couple of them had asked Gunner to come back to their den and party. He used to do that quite a bit. They loved to fight and fuck, and Gunner had partaken when he hung out with them. He hadn’t been to the den in a long time, and he had no desire to go ever again, not to party, anyway.

  There was only one person he wanted, and he couldn’t see that changing for the rest of eternity. Which sucked for him if Luna decided she didn’t want him.

  He’d gone by her room when he got back but didn’t want to disturb her, so he’d spent the night tossing and turning until he finally fell asleep around 6 a.m.

  Rubbing his hands over his face, he glanced at the clock—and shot up in bed. 4 p.m. Shit, he’d slept most of the day. He’d left Luna alone all this fucking time.

  Throwing back the covers, he dressed and rushed out of his apartment.

  He took the stairs to the floor below and hustled down the hall, waving, greeting, and nodding to the demi moving about.

  They still had more than usual living in the compound after rescuing most of them a few months ago. Eve and Meredith had been working with them, helping them work through the trauma they’d suffered. But many still didn’t feel safe enough to leave. He sidestepped several children as they raced by. And some had moved here just wanting protection for their families.

  He reached Luna’s door, knocked, and waited.

  Nothing.

  “You in there, love?” he called.

  Still nothing.

  You’re pushing again.

  Shit, but he needed to know she was okay.

  Jogging back the way he’d come, he rushed up the stairs to Chaos’s apartment. Grace pulled the door open when he knocked.

  “You seen Luna today?”

  Her brow furrowed. “I mean
, I haven’t seen her. She didn’t want to see anyone. I called through the door and she asked to be left alone. I gave her some space. She’ll come out when she’s ready. This is all new to her, and she’s been through so much.”

  “Are you sure she’s still there? That she hasn’t left? ’Cause she didn’t answer when I called.”

  Grace’s eyes softened. “She’s going to need time, Gunner. She’s not ready for all…” She waved her hands, motioning at him. “This. This mated male, overprotective, obsessive craziness you guys go through when you find your females. As a female who has recently been through this, I can assure you, it’s a lot. Like a lot, a lot. Especially if you’re used to doing for yourself. And with everything Luna’s been through? It’ll be seriously confusing for her. She already has so much to process without all this mate stuff on top of it.”

  Grace was right of course. Still, there was no way he could just stay away from her. “I haven’t told her we’re mates, not yet. But I need to…”

  “You need to be close to her, I get it. You don’t need to tell me. It’s hard to miss how you feel. Like now, your eyes have gone dark and your demon’s joining the party. He doesn’t like my suggestion of giving Luna time?”

  “No.” In fact, his demon was pissed the fuck off, like Gunner was.

  “Do you want me to check on her again? I’ll call you if she needs you.”

  Gunner growled; he couldn’t help it. And unsurprisingly, Grace was unmoved by his loss of control.

  “You’ll be okay, big guy. Hang in there.” She patted his shoulder. “Does Luna eat and drink? Or is it just blood?”

  “I don’t know.” Fucking hell. He should know that. Why didn’t he ask her?

  “Okay, well, I’ll head down with some food at mealtime and ask. It’ll give me an excuse to check on her without her thinking I’m ignoring her wishes. Can you hold out until then?”