Hawk

by Zoe Hart

  I had no idea what my mother meant. I simply knew that I never wanted to repeat her mistakes, I never wanted to live her life. Sure, she seemed happy with my father. I knew they loved each other. I also knew, if given the chance, she would’ve worked instead of being a stay-at-home mom. I was pretty confident that if she could figure out a way to change things now, she would. After all, we were all grown up and gone, or about to be. My father was years from retirement. She had time to live her dream.

  When I was confident my mother hadn’t picked up on what Peyton said, I slowly leaned closer and spoke in a low voice. “It’s not that. I mean, we dated all through high school. I’ve seen promise rings appearing on some of our friends’ fingers. I guess I kinda hoped that maybe tonight he’d want to put one on mine, make the commitment. After all, he did tell me that he had something he wanted to talk to me about tonight.” I bit my lip. In truth, I was pretty excited about this. I was a planner. I didn’t do well when my life was up in the air. Nothing made me feel better and more capable of thriving than knowing what was gonna happen next. I hated surprises.

  Peyton nodded. “I haven’t heard a thing, but I’m sure that’s what it is. After all you have been together for what…three years now?”

  I nodded. “Three years on the Fourth of July.”

  “Right, since you were both at the fireworks, saw fireworks, saw each other, and felt fireworks. You’re so lucky. Drew was the captain of the football team. He’s going off to college. And he’s so good, he could be in the NFL. You could be the wife of an NFL football star.” She squealed a little. “I just hope you remember the little people.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re my best friend for life. You’re not the little people. You are my ride or die.” I gave her a little hug. Then it all started to feel too heavy for a graduation party. “Let’s jump in. I’m getting hot.”

  We swam until the sun set. And then when the party broke up, we went upstairs to my room, showered, and changed.

  “You two off to the other graduation party now?” my mother asked.

  “Yes, we are.” I grabbed my house key off the counter.

  “I thought you weren’t driving,” my father commented.

  “I’m driving,” Peyton explained.

  “I still need to get in later,” I reminded them.

  My father walked over to the kitchen and wrapped his arm around my mother’s waist. “Okay, so there’s going to be parents at this party?”

  “Dad. I turned eighteen last month. And I graduated high school today.” I added a sigh for emphasis.

  My father looked to the heavens and I knew what was coming next. “Please don’t make me play the you-still-live-under-my-roof card, Taryn.”

  I smiled. “Don’t worry about me, Daddy. I’ll be just fine. Peyton and I stick together.”

  Then we climbed in her car. “Where does your father think you’re staying tonight?” she asked.

  “I was fairly vague on that. I don’t like lying. I made sure that I at least had him agree to the fact that I didn’t need to be home before breakfast, just like prom.”

  “Only unlike prom, you won’t be losing your virginity,” Peyton reminded me.

  “Thanks for that. No, I won’t. I was rather hoping that Drew and I could do something romantic, like sleep on the beach and make wishes under the stars. I’d like to talk about the future. Sounds cheesy, right?” I glanced at her for a reaction.

  She pressed a hand to her chest. “No, sounds romantic. I only wish I had someone to be romantic with too.”

  I gave her a little hug and murmured, “Don’t worry, you’ll find the right guy. You are amazing, Peyton. And I’m sure someday someone will appreciate it.”

  We arrived at the dunes shortly after nine at night. Must be a lot of us had the same idea because it felt like there was a string of cars pulling in after us. We parked on the shoulder of the road and I practically stepped out into a ditch, but my enthusiasm for the evening could not be deterred.

  We walked together arm-in-arm towards the fire that was already burning on the beach. As we closed in, I realized there were actually two fires. One for Bessemer Bay High, the other for St. Thomas Academy. My idea of a good time was not hanging out with the rich kids, but I refused to let them make me feel awkward.

  I could see Drew sitting with some of his friends. The minute he saw me, he nodded at them, and looked at me. I paused. He seemed so serious, so unlike how I expected him to be on this night of all nights. We were adults now. I could practically taste the freedom while I dreamed of our future. His hands were stuffed in his pockets as he came near and I smiled. I couldn’t wait for him to pull out the ring, drop to one knee, and ask me to hold on because in four years we could be together forever.

  “Can we talk?” he asked.

  I smiled up at him. “Of course. We can always talk.”

  He placed his hand on my bicep. In retrospect, I suppose that should’ve been my first clue. Normally, his hand would rest on the small of my back, making me feel protected and loved. Sadly, everything pretty much went downhill from there. He walked me further away from all of our friends, and I hoped away from all the prying eyes. I guess I wouldn’t know for sure until after.

  “So, I’ve been thinking.” Drew took a deep breath and let out a huge sigh.

  This wasn’t how I imagined it. I thought he’d be more excited. I thought he might even be nervous. Instead, he seemed resigned. Did I really want to be with a guy who was merely accepting his fate?

  I took a step back. My heart raced even as my breath caught in my throat. “What’s going on? What are you thinking?” He was making me anxious, and I hated to admit it, even refused to acknowledge it. I, too, took a deep breath. Only instead of releasing it, I held it. And I thought I’d keep holding it until he said something to comfort me.

  “I think we should stop seeing each other.” Drew rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the ground.

  That wasn’t it. Those weren’t words of comfort. Still, I released my breath, feeling like a deflated balloon. I wrapped my arms around my body. “Seeing each other? We’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for three years.”

  “Stop being dramatic. It hasn’t been three years. It’s only been…”

  “Two years, 11 months, and 13 days.” I glared at him. He had always sucked at anniversaries. After the first year, I’d given up on monthly recognition. Hell, after the first year, I’d practically given up on him noticing altogether. That should have been a clue. Knowing that he wasn’t keeping track of time, that it wasn’t special to him, should’ve told me everything I needed to know about us. After all, if I’d meant anything to him, he wouldn’t be able to break up with me on graduation night in front of all these people.

  I slowly turned around. I swear that the silence was deafening. And if I’d hoped that our break-up had gone unnoticed, then those hopes were immediately dashed. As far as I could tell, all eyes were on us. People I didn’t even know were staring at us. For some reason, I still desperately wanted to salvage this.

  “Why do you suddenly want to break up?” I bit my cheek. I wasn’t going to give up yet. We had too many years invested in this.

  “It doesn’t make sense to stay together.” Drew shook his head. “I did the math.”

  “You did math?” I could feel myself growing slightly hysterical. “That was how we started dating. You couldn’t do math. In order to play on the team, you needed to be tutored. For the last three years I have devoted a ridiculous amount of time to ensuring that your grades were good enough to play football. And now you want to break up because you did math?” My voice had grown louder and higher than I expected.

  Drew leaned in. “Quiet,” he hissed. “I mean, it doesn’t make sense to stay together. For the next four years we’ll be in school in different states. You’ll have your life, and I’ll have mine. We should live a little. And then maybe when we’re done, we’ll discover that we still want to be together. Does that make more sense?�
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  I shook my head. “I really think that relationships are about all the little moments. I think that if we were really supposed to be together, then you would try to be together now, even when it’s not easy, even when together doesn’t mean being in the same geographic location. Because if you really wanted to be with me then distance wouldn’t matter. The amount of time we were apart wouldn’t matter. All that would matter would be the way we felt about each other.” I looked away. I couldn’t stand to face him anymore.

  “So, it would have been easier if I just told you that I didn’t love you and I didn’t want to be together anymore?” Drew shrugged.

  “It would’ve been more honest. And at least now I have the real picture. Thank you for that.” I turned to start to walk away. I could feel tears burning my eyes. And I refused to let him see me cry.

  Drew grabbed my arm and tried to turn me to face him. Like always, I let him. And I think he expected me to give him one last kiss. Instead, I slapped him across the face. “Let go,” I growled in a low voice.

  He glared at me. He also released me. And I think he wanted to say or do something, but that didn’t happen. I’d already rushed away hoping to find Peyton, but I could barely see through the tears blurring my vision. That’s when I ran into a strange guy, literally. I was sniffling and swiping at my eyes, then smashed into a muscular chest. Two arms wrapped around me, and while normally my first instinct would’ve been to push away, this time I just let this strange guy hold me.

  The guy walked me farther away from the fire closer and closer to the water before we sat down in the sand. “Let it out,” he murmured into my hair.

  Normally, I wasn’t the kind to let a stranger this close, but minutes before I had gone from thinking that I was about to get a promise ring to having all my plans for the future completely ruined while Drew stomped on my heart. And it wasn’t even that they were ruined as much as they were utterly destroyed, and he didn’t even see it. I felt like Drew had led me on for all those years, letting me think something that wasn’t true, while using me to get what he wanted. Sadly, that probably wasn’t far from the truth. I’d always known who he was, had seen the way he treated others through the years, and operated under the mistaken notion that he’d never treat me that way because I was different. The hardest part I had to accept was going from mattering to him to not mattering at all so damn quickly. Maybe I should have been grateful to have lasted as long as I did, but I didn’t feel that at all. I was just sad and confused.

  A few minutes later, Peyton showed up with a drink. “I can take it from here,” she murmured. She passed me the drink, and for a minute I considered getting up and leaving the party. I was done crying. I was going to be miserable the rest of the night and probably most of the summer. I knew my recovery period.

  I started to glance around, but she stopped me. She looked me in the eyes and shook her head. “Don’t do it. He’s hanging out with Amelia. Apparently, they’re both going to the same college in the fall.”

  “What a dick,” the guy beside me growled.

  I took a sip of the drink she passed me and swallowed. Whatever it was burned me all the way to my stomach. I tried not to cough.

  The guy patted me on the back a couple of times, pried the cup from my hands, and took a sip from my drink too. At first I was going to call him out, but then I realized he was just trying to figure out what was in there.

  “Pretty sure that’s nearly straight-up moonshine.” He blinked a few times. “I’m impressed.” He grinned then shifted on the sand and I was certain he was about to get up and leave me.

  “Stay.” I don’t know what made me say it. All I knew was that in that moment, I meant it. I wanted this guy to stay with me. I wanted to not feel pathetic. This was supposed to be the greatest night of my life, aside from prom when I offered Drew my virginity as a sign of love and he took it without reciprocating any feelings at all.

  The guy looked at me like he was considering what to do. In the end, he smiled. “I’m Hawk. Nice to meet you.” He looked me in the eye, and I swear I felt a connection all the way to my soul. For the first time, I felt like I was genuinely being seen. And I almost wondered if this was what love at first sight felt like.

  I wasn’t going to say any of that, of course. I’d sound like a crazy woman. One minute I’m getting broken up with by the guy that I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and the next, the first guy who looked at me, I was convinced he was my soulmate. I was ridiculous. And I seriously hoped this was the moonshine.

  “Peyton, can you bring two more glasses of this stuff?” I asked. Then I batted my eyelashes at her for effect.

  At first, she seemed to think it was a terrible idea. I could actually see her reasoning it out in her head. Everything she thought was going on right on her face. “Okay.” Then she turned to Hawk. “This is Taryn. She’s pretty much never like this. I need you to treat her like your mom’s crystal goblets. Got it?” She raised a brow at him while waiting for his answer.

  “What makes you think my mother has crystal goblets?” He snickered. “I mean, she does, but what if I treat her like the Persian rug in the study instead?”

  Peyton blinked. “I don’t know what that means.”

  “We’re not allowed to walk on it. We can look at it, admire it, compliment it, but that’s pretty much it.” He shrugged.

  I smiled. “I accept your terms,” I joked. Then I lifted the Solo cup and took a big swig. I raised two fingers as a gentle reminder to return with that many cups and Peyton nodded, then walked away.

  For a minute I stared at Hawk, and he stared back at me. We passed the cup back and forth between us. We took a sip here and there in the comfortable silence. And I knew that we were just killing time until we had more liquor and could be alone again. After all, the best way to get over Drew was to get under someone else. And Hawk would be perfect. He’d practically volunteered as tribute. As soon as the drinks were delivered and Peyton disappeared, I leaned in and kissed him.

  “I said I wouldn’t do that,” Hawke murmured.

  “You said it, I didn’t.” And then I kissed him again.

  3

  Hawk

  Taryn. I played with her name in my head. When I first saw her, I thought I’d rescue her from public humiliation. I could hear a Bessemer Bay High girl talking to another girl a few feet away from us. Now I knew that was Amelia.

  She was bragging about how she was going to be with Drew. They were gonna be the new hot couple. They were going off to college together. And while Taryn had been his girl in high school, she was going to be his college girlfriend, the one he married.

  Amelia was even quick to point out that he was breaking up with Taryn right now, as she spoke. She pointed. And soon everyone was silent and staring at them, a domino effect.

  In an instant, it seemed like everyone understood her fate except for Taryn. And although I had never been the hero type before, this time I had to step in. What was currently happening was the equivalent of watching a train wreck and not being able to look away. Only I was the one running and trying to pull the switch on the track. I was going to divert the train and prevent this horrific crash. And while everyone else might enjoy staring at the wreckage, I was going to make sure she didn’t have to experience pain publicly, in front of everyone. I had stood and started toward her, never taking my eyes off her. Taryn had more fire than I gave her credit for. She slapped him the minute he laid a hand on her. I admired her instantly. While it started out as me trying to save her, I think she saved me too. I would have memories of her and this night. And for a guy like me, trying to steer clear of commitments, that was really saying something.

  We made it through the introductions, and were waiting for Peyton to return with drinks. The moonshine punch, grain alcohol barely disguised by some cloyingly sweet juice, packed a pretty potent kick. I didn’t plan on getting shitfaced. And I’m pretty sure that Taryn didn’t either. Yet half an hour later we were lying in
the sand, staring up at the stars, talking nonsense, all while feeling like the oldest of friends.

  I liked her. I liked the way she smelled, a clean floral scent. I liked her skin, the way it felt under my fingertips. I liked the way goose bumps popped up all over her as I lightly ran my hands up and down her arms. Maybe I was secretly trying to remember every bit of her, everything about tonight. I really wanted memories of her to sustain me through boot camp. Of all the people that I knew, for some reason, tonight she meant the most and we’d only met an hour before.

  “I’m going off to college, SVSU. Just far enough away to merit staying in the dorms.” She laughed. And I wanted to hear her laugh about a billion more times. “I plan to be a veterinarian,” she explained. “And what will you be doing, Mr. Hawk?”

  “Let’s not talk about me.” I sighed. I wasn’t looking forward to my forced military service, even if my act of defiance in going infantry did give me a slight thrill. “Tell me more about your life. What’s your family like?”

  She rolled into my arms and I’d never felt anything more natural. Somehow, the safety of being close to me allowed her to open up more. “My mother is a stay-at-home mom. My father sells insurance. They were high school sweethearts and married the summer after they graduated. I was born a year later. This, of course, put the end to rumors that it was a shotgun wedding.” She finger-combed her hair, then rolled onto her stomach and stared into my eyes.

  “And I never want to be like them. I never want to just survive. I never want to rely on a man.” Then she bit her lip. And I sensed she regretted having said what she did. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you’re awesome, but I’d rather go into a relationship as equals. What do I bring to the table? What does my husband bring to the table? I don’t want to need him to survive.” Taryn rolled over onto her back. “I suppose that’s what I think of my mother. I think that if something happened to my father, she wouldn’t know what to do with herself.”