by Rosie Clarke
‘I don’t think being hungry has anything to do with it,’ Peggy said. ‘These two are rivals and we need to keep an eye on them…’
‘Maggie is bigger and should know better,’ Janet said and buttoned her own coat. ‘I’m going to see about that nursery place… I’ll be back in a couple of hours…’
‘I’ll walk with you,’ Maureen said. ‘I’ll see you later, Peggy. Bye, Nellie.’
Janet was quiet as they left the pub yard and crossed the lane.
‘I shouldn’t worry about it,’ Maureen said. ‘All children go through this stage, Jan. The terrible threes I’ve heard it called – and she’s bound to be a little jealous of the twins.’
‘I shall have to find somewhere of our own,’ Janet said and sighed. ‘In a way I’ll be sorry, because I can help Mum and I like being at the pub – but the children need their own homes. Maggie isn’t too bad with Freddie, but she seems to hate Fay. I don’t think I can stay beyond the end of summer…’
‘It’s hard for you,’ Maureen said. ‘I’ve always had Gran and I’m so grateful for her. It means I have time for my nursing, though I’ve given that up until the baby is here, and for my friends, as well as the kids. If you’re on your own it’s a twenty-four-hour job…’
‘Yes, I know.’ Maureen saw she was looking thoughtful. ‘I understand why Rosemary decided to marry Mack, even though she admits she doesn’t love him the way she did her first husband – but I’m not sure I want that…’
‘Don’t marry unless you’re in love,’ Maureen said. ‘I know some people think I married Gordon just because it was easier, but that isn’t the case. I knew that I cared for him, but I didn’t realise how very much until he was wounded – but I think it would have been harder to take if I hadn’t been in love with him.’
‘I care for Ryan,’ Janet admitted. ‘There was a time when I believed I was in love… but then Mike came back and died…’ She drew a sobbing breath. ‘That took so much out of me, Maureen. Finding him that morning in my bed just tore me to shreds. I’m not sure I could ever feel anything as strongly again. I don’t think it would be fair to Ryan to marry him unless I can give him all of me – do you?’
‘That’s something you have to work out for yourself. I was over Rory when Gordon asked me to be his wife. When I fell for Rory it was like a bolt from the sky, but it wasn’t the same with Gordon, it happened gradually – and yet now I feel as if he’s my world… apart from the kids, of course, but that’s a different kind of love, isn’t it?’
Janet smiled and looked at her. ‘You’ve cheered me up, Maureen. I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t always know her own mind. Ryan is a good man and he could give me a wonderful life – but I have to be sure.’
‘Yes, you wait until you are sure,’ Maureen said. ‘And don’t worry about the kids too much. Children fight each other all the time. Shirley came home with her dress ripped the other day. She’d been fighting over something in the playground. She wouldn’t tell me what it was, but knowing her someone was rude about me or her dad. She’s a proud little thing and a fighter when it’s necessary.’
‘Maggie is just the same,’ Janet said. ‘Mike could control her – I think perhaps it was losing him that made her more possessive of me and whatever is hers.’
‘Yes, perhaps,’ Maureen agreed. ‘Give yourself a little time, Jan. If you can enrol Maggie in a preschool group it will do her the world of good. Being with other children should teach her to share…’
Maureen had reached Gran’s house. She said farewell to Janet and went in, stopping to take off her coat. Gran came out of the kitchen.
‘I’ll put the kettle on, love. Shirley’s teacher popped round to see us in her lunch break. She says there’s some trouble between Shirley and one of the other girls in her class. They’ve both been punished for fighting, but Shirley pulled Jilly’s hair this morning and she’s been caned for it…’
‘How dare they?’ Maureen was angry. ‘I will not have my daughter caned. She had enough of that on the farm. Don’t bother about making me tea, Gran. I’m going straight down there and I’ll sort this out once and for all…’
‘You ought to rest…’ Gran said, but Maureen was already on her way.
*
‘Can’t you tell me what the trouble is?’ Maureen asked Shirley as they walked home together. ‘I’ve told your teacher she is never to hit you again – but she says you have to stop picking on this Jilly… What makes you do it, love?’
Shirley hesitated, then, ‘I didn’t start it, Mum. She kept jeering at me – said Robin wasn’t my brother, only my pretend-brother. I told her she was a liar, but she said her mother told her and her mum doesn’t lie…’
‘Oh dear…’ Maureen drew a deep breath because it was her lie that had caused this problem. She’d wanted everyone to believe that Robin was Gordon’s son, but obviously Jilly’s mother had worked out that he couldn’t be Gordon’s and had told her daughter. Shirley was only ten years old – how could she tell her the truth? Yet she had to sort this out somehow. ‘Shirley darling, you know how much I love you, don’t you?’
‘Yes…’ Shirley looked up at her happily. ‘You’re my mum…’
‘I wasn’t always though, was I? You had a mother before, didn’t you? She loved you too but she couldn’t stay to look after you – and so you came to me. You’re my daughter now and I love you as much as if you’d always been mine. You do believe that…’
‘Yes…’ Shirley was thoughtful now. ‘Is it the same for Robin?’
‘Robin is my baby and so he’s your step-brother in the eyes of the law, but you love him as a brother, don’t you? Just the way he loves you – just as your daddy loves him and me but still loves you as much as he always did…’
‘Robin came out of your tummy…’
‘Yes, but he was there before daddy and I were married.’ Maureen took Shirley’s hands, bending down to look into her eyes. ‘The baby in my tummy now will be mine and daddy’s – and he or she will be your half-brother or sister in the eyes of the law – but in love he or she will be just your brother or sister. The baby will be yours in blood and love, but Robin is your brother in love… do you understand?’
‘Sort of…’ Shirley said hesitantly. ‘Did you have another daddy for Robin before you married my daddy?’
Maureen looked directly into her trusting eyes. ‘I thought I loved someone and we made a baby, but then he hurt me and I knew I’d made a mistake. Gordon, your daddy, had been growing in my heart, but I didn’t really know it for a long time – but now he’s there with you, Robin, Gran and the new baby. You see, I love you all, so it doesn’t matter who is what – just how much we all love each other…’
‘I’ll tell Jilly I’m sorry for hitting her,’ Shirley said and nodded. ‘She was my best friend, but I hated her for saying things about you and Robin – but now I can tell her. Robin is my brother in love and we all belong together…’
‘Yes, darling, we all belong together.’
Maureen straightened up. ‘Shall we go and see what Tom has in the shop? We can buy some sweets for you – and if there’s any chocolate we might get a little bar for Robin…’
Shirley’s face lit up and Maureen realised that her daughter had been suffering from uncertainty. The term of pretend-brother had worried her, making her fear that her relationship was not secure, so she’d taken it out in anger on her erstwhile friend. Hopefully, she would make it up and the crisis would be over. Perhaps if Janet explained to Maggie that she was in no danger of being supplanted in her mother’s affections by the twins, she might stop being aggressive towards them… but of course Shirley was older and she’d learned to know how lucky she was.
Chapter 19
It was Thursday morning, and Tom was loading some boxes of chocolate bars on to the shelves when Rose entered. He’d been busy all morning, unpacking what Maureen had managed to bring from the wholesaler and setting his shelves out. His heart leaped as he saw how pretty the
girl he admired looked and he moved closer to the counter to serve her.
‘Mornin’ Rose, how are you?’
‘I’m wonderful,’ Rose said and held out her left hand for him to see. ‘I got engaged last Saturday, Tom. What do you think of that?’ Her eyes were sparkling and he managed to keep his smile in place, even though she’d taken his breath away.
‘I think he’s a very lucky man,’ he said and Rose laughed. ‘Have you known him long?’
‘Only since I came to the lanes. He went abroad but he’s been promoted so they sent him back for more training… and he asked me to marry him.’
‘Congratulations. I hope you will be happy…’
‘I think I shall,’ Rose said. ‘Jimmy loves me – and he respects me. What about you, Tom? What have you been doin’ recently?’
‘I joined the reserves,’ Tom said, lifting his head proudly. ‘I’m trainin’ with them four nights a week – and on Sundays. If Hitler invades I’ll be ready…’
Rose went into a peal of laughter. ‘I’ll bet he won’t dare, now you’re in the reserves,’ she said, teasing him as she always did. ‘I’d love to see you in uniform, Tom.’
‘I’ll get it next week,’ he said and grinned at her. Tom didn’t mind Rose making fun of him because he liked her. He wished he was older, because if he had been she would have been his girl not this Jimmy’s. ‘So when are yer gettin’ married then?’
‘I’m not sure. Jimmy is going away for a couple of weeks. He thinks he’ll be back this way when he can and then we’ll make plans…’
‘Well good luck.’ Tom smiled at her. ‘What can I get for you?’
‘Oh, Mavis wants a pot of jam of some kind, anything you’ve got. A half a pound of tea, some tinned meat – and a tin of peas, if you’ve got any?’
‘Yes, we’ve got everything on her list for the moment,’ Tom said. ‘I think someone is releasing a bit more stock. I haven’t heard anything official, but the wholesalers suddenly have extras and that’s good for everyone… We’ve actually got some tins of peaches today.’
‘I’d better take one for Mavis then – but I’ll pay for it. I get far more every week than she does now I’m at the factory.’
Tom placed the items on the counter in front of her. Rose paid for them and then asked for some sweets and settled on a quarter of a pound of treacle toffees and a small bar of chocolate, as well as twenty Players cigarettes.
‘Taking up smoking?’ he asked.
‘No, these are for Jimmy. He’s always giving me something…’ Rose nodded as she paid for her purchases. ‘I’ll see you around…’
‘Are you comin’ to the church social?’ he asked.
‘Oh yes,’ Rose said. ‘Ellie is coming with me. I don’t think Jimmy will be here, so I shall keep my promise to go with Ellie… See you, later…’
‘Yeah, see yer later,’ Tom said and grinned. His smile vanished as the door closed behind her. He couldn’t let Rose see that her being engaged hurt him, because she saw him as a youth and not as a man. She was in love with a soldier.
Tom pushed the knowledge from his mind as the door opened and Sid Coleman entered, followed by Irene from the hairdresser’s. Sid stood back and Tom served her first, smiling at her as she dithered over her choice of chocolate or biscuits, because he still felt a bit guilty about only asking her out once. She chose a bar of Fry’s chocolate, paid and left. After Irene had gone, he turned to Sid.
‘Packet of fags, Tom, and some mints…’
‘How’s things with you then, Sid?’ Tom asked his lodger. ‘Job still all right?’
‘Yeah, it’s good,’ Sid said. ‘I like driving my general and I like livin’ round here – only one fly in the ointment…’
‘Anythin’ I can do, mate?’
‘Nah, it’s female related,’ Sid replied and winked. ‘Trouble is she’s married – and she ain’t one of them what play away, if yer know what I mean.’
‘Yeah, I do,’ Tom said knowingly and arched his eyebrows. ‘Women are the devil – ain’t they?’
‘You got love problems too?’
‘She don’t know I exist – thinks I’m a kid…’
Sid laughed shortly. ‘I know the feelin’, Tom. The girl I want knows I exist, but she won’t give me any encouragement. I know she’s got a husband and I shouldn’t expect anythin’… but yer can’t help yer feelings, can yer?’
‘No, yer can’t,’ Tom agreed, taking Sid’s money. It had cheered him up hearing his friend’s problems. He’d thought it was just him who couldn’t get the girl he adored, but Sid was in the same boat – and he was a fine man so perhaps there might be hope for Tom after all.
*
Ellie picked up her little girl and kissed her. Beth was so beautiful and she loved her so much – and Sid thought the world of her too. He was always bringing her little presents and he would have her on his lap in a minute if he could. A sigh escaped Ellie, because she wished so much that Sid was her husband.
There, she’d admitted it at last. Ellie had tried to control her feelings for the big man who had helped save her daughter’s life. She was convinced that if he hadn’t got them to the hospital so quickly her little darling would have died and her gratitude had been gradually turning to something warmer ever since. Yet she knew it was wrong and foolish, because she was Peter’s wife and even though she no longer loved Peter, divorce was still a dirty word. Not only that as Mabel Tandy had explained to her, divorce was difficult to get and would cost too much money.
‘Peter would never agree to it,’ she’d told Ellie. ‘And he hasn’t done anything to warrant it – or at least we don’t have any proof. You think he deliberately made you ill so that you would lose the baby, but he would deny it – and I’m afraid the court would believe him; especially if you were known to have a new lover.’
‘Sid is just a friend.’
‘He comes here often to see us all – and if you didn’t live with me, folk would be gossiping over it.’ Mabel had looked at her sadly. ‘You were only just seventeen when you married Peter, my love. It was too young to know what you wanted…’
‘I loved Peter as he was then,’ Ellie had said, her lashes wet. ‘I didn’t know how violent he can be – and my aunt didn’t want me at home. She couldn’t wait to push me out. I think she was more pleased than I was when Peter asked to marry me…’
‘I know things were hard for you, Ellie,’ her generous landlady had said. ‘I just don’t want you to make things worse for yourself. Peter can be bad-tempered and if he thought…’
‘I know. I shan’t do anything silly. I promise.’
Ellie was well aware that her husband would make her suffer if she got involved with another man. He hadn’t truly forgiven her for putting herself at risk of rape – which he held was what she’d done by going alone to the pub and accepting drinks from strangers. He was right, of course he was, and she blamed herself for being so stupid – but her loneliness had driven her to seek company and she’d been too young and innocent to realise the trouble she could land herself in.
‘Any girl who lets a man she doesn’t know buy her a drink is asking for trouble,’ Peter had told her when he’d come home to find her pregnant with a child that couldn’t be his. His fingers had dug into her arms, making her wince. ‘The bugger who raped you will pay for it – but it was your own fault for bein’ there in the first place…’
Ellie had seen the resentment and anger in Peter. She’d been frightened of him, but then he’d seemed to relent towards her and he’d been good to her, taking her out the night before he left for the Army and making love to her – but had he put something in her drink to make her unwell in the hope she’d lose the baby? Ellie couldn’t know for sure, but the dark doubts lingered at the back of her mind – including one that she hardly dared to name.
Knocker James had died horribly the night before Peter returned to his regiment. Her husband had been with her, so he couldn’t have done it – but had he caused it to happen?
It was such a dreadful thought that Ellie hadn’t been able to speak of it even to Mabel. Peter had a clear alibi, but the police had never discovered the killer and everyone said it was a professional assassin – so someone had paid for it.
Ellie thrust the thought to a far corner of her mind, where it joined others. She wished she could somehow break free of the man she’d married so hastily at seventeen, but she couldn’t see any way out… and now Peter was coming home on leave again. His letter had come like a bolt from the blue, shattering her peace. Her husband expected to be here by the end of March, which meant she couldn’t invite Sid to have his dinner with them that week… something she really looked forward to on Sundays, when he was usually free from his duty. She ought to tell him not to call round anymore and she must definitely let him know that her husband was coming back, because otherwise there would be ructions from Peter.
*
‘I’ll see you on Saturday, but I shan’t be able to come for lunch on Sunday,’ Sid told Ellie when he took her some flowers and a few tiny jelly sweets for Beth that evening. ‘My general is going to stay with friends for a few days and I’ll have to take him and be on call while he’s away…’
‘Oh… so you wouldn’t have been able to have dinner with us anyway…’ Ellie said and her disappointment showed through despite her determination to hide it.
‘Perhaps it’s just as well since Peter’s coming home on leave…’
‘I wish he wasn’t…’ Ellie’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I’m frightened of what he’ll do when he sees Beth. He didn’t want me to keep her, Sid. He wanted me to give her away, because of what happened…’ She’d confided her terrible secret to Sid once when he’d been talking about how beautiful Beth was – and, to her surprise, he’d been completely on her side, declaring he would have thrashed the bugger that raped her if he’d been around then.
‘He’s a stupid fool,’ Sid growled, angry because she was upset. ‘If Peter hurts you, you let me know. I’d kill him if he touches you, Ellie love…’
