My Redemption: Second Chance Series

by S. K. Lessly

  I walked away from her, putting much needed distance between us. When I faced her again, I could feel my body starting to shut down. I felt like a fucking fool. Here I was doing what I needed to do in order to save this marriage and she was out here fucking around on me. Regardless of her antics I had wanted to make this work, fighting for a woman that I assumed loved me, instead of what I really wanted.

  “Why didn’t you just tell me you wanted out?” I bit out. “Why pretend like you’ve been doing? Claiming you wanted to work this out. Giving me empty promises you had no intentions of keeping. Telling me our marriage was worth fucking saving.”

  “Why didn’t you? Paul, you can’t tell me you’ve been happy. I can see how us being together is killing you as much as it’s killing me.”

  I didn’t respond to her question. I had to stop and gather myself. I was two seconds from hurling one of these lounge chairs through the glass window of the hotel. I literally felt steam blowing out of my ears. On top of all the anger and rage I felt like a stupid son of a bitch.

  My need to fix shit was the reason why we wasted time trying to fix something that wasn’t fixable. Resolve hitting me like a ton of bricks, I took two rather large breaths before I addressed Sabrina.

  “The only reason why I’m here is because of you. You said you wanted to work this out and I was game to make sure I did everything I could to make us work. What’s fucked up is that everything was a lie. No, no, no…” I placed my hands up to stop her when she looked as if she was about to interrupt me. “This was a whole gotdamn joke at my expense, but that ends now. I had just texted you that we needed to talk. Since we’re here now, let’s talk. I want a divorce. I’m done with this shit. You’re right. I’m tired of pretending. We can talk about logistics later or we wait until you hear from my lawyer. Either way, I’m done.” I started to walk away, but I stopped and told her, “In fact, since you’re going to see your parents tomorrow, you might as well stay the fuck there. I’ll box up your shit and send it to you.” I walked past her just when the fucker she claimed was her friend walked out.

  The man’s face was beet red, almost purple. He stalked toward me his finger up, pointed in the direction of my face. “Hey man,” he barked. “You better watch who—"

  I shut him the fuck up with a quick punch to his goddamn face.

  The sack of shit fell hard, blood gushing from his nose. Sabrina screamed and fell at his side, I guess helping her man sit up. I looked at them both in disgust.

  “Was that fucking spontaneous enough for you?” I asked bitterly before walking into the hotel, leaving my past at my feet.

  Lauren

  I finally made it to my hotel room, but I found it empty.

  Damn, where is Sebastian?

  I thought about just sitting around waiting for him to come back, but quickly decided that wasn’t a good idea. The sense of urgency was running rampant through me. I needed to talk to him now and get our shit in order. I was going out of my mind.

  My husband was a good man and didn’t deserve to be accused of being unfaithful. It didn’t matter what I suspected, I had no proof. And he did have his own issues, but I wanted to work through them. Was that so wrong? Or if you look at this from his perspective, should I risk a good thing for something so trivial as sex?

  Well, I may be hated for this answer, but hell yes! Men left their spouses all the time because of lack of intimacy. Why should I be the one to suffer through not being pleased or fucked until I couldn’t walk? And hell, why can’t he get creative and please me in other ways? I wasn’t opposed to vibrators or foreplay. We’re not doing any of that. He won’t even let me suck him off. Sebastian wouldn't get help or talk to a therapist. And before you say it, I remembered my vows; through sickness and health and all that. But damn it, what about my health, my mental health?

  I want to fuck my husband. I want him to make me feel good. I want to make him feel good. I want to feel needed, loved, and attractive.

  Yes, that’s right, I said attractive. Granted, I was one of those women that didn’t need a man to feel good about herself. However, it was nice to get that from your man, don’t you think?

  Sebastian and I really needed to talk. It was as simple as that. It wasn’t just about sex, either. I had been feeling him slipping away from me for a while now and instead of being that typical selfish bitch that he and my brother loved to call me. I would rather work on getting me and Sebastian back.

  I left the room, calling his cell as I headed to the elevator. Of course, he didn’t make it easy for me by answering his phone. Nothing that Sebastian did was easy.

  I took the elevator down, making a plan as I rode to the first floor to check downstairs in the bar, then pool and beach area, before I started banging on doors.

  I stepped out of the elevator and made my way toward the hotel bar. I took a peek inside and didn’t see Sebastian. Thinking that maybe he was outside by the pool with, oh I don’t know let’s say Amy, I made my way to the back of the hotel to the pool entrance.

  Getting to the back of the hotel didn’t take but a few steps. I looked down to text my husband before I went outside just in case he wasn’t out there and told him I was looking for him. When I lifted my head to see how close I was to the back entrance, I abruptly stopped. Paul was outside by the pool talking to Sabrina. I started to turn around to give them privacy, but the way they were looking at each other I couldn’t move. Paul stood still, his fist balled to his side, his biceps and triceps taut and flexed. He was practically leering over his wife. Looking at his side profile, I could see the venomous rage on his otherwise good-natured face, and I was mesmerized at what I saw. Shoot, if I was being honest, Sabrina didn’t look happy either.

  Just then a man walked past me and outside toward the heated couple. The guy was about the same height as Paul, but with more muscle mass. Intrigued, I stepped closer to the scene that was developing in front of me. When Paul saw the man, his face contorted to a look of pure murderous rage. I knew and understood that look and I also knew what was going to happen before it did.

  However, knowing what was coming, didn’t prepare me for actually seeing it. I gasped, my hand covering my mouth in surprise. Here was the play by play for those that didn’t get it.

  The guy stepped up to Paul, probably about to run his mouth and received an unsuspected fist to the face, knocking him on his ass.

  Seeing Paul act completely out of character made my legs start to move. I walked toward him just as he stepped back inside the hotel, leaving his wife tending to another man. I could not process what just happened or Sabrina comforting another man right now. My sights were on the bull heading my way.

  I had said before Paul looked pissed or rather murderous. Well that was an understatement if ever there was one. In fact, the man had so much rage in his eyes he was downright scary. I waited until he was a step away before I spoke to him.

  “Paul, what happened?” I asked him and immediately regretted it. It was so lame but I didn’t know what else to say. I thought Paul would at least look at me or tell me to mind my own business or something. Instead, he brushed right past me as if I wasn’t even there. I watched, stunned, as he walked to the front of the hotel and out the door. Completely flabbergasted, and a tad bit put off, my dumbass decided to follow him, which wasn’t a very good idea but I never said I made smart choices.

  I caught his ramrod straight figure stalking down the sidewalk of the hotel and tried calling his name. I yelled for him to slow down, but he kept walking. So, I hiked up my dress and started to jog to catch up with him. As he turned the corner of the hotel, heading back to the dark beach, I managed to step in front of him, cutting him off.

  “Hey, sunshine,” I said cheerily. “Uh…what was that back there? What's going on? Are you okay?”

  Paul stopped abruptly and narrowed his raging blue eyes at me. “I’m fine, Lauren. There's nothing going on. Go back inside.”

  I shook my head. “Uh no, you’re not fine. I saw w
hat you did a minute ago. That’s not like you. Why...”

  Paul didn’t let me finish my sentence. He stepped around me and started walking away.

  Oh, hell no, he wasn’t dismissing me that easy.

  I started after him. “Paul, are you serious right now? You're just going to walk away when I'm trying to talk to you? I thought we were better than that. I thought we were friends.”

  My words made him stop in his tracks. I smiled to myself, figuratively patting myself on the back, but my smile died the second he turned around to face me. Boy, he didn’t look happy with me at all. His face looked contorted with complete insanity. And honestly, I should be quaking in my boots. I should turn my nosey ass around and do exactly what he said and go back inside. However, as usual, I was gluten for punishment and Paul didn't disappoint.

  “What the fuck do you know about me?” he growled in a menacing tone that made my heart drop to my toes. Paul stalked toward me and I fought the urge to run for my life. When the man was a few steps from me he continued, his voice low and hard, “We are not fucking friends.”

  I gasped at the tone and words coming from him, I couldn’t help it. I had never heard him talk that way to anyone, let alone me. I stepped back a little, my eyes wide in surprise and a little hurt. I assume Paul saw how his words had cut and took a minute to gather himself. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling as if a huge weight had just been lifted. When he opened his eyes again, he spoke to me more softly. It still had an edge to it but, the growl was gone.

  “We can’t be friends anymore, Lauren.”

  I frowned. “What? Why? Tell me what’s going on?”

  “It’s not a good idea because…” he began then trailed off, running a hand forcefully through his hair.

  I walked closer to him. “Because what? Tell me?” I went to touch his face, don’t ask me why, but he leaned back.

  “Because I don’t want to, alright? Fuck, can you just back off? You and I aren’t friends. It’s as simple as that.”

  He turned and walked away, but again, I refused to let him get away that easy. I hiked my dress up and ran to catch him. I stepped in front of him once more and stopped him from walking. I was about to give him the third degree about brushing me off when he rolled his eyes and yelled, “Oh for fuck’s sake!”

  My eyes widened in disbelief taken aback by his behavior but quickly recovered. I put my hands on my hips ready to cuss his ass out for now being a jerk when he quickly closed the distance between us, grabbed my face, and smashed his lips to mine.

  I squeaked in shock at first, my eyes still plastered open, but the moment I felt his tongue push into my mouth, I melted into him. His lips were soft but demanding as he took me in such a heated kiss, I had no choice but to moan in pleasure. His taste, the feel of his tongue caressing my mouth, teasing me, rushed straight to my sex. My pussy throbbed as a delicious and unforgettable ache formed between my legs, hell in my soul.

  I moaned again and was about to wrap my arms around his neck when he abruptly ended the kiss, leaving me panting in his wake. The way he moved from in front of me, so sudden and without warning, I damn near did a face plant on the sidewalk.

  I opened my eyes and turned to maybe, I don’t know, jump him, but he was gone. Fuck, he was gone.

  I touched my lips with my fingers, my heart rate racing uncontrollably. My legs were weak; my head spinning. What the hell just happened?

  Paul Logan just kissed me!

  I couldn’t believe it. And what was worse was that I not only liked it, but I wanted more. The electricity that went through me when he kissed me was something I had never felt before. That kiss was everything I dreamed a kiss could be and more.

  I decided I needed to look for him. I didn’t know what I would say to him but I would think of something, I had to. I ran to the direction of the beach and once I stepped foot on the sand, I looked up and down the beach, but I didn’t see him. I called his phone and it went straight to voicemail. I looked for him for about thirty minutes before I gave up and went up to my room.

  When I finally made it back to the room, stunned and still burning for Paul, Sebastian ended up being there. He started hugging me when I got in the door, spewing shit about how much he loved me and wouldn’t do anything to hurt me, but I tuned him out. I mean I looked at him while he talked and I nodded in the appropriate places. I just wasn’t truly listening. All I kept thinking about was Paul.

  What do I do? Should I find Paul and tell him how uncool it was that he kissed me; despite the way it made me feel?

  We should've never crossed that line. In fact, maybe he was right about us not being friends. That kiss didn’t feel friendly, it felt wicked and seductive and forbidden. I wasn’t a home wrecker. I wasn’t a cheat and despite what happened, I knew Paul was better than that too. What he did, the fight, the kiss, was the result of him not thinking straight.

  I’d find a way to talk to him tomorrow. In the meantime, I’d hold my tongue and talk to Sebastian once I get home.

  “The good thing about failing is that you get a second chance to do better.” - Unknown

  16

  Lauren

  As I drove along I-95, heading to my parents, I couldn’t help but think about Paul. The day we all left the beach was a solemn one. No one really said much of anything to anyone on the way to the airport. Sabrina wasn’t among us, but no one asked after her, so I figured this was expected, considering what happened last night. Then once we arrived at the airport, we all were too busy getting our tickets and checking luggage to speak to each other. I did try to make eye contact with Paul, but he ignored me. He wore a cap on his head covering his eyes from the world but by his body language, I could tell he wasn’t himself. In fact, the only person that got close to him was Samson and from where I stood observing them, Samson didn’t get much from his friend.

  Everyone made it through security without incident and we all went our separate ways. Sebastian managed to pull me to the side, away from everyone, and kissed my cheek. He hugged me and said close to my ear, “When you get back let’s really sit down and talk.”

  I pulled back from him and met his brown eyes. “Yes, that sounds good. I’ll see you in a few days.” I gave him small smile and squeezed his hands before heading to my gate.

  He and I didn’t talk about the things I wanted to last night. Instead, Sebastian gave me the same tired ass excuses and old promises about things getting better between us. As I mentioned before, I tuned him out last night, unimpressed with his words. This wasn’t new. When he felt me pulling away from him, he would make empty promises and plans to do things together, just the two of us. In the past, that worked for me. Now not so much. I didn’t want him to make promises he couldn’t keep. I wanted the truth and I felt like I deserved that from him. Oh yeah, we were going to definitely talk when I got home. Unfortunately, he wasn’t going to like the outcome.

  Last night I fell to my knees and prayed for guidance. Marriage was a huge thing and I couldn’t just dismiss mine over feelings and emotions. I had to be sure and right now the only thing I was sure of was that my life was in shambles. I didn’t want to make decisions based on my heart. I needed to follow my head. I needed to make the decision that was best for me.

  I found my gate, took an empty seat next to the window and slumped in the chair. My flight wasn’t leaving for another forty-five minutes but I embraced the time alone to quiet my thoughts and get prepared for the debauchery that was my family.

  “Lauren…”

  I looked up to find Paul standing in front of me. I sat up as he sat down next to me, taking in his brooding demeanor.

  Damn he was hot and smelled so good.

  I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to get myself together. When he didn’t say anything right away, I looked over at him to find him leaning forward his forearms resting on his legs. His eyes were glued to his boots as if he was waiting around for them to speak to me for him.

  �
�Lauren, I owe you an apology,” he finally said, which shocked the hell out of me. I was the one who should be telling him this and suddenly I didn’t want this to be our reality. I studied him hard, wishing he would look at me. His cap was so low on his head, I could barely see his face. I wanted to read his eyes, to know if they matched his words, but that didn’t, couldn’t happen.

  I resolvedly sighed and replied, “It’s okay.”

  “No, Lauren, it’s not. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I was out of line and I apologize for that.”

  Dang, I wasn’t ready for this conversation. I wasn’t ready to hear that he had made a mistake when he kissed me. It didn’t feel like a mistake. But I guess I was getting the answer to my prayers. What happened between us shouldn’t have happened. He was right, we couldn’t be friends.

  “Paul, will you tell me what happened last night that changed?” I asked.

  “No, not right now.”

  “Well, are we at least still friends?” I asked, stupidly. Glutton for punishment, remember?

  Paul shook his head and finally looked at me. Goodness, I fought the urge not to gasp. The man looked stricken with sadness and anger and…pain, which broke my heart in a million pieces.

  “Not right now,” he replied but I knew that was his way of gently telling me goodbye. “I need some time.” His words were gutting me. I could feel my chest getting tight.

  I bit back some tears that I was surprised wanted to fall. I wasn’t much of a crier but my heart felt like it was being stepped on by fate and life. I wanted to tell him that but nothing came out. Instead, I just nodded my acceptance.

  He looked back down at his shoes. “So, when are you coming back?”

  “I’ll be back in three days.”

  “Well, have a safe flight.”

  “Thanks. You have a safe one too.”

  He looked at me one last time then got up and walked away. Okay, I will admit this once… I actually felt a tear fall down my cheek as he walked away. Watching him disappear into a throng of people felt like I was losing a part of me. I had no business feeling this way and yet I couldn’t stop.