My Redemption: Second Chance Series
Page 23
Vargas grinned at me and raised his hand up for me to grasp. I did so and squeezed his hand reassuringly.
“You did good, old man. We managed to get everyone out of that apartment in one piece.”
A look of relief washed over Vargas’ features. He breathed out and closed his eyes, giving my hand another squeeze before he let go.
I smiled to myself as I studied my mentor. Lauren was right about Vargas, which said so much about how well she knew me. If Sabrina had found me instead of Lauren, she wouldn’t have done shit but stay out if my way or figure out a way to make me feel worse. Not Lauren. No matter what I tried to do to push her away, she didn’t budge. She stood her ground and at the same time kept me grounded. Damn, I was in trouble.
“Logan?”
I blinked a few times and realized Vargas was staring at me quizzically.
I cleared my throat and gave him a chin lift. “Uh… Yeah,” I answered realizing he had called my name.
“There’s something else bothering you, isn’t it?”
I signed solemnly. Vargas knew about me and Sabrina and our failing marriage. He shared the opinion of Samson, both telling me countless times how wrong I was handling my marriage. If Sabrina didn’t change and fully fight for your marriage, Vargas had said to me one day, then you need to step aside and let her go.
That had been sound advice and hindsight being what it was, I should have listened. I ran my hand over my short dark hair and brought my eyes to my mentor. This was the true reason why I came here. I took a breath and began to tell him about the woman I was falling hard for.
20
Lauren
Three days have passed since Paul and I had sex or better yet, got our freak on. I wasn’t sure if what he did to me was the norm for him, but if it was then… damn. I was completely surprised at the way he worked what he had, how he moved his hips and last but not least the size of his package.
Another truth I had to admit was how shocked I had been about the size of his package. In fact, he happened to be the biggest I had ever experienced, and that’s saying a lot. Not to say I was a whore and I slept with the world, but if I was comparing penis sizes to the men in my past, Paul was by far the biggest I’d ever been with.
When I first hooked up with Sebastian, I had thought he was a gift from heaven. His sex drive was similar to mine and he loved to get grimy and say dirty words to me. He was average length, I guess, but wider than I had been used to. But Paul Logan… that man! Geesh… He was both wide and long and reminded me of the Energizer bunny; he kept going and going and going. Hell, the soreness from that night just subsided completely yesterday.
Which brings me to tonight…
I was sitting on my closed-in front porch, enjoying the cool summer night breeze wafting through the screens surrounding the front of my house. I had just gotten out of the shower and while still in my robe, I decided to step outside to contemplate on where my life was going.
Oh, who was I kidding, I was day dreaming about how good it felt to have Paul’s impressive dick stroking me with a skill that should be taught to the masses. I still got chills when I thought about how he found my g-spot, grabbed my hair and pounded into me until I freaking saw stars and the gotdamn moon.
But all of those awesome memories, and sexual thoughts couldn’t stop the onsite of guilt I had started to feel. I hadn’t been able to get Paul and what we did out of my mind. I didn’t care so much about my marriage, hell I didn’t have one, but Paul did. I wasn’t sure if Sabrina was coming home or not. When I had asked him the other night, he simply repeated my answer to his question about Sebastian, she was gone. Gone for good? I didn’t know and that made me feel even more like crap.
I was frustrated with myself for days at what I had done. I should’ve listened to him when he told me to leave, but I couldn’t. I shouldn’t have kissed him knowing that number one I had too much to drink and number two I was horny as shit. And I shouldn’t have enjoyed what he did to me, the way he handled me and fucked me, but… I did. Hell, I enjoyed it immensely and I wanted more.
My body craved to have his on top of me, underneath me, talking dirty to me. God, that man had a dirty mouth. And can we just talk about his mouth for a second?
He was very talented with that tongue of his and he didn’t do much but kiss the hell out of me. Still, it was the way he kissed me, the way he teased my nipples and sucked on the hot spots along my neck that had me writhing for more.
Here was the issue. Regardless of how good he worked my pussy, I could not have him again. It was wrong. I had no clue where his relationship stood with his wife. He and Sabrina were going through problems, sure, but maybe they could work through them. What I needed to do was step off and allow them to work through their differences without a distraction. It would be the right thing to do. What he and I did was a mistake and the sooner I accepted that, the better I’d be.
Huh… sounds easy enough. If only my body would get the message and stop getting hot every time I thought about him. I closed my eyes and hugged myself. I swear, this year was turning out to be shit.
I sank deeper into one of the wicker outdoor chairs on my porch, propped my feet on the matching table in front of me and closed my eyes. The light sounds of life going on around me, soothed me as I tried not to dwell on how crazy this year was ending up. A chill rocked my body, despite the warm breeze flowing through the covered space. I opened my eyes, placed my feet on the porch so I could head back into the house and get dressed, when I heard someone clear their throat. I jumped at the closeness of the sound, located its source and tightened my robe against my naked body.
I narrowed my eyes on the dark figure standing at the bottom of my steps, until Paul came into focus.
“Hey,” he said simply.
“Hey,” I replied back, tentatively walking toward the screen door.
Paul was standing in front of me looking delectable, with flowers in one hand and a plastic bag of what I assumed, based off of the smell, was food in the other. He was dressed in a simple dark color T-shirt, dark jeans and dark sneakers.
Damn he looked good enough to eat.
The memories of the other night came back with a vengeance. My body heated, warmth flowing through my veins like wildfire. His smile made me feel all kinds of shy and weak for him. And those dimples and sexy as sin blue eyes of his…oowee, my lady bits were crying out for his touch again.
“Lauren?” I jumped again at the sound of his voice, realizing I had been staring at him.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I managed to ask.
How long was I staring at him? Did he notice?
His smiled deepened and took on more of a shyness to it, which gave me my answer. I’m such a perv.
“I asked if you and I could talk. I have peace offerings to help persuade you.”
He held up a bouquet of red roses and a bag of what I surmised to be Chinese food. Knowing him, the food was from my favorite spot on Bloomfield Ave, the jerk. My stomach took that second to growl, loudly I might add, giving its approval of the great smelling food. Yet, I didn’t move.
Paul walked up closer to the screen door and spoke softly to me.
“Please, Lauren, I really need to talk to you. I promise I’ll be good; if you’re worried about that.”
I wasn’t worried about him as much as myself. Just thinking about him had me reminiscing about how good he made me feel. Now that he was standing in front of me, the need to rip his clothes off was overwhelming.
However, we’re adults. I think I could keep my hands to myself if he could. After all, I just coached myself to keep my hands to myself. What better way than to test my resolve. Plus, as I said, I was hungry as hell.
So, I pulled up my big girl pants, breathed out a measured sigh and moved to open my screen door. I unlatched the feeble lock and stepped aside so he could come on the porch. He walked past me, giving me his panty dropping smile.
Ugh, why does he have to be so freakin sexy.
>
I motioned for him to precede me into the house. I locked my screen door and followed him inside, inhaling his scent and fighting the urge to attack him. Once we were inside, I closed my front door, locked it and stood there with Paul watching me closely.
“Uh, I hope you’re hungry.” He held up the bag of great smelling food and I smiled.
“I am actually.”
Paul’s eyes shamelessly roamed my body and stopped right where my boobs were hidden behind the terrycloth robe. I fought the urge to cross my arms or tighten my robe; the man stared at my boobs as if he could see right through the thick material.
“Ahem…” He cleared his throat, his eyes transfixed on my breasts. “Do you want…to… uh.” He motioned to my robe with his finger trying to bring attention to my attire, his eyes darkening as he continued to stare at me.
Yeah, I should go and put clothes on.
“Right,” I pointed to my stairs and headed toward them. “If you’ll excuse me. Let me just…”
I didn’t bother with finishing my sentence. I quickly took the steps, two at a time, desperately putting much needed space between us.
I didn’t take too long getting dressed. I pulled on a pair of running shorts and a Montclair State Tee. I quickly placed my hair in a high ponytail and glossed up the lips a bit.
I came back downstairs to see that Paul had already made me a plate and put the flowers he gave me in a vase.
He bought me Generals Taos chicken and white rice, which was my favorite. On his plate, was a huge pile of chicken Lo Mein and two egg rolls. We sat at opposite ends of the island that separated the dining room and kitchen areas.
“Thanks for this, I was starving,” I told him, digging into my food.
He smiled. “You’re welcome.”
We ate in silence for a while, which I was thankful. I needed to get myself together, which was easier said than done. His cologne, the flex of his muscled forearm every time he lifted his fork to his blessed mouth, was making me wet. I even thought it was hot the way he chewed his food, how the muscles in his jaw moved and his Adam's apple bobbed when he swallowed…. Goodness, I wanted to lick him from head to toe.
I cleared my throat, shifted in my stool and broke the quiet.
“Hey, so, how’s Vargas doing? Any good news to report?”
I looked at him expectantly and waited until he swallowed his food to answer me.
He gave me a nod, drank from the bottle of water in front of him then gave me an update that was both great news and sad.
“He’s good, thanks for asking. He’s up and about but still in the hospital. He’ll make a full recovery however, due to the injury he sustained to his lungs, he won’t be allowed to fight fires anymore.”
My hands immediately went to my chest, my heart breaking for a man I didn’t know. However, knowing what kind of man Paul was, it had to be devastating news for the Vargas family. “I'm sorry, Paul. I know he’s devastated.”
Paul nodded. “Yeah, it hit him hard. But even though that part of his life is over, it doesn't mean he’s being laid out to pasture. He told me he was thinking about going back to teaching, which is good. He and I first met at the academy. He was my instructor and responsible for me being the firefighter I am today. Also, the young man we saved from that apartment came by the other day to thank us. He advised us that everyone was doing great and they had managed to find another apartment in a better neighborhood. He then told us he was taking the test to be a firefighter in the fall.”
I smiled. “Wow, that’s amazing. You guys should be proud of the work you do. You influence a lot of people even if you don’t often see it or hear it. The neighborhood respects you guys.”
He nodded. “Thanks, it’s a great feeling to know everyone has our backs here in the community. And it matters when we hear positive stories like that young man. It feels good to know that our sacrifices mean a lot.”
Comfortable silence fell between us and we returned to our plates. I played with my food, pushing the rice around all the while trying to figure out how to ask him about Sabrina. Luckily Paul was the one to bring up the topic of our exes starting with mine.
“So, uh… where’s Sebastian?” He stabbed at the few remaining noodles on his plate before he breathed out, dropped the fork and brought his eyes to mine. “You mentioned he was gone but—"
“I kicked him out,” I blurted abruptly, breathing out a huge sigh of relief.
It felt like I had been holding my breath this whole time, waiting for him to bring it up and now that he had, I could breathe again. Paul, on the other hand, looked as if he was about to pass out. Paul’s eyes grew wide at my sudden outburst. I waited for him to ask me why I kicked him out or when, but he just continued to stare at me.
Realizing that he wasn’t going to ask, I offered up the story. I told him everything that happened from the moment I entered the house and found Sebastian banging someone else, to him high tailing it out of the house barely dressed.
As I told him my story, Paul pulled out two bottles of beer for us, and placed his stool right next to me. I was thankful for his closeness. Even though it’s been a few weeks since everything went down, it still hurt to think about Sebastian and the lies and secrets he kept from me.
When I finished my story, Paul shook his head.
“Wow, so I guess your gut was right. He was cheating on you.”
“Guess it was, but it didn’t prepare me for the biggest shock of my life.”
I hadn’t told him the “pièce de résistance” during my tirade. I was holding that juicy tidbit until the end.
Oblivious to my meaning, Paul shrugged a shoulder and raised his eyebrows. “Well, I’m sure catching your husband with another woman in your bed had to be horrible.”
I shook my head and held up a finger. “Ah no! What makes all of this worse is that I found out Sebastian is gay. He’s probably been gay all this time and I never knew.”
Paul looked at me confused. “You just said you found him with Amy. How can he be…?” Paul trailed off then grew silent. It didn’t take him long and after about thirty seconds I finally saw the light of recognition in Paul’s eyes.
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!”
I shook my head, grinning. “I’m afraid not!”
Paul got up from the island and walked away from me. He then turned around and just stared at me; hands on his hips, a ‘what the fuck' look on his handsome face.
I nodded as if I was reading his mind. “I know, I feel like an idiot too. I had no knowledge of it at all.” I slouched down in the stool, defeated and admitted softly, “The sad part about all this is that I’ve been beating myself up ever since, wondering if this was my fault, you know.”
Paul walked closer to me, shaking his head. “I don’t think you had anything to do with that. I mean, you don’t just turn gay overnight.”
“Yeah, I know, but it still doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy. And what about Amy? I should’ve been able to tell that she wasn’t a woman. We women have radars for that kind of thing. Either she had surgery or my radar is busted.” I rolled my eyes and folded my arms protectively around me.
Paul moved his chair even closer to mine and sat down. He reached for my hand and laced his fingers with mine. He gave me a comfortable squeeze before he dropped my hand. I missed his touch instantly but I didn’t react to the loss. Paul was setting the tone with us. We were just friends, despite what happened to us a few days ago. We couldn’t go there again.
Paul continued doing his best to make me feel better. Huh, I knew what would make me feel better… Gah Lauren stop it.
“Lauren, you had nothing to do with what happened. You didn’t push Sebastian into… shit I can’t believe I’m saying this but into another man’s arms.”
He went to touch my face but pulled his hand back as if touching me would scar him. He took this time to get up from the seat next to me and went in the fridge for another beer once he realized we both were out.
I took a swig of my beer and set the bottle in front of me. “Oh, yeah? What would that be?”
“Sabrina and I aren’t together anymore.”
It was my turn to be shocked. My eyebrows shot up in surprise; my eyes growing large as saucers. “Really, since when?”
He sighed and sat next to me. “Since after the trip to Myrtle Beach.”
It was his turn to tell me his story. He let me in on what happened that night at the hotel, about the argument he and Sabrina had, and revelation that his wife had been stepping out on him for months. When he brought up the part about not being spontaneous, I got curious.
I asked him, “Is that why you kissed me? You wanted to be spontaneous?”
He gave me this crazy look that I had to say, made me relax a bit.
“No, Lauren. I kissed you because I wanted to. I had been wanting to for a while now.” I didn’t hide the shock on my face from his admission.
He’s been wanting to kiss me for a while? What do I say to that?
Paul sighed after seeing the doubt and questions in my eyes.
“Look, Sabrina and I haven’t been happy for a very long time, you know this. The things you said about us faking it was true. The pretending was just happening way before you noticed.”
“Like when?” I asked curious.
Paul shrugged. “Since the first day we met. Sabrina and I kidded ourselves thinking we could pretend everything was fine in front of our friends, but we ended up hurting ourselves more, and each other, in the process.
“Our marriage was over a long time ago. Unfortunately, I was too busy trying to save a raft from sinking by sticking my finger in a whole the size of my fist, you know, doing the honorable thing. However, that only made the hole bigger. Then I met you and…”