by Jane Charles
“Yep,” I laugh. “But I don’t want to lose my job. You said it had to be shoveled before the plows.”
“Wait until the wind is done,” he says in a tone like I’m the biggest idiot.
“Good idea,” I say. “I’ve been fighting a losing battle anyway.”
“Where’s Nina? Why didn’t she answer inside?”
“Because she’s out here.”
“You aren’t letting her shovel are you?”
“No, and she’s not happy about it.” Miguel would be pissed if he knew Nina had been shoveling and she wasn’t happy when her shovel broke.
“Then why is she outside?”
“Because she’s taking it out on me with snowballs, if you must know.”
Miguel chuckles. “Tell her to get inside, it’s too cold.”
“Miguel says to get inside,” I yell back at her. She responds with a snowball to my chest.
“How is your brother?”
There is a long pause.
“We need to make a decision.”
My gut tightens and I hold up a hand and hope Nina stops throwing at me for a little bit.
“He didn’t get better with the surgery and has been on life support.”
“I’m really sorry, Miguel.”
“His wife is going to decide this afternoon so I may be down here longer.”
Nina drops the snowball she’d been holding and comes over, a questioning look in her eyes.
“Take your time. We’ve got it covered.”
“Of course you do. You closed the place down as soon as I left.”
I just roll my eyes.
“Can you change my ticket? I might not make it back on Sunday.”
“Sure! What day?”
“I’ll let you know.”
“We should be able to open back up tomorrow.”
“Just make sure Nina gets inside and stays warm.”
“I’ll make sure she does.” Though I may throw her in a snowdrift first.
“And, make sure she starts looking for her brothers. Can’t you do that with the Internet? You’re on it all day. Make her look for her family.”
I look over at Nina. “I will tell her.” Hopefully she’ll be more open to it than she was a few days ago.
“Take care, Miguel. Call if you need anything.”
“Tell me what?” Nina asks as I hang up the phone.
“To find your brothers.” I grab the shovel. “Let’s get back inside. It’s too cold to be out here.”
28
So much for fun! I was enjoying playing outside with Tex and then Miguel had to issue an order that threw a wet blanket on an already cold day.
Hopefully Tex will leave it at that. He delivered Miguel’s order, like he was supposed to, and maybe he won’t say anything else. I don’t want to argue with him, like we did before, but he doesn’t get how hard this is. I don’t know what Dylan and Noah are like now. Maybe they don’t want to be found. They didn’t find me, and for the first time since I was little, I’m feeling loved and accepted for who I am. I want to just enjoy that for now.
“Coffee?” Tex asks as we get back inside.
“I’d really like hot chocolate.” That’s what you’re supposed to drink after playing in the snow. “I don’t suppose we have any.”
After we take off our snowy boots, coats, scarves, hats and gloves we head into the kitchen and I start digging for a box of instant hot chocolate packets, but can’t find any. Meanwhile, Tex gets a pot out and puts it on the stove, then takes out the milk, salt, vanilla and a can of cocoa.
“What are you doing?”
“Making hot chocolate.”
I’ve never seen it made like that. “You can do that or are you just making that up?”
He holds the brown can up to me and sure enough, there is a recipe on the back. “Is it any good?”
“Would I make you something that is bad?”
He hasn’t yet. “I’ll just have to take your word for it and see how it tastes.”
“So little faith,” he grumbles as I go back into the living room.
Thank God he didn’t get on me about finding my brothers. Maybe he’ll forget all about it.
I flip through the channels and can’t find anything I want to watch. There aren’t even any movies on Hallmark. Those movies don’t seem as fictional as they did a week ago, except Tex and I have moved a lot faster than those couples do. I finally settle on USA to watch NCIS.
Tex comes in a little later carrying two mugs of hot chocolate.
“I thought we’d watch the show that made the name LeRoy cool again,” I tease.
His phone rings as he’s sitting down.
“Miguel?”
Tex shakes his head and answers. “You’re on speaker, Julia, so don’t say anything that will embarrass me.”
“That depends, who else is listening,” she teases.
“Nina.”
“Hey, Nina, I’m Julia, Tex’s older sister.”
He rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his chocolate. She must do that a lot and he hates it, which just eggs me on. “Calling to check on your baby brother.”
Julia chortles. “I like you already, Nina.”
“Don’t encourage her,” Tex growls at me.
“You guys still snowed in up there?”
“Yep. You?”
“We didn’t get hit like you guys did. So you and Nina just hanging out with Miguel, waiting for it to finally stop blowing?”
Tex explains about Miguel being in Florida and getting out of here just in time before it hit.
“So you kids have been all alone this whole time?”
“Julia,” Tex warns.
“Better not tell Mom and Dad.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because Dad warned Tenney that if he lives with a girl he might get lustful thoughts.” Julia laughs again. “They are afraid he’ll want to fornicate.”
My face heats.
“Mom doesn’t want him ruined before marriage.” Julia is still laughing.
“I’m pretty sure that ship sailed.”
“Yep, when he was like fifteen with Sarah Douglas up in the barn.”
I look over at over at Tex, whose face is bright red.
“If you two are done sharing…”
“I haven’t even started,” Julia interrupts.
“What about her daughters?” I’d think their mom would worry about all her kids.
“Why, her daughters would never, ever, think about fornicating before marriage,” she says with mock Southern shock.
“That ship has sailed too,” Tex laughs.
“So, how much older are you?” Tex has mentioned the names of all of his siblings, but I don’t know the order or the ages.
“Six minutes,” he says.
“Oh my God, you are twins?” How could I not know that about him?
“Geez, Tenney, don’t you ever talk about us, or even me?” Julia whines.
“Nina and I like to talk about interesting things.”
“Ouch!”
My heart hitches at their playful banter. I didn’t have a twin, but I do have two brothers and a sister. If Mom and Dad wouldn’t have been fuckups, would we be like this? I sure as hell wouldn’t have scars on my leg. Or, if I had any scars, they would have been from normal things like falling off a bike, not a sadistic thirteen-year-old.
“How is Dave?” Tex asks.
I assume that is Julia’s boyfriend.
“Awesome. I’m learning so much, and my line work is really getting tight.”
“Julia is studying to be a tattoo artist behind Mom and Dad’s back while she goes to school for a business degree,” Tex explains.
Tattoo. He isn’t going to tell her that I’m thinking of getting one and why is he?
Tex gives me a look like I should know better. Sometimes, I think he can read my mind and it’s not exactly something I’m comfortable with.
“I still plan on coming up there in the spring to check
things out.”
“That would be great,” Tex’s voice goes up like he’s excited about the idea.
“I’ll let you know when I have the details. Will I be able to stay with you or do I need to find a hotel?
“Stay here,” Tex says. “You can have my room. I’ll take the couch.”
“Are you sure Miguel won’t mind?”
“Not at all,” he assures her.
“Great! Well, I gotta go. Nice meeting you Nina, well, over the phone. I’ll see you in the spring.” Then she is gone.
I toss my phone back on the table and sip my hot chocolate.
“Your sister sounds nice,” Nina says as she curls up in the corner of the couch and pulls the quilt over her bent knees. She’s holding her cup of hot chocolate and leaning forward.
“Julia? She’s a pain in the ass.”
Nina laughs. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a twin?”
“It never came up.” I shrug.
“Tell me about them.”
“Who?”
“Your family. I told you some of my stuff. Don’t you think it’s time you share?”
So, I tell her about my siblings, their ages, what they do, and basic stuff about growing up in Texas, except I don’t mention the oil. Just the ranch and the cattle and horses.
“Who was Sarah Douglas?” Nina asks with a grin.
My face heats. “First girlfriend, kind of. She had a wild side to her and taught me a hell of a lot about girls that summer.”
“Why did you break up?”
“Her parents moved away.”
The teasing smile slips from Nina’s lips. “Did you love her?”
“Sarah? Don’t think so. I was just fifteen and she liked having sex. That was pretty much it.”
“What about your parents?”
“They are just real strong Baptists, set on a moral life and raising their children to be the same. They expect me and Julia to return to Texas, settle down in the same town, marry a nice girl or boy from the church, have a bushel of kids, attend the same church, and never leave again, just like they did. They don’t like that we both live away from there. My older brother went to a Texas university, Julia and I got the hell out of Texas.”
“They’d like it even less if they know what we’ve done.”
“Which is why they’ll never know.”
Nina’s gotten all serious on me. It’s not like I was going to tell my parents anyway. I’m twenty-one and old enough to make my own decisions.
“We also need to still keep all of this from Miguel.”
I agree, but I need to know her reasons. “Why?”
“You know how protective he is about me, and he sounds just like your parents when it comes to me, so I’m pretty sure he’s not going to like knowing we are…”
“Dating,” I offer.
“Fucking.”
It’s not that I’m ashamed of Nina, it’s not that at all, but Miguel will get weird on us and when people learn at the gym, they will just give us shit. I’d rather nobody knew just to make our life easier.
“So, speaking of siblings…”
She levels me with a look.”
“What is the harm in looking for them?”
“What’s the harm in not?”
“Because you could be missing out on something awesome.”
“I don’t even know them.”
“And you are writing them off before you do.”
Nina is biting her bottom lip like she’s not sure what to do. I’m not going to push her. She’s already shared a lot and I don’t want the walls that are left to start building reinforcements. “Hey, I got an idea.” I set my hot chocolate aside and grab my laptop. “Why don’t we start with an easy search?”
“Easy search?” Damn. I hate it when she’s all suspicious.
“Yep, Facebook, then we’ll move onto Twitter, Instagram.”
“You want me to look for my brothers on social media?”
“It’s easy and simple. You might find them or you might not.”
I pull up my page and started typing Dylan White. “All you have to do is type in a name in this bar and search.”
“Don’t.” There is such a finality to her words that I stop immediately, before I can finish with White. “Okay.” I grab a notepad and write down my password and hand it to her. “But, when you’re ready, just log in. Just don’t post screwy stuff to my page.”
Maybe she’ll do this on her own. I gave her the tools and all I can pray is that she uses them. She’s got to connect with her family. They are still a really big part of who she is even if she doesn’t think so. I could tell by the way she talked about them and I’d hate for her not to have them again.
“Well, I’m hitting the shower.” I put my cup in the sink and fill it with water before I stretch. “And in case you’re curious, I don’t mind being interrupted while I’m in there.” I wink at her before heading down the hall, hoping like mad that she follows me.
“Why Tenney, you aren’t suggesting we get naked together and possibly fornicate?” she calls after me.
“I believe that’s exactly what I’m suggesting, Horns.”
29
Before yesterday there is no way in hell that I’d be totally naked with Tex in a way that he could see all of me. But a lot has changed in twenty-four hours.
He’s already got his clothes off and is stepping in the shower when I get to the bathroom. That boy doesn’t waste any time. For a moment I hesitate, but it’s not like I have anything else to hide from him.
I pull off my clothes just as he starts the water. When I’m down to my underwear I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the back of the door. I turn full to it and look at my thigh for the first time in a really long time. I’ve avoided looking at it for as long as I can remember because I hated seeing all of those ugly white circles and was afraid of the memories they’d bring up.
Turning, I spread my hands over my thigh and imagine the size of the tattoo and how it would look. But, should I stop there? Maybe I should tattoo over all the scars, then I won’t have to worry about seeing any of it anymore. Except, I’m not sure how comfortable I am about some stranger tattooing my private parts.
“I get why you want the thigh covered,” Tex says as he comes up behind me. “It’s your personal story and your personal pain and you don’t want anyone asking. But don’t tattoo them all.”
I look up and meet his gaze in the mirror.
“Shave, wax, or don’t do anything, but don’t tattoo over the hidden ones. Embrace them.”
I gawk at him. They are ugly and disfiguring.
“Nina, wear them as your badge of courage and strength. You survived that horrendous torture. You didn’t cower in fear but had the determination, guts and strength to get out and put him away. You testified not once, but twice, at his trials. You told that story to strangers. That takes guts. A hell of a lot of guts.”
He steps behind me and puts his hands on my hips. “When you get out of the shower every day I want you to stand in front of this mirror, naked, and repeat these words. ‘I am strong. I am beautiful. And this is my proof’.”
When he says it like that I almost believe him.
“And,” he continues. “Don’t ever try and hide them from me.”
“But they are ugly.”
“You are beautiful and fierce. That’s what I see.”
I glance over at the shower. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I should stop hiding and accept the scars for what they are. A battle that I did win. “I guess I should find a razor and small clippers.”
“Will you let me?”
I stare into his eyes. Does he really want to shave me, down there?
“It would be an honor,” Tex says. “Plus, your hands are still shaking and I don’t want you to cut yourself.”
He’s right. I am shaking. This is new territory for me. I’m more vulnerable than I’ve been in so long, but Tex isn’t going to hurt me and, I have to start trusting someon
e sometime. And not just basic trust, but complete and total trust, and that person is Tex.
After taking a seat on the bench in the shower, I pull Nina near me and with the bar of soap I lather all her girly parts. There isn’t anything sexual about what I’m doing. This is a hell of a lot more important than sex.
Slowly I trim and scrape away the hair that she’s been using as a shield and reveal more and more scars. I can’t imagine the excruciating pain she must have experienced. She has to have at least two dozen burns between her thigh and her pubic bone.
Eventually, I stop uncovering scars and I glance up. At least I don’t think there are any more. “Do you want me to keep going?”
She looks down and tilts her head, as if studying and trying to decide if she wants all of her pubic hair gone. There isn’t much left. Just a bit around the lips. “I’m kind of scared to try and get rid of the rest with this big razor.”
I’m sure they make smaller ones for places like this. I’ve seen them in the store.
She frowns and probably is thinking that those razor cuts wouldn’t pleasant, at all. “Trim really close?”
I grab the small scissors and work my way down. “Spread them, darlin’.” I wink up at her.
Nina braces her hands on the wall above my head and spreads her legs.
This may have started about facing her scars and uncovering them, but they are now out there and I’m between her legs, clipping away at her pubes and this might just be one of the most erotic things I’ve ever done. Not that I tell her that, of course. This isn’t about sex. It’s about her facing her strengths.
Once I’m done, I wash and rinse her again, then lather down the rest of her body, smoothing the soap over her muscles and I wash every single inch of her. Her hair is tied up and she’s been trying not to get it wet, so I’m really careful not to dunk her under the shower.
“Sit.”
She does and I quickly wash myself. Nina doesn’t offer and I don’t expect her to, but I am surprised when I look over and she’s watching me, a small smile on her lips and a bit of admiration in her eyes. Then she looks down, sees my hard cock and lifts an eyebrow.
