No Man Left Behind: A Veteran Inspired Charity Anthology

by Elizabeth Knox

  “So the name?” Bear asks after a few moments of silence.

  “I don’t know,” I shrug.

  “Horses Helpers,” Cade suggests.

  “I like that.” I nod.

  “I’ll let your dad know. The horses, as per your request, are ones that come from homes that they did not fare well in. Most were abused, several were starved.” I had brought that up to Bear the other day that if I started this, I wanted horses that others didn’t want to give them a second chance.

  “I want to give them a chance just as much as veterans,” I explain to Cade.

  “And it’s all coming together.” Bear leads me to the house.

  “This will be done by the end of the week,” he says as we walk through the walls and I can imagine how it will look. Rustic and modern. It’s like my dad knows me.

  “I designed this,” Bear says and I come to an abrupt stop. Did he say he designed this?

  “You designed this?” I ask him.

  “I went to school to be an architect.” Bear went to school to be an architect?

  “Then why don’t you do that?”

  “I do,” he says with a chuckle. “I guess you don’t know that your dad and mine opened a building business.”

  “Guess he left that out,” I grumble.

  “I design for him, log cabins,” Bear informs me.

  “That’s what I came up to help with,” Cade shrugs.

  I don’t say anything. I just look out over the pasture and hope that I’m not making a mistake.

  “I’d like to take you somewhere,” Bear whispers in my ear.

  “Fine,” I mumble, not sure what I’m feeling, but when I’m around Bear, I feel like I can’t say no.

  “You can drop me off at the house,” Cade offers and Bear nods.

  Once Cade meets up with my father, we head out, down the road, and up the mountain. The forest is dense up here. If you got lost, you wouldn’t be found for days, months, or even years maybe.

  He pulls off a side road and we end up at a small fishing pond. One that my dad and I fish at sometimes or did when I was younger. He slides out of the truck and grabs a basket and blanket.

  He brought me out here for a picnic?

  “Care to join me?” he asks.

  I can only nod and climb out of the truck and follow him. He lays down the blanket and sets the basket down and pats a spot next to him.

  “I don’t . . .” I don’t know what I can’t do but I just feel anxious right now.

  “Can we just talk?” he asks.

  Talking I can do. Or I can try.

  We sit in silence as he hands me a beer and sets out a couple sandwiches.

  “Did you make them or my mom?” I side eye him.

  He laughs. “I did.”

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  “Do I make you nervous?” he asks.

  “Umm, what?” I mean he does but I want to know what he means by that.

  “You always flinch or shy away when I get close.”

  Well here we go.

  “What do you want from me Bear? What is this?” I gesture to everything and I know that came out rude, but I resort to snarkiness when I feel my back is against the wall or when I can’t process my feelings.

  “I want you.”

  “Want me?” He what? Wants me how? Like a side piece or a girlfriend or just to have sex with?

  “I’ve loved you from the day you apologized for that piece of shit in the hallway at school. I bought you that horse because I know that a pet’s love can do wonders for the soul. And I’ve waited twenty fucking years for you to come home to tell you that. I want you in my life, no matter how I get that.”

  And I start to cry. I think this is the first time I’ve cried, besides being in the barn with Thunder, in twenty years. The dam broke, how do I turn it off?

  “Shit,” he says as he reaches for me and then pulls his hand back.

  “I’m not good with feelings. I cry over the stupidest stuff ever since I came home. But I’m a nobody, why would you want me?”

  “You are smart and you did something others can’t or won’t do. You served your country. I know it wasn’t easy. I’ve heard the nightmares and I’ve wanted nothing more than to hold you through them.”

  “I can’t make a relationship work if I can’t even stand a hug,” I sniff.

  “Do you like me, at least?” he asks.

  I nod. Bear is sweet and kind.

  And I guess protective with that growl he had when Cade helped me up and then I look down and notice his hands.

  “What happened?” I gasp.

  “Hawke and I disagreed about something,” he says with a shrug.

  “Me?” Probably the night of the bonfire at the pond.

  Bear nods.

  “Oh.”

  “Look, I won’t push you to do something you don’t want to do. But can we try. I’ll take it slow,” he says.

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  “Can I try something?” he asks.

  I nod.

  “Trust me,” he says as he leans closer. My breathing becomes quick and shallow. I’m trying not to panic.

  I think about Thunder and Mystic and Bug.

  Bear lifts a hand and tucks my hair behind my ear. That’s all he does and I’m still alive, I didn’t die.

  “Thank you.” He smiles at me.

  “Wasn’t too bad,” I admit.

  “I promise to tell you before I touch you,” he says and I think I want to try more touches.

  “You didn’t ask at the house.” I point out.

  “I think you knew I was going to take your hand.” He smiles his megawatt smile at me.

  And when I think about it, I was okay with it.

  It even felt right.

  “Can I touch you?” I feel like a teenager, blushing because I’m so inexperienced.

  He nods and I reach out and run my fingers through his hair and he groans.

  The last time I touched a guy was about a year into the service. I know I was married several times, but I just couldn’t go all the way with them. All divorces because I wouldn’t put out and even though it hurt that they cheated, I can see where I was wrong.

  Hearing Bear groan, I want to do more.

  “Slow,” he says, kissing my hand before reaching for his sandwich and I do the same.

  “I think what you’re doing for fellow veterans is awesome.” He grins.

  “I hope so. I just know that Thunder is a lifeline, as are Mystic and Bug and I want that for others like me.”

  “Have you thought about hiring riding instructors?” he asks.

  “I was hoping you and Chance would help me with that. And in the process of healing, Hawke.”

  Bear cringes and locks up.

  “I’ve seen the world in an evil way and I want to believe that there is still some good in the world. He might not be my favorite person, but he’s in a bad way. This is to help all people, not just veterans. If I can offer a job or two to people in town that need it, then it helps.”

  “You are sweet and kindhearted.” Bear smiles at me.

  We sit in silence and I feel at peace for once.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sienna

  I sleep through the night for the first time and it feels good.

  Everyone, including Cade, is sitting in the kitchen when I come down the stairs. They don’t look happy and I immediately know something is wrong.

  “What?” I snap, not meaning to, but my heart is beating and I know this is going to shatter me whatever it is.

  “Thunder . . .” Bear starts and I take off to the barn.

  He’s on the ground and he doesn’t look good. Mystic and Bug are laying with him.

  “Thunder,” I cry out, collapsing next to him.

  I can’t do this, I can’t lose him. I start to sob, curling into him, not knowing what else to do.

  “Sienna.” I don’t know who is talking to me, nor do I care. I need Thunder.

  I s
ob as I latch onto Thunder’s neck. He nuzzles me and I look at him. He knows it’s time to go. He wants to go.

  He nuzzles me one last time, in his way telling me it will be okay and he just lays down. And he’s gone, I know it.

  “NO!”

  “Sienna.” I hear my name, but I don’t know who it is.

  Someone grabs me and I lash out. In horror for being touched and because I want my horse.

  He’s gone. Bear was right, he waited for me to come home. I know he was old and that he wouldn’t live forever, but nothing prepares you for the death of a beloved pet. I’m not taking it very well. Bug and Mystic looked sorry, even.

  I am tossed into a truck, sobbing. The truck starts moving, it’s Bear’s. We end up at my barn, the one my dad built for me.

  “Sienna.”

  “He’s gone. I didn’t want to believe he would leave me,” I cry out in misery, punching the dashboard. Bear comes around and opens my door and gestures to the barn. I take a breath and then hop out of the truck.

  “He knew it was time. He knew you would be in good hands.” Bear leads me to the barn, which now holds ten horses.

  “When did they get here?” I wipe my tears.

  “This morning. Thunder was out here in the pasture, he followed me. That’s why he knew.” Bear shoves me toward the first stall and it’s like misery finds misery.

  This horse is barely able to stand, but she looks at me like I’m hope.

  “Her name is Stormy,” Bear says and I want to laugh. So fitting that he shows me this one.

  She wobbles as she tries to walk toward me. I meet her halfway and she puts her head on mine and I start to sob again. She needs me, like I needed Thunder.

  It’s like Bear knew I needed this, even though Thunder is still in his stall. He even waited for me to come see him this morning before leaving this earth.

  It breaks my heart that he’s gone. He was waiting to make sure I was okay, he saw these horses and knew I would be okay. Heaven has an angel now.

  But Stormy seems to understand that I need comfort even though she is hurting.

  “We’re going to get you well,” I tell her through my tears.

  I hear a meow and Mystic jumps up on the stall door.

  “You followed,” I sniff and I get a meow in response.

  I know Bug is here somewhere, she’s never far behind, nor that far from me.

  They knew I needed them. Like I always need them.

  I do something that surprises both me and Bear, I launch myself into his arms and kiss him.

  “Thank you,” I whisper.

  “Anytime,” he whispers back, still surprised that I hugged and kissed him.

  “Do you think they moved him yet?” I sniff and he shakes his head.

  “You want to say goodbye one last time?” he asks.

  I nod.

  “Let’s go.” He helps me and my other fur babies into the truck and heads back to the barn.

  Everyone just watches as I kiss Thunder’s muzzle, whisper my prayers for him, and tell him he helped me when I needed him most.

  “I’ll miss you, buddy,” I tell him as Bear leads me back into the house.

  “Oh, sweetie,” my mom says.

  “I’ll be okay.” I nod, knowing right now it feels like I won’t but I will someday.

  “I know you will. I’ll make some tea and warm up your breakfast,” she says, setting off to her tasks, while I watch my dad and the others load Thunder up into the vet’s truck to take to the office.

  “He will be cremated,” Bear says.

  “I’d like his ashes,” I whisper.

  “Of course.”

  “Thank you,” I tell him.

  “I would do anything for you. I’m always here,” he says and for once I believe that.

  I eat my breakfast and sip my tea and think about my first ride on Thunder.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sienna

  Twenty Years Ago . . .

  “Ready to go boy?” I ask Thunder, as he prances around in his stall in anticipation.

  He’s old enough now to ride and I want to see him run. He whinnies as I grab his saddle and get him ready. I climb in the saddle and click him forward.

  “Let’s take it easy at first,” I say and he snorts in response. Probably laughing at me since I think he wants to show me he can run.

  We ride up the trail and stop at the pond everyone in town goes to drink at and I hear another horse.

  Bear rounds the corner on a gelding, a pretty one.

  “Hey.” I wave.

  “You’re riding him finally?” he asks and I nod, patting Thunder’s side.

  “First day. I think he wants to run,” I say and Thunder snorts.

  “Care to race?” Bear grins.

  “You?” He wants to race me?

  “Why not?”

  “Okay, why not?” He’s going to lose but okay, his loss. I think it will be Bear’s first loss, and I’m glad I’ll be the one to hand it to him.

  “There’s the clearing on the other side, we can open up there,” he says as he clicks his little horse forward and Thunder follows.

  “I love it out here,” I say as we come to the meadow, the one filled with wildflowers.

  “It’s pretty,” Bear says but he is looking at me and then he grins as his horse takes off.

  “That’s not fair,” I yell, but I didn’t have to tell Thunder anything, he takes off after Bear.

  And it’s like riding the wind and freedom.

  I catch up to Bear as he laughs.

  “How was it?” he asks, patting Thunder’s muzzle.

  “Freeing,” I admit.

  “He’s a good horse,” he says.

  “He is.” I pat the side of Thunder as he snorts in response, I think we will make a good pair.

  “I’ll escort you home,” Bear says and we follow behind in companionable silence.

  Thunder is freedom and fire. I can’t wait to see how he does in the ring.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Sienna

  Present Day . . .

  Thunder was great in the arena. We won several barrel championships.

  I wanted to get back into it but not without my partner. I can’t do it now, not without him, and I have the other horses to think about and nurse back to health.

  I wipe another tear as I sit in his stall. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.

  Bug and Mystic aren’t that far away. I just feel like there is a hole in my heart. A big one, and I wonder how one moves on. After losing all those soldiers on deployment and now Thunder, my heart is shattered. I feel like it’s karma coming to bite me in the ass.

  “You missed lunch,” Bear says, leaning on the stall door.

  “I know. I just needed some time.”

  “It’s almost dinner. I’d like to take you out,” he says.

  “Okay. I’ll go change,” I say. I slide by him but he reaches for me and I let him.

  “You’re fine in what you have on.”

  I nod and go to put Mystic and Bug inside.

  He takes me to the only steakhouse in town. So, yeah, in town jeans are okay, we could have shown up with cow shit on our shirts and they would still seat us. We take our seats when we’re interrupted.

  “Sienna, I’m sorry about Thunder,” Hawke says, “and the other night.”

  I nod as he keeps talking.

  “I was hurt that you were going to leave me. But at the same time I wasn’t good enough for you. You were off to the military, and I was here doing nothing with my life. I mean I even fucked up Ava’s life,” he says.

  I let him keep going. Though what I have left of my heart is breaking for him. I didn’t know he felt this way and it’s big of him to own up to it.

  “I hope someday you can forgive us,” he says quietly. I can see that he means all of it.

  “Are you done?” I say, though it comes out a little bitchy.

  He nods, stricken with fear at my snap.

  �
�I don’t know when I’ll forgive either of you. But I know that you’re hurting and I want to offer you a job.” He looks taken aback, even glancing at Bear and then me.

  “You’re offering me a job?” he asks, surprised.

  “Yes. On my ranch as an instructor, helping veterans learn to ride and care for horses.”

  “Shit, I mean this is . . .” He looks like he wants to cry.

  “Just come out and see what you’re working with before you say anything. It’s not going to be easy work, but Hawke, you have a family to care for,” I say.

  “No, yeah, I mean I’ll come out tomorrow.” He looks shocked that I offered him a job.

  “See you then,” I say as he rushes out the door.

  “Kind heart.” Bear smiles at me.

  “I try. I think I’m going to offer Mitch a job as well.” I look over at the bar and see him tending the bar. He doesn’t look happy and I find that if you love your job you’ll prosper more. Maybe he will prosper at the equine therapy ranch.

  “Gladys would be over the moon.”

  “I hope this all works out,” I mutter.

  “It will, we’re behind you.” He reaches across the table for my hand and I offer it to him.

  “I’m going to marry you one day,” I blurt out. Then I shut my mouth surprised I even said that.

  “I hope soon,” he says and winks.

  I have been gone a long time, but when I think about some of my past, Bear was there, just like Thunder.

  Thunder brought us together or well, Bear brought us together.

  But I loved Thunder, and I think I love Bear. Every time I came home on leave, Bear was there, making sure I was taken care of, checking on me, taking me places.

  He said he waited twenty years. A guy doesn’t do that if he doesn’t care about you or love you.

  I thought I was waiting for Hawke, but I wasn’t. I was waiting for Bear.

  “Speaking of marriage,” he says as he pulls a box out.

  We haven’t even had sex and he’s pulling out a box. He’s going to ask me. Am I dreaming? Or ready, even though I just told him I would someday.

  “Yet.” He winks.

  Shit, I said that out loud.