by Kaylee Ryan
I’m barely a minute into the story when her breathing evens out, and I know she’s out. I read a little longer, just to be sure, before putting the book off to the side and sliding away from her. Once on my feet, I bend to pick her up and place her in her crib. Kissing the tips of my fingers, I place them to her forehead. “Night, Finny,” I whisper before turning off the light and switching on the small lamp, just like I’ve seen Mara do every night this week.
Every night I’ve been here for bedtime, and I don’t hate it. In fact, I enjoy it more than I ever thought I would. I also enjoy the time with Mara after. Nothing like Monday night, but lots of kissing and her in my arms, so that’s a win in my book.
Quietly making my way down the hall, I find Mara on the couch, with tears in her eyes and a tissue in her hands. “Hey.” I rush to her, sitting as close as I can. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” She laughs through her tears. “I’m just emotional, that’s all.”
“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? What’s causing these tears?” I ask gently, wiping them from her cheeks with my thumbs.
“She’s never wanted anyone but me,” she says sadly. “It’s a new concept for me.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. I hate that Finley wanting me to read to her has caused this.
“Don’t be. It’s silly. I love that you’re so good to her. I love that she has someone other than me in her life who she can turn to. I just…. It’s hard when it’s been just the two of us. Amelia moved home when she was still pretty young, and she was still in the mommy stage. She really likes you.”
“I like her too. She’s a good kid.”
“I really like you too.” Her confession is whispered. “It’s fast and overwhelming, and I don’t know how to handle it all.”
“One day at a time. There is no timeframe we have to live by. We do what’s best for us.”
“Thank you for being so good with her.”
“She’s a part of you,” I say, cupping her cheek. “How could I not be?”
She laughs and her smile overcomes the sadness that shadowed her face just moments before. “She’s going to love you even more once she sees her big-girl bed and that you’re the one putting it together for her.”
“All in my master plan.”
“Oh, yeah? Care to enlighten me?”
“Easy.” I shrug. “I get Finley to fall in love with me, and then by default, you won’t have a choice but to follow suit.”
“Is that what you want? For me to fall in love with you? For both of us to fall in love with you?” she asks. Her tone tells me she’s cautious of my answer, but not so much that she’s afraid to ask.
“I don’t hate the idea.” I wink, and her face lights up.
“Thank you for today. I’m sure you had better things to do than hang out here and paint all day.”
“It was fun. A challenge to keep Finny’s hands out of the paint, but it was a good time. I like being here with the two of you.”
“She’s going to be so excited tomorrow when we go shopping for her big-girl bed. You sure you don’t mind going?”
“Not at all. I’m invested at this point. Not to mention, I promised her a surprise.”
“That’s right. She never forgets either. A few weeks before we moved here, she saw a commercial for ice cream and was determined to get some that night. It was way too close to bedtime, so I appeased her, saying she could have some the next day. She woke up asking for ice cream.”
“What did you do?”
She shrugs and grins. “We had ice cream for breakfast.”
“What? No, I can’t see you doing that.” I laugh.
“Normally, I wouldn’t. She looked so sweet with her hair a tangled mess, rubbing her eyes, asking for ice cream. It was a Saturday, and I knew we would be cooped up all day packing, so I figured why not. It’s okay to live a little. I want her to be spontaneous and adventurous. I just don’t want her to be a wild child and eat ice cream for breakfast every morning.”
“She’s too sweet to be a wild child.”
“Don’t let her innocent looks and that pouty lip fool you.”
“I think it’s her eyes. They’re just like yours, and that makes it even harder for me to say no to her.”
“When have you ever tried to tell her no?”
“At the store when we bought her seat. I really wanted to buy her all three that night.”
“Well, thank you for not.”
“I said that night.”
“What did you do, Seth Jennings?” She playfully smacks my arm.
“What? I had to. I ran to the store after work the next night to pick up the other two. I’ll save them for a rainy day. She wuved them all,” I say, mocking Finley.
“Sucker.” Her grin is wide as she speaks.
“It’s those eyes, I’m telling you.”
“Wait until I tell the guys.” She chuckles.
“Go right ahead. They’ll all get it. Well, Kent will, but not to the extent that the others do. They all have kids. Ridge and Mark specifically with little girls. I mean, how do you discipline her? One wobble of that little lip and a bat of those eyelashes and I’d be toast.”
“If it’s to teach her right from wrong, I don’t have an issue with it. It’s my job to make her a functioning member of society, but if it’s something like repeating a cuss word, it’s hard to keep a straight face.”
“No. No way does my little Finny cuss.”
“She does when she hears her mommy say it when she stubs her toe. I was so afraid that she was going to go to daycare and sing ‘shit’ all day long. I’ve learned to watch my mouth.”
“Yeah, we’ve all gotten better as well. The wives keep on top of us when the kids are around. It was hard with Knox, but now, between the five kids, there is always one lingering and we’re getting used to it. At least I am.”
“Yeah.” She places her hand over her mouth to cover her yawn. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be. We’ve been at it all day. I guess I should head home. What time do you want to leave tomorrow?”
“The store opens at eleven since it’s Sunday. So sleep in.”
“How about I take you girls to breakfast?”
“How about I make us breakfast instead? You don’t have to keep taking us out. You took us out Monday, brought dinner Wednesday and Friday, and then paid for takeout yesterday.”
“I want to.”
“Well, I want to make you breakfast.”
“Okay. What time do you want me here?”
She thinks about it while biting on her bottom lip. “Ten? I think we should be at the store when it opens. I have to go to the store tomorrow for next week as well.”
“Ten it is. You need me to bring anything?”
“Just you, Seth. You’ve already done too much.”
“Never.” I lean in and kiss her softly. “I don’t want to leave you.”
“I thought maybe it was just me.”
“Definitely not.”
“One more,” I say, pressing my lips to hers. I kiss her lips, then trail my kisses across her jaw and down her neck.
“Seth.”
I’m not sure if it’s a warning or a plea, but I pull back and kiss the tip of her nose. “I’m going to run out and start my truck. Be right back.” I stand and rush to the door, sliding my feet into my boots and head out the door. The cool wind does nothing to cool my body’s reaction to her. At this point, I don’t know if anything ever will.
“You should have worn your coat,” she says, standing by the door when I get back inside. “You’re going to get sick.”
“Me? I’ll be fine.” I wrap my arms around her and she shivers from the cold.
“I forgot that Amelia is coming over tomorrow for breakfast so we can catch up.”
“Okay. So I’ll come a little later.” Not an issue. Sure, I want all their time, but I know she hasn’t been able to catch up with Amelia this week, because she’s been with me.
“
No, I still want you to be here. I’ll text her and tell her to come a little earlier because we’re going bed shopping.”
“You sure? I know you’ve been missing her calls all week.”
“I’m sure. I’m not going to shut you out to see her or shut her out to see you. Although you’re so distracting I’m sure that’s how it seems.”
“Distracting, huh?” I ask, my lips nipping at her ear.
“So distracting.”
“I’ll be here,” I whisper in her ear. “Sweet dreams, Mara.” Standing to my full height, I pull her into my chest and hug her tight.
“Drive safe. Let me know when you make it home.”
“Will do, babe. Lock up behind me.” It takes everything I have to pull away from her and walk out the door. This week has been more than I can describe. Spending time with them and getting to see them together as a family. I long to be a part of it. The more time I spend with them, the more that becomes clear to me.
I want them to be my family.
In the living room, I flip through the TV channels, but nothing is gaining my interest. It could be because my interest is about ten minutes across town. The Walmart bag with the doll and the other stuffed animal are staring at me from where I dropped the bag on the chair earlier this week. I don’t know when I’m going to give them to her, but I knew she had to have them. Sounds crazy now, but at the time, all I could think about was making that little girl smile. Both of them.
Glancing at the clock, it’s just before nine. I have another hour before I have to be there. I should have slept in, but that’s impossible. I’m used to getting up early for work, so the weekends are ruined for me. Turning off the TV, I toss the remote on the couch cushion next to me and call my parents and check-in.
“Seth, how are you, son?” Dad answers.
“Hey, Dad. Good. How are things?”
“Can’t complain. How about you? Anything new?”
I hesitate for maybe a second before blurting it out. “Yeah, Mara and I are dating.”
“Mara? That’s Amelia’s friend, right?”
“Yeah, she and her daughter, Finley, just moved to town. She’s working at Beckett for Ridge.”
“And the two of you are dating?” he clarifies.
“Yeah, she and I’ve been talking since she was here over the summer. Nothing official, just texting back and forth, a phone call here or there. Now that she’s here, we’re seeing where things go.”
“She’s a mom.”
“I know.”
“You know what that means?”
I chuckle. “Yeah, you can ask Mark all about that conversation. I was battling with it in my mind, and when everything went down with Daisy, I gave him the same speech. I know what it means. I know it’s two hearts on the line. But it’s actually three. I really like her.”
“Well, you’re going to have to bring them over for dinner. I’ll have your mother call you to set it up.”
“Where is Mom? I assumed she’d already be listening in to our conversation by now.”
“Oh, she’s out shopping with Sonia. They went to the outlet malls today. What are you getting into?”
“Mara and I are going to buy Finley a big-girl bed. Well, I mean a twin-size bed. Sorry, that’s what we called it all day yesterday when we painted her room.”
“Sounds like you’re settling in.”
“I hope so.”
“Just be yourself, son. She won’t be able to resist you. Your mother will be thrilled. She’s been yacking about grandkids since Knox was born.”
“Like she’s the only one,” I say, chuckling.
“Fine, we both want them while we’re still young enough to enjoy them.”
“Well, maybe I can talk Mara into a date night, and you and Mom can watch Finley for us?” I ask.
“You tell us when and we’re there. I’m not going to mention it to your mother. I wouldn’t put it past her to call Sonia and have her help convince Mara to let us keep the tyke for a couple of hours.”
“Well, if I need backup, I’m definitely calling Mom.” I know the power of persuasion when our mothers band together. Sonia and Mom will be no match for Mara. “All right, I’m heading over there now, I just wanted to call and catch up.”
“Good to hear from you, son. I’ll have your mom call and set up dinner. We need to meet Mara and Finley again now that things are official. Welcome them to the family.”
“Will do. Talk to you later.” I end the call with a smile on my face. My parents are nothing short of amazing. I don’t know how they’ve put up with me all these years and still laugh about the shit the guys and I used to do back in the day. Nothing illegal, but we were always getting into something and eating them out of house and home. Not once did they complain. They just welcomed my friends with open arms. All five of us were lucky in that department. Amelia too. Although her parents were a lot older than ours, so they were kind of the outcasts of the group, staying to themselves, and we hardly ever went there. She was always with us.
That was a good way to spend fifteen minutes, but I can’t wait any longer. Grabbing my phone, I slide it into my pocket, collect my coat, and head outside to start my truck. I mess around outside, shoveling the small amount of snow that fell last night from the sidewalk while the truck warms up, and fifteen minutes later, I’m pulling into her driveway, parking my truck beside Amelia’s car.
I knock once and hear Finley yell, “Sef,” which brings a smile to my face. I hear her little feet pad across the floor and Mara’s voice telling her to not open the door. When the door finally opens, I’m greeted by my girls.
“Sef.” Finley holds her hands out for me, and I don’t hesitate to take her from Mara.
“Hey, Finny.” I tickle her side, making her squirm.
“You’re letting in all the cold air.” Mara laughs as I step in and toe-off my boots. Leaning down, I kiss her forehead. “Morning, babe.”
“Oh, how the mighty have fallen,” Amelia chirps from her spot at the kitchen table.
“I’m enjoying the ride,” I say, my eyes never leaving Mara. “You need any help?”
“No, I’ve made a breakfast casserole. It should be ready in another twenty minutes.”
“Well, Finny, what do you say we go do some coloring so Mommy and Aunt Amelia can catch up?”
“Cowor.” She cheers and wriggles until I let her down, and she races to the coffee table where her coloring books and crayons are laid out.
“Missed you,” I say, kissing the corner of Mara’s mouth while Finley is occupied before joining her in the living room. I can hear Mara and Amelia chatting, but Finley demands my attention as she shows me each color, and she changes them frequently. I hear laughter and look over to find Mara with her head tilted back and a huge smile on her face. Amelia is laughing and waving her hands in the air, telling a story. A knot twists in my gut. I’m going to need to tell Mara about New Year’s Eve. Even though I can’t remember it—neither one of us can—and it meant nothing, I still have to tell her.
I didn’t cheat on her, although it feels like I did. We weren’t dating. Hell, we weren’t anything at that point, but the thought of us being more was there in the back of my mind. I never should have drunk that much. If I had been sober or less trashed, I would have known better. I slept with one of my best friends. Not only that, she’s my girlfriend’s one and only friend as well. I’m scared as hell that she’ll push me away. I won’t go quietly, certainly not without a fight. I fought myself for long enough, worried I wouldn’t be enough for them, both her and Finley. Now that they’re here and in my life, I want more time with them. I will strive each day to be what they need.
“Seth.” Mara’s soft voice accompanies her hand on my shoulder, bringing me out of my thoughts. “You okay?” she asks when I look up at her.
“Yeah, just dazed off there for a minute. Are you ready for us?” I look over to discover Finley is no longer sitting beside me.
“She heard me yell that it was read
y. Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes.” I stand and kiss her temple. “Just lost in thought.”
“Anything you want to talk about?”
“Not really.” I lie. “Just thinking about how much I like us, you, me, and Finley.” That is not a lie.
Her face lights up in a smile. “I like us too.”
Snaking a hand around her waist, I guide us to the kitchen. Amelia is already eating, as is Finley. I take a seat next to the high chair, and Mara sits on the other side.
“Bite.” Finley offers me her spoon with a bite of her casserole on it. Leaning in, I pretend to eat it and she cackles with laughter. “Bite, Sef,” she says, holding it out again. I pretend again, but she’s not having it. “Bite.” She grins.
Taking the hint, I wrap my lips around her spoon and exaggerate a moaning sound like it’s the best food I’ve ever tasted. It’s not too far of an exaggeration; it’s pretty damn good. “Yummy.” My real bite must appease her because she goes back to shoveling in her breakfast. “Morning, A,” I say to Amelia as I make my plate.
“Morning.” She grins. “I’ve been hearing all kinds of things about you, Seth Jennings.”
“Oh, yeah? All good I hope.” I focus on taking my first bite instead of looking over at Mara.
Amelia laughs. “Surprisingly. I’m actually kind of disappointed. I wanted to watch you sweat over the fall, but you jumped in feet first.”
“Do you blame me?” I ask her.
“Nope. Treat them right,” she warns, pointing her fork at me.
“You have my word.”
“Good. Now, what’s this big surprise Finley keeps yammering on about?” she asks.
“I told her I had a surprise for her today.”
“Oh, I love surprises.”
“You’re welcome to go with us,” Mara tells her. “We’re going to buy a b-e-d.” She spells it out. “For the big girl.” Mara nods toward Finley, who is completely focused on her breakfast.
“You’re buying it?” Amelia asks me.
“Right.” I laugh. “Like this one would let me get away with that. She made me be the bad guy and tell Finny she could only have one stuffed animal the other day.” I fake a pout, and Mara chuckles under her breath.
