by Kaylee Ryan
She smiles softly. “I deserve that. But no, I promise you it has nothing to do with Seth.”
“Then why can’t you tell me? We used to tell each other everything.” I think back to the night she was attacked in college. As far as I know, I’m the only person she’s ever told. “I’ve kept your secrets,” I say as a reminder of what we’ve been through.
“I was so scared he was going to….” Her voice trails off. She doesn’t need to finish her thought for me to know what she’s thinking. It’s a blessing she was able to get away when a group of students rounded the corner. That night could have ended so much worse than just having a fear of the dark and a distrust in men.
“Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“Don’t be mad at Seth. Please. I’ve never seen either of you this way. He loves you.”
“I love him too.”
“It was one night, a drunken mistake never to be discussed again. I don’t feel anything for him except for long-time friendship. Please don’t let this get in the way of your happiness.”
“Technically we weren’t even dating. I mean, we were texting back and forth but as friends. Neither one of us had said we were interested. That didn’t happen until I moved here. Sure, I guessed and some of the things I said, some of the things he said implied it, but we never spoke the words until… after.”
“After I slept with him. I’m sorry, Mara. I had no idea you two were even talking to one another. Not that I could have prevented what happened. Well, I could have not drunk myself into oblivion, but I wanted to forget,” she says, and her eyes widen at her confession.
“Tell me, Amelia.”
“He loves you.”
“I know that.”
“Don’t take this out on him. You’ve seen us together. Did you see anything between us?”
I think back to the day she was there and we had breakfast. That’s happened a few times over the past couple of months, and she’s right. I never would have guessed that anything ever happened between them. “No.”
“Exactly, because there’s nothing there. I want you to be happy, both of you. He called me and I swear he sounded on the verge of tears.”
My eyes well up just at the thought of him being upset. “I told him I was coming back. I left my daughter with him. Of course I’m coming back.”
“Yes, but are you going to stay?”
“I want to. I want to believe that this life he has dreamed up is one we can live happily ever after. I’ve never felt this kind of love before. I love Finley with all that I am, but this… it’s different. I can’t think about him without getting this warm tingly feeling. I know it sounds crazy, and I can’t even explain it to you. I just know that it’s there and no one has ever made me feel that way but Seth.”
“Then love him, Mara. Let him love you. Don’t punish him for this. It meant nothing to either of us.”
“He wants us to move in. Did he tell you that?” She nods. “Did he tell you that he spent the day painting one of the bedrooms to match Finley’s room? He said he wanted her to feel at home.” I wipe a tear from my eye.
“He didn’t tell me that, but I’m not surprised. I know you’re scared, but there is nothing to be afraid of. That man will be by your side until the end of time. That’s who they are, Mara. All five of them. You’ve found a good one in Seth.”
I know she’s right; I feel it deep in my soul. The love he has for me and for my daughter. I don’t want this to get in the way of what we’re building or the future he sees for us, or the one I’ve dreamed of having one day. Seth is the man who’s making my dreams come true. As soon as I figure out what’s going on with my friend, I’m going to pack Finley and me a bag and I’m going home. To my family.
“I know you’re scared, but there is nothing to be afraid of. I’ll be here for whatever you need. That’s who we are, Amelia. You came into my life and gave me a person. You were there for me when I had no one, and now it’s my turn to be that for you. I’m here for you. No matter what’s going on, I’ll be by your side.”
I watch as she loses the battle with her emotions and a sob breaks free from her chest. Taking her coffee and mine, I set them on the table and pull her into a hug. Her sobs bring tears to my eyes. I’ve never seen her like this. Not even the night back in college when she was almost raped.
“I’m right here,” I tell her, holding her and offering her comfort. “You can’t hold this in. Whatever it is, you have to talk about it.” I don’t know how long I hold her, but eventually, her cries quiet down and she shudders, pulling away from me.
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not. That’s what friends are for.” My phone vibrates and I know it’s Seth.
* * *
Seth: Please tell me you’re safe.
* * *
Me: I’m good. I’m at my place. Amelia is here. I’ll be home in a little while.
* * *
Seth: I love you, Mara.
* * *
Seth: Finny just woke up so we’re going to eat some dinner.
* * *
Me: Thank you for taking care of her.
* * *
Seth: I love her, Mara. You girls are all I want.
* * *
Me: I’ll be home soon.
* * *
I almost told him that I loved him, but I don’t want to do it with a text message. I’ll do it tonight when I get there and show him that Finley and I are staying. I’m moving forward in life, and there is no one else I want by my side.
“Seth?”
“Yeah.” I place my phone back on the table. “Tell me what’s going on with you.”
She opens her mouth to speak, but more tears flood her cheeks. Reaching out, I take her hand in mine. I wait, giving her the time she needs. She takes a deep breath, and the words she says have me gasping for air as they knock the air out of my lungs.
“I have cancer.”
“Cancer?” I repeat the vile word as my mind tries to process what she’s telling me.
“Cancer.”
“When did you find out?”
“Officially about a month ago. Unofficially, New Year’s Eve.”
“Amelia,” I say softly when it all clicks together. She was drinking to forget.
“I’d been feeling bad for months. Just run-down and drained. Then I got this cold, and the cough lingered. It just wouldn’t go away so I finally broke down and went to the doctor. They did X-rays, and he found a spot on my lung. He told me I would need further testing, but he’d seen it many times before and that there was a chance I had cancer.”
“Oh my God,” I say breathily. “You should have told me. I could have been there for you.”
“I was in denial at first, you know. I’m not even thirty. I’ve never smoked. I couldn’t have lung cancer. That night, I just wanted to forget. I didn’t want the fear or the worry. I just wanted to forget.”
“How are you feeling? What are they telling you?”
“I’m doing okay. I have good days and bad. I had a biopsy a few weeks ago and they confirmed it’s lung cancer. Small cell carcinoma.” She pauses, then her tired eyes find mine. “I’m stage 2. Life expectancy of five years is about 33 percent. Mara, I’m dying.” Her voice cracks.
“No. You have to get a second opinion. There are other doctors, other hospitals we can take you to,” I say, wiping the tears from my eyes.
“Mara.” She reaches out and places her hand over mine. “I’ve gotten a second and a third opinion. There is no cure for the cancer that I have.”
“But things change every day. You have to fight this, and then maybe there will be a cure. Miracles happen every day.”
“Mara, I love you. I grew up with mostly guys as friends, and when I met you freshman year, you were a breath of fresh air. I never knew I was missing female companionship until then. Reagan was really the only girl I hung around and she was two years younger than us, so we were not always in the same circles.”
“This ca
n’t be happening.”
“Now you sound like me.” She laughs humorlessly. “I was in denial for a long time. However, after three different specialists give you the same diagnosis and prognosis, denial is no longer possible.”
“So when do you start treatment?” I vow to be there for her for whatever she needs.
“Next week. I have to go in for some more tests and then I’m supposed to start the first round of chemo on Friday.”
“What do you mean supposed to?”
“I’m not sure I want to.”
“What?” I stand from the couch and start to pace. “How are you not sure? You have to fight this, Amelia.”
“Mara, there is no cure. Chemo kills your body. It makes you so sick, just to what… prolong my life a few months? Maybe a year or so if I’m lucky? I don’t know that I want to be that sick my final days.”
“You are not giving up. You hear me, Amelia. I won’t let you.”
“This isn’t your choice to make.”
“The hell it isn’t. You’re not thinking clearly. You have to fight this.”
“I’m going for the testing and have an appointment with my oncologist on Thursday. That’s when I’ll make my final decision.”
“I can’t—” My voice cracks. “I love you. I’m here for you for whatever you need. What time is your appointment? I’ll go with you.” I’m rambling but I can’t help it. I’m in shock and my mind is racing with how I can help her. My best friend.
“You don’t have to do that. You just started your job.”
“Right. And do you really think Ridge is going to tell me no?”
“You can’t tell him. Any of them.”
“Are you out of your mind? You have to tell them. Let them support you. You don’t have to do this on your own.”
“I-I can’t—” She breaks and tears race down her cheeks again. “I haven’t even told my parents. Dad’s health is going downhill, and his heart… he doesn’t need the stress.”
“Amelia, you could be dying. They deserve to know that. They’re going to want to spend as much time with you as they can and be there for you.”
“They’re so much older. I don’t want them having to take care of me, to clean up after me. I just… I can’t do it, Mara.”
“I know you’re scared, but you have to. I’ll do it with you. I’ll be there every single step of the way.”
“I don’t know.”
“How about we have everyone over to Seth’s tomorrow afternoon and tell them? Then you and I can go tell your parents together?”
“They’re getting older. Mom was in her mid-forties when they had me. I don’t want to put this pressure on them.”
“Trust me, as a parent, they’ll want to know. I’ll be right there with you. You’re not in this alone.”
“How did this night turn into this? I just wanted to keep you from making the biggest mistake of your life by letting Seth go and now this.” She waves her hand between the two of us.
“I’m here making sure you don’t make the biggest mistake of yours. You told me to let Seth love me, and I plan to do exactly that. But, Amelia, you need to let us love you too. All of us. You have this huge support system that I’m just now experiencing for the first time in my life. It’s incredible and you’ve had it all along. Let them help you. We’ve got you. No matter what the situation, no matter how sick you get. We’re all going to be right there by your side.”
“Okay. Tomorrow.”
“Noon. I’ll take care of getting everyone there. How about you and I sleep here tonight?” I suck in a breath trying to keep myself under control. I can’t think about what this really means. My chest hurts. There is literally an ache in my chest as I process what I’ve learned.
She’s dying.
My best friend is dying.
“No, you have to get home to Finley and Seth. I’m sure he’s pacing the floors.”
“I’ll call him and explain. I don’t want you being alone right now.”
“I’m going home. I’m exhausted even more so after this conversation. I’ll meet you at Seth’s tomorrow at noon.” She stands, and I do the same, hugging her tight.
“We’re going to fight this,” I say with conviction. She has to fight this. I won’t let her give up. I’ll be there for her, and I know they all will. They’ll rally because that’s what they do.
“You are the strongest person I know, Mara Reyes.” I fight the urge to scoff. She’s been dealing with this all on her own. She’s a fucking rock star. I can’t imagine how hard this has been on her.
“Right back at ya. Drive safe and call me anytime night or day if you need me.” I bite down on the inside of my cheek to keep from breaking down.
“I will. Thank you, Mara.”
“Thank you.” With one final hug, she disappears out of my house and I fight the urge to make her stay. As soon as the door is closed, I lose my battle with my tears. This can’t be happening. I can’t lose my best friend. Not now. Life is just starting to work out for me. I have so many people in my life, friends, my daughter is thriving and now this.
Cancer.
I hate that fucking word. That fucking disease. So many lives have been altered and touched by it. Wiping at my eyes, I go to Finley’s room and pack her clothes, pull-ups, her bear that Seth gave her, and her soft princess blanket she sleeps with every night. I grab the nightlight out of the hallway outlet, just in case. In my room, I do the same, making sure I have clothes for work for at least the first few days this week, toiletries, my cell charger, and call it good. That will have to do for now. Besides, I’m sure Seth will waste no time getting us packed up and moved. I take the bags out to my car and grab my reusable grocery bags. I go to the kitchen and clean out the refrigerated items and bring them too. I don’t want them to spoil, and besides, I went to the store early this morning for my lunches for this week. No need to go again when I can just bring it with me. Satisfied that I have what we need for now, I lock up and make my way to my car.
* * *
Me: Headed home.
* * *
Seth: You’re my home.
Ten minutes later, I’m pulling into his driveway. He has the garage door lifted and is standing on the step that leads into the house waiting for me. As soon as I pull inside and shut off the engine, he pushes the button to close the door and comes toward me. I’m out of the car and meeting him halfway as I wrap my arms around him and let his warmth comfort me.
“Let’s get you inside,” he says softly, guiding us into the house.
“Where’s Finley?” I ask, noticing the house is way too quiet.
“She’s asleep in her bedroom. We blew up the air mattress for her.”
“I brought a pull-up. They’re in my car.”
“I had one here. Pajamas too. She didn’t get a bath, but she’s fed and comfy in her room.
“Mara—” I hold my hand up to stop him.
“I cleaned out my refrigerator and brought my groceries over. We need to get them out of my car.”
“Okay.” I can hear the caution yet hope in his voice.
“There are two other bags as well. One for me and one for Finley.” This isn’t uncommon when we spend the night. “I’m letting you tell Mark I’m breaking my lease.”
“Wait. What?”
I smile up at him. “I love you, Seth Jennings. Thank you for being open and honest with me. It was before we were… what we are, and after talking to both you and Amelia, I have a better understanding of what happened that night.”
He lifts me from the floor so we are eye-to-eye. “Say it again.”
“I love you.” He kisses me quickly before setting my feet back on the floor. “I want the life you’ve imagined for us. I want to take a leap of faith with you.”
“You’re moving in?” he asks, a smile as wide as a country mile on his face.
“Yes. We’re moving in.”
“Fuck yes!” he shouts, lifting me off my feet and spinning us in a circle.
>
“Shh.” I laugh. “You’re going to wake Finley.” He stops spinning, kisses me hard, and once again sets me back on my feet.
“I’ll get the bags. Be right back.” A swift kiss and he’s rushing out to the garage, only to appear a few minutes later still smiling as if he’s just won the lottery. He quickly puts all the groceries away and leaves the two other bags filled with our things in the hallway.
“Can we talk?” I ask him.
“Sure.” He guides us to the couch.
“I have something to ask you. Can you call everyone and ask them to meet us here tomorrow at noon?”
“What’s going on?”
“C-Can you do that for me? After, I’ll tell you. I just… I want you to be able to get through the calls. Just call them for me. Family meeting, our house at noon.”
“Our house.” He leans in and kisses me. I watch as he calls each of the guys, asking them to be here with their wives, well, all of them except Kent—he’s still flying solo—tomorrow at noon.
“Now, tell me what’s going on.”
So I do. I tell him about my conversation with Amelia, how she described their night together as a drunken mistake, and he nods, not at all taking offense. Then I tell him about the cancer. His body is rigid and his face is a mirror of shock and concern. “That’s why she was drinking so heavily that night. She was told that day that something was wrong and that there was a chance it could be cancer.”
“Fuck,” he says, running his hands through his hair. “What does she need?”
“Well, I convinced her to tell everyone tomorrow, that’s why I wanted you to invite them over. She has some tests this week, and she gets the results on Thursday. Right now, she’s supposed to start chemotherapy on Friday, but she’s considering not going through with it.”
“What? What do you mean she’s considering not going through with it?”
“She said that there’s no cure for the type of cancer she has. The life expectancy is only 33 percent that she’ll live five years.” I repeat the stats that Amelia gave me.
