All thoughts of calling Dr. Adam disappeared, and with a huff, I got into my car and drove to the school to pick up the boys.
Lawson and Lee were still packing up when I got to the classroom. Dayton smiled and came over, though there wasn’t a sparkle in his eyes like normal. In fact, there was a dark bruising underneath to express his lack of sleep.
“Hey. Lawson and Lee are excited about the recital tomorrow,” Dayton said, trying to be all chipper. He failed, his smile looking too strained.
“That’s good.” I shuffled on my feet, wondering if there had ever been a time that talking to him felt so hard? No, never. Not until now. “Their grandparents are going to be there.”
That had Dayton raising both his eyebrows. “Is that a good thing?”
I nodded. “It better be.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.” I glanced down at the ground, blinking hard. This was way too hard. Why was it like this? “You know,” I said slowly, “if you don’t want to have Thanksgiving dinner with us this week, I get it. Your dad is a little scary, so I get agreeing then and there.”
“Maddie, that isn’t the case.”
I sighed and played with my skirt, fidgeting. “It feels like that’s the case.”
Dayton moved closer, crowding me, his expression serious. “It isn’t. We… I want to have dinner with you. I’m looking forward to it.”
If that were the case, then why did he look like that was too hard for him to say? Why did it feel like something was broken between us, making it impossible to believe him? I somehow managed to break us. All those people in high school were right, it was impossible to be friends with the opposite sex, not without someone getting hurt.
“Maddie?” Dayton’s voice was gentle.
I shook my head. “I need to get going. Thank you for taking good care of the kids.”
“That’s my job.”
I winced. “Right.”
“Shit, no.” Dayton extended his hand for me, but I stepped out of reach.
“Lawson, Lee, hurry up.”
“Coming,” one of them called back.
A moment later, they were at my side and I was able to flee the scene of the heartbreak. I thought I heard Dayton calling after me, but I was too much of a chicken to check behind me, choosing to march forward instead.
While waiting for the twins to buckle in, I sent out a text to the guys.
Me: It’s not fair of me to ask you guys to miss Thanksgiving with your family.
Me: I understand if you prefer spending it with them instead. They’re your family.
Me: You should spend it with them.
Bryce: Where is this coming from? Of course we’re going to spend it with you. We want to.
Koen: What happened? Call me.
Dayton: Don’t you dare pull out of the parking lot. I’m coming now.
My heart sped up, and I quickly turned on the car. The moment I heard the click of both seatbelts and confirmed they were in, I was backing out of my parking spot and leaving. When I glanced in my rearview mirror, I saw Dayton at the curb, staring after me, his phone at his side.
This was so silly. Everything was all wrong, all over the place. I didn’t know what to do and it felt wrong to have them around for Thanksgiving.
My phone kept buzzing, but I ignored it, pretending to listen to Lawson instead as he told me about his adventure during free time. I was being such a brat. I knew I was. But for some reason, I couldn’t stop either. They were giving me everything I wanted, and I couldn’t help but think that soon I was going to lose it all. That’d destroy me. The little morsels of attention they did give me was everything I needed. I didn’t want that to end.
Chapter Seventeen
I had to risk my baby and park on a side street when I went to the school. The parking lot was packed, and still parents were determined to hold on to their hope that there was a spot for them to squeeze into. That wasn’t going to be the case today.
It was the day. The big day. The day my munchkins stood on the stage and made a fool of themselves. I had a camera, and I was ready to record every second of it.
My phone buzzed, and I ignored it, knowing it was Dad. He’d been texting me all morning, wanting to make sure he had the right information. How many times did he expect me to tell him? I kind of wished I did give him the wrong time, since he seemed to think I would do that. Meeting expectations were important.
“I told you she wouldn’t answer.” Bryce’s familiar voice brought me to a halt. Bryce and Koen both stood in the entranceway to the school.
“W-what are you doing here?” I asked.
“Thought we’d come support our friends and their big day,” Koen said.
Bryce made it a show of tucking his phone away into his pocket. I refused to feel bad about not answering their calls. Despite the apology on Sunday, despite their texts, it was still hard to go back to the easy relationship we’d had. There was too much going on between the jealousies, my need for nothing more than a friendship, and all the darn guilt.
Unable to look at them, I looked down at the sidewalk. “You didn’t have to.”
“We wanted to, so we did.” Koen’s voice came closer until legs and shiny black shoes came into view. “Come on, let’s get seats before it all fills up.”
“Madison?”
I groaned at the woman’s voice. This was worst-case scenario, the clash of the foes.
“Hi, Olivia,” I said, turning around to face my mortal enemy. She wore a plain black dress that cost too much to be called plain. Over that was a long wool coat that fell down to her knees with an open front.
My dad trailed behind her, a phone to his ear. He would stay on there until it was time for the recital to start. Glad to see not everything about him had changed.
“Good, you’re here. We were worried you wouldn’t make it.” Olivia stopped when she realized who I was standing with. Her eyebrows furrowed. “Why is your lawyer here? And who is this man?”
“Hello, Mrs. Hansen,” Koen said in a polite voice. “Mr. Hansen.”
“Mr. Weiss. Is it appropriate for you to be here?” A new light came into Olivia’s eyes. She was planning. I could see the cogs turning in her robot brain, trying to connect how she could use this to cause us problems.
“I’m here as support,” Koen said. “And there is nothing wrong with me being here.”
“You’re her lawyer.”
“My partner has taken over the case.”
Olivia’s mouth opened.
“Enough, Livvie,” Dad said, hanging up. He turned to me with a smile. “Thank you for inviting us.”
“Of course.” I eyed Olivia. She looked like she was one poke away from exploding. Sometimes, my limbs grew a mind of their own, and that meant my finger wanted to poke her. Without my permission. The demanding finger was curious to find out if she would explode or not. It begged me mercilessly to do it, and I forced it to hide away in a fist at my side. There was going to be none of that when it came to Olivia. She wouldn’t understand that I didn’t have any control and try to cry assault, or something just as ridiculous and so not true.
“Come on, hun.” Dad put his hand on Olivia’s lower back. “Let’s get seats. Maddie, we’ll save you a seat.”
“Three of them,” I said and nodded to Koen and Bryce.
Dad nodded. “Three seats.”
They went inside.
“So that’s Olivia,” Bryce said staring after them with a frown.
“Yeah, that’s the stepmonster.”
Bryce faked a shudder. “That was… unpleasant.”
Giggling, I said, “That’s one way of putting it.”
“Come on,” Koen said. He led the way inside, making sure the stream of family members didn’t run me over.
I managed to stuff a young lovey-dovey couple between Olivia and me, so I didn’t have to sit next to them. Dad had frowned but was smart and kept his mouth shut. Olivia pretended to not notice that I practically snubbed her. For
so long, she claimed I wasn’t family. It was my turn now.
Leaning forward, I looked at Koen, who had stolen the aisle seat. “Koen, switch with me.”
“Why?”
I waved my camera. “When it’s time, I need to be ready to attack.”
Chuckling, he stood up. We made a mess of switching around our seats. My foot may have accidentally landed heavily on Bryce’s, and I think Koen’s elbow collided with his head.
“Dammit, you two,” Bryce grumbled once we got settled.
“What?” I asked with an innocent smile.
Bryce sighed. “Nothing.”
I snickered. Eyeing the path to the stage, I took in potential parents also preparing for the rush to the front. We were six rows back. Easy. This was going to be my win.
My camera was on, fully charged, and ready to roll.
The show started, lights dimming, music playing, kids stumbling onto the stage, all shy and adorably nervous.
“Which part are they playing again?” Bryce asked.
“Shush,” I said.
“When do they come on stage?”
I elbowed him. “Read the pamphlet.”
“It’s too dark to read.”
Grumbling, I sighed and caved. The poor man needed to learn how to plan for these events. One did not walk into a children’s recital and not know when their kid was going to be on stage.
“Lawson is the turkey they are going to sacrifice, and Lee is the pilgrim that’s going to cook him.”
“What? Are you serious?”
“What?” I asked.
“They are seriously going to have a pilgrim kill and cook a turkey? And not to mention that they are brothers, so there’s also the question of cannibalism.”
“Bryce! This is a kids’ show. There is no cannibalism. It’s all symbolic.” I rolled my eyes. And people said I was the dramatic one. “Now shush. The pilgrims are coming.”
I had this timed, so as soon as they were about to come on stage, I dove out of my seat, stayed low to the ground, and plowed through the parents to get to the front. Recording everything without annoying silhouette heads in the shot was perfect from this spot. I hit record as the fun began.
Lee came out on the stage, looking all happy and proud. There was my boy. He delivered his lines perfectly, unfortunately. Then Lawson came out, making the most perfectly adorable little turkey in existence. He was shy and cautious, eyes big, glancing around.
I waved my free hand like a lunatic to get his attention. That seemed to do the trick, and he relaxed, getting through the play wonderfully.
It was a good play. Perfect with all its adorable faults. No first grade play was perfect, they weren’t going to win a nomination for any kind of award except for adorableness, but in the eyes of the parents and teachers, everything went flawlessly.
The play wrapped up, and we had to hang out while the teachers got the kiddies back to their classrooms. Then we could go pick them up. Koen had to take a phone call, and Bryce had stolen my seat when I vacated it to record the play. The lovey-dovey couple also left. The stage was perfectly set, and Olivia jumped right in on her own little act.
“So this is the school you have my grandchildren going to?” She looked around, clearly not impressed.
“It’s a great school.”
“I can get them into something better. New York has amazing schools.”
“You mean boarding schools.”
“Their education is important.”
I leaned away from her, wanting to get as much distance as I could from the woman.
“And they are getting a good one here. This is a Spanish-English immersion school. They’ll come out of it wonderfully fluent in Spanish.”
Olivia snorted. “There are plenty of better languages than Spanish.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Olivia, I suggest you check your privilege at the door. They will benefit from learning Spanish. And when they are older, they’ll be able to learn more languages. I think it’s a good idea. They’ll have the ability to learn at least three languages without trying to shove it down their throats.”
She sputtered. “How dare you—”
“Enough, Olivia,” Dad said, his voice sounding like sharp razor blades. His eyes were narrowed as he glared at his wife. His attention changed to me, softening as he leaned forward to get a better look at me. “I think that’s an amazing idea. By learning Spanish now, when they reach middle school, they can choose a third language.”
I nodded, unable to not smile. For once, he was on my side. Warmth wrapped around my heart in a new kind of comfort, one I hadn’t ever felt before. Was this what having a father’s approval felt like?
“Thank you,” I said. “They’ll be here until middle school, then I have another school in mind for them that has more language options, along with other good programs. Unfortunately, they aren’t too sporty yet, but if they choose to go in that direction, the other school will be able to support that too.”
“It sounds like you thought this out?” Dad asked, smiling.
I blinked at all the positive attention coming my way. “It’s all I’ve thought about.” I swallowed. “It’s also what Mandy wanted. Just because we don’t have as much money as you guys do, doesn’t mean we can’t fight for opportunities. There are plenty of good schools that won’t cost my entire salary that can give them a good education. And I’m always looking for programs outside of school for them to try.”
“Good job, Maddie,” Dad said. He stood up and grabbed his wife’s arm, giving her no choice but to get up too. “And thank you for inviting us here today. If there are more events, please let me know. I really do wish to be more involved with their lives. Come on, Olivia. We need to head back home tonight.”
“Bye,” I whispered.
“Bye, Maddie. Don’t be afraid to ever call me if you need anything.” Dad nodded and left, leaving me sitting there, feeling a bit dumbfounded.
It was so easy to be hostile against Olivia. Most of the time, I was only being defensive against her attacks. But Dad? He was making it so hard to fight with him. How does one fight with someone who was only looking for peace?
“Are you okay?” Bryce asked.
“No. I’m confused. I think my dad found Gandhi.”
“What?”
“Did you hear that conversation?” I asked. “Was it real?”
Bryce wrapped his arm around me and pulled me into him. “It was very real.”
“It wasn’t a dream. My dad really did say that?”
“Yes.”
I blinked back tears, feeling like such a crybaby. “What am I supposed to do with that?” I asked, feeling so lost. “I’m still mad at him, I still hate him, but if he keeps acting like that, how am I supposed to continue to hate him? That would only make me a bitter woman. I don’t want to be a bitter woman.”
Bryce sighed. “I’m getting a better idea of your relationship with your dad. All I can say is that if you want things to change, it looks like you’ll have to see where he goes with this. Unless you want to hold on to that hatred for the rest of your life?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s tiring.”
“I’m not saying become his best friend or for the two of you to finally be that father-daughter duo you always dreamed about. I don’t know if it’s possible. But maybe try to find a middle ground with him? Give him the opportunity to make up for his past?”
“I hate him. I really do.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“But the twins deserve to know their family. I’ve been without a family for so long that I know I want them to at least know their relatives. I want them forming their own opinions.”
“Then let that be the common ground to build this new relationship with.” Bryce smiled. “Come on, I think we can go pick up your kids now.”
I nodded, mulling over the recent conversations with my dad and what Bryce told me.
It sounded like a losing battle. But if Dad was making an effort to
be somebody in mine and the twins’ lives, then I owed it to the twins to give him that chance.
Olivia was still a different story though.
~*~
Lawson and Lee were quiet. They picked at their dinner. I had expected a high from them after a successful show, but since picking them up, they were down, and I didn’t know what to do.
I tried bribing them with ice cream.
Nothing.
I tried bribing them with candy.
Nothing.
I tried bribing them with the park.
Still nothing.
They were despondent. Little zombie kids. It was freaking me out. Even the knowledge that they were on break until next week did nothing to draw them out of their funk.
Me: My kids are broken. I finally did it. I broke them.
Koen: What’s going on?
Me: They’re little zombies. They just sit there and stare. Moan sometimes. I can’t believe I already broke them. I had hoped they’d at least make it to their teens before I cracked them.
Bryce: They’re sad?
I did my ninja move of taking a secret picture of them. Well, not so secret. I said their names, they looked up, I snapped a picture. They didn’t even care and went back to looking at their plates. I sent the picture to the guys.
Dayton: They had a lot of excitement today. Maybe they’re just tired.
“Are you guys ready for bed?” I asked.
“No. I’m going to watch TV.” Lawson stood up and shuffled to the living room. Lee nodded and followed his brother. The two of them moved like they were old and the world was on their shoulders. What the heck?
Me: No. They’re watching TV now.
I couldn’t let this go on anymore so after cleaning up, tossing all my hard work at dinner, I approached them.
They stared unblinkingly at the TV. It brought their twin creepiness level up to a hundred and ten percent. They were always so in tune with each other that it was really showing as they fed off each other’s emotions and fell into a deep depression.
I crouched in front of the two of them. Neither of them looked at me.
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