“You were with Koen.”
His response was like that was the answer to everything. I didn’t see how that was the case. My confusion must have been clear on my face because he chuckled.
I never expected to hear Lucas chuckle. He was so stoic. So rigid. So… I don’t know. But not a person who laughs often, if at all. He ate serious pills the moment he woke up in the morning.
“Koen isn’t someone I’d ever worry about taking advantage of anyone. Now if you had slept through the night with either Dayton or Bryce, I’d be asking more questions. Those two live off flirting. Koen. He’s a solid man, responsible. He’d never do anything to take advantage of you. If he said nothing happened, then nothing happened.”
“You trust him that much?”
“If Dayton didn’t live with Koen, I’d have made that boy move back here with us.”
I tried to suppress the giggle rising at the fact that Lucas called his son a boy. Failing, the sound escaped me as I broke into a grin.
Lucas smiled too. “Don’t mind them. They’ll get over it. They’re just jealous.”
I looked down, feeling weird to admit this to Lucas of all people. “They like me.”
“It’s hard not to like you.”
I shook my head. “Like like me. They told me so.”
“Again, not that hard.” Lucas’ smile was soft, if not a little amused. I didn’t know him well enough to be sure.
I frowned. “But isn’t that not fair?”
He shrugged. “Life’s not fair. They know that. I came to make sure you were still going to come down for breakfast instead of hiding out in your room.”
Darn. He knew me too well. I was going to send the boys downstairs to steal some food for me. From Lucas’ expression, he wasn’t going to let me get away with that.
Caving, I said, “Yeah, I’ll be down.”
“Good.” After giving me a nod, he turned and walked away, his heavy steps thudding against the wood flooring. How did I not hear him coming? He had a heavy tread.
“Ready?” Lawson asked, coming back into the bedroom.
“In a second.” I quickly tossed on an off-white blouse with silver threading weaved through it in a flower pattern. I matched it with an emerald green skirt and my black boots. “Ready.”
Lee came in, wiping at his mouth. “Me too.”
“Okay, soldiers. Are you ready for battle?”
“Sissy, we aren’t at war,” Lawson said and laughed.
“Are you sure?” I asked, trying my best to give him a serious look.
That had his smile dropping away as he considered my question.
Lee sighed. “Food isn’t war. Food is good.” He went to the door, not playing along with my silliness. He was too smart for that. Or so he thought. The little man was trying to grow up too fast on me.
Breakfast started out awkward and remained that way until about halfway through. I managed to build a small fort with my cut up pancakes. There was even a fountain in the middle filled with the elixir of life: maple syrup.
“Maddie, aren’t you hungry?” Lina asked, staring down at my plate. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, of course.” To prove my point, I stabbed a piece of sausage and shoved it into my mouth. Mm, syrup had gotten on it, making it all the more delicious. “See?”
Lina’s expression said she wasn’t impressed. I forced myself to swallow the food; it suddenly tasted like ash and felt like lead in my stomach.
“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” Ivy asked, sensing all the tension, but not understanding the reason for it all. Dayton and Bryce hadn’t even bothered looking at me since I’d sat down. They were still attentive to the twins, helping to fill their plates and talking with the others, but nothing came my way.
They were playing the silent game. Unfortunately for them, I was queen at the silent game. They had forgotten who my stepmother was, which meant I had a ton of practice in acting like a stubborn child.
So I refused to look at them too. If they were going to act this mean, I wasn’t going to give them any attention until I got an apology. Lucas was right; they had no right acting like that. We were all adults. I couldn’t let them bring the thunderclouds to a wonderfully perfect memory.
“Thanksgiving.” I moaned. “That’s this week, right.”
Ivy smiled. “This Thursday. Every year, like clockwork.”
I grunted. “I think I bought most of the food, but I’ll need to buy more.” I glanced at the twins. Lawson was playing with his food like I was—good man—and Lee was listening to me.
“Do we get pie?” he asked. “I like apple.”
“Yup, I’ll buy the ingredients when I go shopping.” Meaning I would buy an already made pie and lay claim to making it. That was what I usually did. Mandy always saw through it, but knew to keep her trap shut.
That thought had me glaring down at my food, fighting against the tears with everything I had. All these holidays this time of year were proving harder to deal with than I thought. All these firsts without my sister. I glanced at Lawson and Lee, looking for signs that they were feeling or thinking the same thing I was. Nothing. At least not yet. I had a feeling when it came to the actual day, that was when it was going to hit them. We had silly little traditions we had done every year, like filling a pre-made pie crust with whip cream, hiding it around the house, and then watching the two of them race around looking for it. Whoever found it got to pie the other twin in the face. Or sometimes, one of us. Lawson had done that to Mandy last year.
Would I even do it this year? Should I? Would they want that? I didn’t know.
“Maddie?” Ivy called out to get my attention and I realized everyone was looking at me.
“Yeah? Sorry. Was just thinking about this year. It’s the first time…” My throat clogged up and I cleared it. Lawson’s attention was also on me. I stared at the two of them, trying to not get lost in the misery of Mandy’s loss. “It’s the first time it’ll just be the three of us.”
“Three of you?” Ivy glanced at me and then the twins.
“Yeah. Their mother passed away in July.” I didn’t want the twins thinking about it yet, but now they were. Their little bodies went rigid and they looked down at their plates. I hated myself for making them think about her right then.
“Oh. Oh no, I’m so sorry,” Lina said.
“No. It’s fine. I didn’t even realize it until you asked about Thanksgiving.” I chuckled. “It’s fine. It’ll be fine.”
Ivy glared at the guys. She tried to be all secretive about it, but it didn’t get passed me. At least they looked guilty now.
“We’ll spend it with you,” Koen spoke up.
“Excuse me?” I rubbed at my ears thinking I didn’t hear him right.
“Thanksgiving. We’ll spend it with you.” He tried to smile, but it was a little flat, his emotions no doubt a little raw too. Thanksgiving was about family and it was always hard. Every year, even before this one, I felt it too because I didn’t have my mom with me. For him, it’d be his dad. It was a time when it was impossible to not miss family members no longer there.
“You have your own families to see,” I pointed out.
“Naw, it’s fine,” Bryce finally decided to say something to me. I didn’t respond to him.
“Koen,” I stressed his name, “you don’t have to bother. See your family. Spend time with them. I doubt they see you all that often.”
Koen’s gaze flickered to Bryce and Dayton before looking back at me. I did my darndest not to look at the other two. They were still buttheads, even if they were willing to sacrifice their holiday. I needed more than that for how they had been acting until this moment. It was like they were only now pulling their heads out of their butts because they felt bad for me.
That wasn’t how apologizing worked. I needed repentance. At this point, nothing less than kowtowing at my feet and calling me Queen was going to be good enough. Their reactions to my innocent and super sweet night with Koen
offended and hurt me. Confused me too.
Friends were hard work, especially when emotions were involved.
“Our families will understand. Actually, if we visited them instead of spending it with you, they’d be pissed,” Koen finally answered.
“I agree,” Lucas said while doing a dangerous looking glare that went right at Dayton. That one look said so much. If it was pointed my way, I’d have been freaking out.
Dayton sighed. “You don’t have to look at me like that, Dad. I already planned on it. It isn’t an option, really. We’re there.”
I pursed my lips, wanting to say some not so nice things. But then I remembered that annoying comment that if there was nothing nice to say, to keep my lips together.
So I stood up, said “thank you for the meal,” and with my plate in my hand, disappeared into the kitchen to put it in the dishwasher.
I didn’t understand the power of a dishwasher. I was old fashioned like that, so I was rinsing my dish when Bryce and Dayton walked in. I still refused to look at them, but I knew it was them by the way they walked, by the awareness that washed over me, by the silence that was heavy in the air.
“Maddie, look at us,” Bryce said in a soft voice.
I remained silent.
“Maddie.” Dayton sounded so sad that my heart hurt, but I was stubborn, and they were going to learn why. So, still not looking at them, I popped the dishwasher open, dumped my plate into it and turned to walk out the door that led outside.
Dayton stepped in front of me, forcing me to stop. The man was too big to get around him. And when I tried, he only needed to shift to keep me from slipping by.
Not fair.
“Maddie, we’re sorry,” he finally said.
I narrowed my eyes. “How so?” I crossed my arms over my breasts.
Dayton looked over at Bryce.
Bryce came around to stand at his back. “For acting like idiots,” Bryce said.
“Yeah.” Dayton nodded.
“The two of you made me feel like shit,” I admitted.
They flinched, not liking that.
“You made me feel like what I did was wrong. Like having a fun, sweet night staring at the sky and swapping stories was wrong. Like I was dirty.” It hurt saying that out loud, to admit to the shame they so easily instilled in me.
“Maddie…” Dayton’s voice broke with his emotions. “We never wanted that. We were just jealous that you got to have such a nice moment with Koen and we were left out. We were jealous that we didn’t get to stare at the starry sky and tell silly stories. We’d have loved doing that with you instead of sleeping.”
I glared at Dayton. “So you didn’t have fun when we went apple picking and climbed the tree?” I turned to Bryce. “Or when we picked rotten pumpkins and drew on them. Then you helped me carve a cute one? Those were sweet moments with each of you. With only you alone, no one else. Should I feel bad about those moments too because the others weren’t there?”
“No!” Dayton stepped forward, crowding me. “No. I loved those moments.”
Bryce sighed. “Please, forgive us? We were being greedy idiots.”
“Buttheads,” I corrected. “You were being greedy buttheads.”
“We deserved that,” Dayton said.
I bit my lip, looking between the two of them and their sincerity. “Fine. You can spend Thanksgiving with the boys and me. But if this happens again, it’s over. I don’t need this kind of drama. I had a lot of fun with the three of you, as friends. Don’t try to twist it into something it isn’t.”
“That’s fair,” Bryce said.
“I agree.”
I nodded. “Good. Now, I’m going to pack my stuff, and Koen is taking the twins and me home. We’ll see you later. I’ll text you details for Thanksgiving once I figure it out.”
“Thank you, Maddie,” Dayton said.
I blew out a breath, my anger going with it. I couldn’t hold their idiocy against them for long. They were too cute for that. And it all wasn’t on them. I had to be careful. I needed to be mindful of their emotions. I enjoyed our current friendship, the way things were, but if I did the wrong things, said the wrong things, then a day would come when they’d leave me.
I didn’t want that. I wanted to greedily hold on to them.
“Okay.” I didn’t know what else to say, I just wanted space. Flashing them a smile, I backed away and then turned and ran to the guest bedroom, trying to remain calm as my thoughts whirled with everything that happened.
They were good guys. I didn’t want to twist them into something they weren’t. Careful. I needed to be careful.
Friends. We were only friends. Only friends.
Chapter Sixteen
Before picking up the twins on Monday, I went grocery shopping. Shopping the week of Thanksgiving was always a war. The lanes were packed with pedestrians pushing carts, aiming to run over toes. At least I was. It made them move out of the way faster when a cart accidentally bumped into them.
I was playing a dangerous game. Not only because I had to maneuver around children and those who didn’t know how to push a cart, but because I couldn’t stop thinking about the guys as well. They consumed me, and none were good thoughts. The weekend had started out so well, was a bright light in a dark closet. Hopeful.
Then I ruined it because that was what I did with all good things. Now they were stuck with me over Thanksgiving and the least I could do was give them good food.
Madison Daniels cooking? Sure. I could do that.
Madison Daniels cooking good food? That was a different impossibility. I couldn’t remember the last time I cooked something to this scale and it came out edible. Every year I had Mandy helping me, and now? I wasn’t so sure. How did I clean a turkey out? How long did it take to cook one? About the stuffing? Could I get away with boxed stuff? That was just add water. I could do that, right? I couldn’t burn water, right?
What about the desserts? What was the perfect amount of pies? Was I expected to have a variation of pies? Any other desserts? What about sugar cookies to decorate? Wait, no, that was a Christmas Eve thing. I still had another month, so I pushed sugar cookies out of my mind.
My mind whirled with food eaten at Thanksgiving, questioning what kind of work really went into it. What kind of spices did I need again?
I glanced down at my grocery list. It had taken me all Sunday evening to come up with it as I saved recipes.
Should I make rolls or buy them? I really loved the sweet Hawaiian rolls. Could I get away with buying those? Did the guys really expect everything to be homemade?
I eyed the special on already made pies. Those should be good enough, but would the guys be able to tell? The twins wouldn’t care. I already knew because they thought I made the best pumpkin pie in the world, and I had never cooked one in my life.
Sighing, I pretended to accidentally bump into a man guarding his cart. He gave a sheepish apology and moved out of my way so I could get into the spice section. Being an expert with the alphabet made it easy to find the spices on my list. I was so glad I organized my grocery list by sections. It’d have been frustrating to have to go through the aisle again all because I forgot to buy sage.
Someone pretended to bump into me, but I knew the game and I was right where I wanted to be.
“Excuse me,” a slightly older woman said.
“You’re excused,” I replied, reaching for a spice on the top rack.
“I need to get by you,” she said, impatience slipping into her voice.
“I hear you.” I grabbed the spice and tossed it into my cart, then went for the next one. Why did they insist on putting stuff on top shelves? Why did top shelves even exist?
“Then move.”
“I will when I’m done,” I said. “No point in moving when I’m right where I need to be just to convenience you.”
She huffed and mumbled not so nice things under her breath.
“Jesus, woman, learn patience,” a man mumbled. Realizing he wasn’
t aiming his comment at me, I grinned and sent him a wink. He slipped by so she could get around me. She kept grumbling as she walked by, and I ignored her, grabbing the last spice that I needed.
Why was there so much needed? I was only going to use these once and then never touch them again. They should have single packets with all the seasons already in there for what we needed to make. Like a turkey packet, or a stuffing packet.
By the time I got into a mile-long checkout line, my cart was overfilled, and I was ready to have a breakdown.
Going through the line was an ordeal only to pay too much for one dinner. Walking away from the grumpy cashier, I stared at my phone, trying to remember Dr. Adam’s rule.
If I felt troubled, I needed to reach out. Kenni had messaged that morning saying she was out of town until Wednesday. So she was out. The guys were the very reason I was all twisted up inside. That left Dr. Adam. I wouldn’t see him this week because of Thanksgiving, so maybe a phone call was exactly what I needed with him.
Just as I was about to give him a call, my phone rang. I stared at the name in disbelief.
Dad was calling me.
“Yeah?” I asked warily.
“Maddie, how are you?” he asked, sounding as wary as I felt.
“I’m okay. What’s wrong?” Please tell me Olivia was in a coma in the hospital. I winced at the evil thought right away. That was too extreme, right?
“I wanted to confirm the details for tomorrow.
“Details?”
“The twins’ recital? You invited me when we had dinner.”
“Oh. Oh! Yes, of course. Sorry. I’ll text you the details. You can still make it, I gather?”
Please say no. Please say no.
“Yeah. Olivia will be with me. I hope that is okay?”
I took in a deep breath, hoping he didn’t hear it, and then released it slowly. “Yeah, the twins will like that. They’ve been working hard on the recital for the last couple of weeks now.”
“Good. Good. I’ll see you tomorrow then?”
“Yeah, I’ll text you the information as soon as I hang up.”
“Bye.”
I stared at the phone before sending him the details. I forgot I had invited him. I also hoped that he forgot too. But I couldn’t say no, right? He was their grandfather, and dinner did go well.
Sizzling Hot Apple Cider Page 14
